Money Talk Matters

Archive for June, 2009

Oooh Happy Day. This morning I was doing some reading and came across this story titled, Don’t let mere money mangle your marriage. I want to highlight several things this article shares that I’ve been saying. Oh yea, that makes me happy.

1) In the present climate, we cannot afford to be complacent about what little money we have left. My response: It is not the time to avoid talking about money but addressing it head on.

2) Shares how this couple in this article failed to even realise that what they thought was a logical decision was in fact being propelled by emotions that they weren’t consciously aware of. My response: Emotions cause you to assume, react out of whatever the pain is that you are feeling. Remember the post on Emotional Spending Part 1

3) Our attitude to money says a lot about our upbringing. Our desires, what we think we deserve, what our parents did, all play a great part in how we cope with managing finances. My response: I felt like they were reading some of my material. HaHa. This goes back to mindset which I taught about this week on GLORI radio and how it is a fixed mental attitude. That applies to money as well. Your mindset regarding money is in place based on parents, environment, etc.

If you are a married couple and want to begin addressing the financial challenges you are facing, I recommend you take the Money Talk Matters in Marriage Course that begins on June 22, 2009. During the time frame of this course from June 22, 2009 until July 20, 2009 – you have the opportunity to write me personally and get answers for your specific situation.

I have been reading the same story for the last two days talking about its smart to marry for money based on the book Smart Girls Marry Money. I went further and the article states the authors are not saying every woman should aspire to marry a rich guy. However, the marriage shouldn’t just be about love but an economic partnership.

Hmm, I must say love should be the MAIN reason and not money, because if you are all about the money you are setting yourself up one day for a huge let down. What happens when the money is gone? What did you bring the table if that was your criteria for a mate? If you marry for money, then it seems to me that once the money is gone, then you would be gone also. What was the point of the marriage?

Marriage is not a commitment that should be taken lightly. Neither is Money when it comes to marriage a subject that should be avoided. Money should be talked about throughout the marriage, not just when financial difficulties arise. Furthermore, mutual financial goals should be established in the marriage so the marriage is not one-sided.

Do not set your marriage up for failure and disappointment if you are strictly marrying for money. I assure you, the day will come when the money is gone which will result in questioning yourself, feeling lost and not knowing what to do.

June is the beginning of “Wedding Season” and excitement is in the air for so many. Wedding dresses, bridal showers, bachelor parties all leading up to the moment you are standing before each other with a room full of people watching getting ready to take your vows.

Both of you wil say “I Do” and the officiant will say, I now present to you Mr. and Mrs. Pictures will be taken and the reception will be in full swing. The next thoughts will be of the honeymoon. Within two weeks of the honeymoon it starts… you begin seeing bills and more bills coming in the mail that you didn’t know about.

You feel puzzled but then discover within your marriage there exists hidden debt. Whether you are the bride or groom, when hidden debt is revealed it is time for MONEY TALK now. Before you even think you want to point the finger, let me caution you. If you chose not to discuss money prior to saying “I Do”, both of you are to blame.

Money Talk is a conversation that continues throughout the course of marriage. It is not a one time discussion. Now that both of you are aware there is hidden debt, the following are steps you can take to begin the conversation:

Step 1: Both of you need to forgive each other for not talking about existing financial obligations prior to saying ” I Do.”

Step 2: Agree that you will be honest and share about your existing financial obligations and not judge each other for choices that you made before you became husband and wife, although both of you will have to agree on how to handle it.

Step 3: Each person takes a turn and share what their financial obligations are independent of each other.

Do not be the bride or groom who decides because hidden debt is now revealed you want to bailout. That is not the answer. If you would like assistance with learning how to talk, send me an email. Let’s talk.

Sponsoring Money Talk Matters weekly financial show on GLORI Radio this week is Single Parent Assistance Resource and Knowledge Network (SPARK). Started by a Single/Divorced Parent to provide information for obtaining Assistance, providing Resources and sharing Knowledge with the daily challenges of parenting in the “Single” Parent Family.

This week’s show is focused on mindset and the power of speech. I commend the Founder of SPARK for being very creative and stepping out of the box. What is created here will benefit so many. Visit her at www.sparkwisdom.com . Be sure and pass this on to any single parents you know.

Over the last few days, I have posted some Money and Marriage tips that have focused on emotional spending. The tips are below:

Money and marriage tip: Emotional spending creates more bills. It’s not worth it.

Money and marriage tip: Do not spend money to get your emotional needs met.

These tips got responses from different followers in cyberspace. Then I began thinking about previous times when I had given seminars and wives said they were hurt by their husbands spending. I’ve also heard from husbands that said wives were spending. Furthermore when they mentioned it arguments ensued.

This led me to write this post not in complete detail but as a starting point to begin some dialogue. At the end of the day, we need to get down to the root cause. The definition of emotions (according to Dictionary.com) is something that causes such a reaction. Emotion is happy, sad, joy, angry, fear, hate, disgust, etc.

Spending is to pay out, dispose of money. Okay so let’s tie it altogether. Emotional spending is disposing money because you are happy, sad, joyful, angry, hateful or disgusted.

SO your goal in emotional spending is to dispose of money because you are
mad, happy, disgusted or angry.

If you had financial challenges prior to the time you did emotional spending, then it was your intent to dispose of money when you went out because of your emotions! This solved the problem.

I invite you to write in and leave me a comment regarding emotional spending. Part 2 will come later in the week.

Interestingly enough I was thinking about writing a post on cash versus credit when I was asked this very thing on twitter last week. Therefore, I know “ears and eyes” are waiting on this response.

Everyone in some capacity knows about the “wrath” of Credit. There comes a point when every consumer must ask themselves which is better for me right now – Cash or Credit? Let me say right now, that regardless of what the economy is doing, cash should be the first choice. Cash because when you make a purchase – you own it. There is no interest, no chance at make a late payment and incurring other debt.

Cash says that you have established your ground rules for your household. That regardless you will stay within your boundaries and not incur debt.

When you Buy on CREDIT below is what begins to happen:

1) The message is sent saying I am going to have that job to pay this bill in the future. Hmmm is this true or false?

2) The door to financial stress in the household is now open. Let me explain even more. Debt does not generally occur overnight. All the small charges add up over time and become unmanageable when we use one or more credit cards. That is when financial stress and strain creep in.

3) Whether single or married, personalities change when unmanageable credit card debt has crept in. You allow your emotions dictate your life. This leads to spur of the moment decisions without considering the long-term consequences. Incidentally the person on the other end who you are directing your emotions at either get hurt or disgusted. This causes distance.

When you CHOOSE to purchase by cash, it has benefits such as:

1) If you purchase your groceries by cash, you will more than likely look compare what is on sale with what you normally buy. This way you can see which is the bigger bargain and if the sale item is really a sale. Result: You might find that you spend less and have extra money left over. This money can be applied towards something else.

2) Purchasing by cash causes you to budget your money accordingly and not impulse buy. Using cash should keep you from purchasing large ticket items that are a Want versus a Need.

3) If you are married, this can remove financial stress because now you have extra money. Every little bit adds up. You can put it towards a bill or a joint financial goal.

Which will you choose today?

I wanted to address this morning the separate accounts issue because I was asked about it during both interviews last night. In a time when couples are preparing to walk down the aisle and other couples are dealing with financial challenges, I felt it was time to share it on this blog.

My position on whether a couple should have separate accounts is detailed below:

1) If you are engaged and either one of you have debt, it is my recommendation that the accounts remain separate until the debt is cleaned up. Furthermore, there are some banks that might not add a spouse to the bank account if they have debt. Keep that in mind.

2) It is acceptable to have a separate account (Do not stop reading at this point) for pampering each other and having the ability to surprise one another with the understanding that the husband and wife have access to each of these accounts and is knowledgeable of what is in the account.

3) Once the credit is cleaned up for those that have financial challenges, then absolutely a joint account is the way to go.

At the end of the day, it boils down to do you want your marriage to have financial transparency or are you going to open the door from the outset for financial infidelity. Once financial infidelity happens and it is on the table, trust is broken, arguments begin to occur and the spouse who found out about the financial infidelity will wonder what else is being kept from him or her.

I do not condone have a separate account to utilize as a “Break away fund” meaning when I have had enough, I have more than enough money saved to break away from this marriage. When you say “I Do” those vows specifically state – For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health.” Don’t take your vows lightly.

Caution: When you lose trust, it is hard to get it back. Think long and hard what statement you are making if you want separate accounts and do not have a financial issue.

Last night when I was being interviewed on It Just Can’t Be Me on Blogtalk radio, the host, Derek Eady asked me many questions. This morning I wanted to share one of those and how I responded. The question was when a couple receives a tax return, he has his account and she has her account what do I recommend as far as division.

What I shared with Derek was at the end of each year, we know taxes are completed anytime from January through April 15, 2009. Many couples know there are a couple of things or at least one item they wanted to purchase or some type of work they wanted done to their home. The couples should come together and mutually agree that one of those items is purchased. Then the couple take the remaining portion and divide it between them allowing the husband some splurge money and the wife some money to splurge.

Derek asked me for a specific percentage. Initially I was hesitant to give a percentage and explained that each couple knows their household financial situation. They have to be honest with themselves and agree to apply money towards a mutual item first and then divide the remainder. So it could be a 50/25/25 split or whatever they choose. Either way, the family should decide for the benefit of the household first.

This must be one of those days where I focus on credit and its affects on individuals, marriages and students. As I was doing my research, the words Credit Karma made me stop and want to read more. Probably because the word Karma was in the title. If you are like me and immediately thought about the word Karma and its meaning, the good or bad felt that you generate. Another way of saying it, what you put out there comes back to you.

Therefore, when I saw Credit Karma I had to stop and see what it was saying. Actually Credit Karma is a website that provides free financial advice and credit scores to consumers. Today they are adding a new tool that aids users in understanding the components behind the credit score.

Beware: to utilize this service it does require users to give SSN and Date of Birth.

As an individual, married couple, student it is good to be knowledgeable in the area of credit, what is available, what to use and what not to use. We both know that “Credit” can be used to your benefit or detriment. Get all the information you can in order to make informed decisions when it comes to credit cards and various services that give you the option to monitor your credit and credit report.

There has been so much talk about credit cards especially in the news with the credit card reform that was signed into policy. Last night my husband was sharing with me about a public service announcement he heard on the radio about the Ten Worst Credit Cards.

After doing two interviews last night, there I was could not let that go and did some research. Prior to my reading this article, I was thinking to myself they have to discuss read the fine print from all the different offer you receive in the mail. I say that because there are some cards that when it comes to the fees that they attach to the card, once you sign and say yes to it, you are already over your limit for the year.

For the next two weeks, take a look at all the different credit card offers that come in the mail and do your own comparison. You will see exactly what I am talking about. Alright, now on to share the Ten Worst Credit Cards…. hold on to your seat. Go and check your purse or wallet to see if you have one of these.