postheadericon Husband Loans Money to Friends without Telling Wife

Let me say right off I know this one is going to be loaded. When the question came in to my email, I thought to myself there are other wives this is happening to or vice versa. So let’s take it one step at a time.

Obviously the wife who wrote in anonymously found out after the fact. First question, how did she find out? Did she discover that money was missing from their joint accout? Or did he say, by the way honey a couple of weeks ago I loaned this friend some money?

I guarantee you the wife that wrote that sent that question in, is more than likely mad because he did it and she did not know about, may not even like the friend the money was loaned to and probably feels she cannot trust her man with their money because he will give it away to whomever he wants without talking with her about it as if she does not have a say so.

Money is a serious subject that cannot be avoided between a husband and wife. Husband and wives do you have an understanding about loaning money to friends, relatives or colleagues? If you do not, this is something that should be discussed beforehand. It will prevent the type of email I received.

When people lose trust in relationships, it is hard to get it back. It takes a lot of work. Then the question becomes did he really loan the money or give the money. Either way it is a serious discussion that must be had in order to prevent what the couple is dealing with right now in their relationship.

This is not saying you should not loan money, but husbands and wives should know what they agree on when it comes to loaning money, to whom and agreeing even on an amount that will not affect their household finances. Be careful, because you do not want to become a personal banker at the risk of your own marriage. It’s not worth the risk.

2 Responses to “Husband Loans Money to Friends without Telling Wife”

  • This is a tough one. Again, it should of been discussed at the early stages of their marriage. If it was agreed that he could do something of this sort, then it is ok. If it was discussed it was not ok, then he was not right for doing so. But the big question is what if it was not discussed, then is it ok. That is a tough one. They can both be at fault for not discussing this early on.

  • It’s definitely not worth the risk – especially if you’re loaning money out and your family has an immediate need. We went through that early on in the marriage. We had many discussions about when to help vs. when to keep for home. I don’t think it’s wise to loan money to another and then your own house suffers. And I do mean suffer – i.e. your lights being cut off or the rent not paid.

    Dr. Taffy – keep writing your words of wisdom.

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