I love him but he has debt and that stays on my mind. If you are a bride-to-be and this is you, congratulations on recognizing a red flag. This red flag is DEBT and it bothers you that he has it. Let me ask you this question and how you answer it will be important.
Question: How did you find out about the debt?
If your answer is (1) He told me – this is good because it means that he is being honest with you about financial mistakes he has made in the past. He wants to alleviate the debt and could see how you are going to respond to the fact he said he has debt. Are you going to leave him because he has debt or are you willing to say, I understand mistakes happen and let’s develop a plan to remove the debt.
If your answer is (2) He did not tell you and you found out on your own either by going through some of his things or a family member told you, then you have to ask yourself what else is he hiding from you and why? Caution: If you were going through his things, you could have a trust issue later if he discovers this is how you found out. Did he not tell you about the debt because he truly feels bad and is afraid that you would leave him. Or did he not tell you purposely because he is thinking if I can just get her to the aisle, then once we are married I can tell her about the debt.
Or if your answer is (3) He told me he has debt and wants to break it off. Then you need to discuss in detail why he wants to break it off. You have to ask yourself what is it about the debt that bothers you? Is it because you do not have debt or is it because both of you have debt? Now is the time to put everything on the table.
Since you are aware he has debt, what does your picture look like? What is it that you would like to see for the future and both of you be honest with each other. Honesty is the best policy. Secrets lead to division, destruction and sometimes divorce. Do not let a secret establish your life’s path in your relationships.