Money Talk Matters

Archive for February, 2010

I had to stop and write this post because it came over heavy in my spirit. Yes, I am writing this for you looking at this screen crying because finances are tearing your marriage apart and you do not know what to do. You did the best you could with what you had but it appears it was not good enough. You did not talk to your spouse about it because you did not want more stress, you were already carrying the burden.

Once things began to spiral out of control, you had no choice but to speak up and say what was happening. 

That caused stress, strife, blame and even some distance within the marriage. Is it tooo late? No, it is not to late and at this point it depends on you. Why? Because you are the one that is still managing the money that is there. The choices you are preparing to make will be crucial.

Dry your eyes and read this clearly! I know firsthand that money issues in marriage is an embarrassing and difficult situation. Furthermore it is a very private issue – I agree. Because it is private and most of us do not want anyone to know the challenges we are facing, it  leads us to fall into even more “DEBT” traps. In order to begin resolving your issues, you have to step outside of yourself and talk to someone that knows the best course of action you can take. When you have limited knowledge about finances, you continue to do what you think is best based on what you know.

Let’s be honest, you have cried in the morning when you were waking up, at noon and even as you laid your head on the pillow at night from the turmoil that was mounting inside. Today, is a new day and a new opportunity to take some action. Maybe you will continue reading this and say I cannot afford to get help. Sure you can it is a matter of choices and what do you want to see happen.

I have created for you a membership site called Marriagemoneymatters.com . Don’t let the word “membership” scare you away because it is not like you think. This site is one where no one knows you are on but you. So it is not like a forum where you can talk with others and be judged. Its affordable and will cost you less to get help then what you are paying for probably the minimum balance on one credit card.

What do you  have to lose? If you do nothing, then you continue along the path of tears morning, noon and night. If you become an Intermediate or Graduate level  member, you get access to solutions and even a one-on-one with me.  How would you like to have your own personal financial advocate that understands what you are going through and is ready to help you move from financial woes to financial health.

If you are ready to take that step today, join at www.marriagemoneymatters.com and for those that join within the next 24 hours at the Intermediate or Graduate level, I will give you 1 additional 20 minute counseling with me at no charge.

Being the money manager such as I am, there are times when you might not tell your spouse everything that is going on with the finances. Why does this happen? Well, I can think of several reasons – you do not want to add to his stress level, you think if you told him he would go off on you (not physically but verbally), you believe you can get it handled and no one needs to be the wiser.  Listen wives, for whatever reason it – do you realize you are shouldering all the burden, stress and frustration. You also could be making decisions without all of the information and your husband could be assisting you.

Has this happened to me? There were some times when I was not discussing in complete detail the money with him because I was working the plan. I told my husband give me a chance to work the plan. Now was he willing to do it? Yes, because when I have said that before it turned out to the benefit of everyone and not to anyone’s detriment. So he knows when I say I am working the plan that it will give him more freedom later to shop without scrutiny. See, in our marriage he is the shopper and not me.

Do I think we all are shoppers at some point. Yes, because I will buy up Barnes and Nobles if left to my own devices. But other than that, it is quiet when it comes to shopping from me. I  digress, when a financial issue presents itself that you did not plan on and it gets bigger and bigger, who do you turn to? When I was single and this happened, I did not turn to family, friends, nor anyone in my church. What happens then Ladies is that things spiral out of control.

Once things spiral out of control, it is almost like no turning back. Before things spiral out of control today, I am here to help you. I’m the wife who has been in debt, homeless, came back from being in debt, restored and happily married to the same man that I married when I was in debt.  Do you need someone to encourage you that you can get out debt, share with you how to talk to your husband about finances and establish a plan as well as much more… then become a member of MarriageMoneyMatters.com today which is for wives.

I will be working with you on reviewing credit reports, providing one-on-one financial counseling, holding you accountable to discussing money and marriage with your husbands and much more. Join today and get the answers in the privacy and comfort of your own home.

I wanted to take this time and share with you that during National Marriage Week as I was faciliating Money and Marriage Teleseminars, my husband and I were celebrating 14 wonderful years of marriage. We came into our marriage with our eyes open. What do I mean by that?

We both came into our marriage with debt and disclosed that information fully to each other. We knew that we had made mistakes and did not judge each other, yet we let that catapult our relationship into a STRONG and FORMIDABLE team. How many of you have heard… A THREEFOLD CORD is NOT EASILY BROKEN! Amen!

When we talked about getting married, my mindset was I do not want to incur anymore debt for a wedding. Sure it was my first and only marriage; however knowing what I knew about the existing debt, I was not of the mind to create more. I WANTED to be OUT OF DEBT and so did he. So we agreed on a Justice of the Peace ceremony. Our family was not in town and I am not big on crowds.

We got married and paid for everything we needed in cash and were still able to continue with life. What did we do about the DEBT? We established a five year plan to pay it off that we could live with. Bless GOD – we did it in two and a half years WITHOUT filing bankruptcy, WITHOUT buying and selling houses – WE WORKED the PLAN. So when I talk to you about Money and Marriage – Telling you first hand experience.

Remember each one of us came to our marriage with debt – things that we did in our past without the other person yet we had to handle the ramifications of those choices we made separately together. What did those things include include….effects of bankruptcy, creditor calls, restoration from being homeless, not having a bank account, not being able to or comfortable talking with family about money issues, not comfortable enough to talk with anyone in our church, let alone our friends, challenges in our Faith and much more.

As we celebrated our 14 years of Marital Happiness, Love, Family and LASTING when others thought we would not make it – our twins were celebrating with us. They simply adore their example of marriage, love and happiness. We make sure and create memories for them that they will never forget. They do the same for us.

So for those of you that are engaged, newly married and married for many years, keep on pressing on and HAVE A PLAN. Even at 14 years we have plans that are short-term and long-term. We have fun making them as well as making them a reality and going beyond them.

To my Hubby, thank you my Love for who you are, whose you are and all that you are becoming. Thank you for 14 years of trials & triumphs, happy times and sad times, the ever growing TESTIMONY that our Marriage and Family is.

Ladies and Gentleman, last week was one of the best weeks that I have had in a long time. It was a week filled with faciliating Money and Marriage Teleseminars during National Marriage Week. I must say WOW! What a week it was. Thank you to Rev. Angela Chester who kicked off our week with Faith and Finances. Talk about setting the tone and knowing that you have to STAND on YOUR FAITH in Good time  and Bad, whew – she set the tone. She shared about women encouraging their husband’s and that the “MALE EGO is VERY FRAGILE” how you must be careful, especially in faith and marriage.

When Tuesday came, I was ready to hear what Mary Chatman, CEO of Love Life Designs, LLC was going to say. She shared with the audience how it is important to keep romance alive even after several years have passed by. How your tone is also a factor in marriage.  Mary shared how couples have to talk about romance and their desires, furthermore that it is more than sexuality. Then she got into how romance appears to take a back seat when the finances are not right. We briefly talked about wives talking with their girlfriends about their relationship and how that shouldn’t happen because girlfriends cannot change their marriage.

From there Wednesday came and the Black Marriage and Money panel was ready for it. Dr. Harold Arnold, Talayah Stovall and Christine Pembleton came on the scene and set the record straight when it comes to Black Marriage and Money. They started out saying yes the statistic is there; however, who was the group that was looked at, furthermore if you start buying into all of the statistics or propoganda we make it a fulfilled prophecy by living it. Oooh, this conversation was “ON”. This panel ROCKED  – discussing youth, media, marriage and money and we felt as if we only scratched the surface. Before we knew it, we were out of time. Stay tuned there will be another time when we get together.

Thursday came in with much EXCITEMENT and I knew it was going to be another night of affecting CHANGE and INSPIRATION for those on the call. Teisha Shelby Houston was no joke. This SISTER, MOTHER, WIFE, Entrepreneur discussed the essentials of communciating with the spouse about being an entrepreneur, as well as RESPECTING EACH OTHER… whew. I tell you what she said, it’s okay if you have to get a job while building your business and continue moving forward. Teisha shared a lot just like each EXPERT and one of the things that was CRUCIAL when it comes to being an Entrepreneur is RESEARCH, RESEARCH, RESEARCH. I am telling you they all know their stuff.

As the week of teleseminars was coming to an end with Suzanne Mayo, Director of Black America Saves I was still filled with soooo much excitement. Suzanne was on the teleseminar and from the JUMP talked about the importance of Saving. Thinking BIG and Starting Small. As long as you start, it will get BIGGER. Suzanne shared from personal experience and even expanded this discussion into Health and Wealth and how if your health is having some issues, more than likely your money is too. Whoooo. I second that. I have seen people that have financial issues which causes stress and then they began to have symptoms of health issues, they go to the doctor and they cannot figure out what is wrong. We could have went on for hours.

As I said this was a great week and it has only just begun. Definitely stay tuned to this blog for more teleseminars, courses and chats.  Money and marriage is a lifestyle like no other. Its time you work it to your benefit and not your detriment.

Now is a good time to be an entrepreneur. Are you an entrepreneur wife that also manages the money in your marriage? What do you do when you have spouse that is not supportive of your entrepreneurial spirit? Do you press on or do you return to the corporate sector to keep the peace? What happens if you are bringing in more income than your husband who is working outside the home and now there is stress in the marriage?

Join Teisha Houston, CEO of The Business Coach for Moms as she gives firsthand insight into being an entrepeneur wife, homeschool mom and managing money in marriage. This is a teleseminar you do not want to miss.

Join us on February 11, 2010 at 8pm EST.

Register here:  http://entrepeneurwifeandmoney.eventbrite.com/

According to a report released by the Institute for American Values and National Center on African American Marriages and Parenting,  71 percent of African American children are born without married parents.

Is the view of marriage in the African American community based on environment and background? Or are there successful black marriages in existence that are setting the example and people are not paying attention to those?

What does it take to have a successful black marriage and money? Does faith and romance affect black marriages ad money?

Join  Dr. Taffy and our expert panel – Dr. Harold Arnold, Talayah Stovall and Christine Pembleton as we discuss Black Marriage and Money on February 10, 2010.

Register here to attend:  http://blackmarriageandmoney.eventbrite.com/

Remember when you first got married and everyone was putting their best foot forward. Romance was in the air. Several years have passed and now it seems as if romance only occurs on Holidays, Anniversaries or even Birthdays. Should it be just for holidays?

Is romance a luxury or a necessity?  Does the spark begin to fade and the fountain of love begin to run dry because of a lack of romance during financial hardships? Whose responsibility is it to be romantic? How important is it to keep the sparks flying?

Join Mary Chatman, Founder and CEO of Love Life Designs, LLC and Dr. Taffy Wagner as they discuss romance and finance on February 9, 2010 at 8pm EST. Do not attend this teleseminar without a pen and paper or you are going to miss some great insight and tips.

Sign up here: http://romanceandfinance.eventbrite.com/

Last year when we witnessed first hand the economy decline, marriages were tested on new levels. Christian marriages were also tested and some ended in divorce because of the finances. How does a husband and wife hold on to their faith when it seems as if their finances are becoming less and less. They are praying, yet they do not see a change in their situation.

What is a husband or wife to do when one spouse is continuing to hold on to their faith, yet the other spouse’s faith has been shaken.  Now not only is the marriage dealing with the financial issues but now they will be dealing with shaken faith which impacts the marriage on a different level. How does a couple hold on when it appears what they are doing is not working?

Join Dr. Taffy and Rev. Angela Chester on February 8, 2010 at 8pm EST as they discuss Faith and Finances for the beginning of the Money and Marriage Teleseminars during National Marriage Week.

Sign up here for the call in information: http://financesandfaith.eventbrite.com/