Money Talk Matters

Archive for May, 2010

When I began focusing this week on who pays for what, I didn’t know that it would be a hot topic. Lo and behold we will be ending out this week with an article I read on that topic. Who pays for what tradition and otherwise.

I encourage brides and grooms to get done in the most economical fashion where there will be no regrets when they look back on their wedding day. This can set an interesting tone for your marriage.

I remember one year, one of my girlfriends had to attend about four weddings because she was in the bridal party. I couldn’t help but think about her paying for all those different dresses, cost of flying to wherever the wedding was because she had friends in various states and even more.

Brides and grooms must be careful not to Bankrupt the bridal party. Be up front with them and let them know of the required expenditures which could also play in their part to attend the wedding or not.

Read the article and weigh in. What do you think and what have you done so that your bridal party is not bankrupt?

Price is right for Engaged Couples. You must take a look – The Wedding Shower Episode:

There are fiances that have been affected by the economy several times and are not able to contribute to the wedding. If this is the case of your fiance, continue to support him and encourage him to continue to seek employment. It is hard when a man is not working because they are even harder on themselves because they believe they should be the provider.

As his future wife, the best thing you can do is encourage him and let him know that you are in this together. Speak life to him and say he will get the right job and it will pay what you need. If you and your fiance can think of the money now as your money, then you will be that much more ahead then if you are still in the mindset of yours and his, then once you are married it becoming ours.

Lessons you can learn right now are how to compromise, how to shop wisely and purchase your needs versus your wants. You can also learn how to be supportive of each other and work together. It is important that if you have a place together now that he also helps out with the household upkeep so that you do not have to work all day, come home clean and cook dinner. Will some future wives do that? Yes they will and then reach a point where they are burned out.

Communication with your future spouse is always going to be important. Talk WITH your future spouse and not AT them there is such a difference. Remember you are on the same team not opponents. I want to say this as well, if your family and close friends know your fiance is not working, DO NOT let them talk negative about him to you by any means.

There may be an instance or two where a bride is paying for her own wedding instead of her parents. She could easily be in position where she has saved money for her wedding, is working and will continue to have money after her wedding expenses. Should this be frowned upon by friends and colleagues? Personally I don’t think so, because the wedding will be paid for and the married couple will not start out their marriage with wedding bills.

It is important for couples to get to know each other as husband and wife, nurture their relationship after the wedding without financial stress. Let me tell you, when you are dealing with financial stress all you can think about is how are we going to pay the bills, not necessarily romance and continuing the honeymoon once you have returned.

Financial stress will cause you to point the finger and blame each other for different financial choices that are causing this strain. If the strain is sooo heavy, you might not be able to see your way out. This is the time when most couples will seek guidance because they were not prepared for the financial stress and strain on the relationship.

If the bride is in the position to pay it can be a good thing. If she is thinking about the money as “OURS” versus “HERS” then that will be a good thing. That can make the difference instead of her thinking of it as hers and her maybe potentially rubbing it in his face later that she paid for the wedding.

Enjoy the process of planning your wedding and knowing that when you prepare to walk down the aisle, it is all PAID for.

We’ve all heard that it is tradition for the bride’s family to pay for the wedding. Should this continue to be the tradition with the affects of the economy? Let’s be real, the economy has affected everyone of all ages, married, unmarried and even divorced. Are brides and grooms holding their parents to tradition even if their parents are not in a position to pay for their wedding?

What should be done? Does the couples age matter and is a factor in whether the parents pay or not? Have the parents even said whether or not they can pay? All of these questions and more need to be thought about in this time especially when it comes to the wedding? More important than the wedding is the bride and groom’s marriage and are they equipped with life skills to survive various challenges they may face once they are married.

What if the parents are saying they can contribute only 20% towards the wedding? Should the couple be receptive or should they attempt to make their parents go over their budget? Weigh in and share your thoughts.

The economy has had its effects on many relationships especially for those that are engaged. Brides and grooms are having to cut costs where they can in order to have the wedding of their dreams. Sure they are compromising on different things and some have even gone the route of DIY. I tell you what, I am an artsy girl in a different kind of way and don’t think I would have been doing a lot of DIY. Hmmm, let me think about this as I write… my husband actually did our wedding announcements because he works in the printing industry.

When it came to the flowers, I went to a local florist and chose my bouquet and the boutonneire that I wanted my him to wear. So there were some things that we did handle. We had a Justice of the Peace wedding because we knew what our financial situation was and did not want to incur more debt due to our wedding.

I have repeatedly been reading different articles and getting some anonymous notes on the back end of my blog regarding how the economy has been affecting the bride and groom. This week, I will be talking about different situations regarding the money and the bride and groom. Stay tuned…

Now is the time during the engagement and wedding planning for a bride-to-be and groom to get on the same page about finances. How do they do this? First and foremost they should go to dinner and begin discussing openly and honestly with each other, how they handled money as a single person. What did they do that they like and what did they do that they did not like and would not want to see in their marriage.

This is a time to put things on the table in order to establish a financial foundation for their marriage. WOOHOO, they can think beyond the wedding day in order to start their marriage off on proper footing. This is not a time to close one eyes to financial behavior that might not be appropriate.

Take adavantage of this time and begin discussing money. Doesn’t have to be a very heavy discussion from the beginning and should be almost like a fact finding mission. Bride to be could invite the groom over and make his favorite dinner and ease their way into discussing finances on a regular basis. Set the tone which would say to your groom, I want us to have a solid financial foundation for our marriage.

This is one of the hardest talks but also one of the most important beginnings to every marriage. Do yourself a favor and do not wait until a week or two prior to walking down the aisle to begin having this talk. It is very important nevertheless and should be taken very serious.

I was up and finishing up several posts for this week and discovered this post someone wrote in to a column – Couple’s son wants him to pay for the wedding The bride to be’s family is not in a position to help them, so they are coming to his family. Didn’t give a specific number but said how much can you help.

I am imagining this is happening with many couples right now. One of the statements made by the columnist was that since this family has a daughter also that would probably like some help when she gets married is to give them both – the son and daughter an equal amount of cash. I like that because that will not cause them to go into debt for a wedding, yet do what they can afford and no one feels slighted.

I also like that she said ensure they know it is a wedding gift and they can use it how they choose. I tell you this, I think many couples would be receptive of that because then they could use the money how they see fit. That probably would alleviate some brides asking for money to contribute towards the wedding or as gifts to help them pay for other things.

What do you think?

Claire and Cliff go to the kitchen and when they return, Denise is waiting with Martin. They immediately say we cannot say that we have been told a lot about you. Denise feels in the hot seat, however she is being quiet and letting Martin dig the hole even deeper…divorce, child..

If your fiance had this background, what would your parents say about your pending marriage?

Take a look: