Money Talk Matters

Archive for August, 2011

A few days ago my husband and I watched Jumping the Broom and it was so much fun to get his take on this. Some of you may recall I saw this movie when it first came out and did some reviews with a Mary Chatman, President of Blackbride.com. We had a ball on Bride Groom Money Talk radio. So let me jump right into this and share his take.

When the movie started he was somewhat okay with it and about midway through, he stopped the tape and said there is a huge communication problem in this movie. I said yes it is and was apparent on all sides. The bride and her parents. He was getting really perturbed with the bride. He said she was a spoiled brat which was annoying him. But because she was needy to him, this would impact her marraige because she had that behavior. Then he started the movie back up. So we continued watching the groom’s mother and her continued dislike for the bride. This was primarily because she felt she had been disrespected by the bride not coming to meet her ahead of time. Later we found out that was the groom’s choice based on the mom’s past behavior with previous girlfriends.

Another point that he was sharing was that the groom didn’t know about his bride’s family secret until it came out that his mother put it out. The only person that knew his mom overheard the bride’s family secret was his mother’s best friend. The bride wasn’t even aware there was a secret until his mom made it a point to reveal that tidbit of information.

Of course he and I talked about the money aspect. It was ashame that the bride’s mother felt the husband was having an affair when at the end of the day it was about their investments. Yet, they don’t really touch on any of this in detail but it is sort of an underlying story. There are so many marriages that are impacted by finances that it warrants more discussion.

Overall it was a good movie.

“For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked.” This observation was made my Bill Cosby and perhaps speaks more truth than humor.

Marriages come and go every day. Marriages that are happy and love filled are hard to find and even more difficult to maintain. Those who are married know it takes a constant effort to remain together and exhibit a union of love and happiness. Couples employ diverse ways to strengthen their marriage and live together in harmony.

Some find solace and strength in meaningful quotes about marriage and love. Wisdom of a wise person who has the ability to express in words how you feel can bring support and the desire to move through another day. When the day has gone bad and you feel no one understands you, particularly your spouse, evocative quotes can renew your enthusiasm and rekindle a love that’s grown cold.

Ogden Nash had good advice saying, “To keep your marriage brimming with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong admit it, whenever you’re right shut up.” The winner of any argument is more often than not the first one who admits wrong and takes the blame. A wise spouse holds their tongue even though they may be right and never says I told you so.

You may be feeling like Katharine Hepburn when she said, “If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.” This feeling often fills young couples soon after the wedding. They regret what they did and doubt marriage is for them. It was fun dating and now they’re tied to one person for the rest of their life.

If this thought has crossed your mind, remember what Pearl S. Buck said. She said, “The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration.”

Dick Gregory may have found a reason for the feeling of doing wrong when he said, “Political promises are much like marriage vows. They are made at the beginning of the relationship between candidate and voter, but quickly forgotten.” Perhaps it’s time to renew your marriage vows and pledge your love again for one another.

No doubt you’ve heard the best advice for marriage quoted many times at weddings which is taken from the Bible in First Corinthians 13. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self seeking. It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

And as your marriage matures, whisper to your spouse the words of Robert Browning: “Grow old along with me. The best is yet to be. The last of life for which the first was made.”

Dating is a lot like watching previews of a new romantic movie that’s about to come out. The scenes switch swiftly from one intriguing part to another while seductive music fills the theater and makes the emotions soar.

You watch extreme close-ups of beautiful people while they pledge their undying love for each other. In one scene they’re on a sun drenched beach frolicking in the surf, while in the next they’re holding hands across the table at a candle lit dinner. Finally, his lips meet hers as they fall into a pillow laden bed while the director fades to black.

When you pay to see the entire movie you discover the relationship is not all love, passion and kisses. The love struck couple wakes up the next morning or soon thereafter to a life of reality that’s not all bronzed bodies, expensive dinners and deep breathless kisses. They usually find they’re not right for each other at all and regret the blind love that led them into this mess.

Be aware that dating is a preview of coming attractions but you have to keep your eyes open to learn what’s to come as the relationship progresses and eventually leads to marriage.

When you’re dating, you put your best foot (and all the rest of you too) forward. You’re both on your best behavior and constantly trying to please the other. If only marriage could continue to be like this. The good news is, sometimes it is.

One of the main differences between marital and dating relationships is marital relationships are supposed to be forever. With a date you can simply say get lost but with a spouse it’s a little more difficult and complicated. So, do your dating homework and enjoy selecting a lifetime partner.

Ask yourself if both share common lifetime goals. Marry someone who wants the same thing in life as you. Marriage is hard enough pulling together, much less going in different directions.

Notice how your date treats other people. Are they nice to their parents as well as waiters and sales clerks? Is your date considerate of your feelings and concerned with giving you pleasure? Hopefully, these things will remain the same whether married or single.

Is your date appreciative of the things he or she has or do they think the world owes them a living? If your date is comfortable with the status quo and you’re a more aggressive goal oriented person, this may cause a conflict when you enter into the marital relationship. Are they seeking growth or are they content to be comfortable and let the world pass them by?

If you can’t trust them and communicate with them while dating, it likely won’t change after marriage. Communicate by sharing your thoughts and dreams and learn if you’re on the same wavelength for the future. Be objective and ask questions. While you’re dating you seek the perfect mate who gives you respect, love and truth. When you’re married you expect it.

If you’re worried about your finances, chances are you’re also feeling the physical effects of money stress. A dwindling bank account and rising debt can not only cause you to feel stress, it can lead to an increased risk of disease and other health problems.

Some stress is a good thing. It helps you to prepare for an important event like studying for an exam, preparing for a big presentation, or handling an emergency. But the body isn’t made to sustain that stress over a long period of time. And when the stress continues for more than a day or two, it begins to take its toll on your system.

Recently, researchers discovered that the more debt you have the more stressed you become. This makes sense, doesn’t it? There’s almost nothing worse than opening your mailbox and finding another bill that you really can’t afford to pay. That constant feeling of dread and stress can make you feel physically and emotionally unwell.

For example, you may be feeling tired, depressed, and fatigued. You may be suffering from headaches, indigestion, and even have problems with high blood pressure. Some people have difficulty sleeping because of stress or suffer from nightmares when they finally do fall asleep.

The more you worry, the more out of control things may seem. It helps to tackle the problem head on so that you can eliminate the symptoms that are causing your body to feel stress. There are several ways you can tackle the problem of having too much debt and not enough income.

To begin with, it may help to write things down on paper. Keeping a journal can help you to deal with the feelings you’re experiencing as well as come up with solutions. And writing something down gives your brain the permission it needs to stop worrying about a problem constantly. You can come back to your worries another time.

Make sure that every time you write down a worry, you also come up with possible solutions – at least one for every problem. This will help you to stop feeling helpless and start taking charge of your life.

In addition, it’s time to take a good look at your financial predicament. If you’re continuing to spend money you don’t really have, you may need to get outside help. If you’ve got bills that are getting larger and larger, it’s time to do some financial planning and determine a way to get out of debt.

Do not delay taking control of your finances which will affect your health. You may discover once you get your finances in order, your health will begin to clear up!