Archive for the ‘Money talk budget’ Category
Its 2011 and there are many that recently became engaged over Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and even New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day. You are beginning a new page in your lives when it comes to money and marriage.
Sure within the next few weeks to days you will begin planning your wedding and there will be thoughts of a wedding budget. Let me encourage you to also think about money in this regard – your individual financial behavior as a bride-to-be or groom. Are you ready or prepared to begin managing money for two people knowing that whatever you do could affect your future spouse’s credit report?
Money is and has always been a part of marriage. This is not a topic that should be avoided now only to later become a point of contention. Money in and of itself cannot do anything. Truthfully, it is how people handle money that causes stress, strife, decrease in job performance, division in families and much more.
For those of you reading this that are engaged (whether newly engaged or have been for some time), time to write the vision when it comes to your money and marriage and make it plain. If you seek premarital financial counseling, I encourage you to do two things:
1) Sign up for the Bride Groom Money Talk Tips to the left of this page.
2) Go to Brides tab and register for premarital financial counseling today. Don’t set your marriage up for failure by not having a plan when it comes to your money and marriage.
Do not get caught going into your marriage without having a financial plan for your marriage. Think about it, no one goes on a road trip without having a map – you do not plan a wedding without having some direction and without doing your research to make sure it happens the way you want it.
Same thing should be true with your money and marriage. You should not leave it to chance that once you are married it will be what it is going to be. Have direction, vision and goals for you marital finances even before you say I Do. It is a choice between marital financial success or marital financial stress and strain. You decide!
Do you know the difference between needs and wants? Many brides and grooms are planning their wedding right now and this is a lesson that should not be missed. If brides and grooms can learn this lesson early during their engagement even before planning their wedding, this can benefit them greatly throughout their marriage.
Let’s get down to the basics and start off with definition. Need is defined as a requirement. Think back to the days of school when you were taught our basic needs are food, clothing and shelter. Elementary Watson right! Want is defined as feeling a desire for or wish for something. Classic example – someone wants to win the lottery. Doesn’t mean they will.
Brides and grooms enter their engagement with their own ideas when it comes to money long before any wedding planning even happens. Once the wedding planning begins whether thought out or planning as you go, many factors begin coming into play. What will the day of the wedding be, florists, caterers, wedding dress, how large will the bridal party be, whose paying for the wedding and even the venue. Before you know it there is this huge party planned on behalf of the bride and groom sometimes at their expense; the expense of the bride’s parents or at the expense of the bride, groom and parents.
I recommend for any bride, groom and or parent of a bride or groom that could be reading this, sit down and be honest with yourselves about your needs and your wants.
Let’s have some fun which could also be quite an eye-opener. This is for the bride and groom. May be considered old school, yet time to go back to the basics. Here is what I’d like you to do: fold the sheet of paper in half, on the top of the left hand column write the word Need and on the right hand column right want. Above both of the columns in the middle write the word Wedding.
Under the left hand column where you wrote need – write what you need for your wedding. Then under the right hand column where you wrote wants – write what you want. For some of you, you may find that your need list is quite short and has completely changed your perspective on the wedding and life as a whole. There are others who may discover that what you want may get you in trouble financially because you have been putting your wants ahead of what you need.
When it comes to money, let me encourage you to know what your needs are and invest your money in your needs instead of buying what you want and then borrowing money for your needs.
There’s no doubt the economy has impacted the lives of many, including brides and grooms that are planning a wedding. The impact has caused some brides to get very creative when it comes to having the wedding of their dreams. Whether they resort to DIY projects or even choosing a different day to have the wedding due to the reduction in venue price, brides are tapping into a level of creativity they may not have known before.
Christmas is 22 days away and what will it be.. holiday shoppping or will it be saving money for the wedding? Will some choose to spend the money on both?
This discussion alone could be the beginning of insight into how brides and grooms will handle holiday spending once they are married. If you are a bride or a groom right in and share if you’ve had this discussion and what was the result.
Be sure to like our Facebook page to the left for questions just like this.
When I began focusing this week on who pays for what, I didn’t know that it would be a hot topic. Lo and behold we will be ending out this week with an article I read on that topic. Who pays for what tradition and otherwise.
I encourage brides and grooms to get done in the most economical fashion where there will be no regrets when they look back on their wedding day. This can set an interesting tone for your marriage.
There may be an instance or two where a bride is paying for her own wedding instead of her parents. She could easily be in position where she has saved money for her wedding, is working and will continue to have money after her wedding expenses. Should this be frowned upon by friends and colleagues? Personally I don’t think so, because the wedding will be paid for and the married couple will not start out their marriage with wedding bills.
It is important for couples to get to know each other as husband and wife, nurture their relationship after the wedding without financial stress. Let me tell you, when you are dealing with financial stress all you can think about is how are we going to pay the bills, not necessarily romance and continuing the honeymoon once you have returned.
Financial stress will cause you to point the finger and blame each other for different financial choices that are causing this strain. If the strain is sooo heavy, you might not be able to see your way out. This is the time when most couples will seek guidance because they were not prepared for the financial stress and strain on the relationship.
If the bride is in the position to pay it can be a good thing. If she is thinking about the money as “OURS” versus “HERS” then that will be a good thing. That can make the difference instead of her thinking of it as hers and her maybe potentially rubbing it in his face later that she paid for the wedding.
Enjoy the process of planning your wedding and knowing that when you prepare to walk down the aisle, it is all PAID for.
We’ve all heard that it is tradition for the bride’s family to pay for the wedding. Should this continue to be the tradition with the affects of the economy? Let’s be real, the economy has affected everyone of all ages, married, unmarried and even divorced. Are brides and grooms holding their parents to tradition even if their parents are not in a position to pay for their wedding?
What should be done? Does the couples age matter and is a factor in whether the parents pay or not? Have the parents even said whether or not they can pay? All of these questions and more need to be thought about in this time especially when it comes to the wedding? More important than the wedding is the bride and groom’s marriage and are they equipped with life skills to survive various challenges they may face once they are married.
What if the parents are saying they can contribute only 20% towards the wedding? Should the couple be receptive or should they attempt to make their parents go over their budget? Weigh in and share your thoughts.
I was up and finishing up several posts for this week and discovered this post someone wrote in to a column – Couple’s son wants him to pay for the wedding The bride to be’s family is not in a position to help them, so they are coming to his family. Didn’t give a specific number but said how much can you help.
I am imagining this is happening with many couples right now. One of the statements made by the columnist was that since this family has a daughter also that would probably like some help when she gets married is to give them both – the son and daughter an equal amount of cash. I like that because that will not cause them to go into debt for a wedding, yet do what they can afford and no one feels slighted.
I also like that she said ensure they know it is a wedding gift and they can use it how they choose. I tell you this, I think many couples would be receptive of that because then they could use the money how they see fit. That probably would alleviate some brides asking for money to contribute towards the wedding or as gifts to help them pay for other things.
What do you think?
Been really busy and now have the time to get back on the blog to write. OOOH must catch up. I began my morning by reading various articles and came across this article that was on the NYTimes.com website titled The Burden of Paying for Wedding Bells Shift.
I had to stop and read it because first it says “The Burden” which the word burden is generally perceived in a negative fashion. Burden means load, obligation carried. We all know that times have changed from the Parents of the Bride paying for the wedding alone and more brides and grooms are having to “foot their own bill”.
Why not think beyond the wedding day and consider the following:
(1) The wedding is for one day and how much “debt” are you willing to incur that you could be paying on for years to come. That does not mean you shouldn’t have a wedding, that means you should be honest about your financial situation.
(2) Do you want to start out your marriage with financial stress and strain from wedding debt instead of having fun nurturing your marriage, starting that new chapter in your lives?
(3) How many couples do you personally know that are fighting about their financial situation shortly after their wedding day?
These are just initial questions you should think about. I read in the article where this one young lady was receiving $125,000 from both sides and I couldn’t help but think why not put that money towards a downpayment on a starter house, pay off student loans, etc instead of putting that towards “ONE DAY”!
Recommendation: Do not let your wedding day plans and costs be a burden that you regret for years to come.
Read the article and share your thoughts!
Congratulations to all the engaged couples that are dealing with money matters during the engagement! Does that sound strange? It should not because better now than later to be discussing money matters. Talking about who is going to manage the money, what are the existing debts being brought into the marriage and much more can save you from a lot of grief, headaches, nights where you go to bed upset with each other because of financial stress – believe me it is not worth it.
When you stand across the altar from the one you love, those first few months to couple of years should be spent nurturing the relationship, having fun as you learn more about each other as a husband and wife, the quirks, the habits and so much more. Coming into a marriage with debt that has not been discussed is setting the marriage up for division and a lack of trust in the marriage. Once trust is gone in the relationship, it is hard to get it back.
If you are engaged and wonder what you should be talking about, the following is a beginning point:
1) What student loans are being brought to the marriage?
2) What credit card debt is being brought to the marriage?
3) What happends when a financial emergency arises? What do each of you think would be the best way to get a financial unexpected emergency handled?
4) Who is going to be better at managing money?
By all means are these the end all of all the questions. This is a starting point. The idea is not to overwhelm and frustrate each other to a point of not wanting to discuss finances. You should talk about finances with the idea of resolving challenges and having a game plan. Financial discussions can lead to greater intimacy in a marriage.
When there are no financial problems, the fun can truly begin pampering each other just because you love one another. It does not have to be a special day – each day you spend with each other is a GREAT day.
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What a fun time to be planning a wedding as an engaged couple. One thing that you should not forget to do is establish a budget as an engaged couple. This budget could encompass many things because while most brides are probably focused primarily on the wedding, I want to encourage you to also focus on the marriage.
You could establish a wedding day budget – what you plan to spend for
caterers, flowers, wedding gown, etc. The groom’s cost will more than likely be minimal. However, once you return from the honeymoon and began living together if you had not gotten a place together prior to your marriage, now you are beginning your life together as husband and wife.
What should be included in the budget:
Insurance costs – auto, life, health
Credit Card bills
Those are only a few items that should be on the budget. You should sit down and each person complete a budget worksheet of what their bills are separately and then do a budget where you have combined all of your expenses.
As you are planning to move forward with the wedding, do not blame each other for past expenses that you incurred when the other person was not a part of your life. Budgeting says that you do not have to keep up with the Joneses or your best girlfriend that had a wedding that costs x amount of dollars.
As an engaged couple, now is not the time to be silent when it comes to finances, budgeting and your future. Be honest with yourself and establish a plan. It can make the difference between financial stress and financial happiness.
If you need additional guidance or resources, look under www.moneytalkmatters.com/products.