Archive for the ‘Premarital money’ Category
Engagement time is a very happy and emotional time for many brides-to-be and families. Once the engagement happens sometimes within days thoughts begin swirling about wedding plans everything from flowers, wedding gown, caterers, reading bridal magazines, participating in online bridal forums and even creating your own online wedding website race through your mind.
There is no doubt that many brides will take the time to do the research, some will hire a wedding planner and some will not. Even those that don’t hire a wedding planner yet become an expert at “DIY” will make sure they have done the research and checked things off of the checklist. Planning Planning Planning.
Now one of the areas that does not get nearly that amount of attention for most during this same time is MONEY COMMUNICATION for marriage. Sure, brides are talking about the wedding budget, however, do you love him enough to say I want to show you my credit report or will you show me your credit report.
Do you love him enough to say, how would you handle if I lost my job and couldn’t get employment for six months – how would WE handle this? Do you love him enough to say, I’m not sure I want to automatically combine our finances if that is not what you want?
Marriages are ending all the time because of money. Whether it is overspending, money secrets, lack of money – doesn’t matter statistics show that one of the top reasons marriage end in divorce is because of money.
Are you failing to plan your money and marriage talks, money management skills and how to handle money management issues BEFORE you say I Do? Could you answer those questions without going to your groom right now because you felt as if you’ve talked about it or felt those talks could wait?
If you FAIL to Plan, then you PLAN to FAIL in the area of Money and Marriage DURING your marriage. When money challenges start, dynamics change in a relationship really fast because of emotions and other factors that you usually are not prepared for.
Get PREMARITAL FINANCIAL COUNSELING today! Think about it, how many marriages do you know throughout your family or even friends that have ended due to money issues. How many of them could have been saved IF they had premarital financial counseling prior to saying “I Do” and developing a financial plan for their marriage.
Its 2011 and there are many that recently became engaged over Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and even New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day. You are beginning a new page in your lives when it comes to money and marriage.
Sure within the next few weeks to days you will begin planning your wedding and there will be thoughts of a wedding budget. Let me encourage you to also think about money in this regard – your individual financial behavior as a bride-to-be or groom. Are you ready or prepared to begin managing money for two people knowing that whatever you do could affect your future spouse’s credit report?
Money is and has always been a part of marriage. This is not a topic that should be avoided now only to later become a point of contention. Money in and of itself cannot do anything. Truthfully, it is how people handle money that causes stress, strife, decrease in job performance, division in families and much more.
For those of you reading this that are engaged (whether newly engaged or have been for some time), time to write the vision when it comes to your money and marriage and make it plain. If you seek premarital financial counseling, I encourage you to do two things:
1) Sign up for the Bride Groom Money Talk Tips to the left of this page.
2) Go to Brides tab and register for premarital financial counseling today. Don’t set your marriage up for failure by not having a plan when it comes to your money and marriage.
Do not get caught going into your marriage without having a financial plan for your marriage. Think about it, no one goes on a road trip without having a map – you do not plan a wedding without having some direction and without doing your research to make sure it happens the way you want it.
Same thing should be true with your money and marriage. You should not leave it to chance that once you are married it will be what it is going to be. Have direction, vision and goals for you marital finances even before you say I Do. It is a choice between marital financial success or marital financial stress and strain. You decide!
At the beginning of the week, we started out talking about needs versus wants. When I posted a question on my Facebook fan page for Brides and Grooms Money Talk regarding knowing the difference between needs versus wants, I received a comment. The commenter said it was a great tip, yet couples avoid it because it makes them look cheap.
I thought about this and began wondering, when did knowing about your needs versus wants become a bad thing? When did it become bad to have balance when it comes to money instead of being out of order, stressed with debt and arguing with your future spouse about money?
Recommendation for brides and grooms, don’t believe the hype about not discussing money and keeping up with the Joneses or that favorite girlfriends wedding you attend in the last few months. Focus should be what do you and your future spouse need for your wedding and more importantly your marriage. The wedding is one day and should be a day you can remember.
Knowing your needs and making purchases within your financial boundaries does not make you cheap by any means. Which would you prefer to buy what you need and have extra or to overspend, have financial stress and strain over money even before you walk down the aisle, relationship affected on many levels?
You decide. As an adult be prepared for the consequences regardless of how you decide. You don’t get to point the finger at someone else.
I thought this lesson was so important that I would continue this theme throughout this week. Hmm, timely considering Christmas is coming. I knew that is what you were thinking.
Sit back and take a look:
Do you know the difference between needs and wants? Many brides and grooms are planning their wedding right now and this is a lesson that should not be missed. If brides and grooms can learn this lesson early during their engagement even before planning their wedding, this can benefit them greatly throughout their marriage.
Let’s get down to the basics and start off with definition. Need is defined as a requirement. Think back to the days of school when you were taught our basic needs are food, clothing and shelter. Elementary Watson right! Want is defined as feeling a desire for or wish for something. Classic example – someone wants to win the lottery. Doesn’t mean they will.
Brides and grooms enter their engagement with their own ideas when it comes to money long before any wedding planning even happens. Once the wedding planning begins whether thought out or planning as you go, many factors begin coming into play. What will the day of the wedding be, florists, caterers, wedding dress, how large will the bridal party be, whose paying for the wedding and even the venue. Before you know it there is this huge party planned on behalf of the bride and groom sometimes at their expense; the expense of the bride’s parents or at the expense of the bride, groom and parents.
I recommend for any bride, groom and or parent of a bride or groom that could be reading this, sit down and be honest with yourselves about your needs and your wants.
Let’s have some fun which could also be quite an eye-opener. This is for the bride and groom. May be considered old school, yet time to go back to the basics. Here is what I’d like you to do: fold the sheet of paper in half, on the top of the left hand column write the word Need and on the right hand column right want. Above both of the columns in the middle write the word Wedding.
Under the left hand column where you wrote need – write what you need for your wedding. Then under the right hand column where you wrote wants – write what you want. For some of you, you may find that your need list is quite short and has completely changed your perspective on the wedding and life as a whole. There are others who may discover that what you want may get you in trouble financially because you have been putting your wants ahead of what you need.
When it comes to money, let me encourage you to know what your needs are and invest your money in your needs instead of buying what you want and then borrowing money for your needs.
This morning on The View, Whoopi said I love the Wedding day, its the day after I have the problem with. That has been in my head all day because I believe there are many that fall into this category.
How many brides should we say are sooo excited about their wedding day and then when they return from the honeymoon its post-nuptial withdrawals? Planning their wedding, meeting with the wedding planner, caterers and such was fun and busy. Once they return from the honeymoon… its quiet.
I think so many are focused on the wedding, yet they forget to plan, prepare and prevent unnecessary issues when it comes to marriage. Plan how you want your marriage to unfold, prepare for merging money in order to prevent blowups regarding financial stress. Of course there is more to it than that, yet that is a place to start especially since there are a lot of financial challenges that can arise in the first year that really tear a marriage apart.
When newlyweds start out with marital debt, it makes it very hard to nurture and enjoy the relationship instead of arguing about the money and pointing the finger which more than likely will happen.
To prevent wedding day blues, talk with your soon to be spouse about what you want your marriage to look like, how you want the finances handled and what are mutual steps you can agree to take in order to prevent stress on the marriage.
Bride and Groom Money Talk© a community for brides and grooms to talk about financial questions that arise during wedding planning launches an essay contest “Financial Lessons learned during Wedding Planning”.
Until December 18, 2010, current and future brides-to-be have an opportunity to write a 250 to 300 word essay on financial lessons learned during their wedding planning (how to save on venue cost, how to compromise with the groom on certain items, etc.) and enter with the opportunity to win a $50 gift card to be used at their discretion. Bride and Groom Money Talk are looking for creativity, detailed responses full of their experience regarding financial lessons learned and how it made a difference as they are planning their wedding.
In order to be eligible:
1) You must be a resident of the United States
2) Have a valid email address
3) “Like” Bride Groom Money Talk page on Facebook.
A minimum of 25 entries required and only one per bride.
All entries must be submitted by December, 18, 2010 at midnight MST to firstname.lastname@example.org.
The winner will be chosen based on originality and creativity used from the financial lessons learned. Winner will be notified on December 20, 2010 via blog post Money Talk Matters.com and on Bride Groom Money Talk Facebook page
Hello my loyal readers of Money Talk Matters. I have been working on something new that will be out within the next two months and it was taking full concentration.
I know there’s a lot going on in the Money and Marriage world. Needless to say I am going to have soooo much fun catching up and sharing the good, the bad and the quirky (if it exists).
Get ready to have fun reading and leave your comments.
Several days ago there I was all excited because I was attending two networking events that night. Don’t know how I did it, but I double booked myself that night. Instead of cancelling one, I decided to make an appearance at both.
The first event was good, I made a few connections and got back in my car and raced down the road to the second one.
While I was at the second event, I saw a familiar face from an event that I attended a year prior. This time, we had an opportunity to talk more. The lady I spoke with shared about her business and recent steps at re-branding and I was shaing that I was in the process of re-branding as well.
She asked me what my business was. You know when someone asks you about your business and what you do, you are more than happy to share that elevator speech. I began sharing how I teach couples how to communicate about money before and during the marriage. Before I knew it, these words flowed from her mouth…. “My first marriage ended because of money. We didn’t talk about the money. He was spending and there were financial secrets”. She went on to say, this is a great service you are offering because there is a fear around talking about money”. I agreed with her about there being a fear when there shouldn’t be.
We parted ways and continued working the room. I have heard that comment many times from women “My first marriage ended because of money” AND they want to marry again KNOWING they will be talking about money before walking down the aisle. They have silently vowed not to let “money be a topic that is avoided again”.
Lessons for Brides and Grooms:
1) Money is one of the top causes for divorce.
2) If you see a money issue that is causing you concern, ask your fiance’ about it and don’t overlook it. Avoidance is not the key.
3) Money is a tool that is being used to pay for the wedding, caterers, florists and more, you might as well begin talking about money FOR marriage.
4) It’s good to want the wedding of your dreams AND you should also be focusing on the MARRIAGE of a lifetime with financial management skills in place to make this happen instead of haphazardly managing money.
5) There are a lot of ex-husbands and ex-wives out there that will say the marriage ended because of money (they had a breakdown in communication about money, overspending, or even a lack of money) BUT wouldn’t it be a NICE change of pace for you and your fiance to say OUR MARRIAGE is working because we learned how to communicate about money before the marriage so we could continue to communicate after saying I Do.
** Think about it how many friends or even family members do you know, whose marriages have ended because of money?
Invest in premarital financial counseling today with Dr. Taffy and begin your marriage with a solid financial foundation.
Money is a subject that needs to be talked about as you are preparing for marriage, yet it is often avoided beyond the wedding budget. Talking about money can lead to a bride or groom believing they are going to be rejected, the wedding being called off or even judgment for financial mistakes.
Let’s put the cards on the table, money is one of the top reasons if not the top reason for divorce. Whether it is because of overspending, a communication breakdown because of money mismanagement or even financial secrets when it comes to money – MONEY is a tool that everyone single or married must learn how to use and be able to talk about.
Think about it – how many of your friends are having financial struggles whether it is student loans or even auto loans. Some are employed and don’t make enough to pay all of their bills, maybe you know a bride-to-be or groom that has recently become unemployed and now they are faced with cutting the costs of the wedding. Regardless of the situation, brides and grooms should be talking about their finances prior to saying “I Do” in an effort to learn what is the best strategy for managing money as a couple based on what they have done individually.
No one is perfect and decisions made prior to your saying “I Do” does not give either one of you cause to judge each other. Instead it should cause each of you to say, here is what I did and why, now let’s formulate a financial foundation and financial plan for OUR MARRIAGE (yes, beyond the wedding day) so that our Marriage and Money can succeed and not become a divorce statistic because we kept quiet for fear of rejection.
Remember this – if the money secrets come out after you say I Do there is more of a chance that trust will be broken, which opens the door to wonder what other secrets you are hiding. Once trust is broken it is hard to get back because you cannot get trust back just based on words – ACTIONS speak louder. Why even put yourself through that. Talk about money upfront and openly – your motto should be we are being proactive in our marriage preparation and talking about money before we say I Do instead of being reactive after I Do and regretting who we married.
If you are reading this and are engaged and want to get started with “The Money Talk” with assistance, write me at email@example.com and get a complimentary premarital financial counseling session with your fiance. This is limited to 15 couples from this post!