Based on the response and questions that came in after the post Money and Marriage as a Solo Effort, I thought it was best to take each question one by one and address them in a post. Take the time to read the original post about Money and Marriage as a Solo Effort if you do not understand the response.
What about marriages where the husband dumps all financial responsibility on his wife (including making all income) and is quite happy living in his own little world, pottering about, working occasionally at a “fun”, low stress, low pay, part-time job, oblivious to bills and all other responsibilities? Disappears upstairs to play computer games when he comes home. Doesn’t want to know about finances, doesn’t care. I’d love to know if anyone has found a solution to this relationship/finances issue.
Answer: Dear MF: Let me ask you this question, did the marriage start out this way where the finances were dumped on the wife and the husband had withdrawn into his own world? I imagine you are going to tell me no. If you say no it did not start out that way then answer these questions:
1) What happened for this behavior to become the norm?
2) What was the wife’s role in accepting this new behavior because there came a certain time in the relationship when she deemed this was okay and it has continued. However, now she is not happy with it.
3) Has the wife sat down and tried to talk about finances with her husband in a manner that was more of informative versus panic or frustration? Finances are a part of life. Is he not concerned with eating, living, driving to work, etc.
It is not all the husband’s fault. I am not condoning the behavior – focus on what I am saying. The wife needs to look at her role in what is happening in their household. Both have some responsibility for what is happening in the marriage right now. Whether or not both of take control for the benefit of the marriage will be up to you and the husband. Do not be so quick to point the figure and say it is your fault. You had a role and still do in what is happening in your home. What’s your next move?