Archive for July, 2010
We have all have heard and know money is one of the top three reasons for divorce, yet people are getting married every day without having discussed finances. Is DEBT the new FAMILY HEIRLOOM?
Individuals are mismanaging money, obtaining credit card after credit card and not making enough money to pay all of their bills. Where does this start – the lack of knowledge regarding finances? It could go back to their Parents and even their Parents’ parents. Be honest if their parents were not taught how to manage money and has experienced their own share of financial strain and struggle but made it through. This could be the result of not having been talked to about money.
Unfortunately the cycle continues and NOW Debt becomes the family heirloom. We all know that heirloom is a FAMILY possession that is passed down from generation to generation. When I think about an heirloom, I think about jewelry, pictures, furniture and other possessions of older family members. Incidentally, it does seem that “DEBT” has reached this status of heirloom. Unless someone decides to break the cycle, debt will be passed down from generation to generation along with that negative mindset in regards to money.
Debt is not precious nor should it be passed down. DO NOT ignore the warning signs of a son or daughter mismanaging money. Stop today and get them the help that is necessary so that their marriage does not end up becoming a divorce statistic because of money when it doesn’t have to be.
A lot of time is spent on wedding day preparation, but how much time is spent on ensuring that brides and grooms are getting the necessary life skills to sustain their marriage? Couples need to be prepared for financial decisions such as what happens if one spouse loses a job – are they prepared financially? How do they handle when the economy is down? I remember when the economy began to tank, the statistic surfaced that 3 out of 4 married couples were arguing about money.
Debt is equal opportunity and does not discriminate based on race, economic level, religion, or sex. Choose to stop the cycle today and get premarital or postmarital financial education for yourself or the ones you love. If you know you wouldn’t want your son or daughter to go through what you have gone through when it comes to money and marriage, then give them the gift of financial education as a wedding gift. Invest in their marriage for a lifetime and provide them with a resource that teaches them how to make solid financial decisions so they won’t have to come to you and borrow money after saying “I Do”.
Get them premarital financial counseling or give them the program that they can complete in the comfort and privacy of their own home. Go to www.moneytalkmatters.com/products
Last week I wrote about how the Why BOTHER post came to be. Today, I want us to take it to another level. Why BOTHER because OTHERS won’t! There are friends and family that have had financial problems in their marriages, yet they won’t tell you to discuss money before marriage. As a matter of fact, they are putting on a show for you when they know behind closed doors they are arguing about money, going to bed mad and can barely discuss. There are others that believe it is not their place (let fear keep them from providing assistance) or they believe you are on top of this area.
You will read bridal magazines that only go so far as to discuss the wedding budget. You will attend bridal shows and it will be filled with vendors anxiously waiting for you to choose them over another competitor. If you take that much time reading, researching and planning for the day – WHY NOT take even more time PREPARING for a Marriage that can last a lifetime by getting life skills to maintain your marriage.
Why Bother addressing Money talk before Marriage? As a wife who came into her marriage with debt, got out of debt, dealt with buying a home, becoming a parent that has been married for more than 14 years, I AM going to BOTHER opening up this TOPIC. There is no reason why in 2010, money should be one of the top reasons for divorce with all the information, knowlege and access to resources.
Maybe you have watched relatives marriages end because of money (not that you got any of the details), or you have listened to girlfriends come and cry on your shoulder because of their spouse’s spending (believe me that was only one side of the story). Here is your opportunity to not be the one going to a girlfriend to cry on her shoulder. Instead be the example to those girlfriends, family members and even colleagues that are watching and begin talking about money today.
The next time you review your BRIDAL REGISTRY – add Money Talk Before The Commitment Walk and The Debt Stops At The Altar to your registry. This is a gift that keeps on giving throughout the marriage because you can listen to it over and over, do the exercises and more. Or if you would like to get premarital financial counseling, you can contact me through this website.
I was a bride that had debt and was coming to the marriage having made financial mistakes. One thing that might be different between you and me is that my fiance and I talked about our financial mistakes and pasts prior to getting married. Did that make it easier? It did somewhat because there were no secrets going in. What was hard was sharing that I had made financial mistakes.
I knew that I could not be surprised by a phone call or getting several bills in the mail that belonged to him because we shared about our finances. Why bother sharing about money and learning how to talk about it? One good reason is because if you do not and financial secrets become revealed, trust is broken in the marriage. If you don’t get anything ELSE from this post – GET THIS trust is hard to get back once it is broken. In some marriages, it is never gotten back and they end in divorce.
Trust can be gotten back; however it is not just based on your words but also your actions. So why even put your upcoming marriage on the line by having financial secrets. It is NOT WORTH IT!
You decide – financial secrets, your looking over your shoulder, stress and marital strain because of money which leads to arguments and even going to bed mad. Furthermore, silence can become the norm in your marriage because any conversation centered around money leads to a BIG BLOW UP!
Learn how to talk about money before getting married today. I encourage you to list Money Talk Before The Commitment Walk and The Debt Stops At The Altar on your bridal registry or even share with your parents that you are interested in getting premarital financial counseling and add that in your wedding budget. Getting premarital financial counseling now could very well keep you from having to borrow money from your parents later.
Take your engagement to a new level like never before.
Why bother is a comment I heard when talking with a local wedding vendor about reaching out to engaged couples about money. That came back to my memory this morning as I decided to turn up the heat on MONEY DISCUSSIONS BEFORE marriage.
Why bother learning how to read and write?
Why bother learning how to drive a car?
Why bother getting a high school education?
Why bother going to college?
Why bother applying for a job?
Why bother sizing up who you are going to date?
Why bother dreaming about your wedding day?
Why bother having a wedding planner?
Of course that vendor rubbed me wrong and I decided to run with the comment. Think about it why do you learn how to drive a car, or why do you use a wedding planner, why do you dream about the wedding day…
I understand the message has not been communicated on a LARGE SCALE that you should be focusing on Money Talk Before Getting married because everyone is thinking about the wedding dress, the party, the cake, and more. Be honest with yourself – are you prepared if one of you becomes unemployed either before the wedding or afterwards? How would you handle a spouse making financial mistakes that impact the marriage? If one of you has more debt and the other spouse has none, how do you handle it?
Those are only some of the reasons that you BOTHER talking about money before walking down the aisle and taking those VOWS. Your VOWS should not be taken lightly. It seems as if couples are not taking their vows seriously especially when it comes to For Richer or For Poorer, For Better or For Worse. They only want the good and bail out when the bad comes.
Another reason you should BOTHER is “According to a survey by the Association of Bridal Consultants, MORE THAN 67% of newlyweds believe the most serious conflict in their first year of marriage is over money!!
Do you value your upcoming marriage ENOUGH to learn how to talk about money now? If so, go to www.moneytalkmatters.com/products and INVEST in your copy of Money Talk Before The Commitment Walk and The Debt Stops At The Altar financial education program that you can use throughout your marriage.
Notice I said INVEST – Some of you expect to invest thousands on a dress or even for the complete wedding. What are you willing to invest to ensure you and your mate know how to communicate about money throughout the marriage instead of divorcing because of money?
A few weeks ago I interviewed Marcus and Gloria Whyte, Life and Relationship Coaches. I asked them what does it take to make a marriage work in 2010 and we were off and running for the next hour on Money and Marriage Xposed radio.
Listen to this interview and be ready to take action. Marcus and Gloria are great examples of a “TEAM” and keeping it real. They know life happens and it is all about how you handle situations.