Money Talk Matters – Premarital Financial Program

As I was reading through different stories, this one caught my attention Money Before Baby. Based on the title alone, let’s be honest readers I am sure you know how this story goes. Woman has a girlfriend who is married and is pregnant. She’s happy, yet she cries. Her biological clock is ticking and she is dating someone who she would consider marrying but is not married yet.

To top it off, finances are mess and so she is not ready by any means to start a family. Does it have to be this way, of course not? It does not have to take the biological clock ticking in order to get your finances in order either. That is something that should be or should have been happening all along.

Now you have begun to think about it and are putting yourself in the place of making more mistakes if you base making these choices on biological clock, OB-Gyn is saying this, looking at your ages. There are consequences to all these decisions. I would say focus on getting your finances in order and begin talking more about the finances.

Actually maybe even before talking about the finances is discussing where your relationship is headed. There should be order to every relationship and decisions made. Next focus on the finances and establishing mutual financial goals. If you bring a baby into a relationship without marriage and financial problems… there could very well be more problems.

Do not be over anxious and make hasty decisions because your married girlfriends are having babies.

There may be times when people look at the rich and famous and think they are not held accountable for bad decisions they make. Well, hold on to your seat because the rich and famous face consequences just like everyone else for their bad financial decisions like everyone else.

Choices always have consequences whether good or bad. Whether it is finances, employment, business, health etc… there is always a consequence for the CHOICES we make. I would venture to say that most of the time – nothing just happens to us we make choices that result in a certain consequence. Don’t take this as a negative because it is not meant to be that way. It is to show you that YOU are in CONTROL.

When I read this story about Celebrities Financial Blunders, I wanted to share it. Just because you have the rich and famous does not mean they are immune. Listen, financial issues, debt nor taxes discriminate based on race, sex, color, creed nor religion. It is soooo equal opportunity. It does not matter who your mother, father, cousin is nor where you are employed.

Before you make that next financial decision, think about the big picture – what would the consequence be – short-term and long-term as well as who does it affect? Consider are you buying too much house which could result in foreclosure or investing in a risky stock? Or did you research your investment advisor?

This is one of my favorite topics because people limit intimacy based on their own thinking. As I was going through different articles this morning, I discovered one titled Relationship intimacy is enhanced by money talk.

It discusses how you need to treat your marriage like a business. You would not start a business without a business plan, expenditures and etc. Then they provide questions you should ask before you get hitched. I agree that you should be talking about money before you walk down the aisle with this caveat, if you begin the money talk understand it is an ongoing conversation throughout the lifetime of the marriage.

Money has more than one role in a marriage and it is important for couples to recognize they have to set a financial foundation for their marriage. They have to set mutual financial goals and achieve them together. Being able to discuss financial mistakes and financial achievements without stress, frustration will definitely lead to greater intimacy in marriage.

Start talking openly about money today.

At the beginning of this week, I talked about “The Price of Infidelity” on Money Talk Matters on GLORI radio because I felt it should be addressed. I frankly got tired of reading about this or that politician who was caught being unfaithful to their spouses.

The “Price of Infidelity” does not just affect the man and woman involved, it affects the spouse(s), children – regardless of age, extended family members, residence, employment, community and more.

The “Price of Infidelity” is not a price people can actually afford. From all the different stories I have read, in my opinion it seems people are being very short-sighted when it comes to “choosing to be unfaithful”. The ramifications of infidelity are huge, can be long-term and sometimes disastrous.

I encouraged engaged couples and those soon to be married, if you are talking about money and I strongly encourage you to do so and if you find out something that you just cannot handle to walk away now. As a groom or bride-to-be, it is important that you remain true to yourself especially in knowing what you can and cannot handle.

It is better to walk down the aisle knowing you have discussed the financial background on both sides instead of being surprised by bills when you return from the honeymoon.

I say to you remember the saying “Misery loves company” – alright that is even true when people are in debt. Prime example – how many people have come to you personally and shared about the financial habits of their spouse or financial problems they are experiencing? Hmmm – do you know and I am sure you do, you cannot solve their financial problems? What would happen if you told that husband or wife, you should go home and talk with your spouse about this?

Imagine the person being vented to giving a recommendation to that person to go and talk WITH their spouse. Oh marriages would be changed because communciation is taking place on a new level. Yes, a new level because they probably have been arguing about it instead of talking about it.

If you are listening to someone fussing about their financial situation day after day, week after week there can come a time when all of a sudden you begin taking on that same negative attitude about your finances. When in all actuality at the start of their venting your finances were probably fine. But you continued listening to them and relating to them.

Misery loves company but you do not have to be a part of that misery. You can separate yourself because you are in a different place of growth and being grateful for what is taking place in your life. The next time that friend or colleague comes to you with a sour face and prepares to vent that misery – protect yourself so that you do not become miserable too.

Yes, DEBT is no fun. It is even worse if you do not take any action. CHOOSE today to change YOUR LIFE. It is all up to you and no one else.

Did you bring financial baggage from your past into the relationship? There are times when people have financial baggage and bring it into a marriage. The difference between money and marriage without frustration and money and marriage that has stress and is on the verge of someone walking out is ALL ABOUT HOW YOU HANDLE IT.

Yes, you cannot ignore financial mistakes because they need to be cleaned up. Ignored financial mistakes only cause more problems they do not go away by themselves. Take each mistake one at a time and set a goal to get it paid off or whatever it is that you need to do.

Sometimes what happens though is a husband or wife lets the financial baggage from their past move in on the present and limit their choices based on THE PAST. They are making decisions based on that bad experience. I have a word for you today, You do not have to unpack!

People are unpacking that baggage and glorifying it. You may ask how are they glorifying it? Look at how – by continuously talking about it to everyone that will listen, making your decisions based on what happened back then even though now you are with someone different and not giving yourself a chance at a new result. So by doing so you are saying that you want more of that to happen. If you do not want the same results that you got in the past, then begin speaking a different result, take control of your finances and EXPECT it without a doubt.

If you keep looking back you will miss out on opportunities that could get money to you. Do not become stuck on what happened in the past. Take charge and make better decisions today. It is for the benefit of you as an individual and if you are married, the family.

I had to include this one because it was a great kids movie with adult lessons that I am all to happy to share. We saw this movie in 3D with our twins about a month or so ago and I was posting the other movies – I said to myself, this one will not be expected. 

Carl and Ellie meet when they were very young. Ellie was into exploring, likes Carl and says he can become a part of her exploring club. They grow up and Carl marries Ellie. One of the things that Carl promised Ellie is that he would take her to Paradise Falls.

Everytime they would think about going to Paradise Falls, something would happen in the house and need the money. They would take the money from their savings and repair whatever needed repairing.  Do they ever make it to Paradise Falls….. you will have to watch the movie to find out.

Money Implications:  This couple had mutual dreams and goals for their marriage.

Money Tip #1: We can learn a lot from this movie – first thing being this couple was saving money for their trip to Paradise Falls. When repairs came that were needed they took the money out of savings and paid for it. Notice I didn’t say they charged it.

Money Tip #2: They discussed financial obligations and made sure they handled them.

Money Tip #3: The husband became very creative when he took the steps to travel to Paradise Falls.

Money Tip #4:  Remain focused on your financial goals. This husband knew the goal was to get to Paradise Falls and worked it out.

Recommendation: Get into the habit of paying cash for your items or save the money to purchase.

Money Talk is an on-going conversation and not a one time discussion.

Do not limit yourself by saying things can only be accomplished one way. Allow yourself to think outside of the box.

Great movie for kids and adults, buy it below:

Alright readers, I have to say this is not a movie that I would have known about if it had not come recommended. This movie is about two women who were left by their husbands at a certain point in their marriages and left with children to raise on their own. Mind you I don’t think either of them got divorced, one day the husbands just went out and never returned. Consequently these women do what they have to do to make ends meet and provide for their children, hmmm even involved illegal activity. It is a PHENOMENAL independent film that should DEFINITELY be watched.

Money Implication: I can understand being put in a situation where you have to earn money for survival but do not put yourself in a situation where you do something illegal and end up in jail. That has more lasting consequences, especially if you are the only parent that your children have.  THINK BIG picture.

Money Tip #1: If one day your spouse walks out on you and you did not prepare for it, immediately go to your bank where you have a joint account and get the money out so that you are not left without any money.

Money Tip #2: Contact credit card companies if you have joint cards and share what is going on. You do not want that spouse charging huge amounts and you are left attempting to “scrape” money together to pay that bill when you should be maintaining  food, clothing and shelter.

Money Tip #3: Be honest with the kids and provide for them the best way that you know how. For example, you can make a game out of it if you have to have breakfast for dinner.

Money Tip #4: If you are left with two cars per se and one of your children are not old enough to drive it, why don’t you consider selling the car.

Observation:  These women had different backgrounds but ended up being put in the same situation, their husbands left. The character Ray ended up  meeting with Lila who was smuggling immigrants. Lila’s child was taken by the father’s family. Lila was doing what she had to in order to survive. She worked at the local Bingo parlor but apparently did not think it was enough.

Recommendations: Be honest with yourself about what your expenses are.

Make sure that you have food, clothing and shelter whether you have kids or not.

Do not engage in any illegal activity in order to provide for your kids. Check the local shelters, non-profit organizations and churches to see what kind of assistance they can offer you.

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This is one of my favorites – the story of four women that have their individual stories that deal with professionalism, parenting, marriage, a divorced mother and single woman seeking a man. One of my primary  reasons for including this movie is because there are varying dynamics that warrants its inclusion. Each character: Savannah, Robin, Gloria and Bernadine have great story lines.

These women share each others triumphs and struggles throughout this movie. Savannah was the professional, single woman that did not let her “single status” keep her from reaching her goals.  Although her mother felt every woman “NEEDS” a man. Robin was the professional, single woman that had been burned by men so much that she did not look at them the same. Furthermore, she had lost her self-respect but gained it back in the end. Gloria was the divorced parent that owned a hair salon and who had almost cut herself off from relationships because she had gotten used to spending time with her son that was graduating from high school. She does have an interest in the widowed neighbor. Lastly, we have Bernadine who was married to a professional and mother of two children. When Bernadine wanted to start a business, he told her it was not the right time. So she put everything she had into building his businesses. Strongly recommend you watch the entire movie.

Money Implications:  I am going to do this based on each character:

Savannah – she had money and still had some degree of difficulty in who she was as a person. Her mother had limited finances and was attempting to keep it from Savannah. Once Savannah found out, she wired the money for her mother. 

Robin – she lived somewhat comfortably but was settling for mediocre men. Had a great job and clearly was making money but what she thought about herself was reflected in the men she dated. Did not really value who she was until the end of the show.

Gloria – the entrepreneur of the group. She appeared to be doing well financially.

Bernadine – the true “lesson” in this group. Do not put everything you have into your spouse. This lady was not aware of what the husband had been doing regarding putting EVERYTHING in his name. Once he decided he wanted a divorce, initially it appeared as if she was not going to get anything.

Money Tip #1:  Having money does not mean you cannot have financial problems in your life.

Money Tip #2: If you are an entrepreneur or seeking to become an entrepreneur, do your homework. What type of business are you seeking to start, what are the start-up costs, who is your target audience, can you start this business without taking money from the household budget and another major statement that you cannot ignore: If you are married, talk with your spouse before starting a business especially if it will impact your time and family finances.

Money Tip #3: This applies to the husband and the wife – share with each other about the household finances. Do not let the money manager be the only one that is aware of all the bank accounts, how much money is in each account and when the bills are due.

Money Tip #4:  Husbands and wives do not get lost in the marriage. Meaning put everything into the one person where you have no self-identity. That costs you in the long run.

Money Tip #5: Husbands and Wives – stay faithful to your mate and do not even think about the grass on the other side. It does not matter who attempts to flirt with you.  Based on a lot of stories in national news  and facts – people that enter into infidelity are paying a “HEAVY PRICE” and sometimes it is their life in addition to money.

Money Tip #6: For single parents, if you are not getting the child support that you are due it is up to you to decide what action you are going to take. Also, recommend that you create great memories every day with your children. Creating memories does not necessarily have to involve a lot of money.

Money Tip #7: For the new single parent, when it comes to money – take the time to sit down and detail your new household budget and expenses. This will show you what you need to run your household from month to month.

Observation:  Money impacts lives in many ways and should not be ignored. Take the time today to look at the roles money plays in your life.

Recommendations:  I know there are times when we as women vent to our girlfriends about our spouses, what I want to say on this is take the time to talk with your husband about your finances and issues you are facing. The two of you are on the same team – solve the situation together.

For the single parent, ensure that you find out all of the resources available to you through different organizations that assist single parents. Some could be local and there could be some that are on the internet. Do your research.

For the newly divorced spouse, pull yourself together and know that being single does not define who you are. Think about what you want to do with your life and what example do you want to set for your children.

Add this to your movie collection today:

Hear ye, hear ye – the dishonorable debt is being invited to your home because you thought debt would not come to your house because of

your ethnicity

your economic background

your marital status

your education level

your age

who your parents are

your religion

your employment

I said it that way because now you should know better. Debt is an equal opportunity, frustrating and stressful situation if you do not take control of your finances.  Debt changes personalities, impacts marriages negatively, can ruin friendships – because people are ill-equipped with finances.

I have been guilty of not paying attention to what was happening in finances at different times. Nothing like a recession to get your attention. Now when you are faced with less money and the same bills, what action do you take in order to maintain and correct financial situations?

Options: (1) Talk with Creditors and work out a more affordable payment arrangement;

                  (2) Create your own bailout – by starting a home based business from a hobby or something that you have always wanted to do that has low overhead.

                 (3) If you already have a business, re-evaluate your services and contact previous clients. Could institute a referral policy to generate new clients.

                 (4) Get a second job if necessary. If that is what you choose to do.

                 (5) Make sure you establish a household budget if you did not prior to this happening.

Do not let debt cause you to act out of character and hurt those you love. Choose to take control of your money and not be controlled by money.