Money Talk Matters

Archive for October, 2010

Wait, I thought I had read it all. It is the “norm” of course for husbands and wives to dispute over money spent at the wedding, but wait when I share about this story I read tonight.

There I was doing a little research and thought I need to post on Money Talk Matters for the engaged couples. Granted, I’ve been very busy with local seminars and radio shows dealing with money. Still, I felt let me do a post and get back to it on a regular basis because sooo many people need help.

Then it grabbed me – Fathers-in-law Cash Clash. Listen they were fighting over a loan made for the wedding and ended up in court when the marriage ended after one year. The marriage ending after one year is another post.

Take the time to read this now – Fathers-in-law Cash Clash – definitely sound like a Court TV episode. What are your thoughts?

Several days ago there I was all excited because I was attending two networking events that night. Don’t know how I did it, but I double booked myself that night. Instead of cancelling one, I decided to make an appearance at both.

The first event was good, I made a few connections and got back in my car and raced down the road to the second one.

While I was at the second event, I saw a familiar face from an event that I attended a year prior. This time, we had an opportunity to talk more. The lady I spoke with shared about her business and recent steps at re-branding and I was shaing that I was in the process of re-branding as well.

She asked me what my business was. You know when someone asks you about your business and what you do, you are more than happy to share that elevator speech. I began sharing how I teach couples how to communicate about money before and during the marriage. Before I knew it, these words flowed from her mouth…. “My first marriage ended because of money. We didn’t talk about the money. He was spending and there were financial secrets”. She went on to say, this is a great service you are offering because there is a fear around talking about money”. I agreed with her about there being a fear when there shouldn’t be.

We parted ways and continued working the room. I have heard that comment many times from women “My first marriage ended because of money” AND they want to marry again KNOWING they will be talking about money before walking down the aisle. They have silently vowed not to let “money be a topic that is avoided again”.

Lessons for Brides and Grooms:

1) Money is one of the top causes for divorce.

2) If you see a money issue that is causing you concern, ask your fiance’ about it and don’t overlook it. Avoidance is not the key.

3) Money is a tool that is being used to pay for the wedding, caterers, florists and more, you might as well begin talking about money FOR marriage.

4) It’s good to want the wedding of your dreams AND you should also be focusing on the MARRIAGE of a lifetime with financial management skills in place to make this happen instead of haphazardly managing money.

5) There are a lot of ex-husbands and ex-wives out there that will say the marriage ended because of money (they had a breakdown in communication about money, overspending, or even a lack of money) BUT wouldn’t it be a NICE change of pace for you and your fiance to say OUR MARRIAGE is working because we learned how to communicate about money before the marriage so we could continue to communicate after saying I Do.

** Think about it how many friends or even family members do you know, whose marriages have ended because of money?

Invest in premarital financial counseling today with Dr. Taffy and begin your marriage with a solid financial foundation.

Go to www.moneytalkmatters.com/products

We all use money whether daily, every other day or weekly. Mortgages, apartments, groceries, car insurance, and more. Money has many roles in life and one key factor is recognizing all the roles that money plays in your life.

Some may say what makes us different is the way we manage money. I beg to differ because many of us are managing money the same… Trial and Error! Mismanaging money, checks bouncing, shortage in the account versus a surplus and even incurring debt. Not balancing the checkbook, not even writing down in the register when you write a check or even record an ATM deduction and payment. That in itself could set you on the path for financial stress.

Financial stress does not have to be a part of life. There are people that do not even have financial stress and strain. Let me share this – the person or people that are successful with money possess several traits:

1) Responsibility – They take responsibility for their finances and the choices they make when it comes to money. They are thinking about the long-term consequences and not just short-term spur of the moment band-aids.

2) Does not Procrastinate – They do not procrastinate when it comes to addressing a financial issue. They meet it head on and take steps to solve the issue. They don’t wait until tomorrow to address a situation because they know tomorrow never comes.

3) Not in Denial – They are not in denial about their finances. If there is a shortage in their finances, they review their finances and make adjustments where necessary.

4) Mindset – Their mindset is right about their finances. They are continuously learning money skills and not holding themselves captive because of past mistakes. They recognize that if their attitude is not right, they could invite financial stress and strain back into their lives.

5) Speech – They are not speaking negatively about their own life. They are not the ones constantly complaining instead they look at the situation for what it is and speak the solution.

6) Vision – These people have vision about where they want to go with their finances. They set financial goals, reach them and exceed them.

What makes us different is our problem solving capabilities. When faced with a financial issue, how do you solve it? Denial, avoidance, blaming someone else or do you take charge? Our problem solving capabilities are not necessarily new and something that we have been doing for a long time.

Have you been avoiding your financial situation because you think you can wish it away? Avoidance, denial or even procrastination is not the answer. In order for 2011 to be different, you have to take action now in 2010.

If you read this post and need financial counseling, go to www.moneytalkmatters.com/products and scroll down to Individual Counseling.

Money is a subject that needs to be talked about as you are preparing for marriage, yet it is often avoided beyond the wedding budget. Talking about money can lead to a bride or groom believing they are going to be rejected, the wedding being called off or even judgment for financial mistakes.

Let’s put the cards on the table, money is one of the top reasons if not the top reason for divorce. Whether it is because of overspending, a communication breakdown because of money mismanagement or even financial secrets when it comes to money – MONEY is a tool that everyone single or married must learn how to use and be able to talk about.

Think about it – how many of your friends are having financial struggles whether it is student loans or even auto loans. Some are employed and don’t make enough to pay all of their bills, maybe you know a bride-to-be or groom that has recently become unemployed and now they are faced with cutting the costs of the wedding. Regardless of the situation, brides and grooms should be talking about their finances prior to saying “I Do” in an effort to learn what is the best strategy for managing money as a couple based on what they have done individually.

No one is perfect and decisions made prior to your saying “I Do” does not give either one of you cause to judge each other. Instead it should cause each of you to say, here is what I did and why, now let’s formulate a financial foundation and financial plan for OUR MARRIAGE (yes, beyond the wedding day) so that our Marriage and Money can succeed and not become a divorce statistic because we kept quiet for fear of rejection.

Remember this – if the money secrets come out after you say I Do there is more of a chance that trust will be broken, which opens the door to wonder what other secrets you are hiding. Once trust is broken it is hard to get back because you cannot get trust back just based on words – ACTIONS speak louder. Why even put yourself through that. Talk about money upfront and openly – your motto should be we are being proactive in our marriage preparation and talking about money before we say I Do instead of being reactive after I Do and regretting who we married.

If you are reading this and are engaged and want to get started with “The Money Talk” with assistance, write me at drtaffy@moneytalkmatters.com and get a complimentary premarital financial counseling session with your fiance. This is limited to 15 couples from this post!