Money Talk Matters

Archive for the ‘Money in the News’ Category

Today there was no way that I was going to let this topic pass and not write. My brother sent me this story, I saw it on twitter and all over various sites – Interracial couple in Louisiana denied a Marriage License by a Justice of the Peace in Tangipahoa Parish. My initial thought was UNBELIEVABLE – here it is 2009 and it is still happening. Then I had to stop and say wait a minute – I am from Louisiana, in an interracial marriage and I KNOW FIRSTHAND that the same mindset this Justice of the Peace has exists not only in Louisiana but in many states. The sad thing is that this Justice of the Peace used his personal bias when it came to his position and that is not right.

LOVE does not know ethnicity boundaries – people make those boundaries for whatever reason. This JOP saying that interracial marriages don’t last and his concern for the kids literally made me ill. My husband and I have been very happily married for 13 years and have beautiful twins. Last time I checked, racism is racism whether you are biracial or not. I’ve experienced racism just because of my skin color when shopping ALONE and I have not lived in Louisiana in years.

We have President Obama and yes that united a lot of people. BUT, we still have a long way to go. Weigh in! What are your thoughts on this issue.

Okay, I thought I had read it all but I was wrong. I was doing my usual research and discovered this story that a Psychic is sued for $80,500 after failing to heal a marriage. I cannot resist saying this WHAT! People are people and make decisions on the past, emotions, …BAGGAGE. I know you have heard the saying, they saw you coming. Clearly they saw this person coming.

When you have marriage issues, both people need to step back and be honest with each other about what they have and have not done that leads to marital issues and stress. There are reasons that people tend to react a certain way and husbands and wives need to take the time to truly get to know who they are married to. Sure marital stress does not begin right away but there could be previous situations that cause marital stress early once revealed.

Husbands and wives should not take each other for granted and appreciate who they are. They are going to change and grow throughout the relationship – that’s a given. Accept them for who they are and not who you want them to be.  Remember, no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. If you say you forgive, then forgive and move on. Do not keep bringing up the past to your spouse. If you do so, that means you did not truly forgive when you said you did. That in itself could also hurt the marriage.

Be careful whoyou consult for marriage counseling!

I tell you what people need to stop coming up with these insane notions when it comes to marriage. I was doing my morning research before having class with the twins and came across this article – Does Marriage Make You Poorer? If you have been reading my blog for quite a while, you already know that I am not about the nonsense that continues to be spewed out when it comes to marriage, let alone Money and Marriage.

Let’s face it, marriage does not make you poorer. Furthermore, money does not do anything by itself. How people chooes to handle or mishandle money is what makes them richer or poorer. Then how their character changes because of money or a lack of money is what causes other situations in their lives and marriages.

If a husband and wife, discuss money openly on a regular basis, with mutual financial goals in mind, then their money and marriage is what they make. People need to understand money is not the only way that they can be rich, because there are a lot of MISERABLE rich people. Richness happens when there is a family that loves each other, enjoy spending time together and living life. Sure they could have financial challenges, but they discuss them and solve them together. One does not choose to throw in the towel because it is not a perfect world when it comes to finances.

Your money in marriage is what you make it. Do not let society dictate what your money in marriage is supposed to be today. Do not surround yourself with people that are jealous of your marriage and are telling you things to bring you into their world of misery. Take a stand for your marriage today like you never have before. Begin talking and making mutual financial goals in the present. It is a new chance to make better financial decisions.

I must say when I saw this article 5 Financial rules for shacking up does not even sound appealing. The term shacking up sounds so dated as well as non-committal. Well, as I think about it, it is non-committal.

Someone could get tired of living with the other especially if one has marriage on the mind and the other person likes things they way they are. Once that pressure starts of marriage on the brain, the other person is surely to walk if that was not in their plans.

This article shares one person discussing how they did not talk about long-term plans for the relationship, who would pay for what and sure enough they broke up. Article list five reason for shacking up – 1) As a means of saving money, 2) Decide who pays for what; 3) Divvy up the chores; 4) Decide on a breakup plan and 5) Never move in with someone who is unemployed.

I say what is the purpose of playing house? If you are a single person that has been on their own, maybe not a popular choice but could you move in with your parents in order to get your financial footing or seek a roommate situation instead of moving in with our boyfriend or girlfriend.

I have seen situations where the people have shacked up together for 5 or 10 years, they get pressured by their friends about marriage and then they get married. After being married only a year or two they get divorced. No turning back.

Before you decide to move in with someone, ask yourself what is your overall goal? Don’t settle for less. If what you want is marriage, does not necessarily mean it will happen by living together first. The opposite could be true.

Awwww this saddens me to read a story such as this, Loving Couple Divorces to Stay Afloat Financially. They are experiencing money trouble after health trouble. I tell you people are having to really get creative and I don’t think it should have to be this way.

You have to read this story, the wife shares they are literally living week to week. I wondered if this would be an issue if she took her vows seriously. When I read down further, she does have some concern. I have to applaud this couple for doing what they need to do. Yes it is unconventional, however it is time to not box yourself in. Whew! Really saddens me.

Being the researcher that I am, I was reviewing different press releases tonight to keep up on things happening in the marriage movement and I found a release titled Almost 2 million Brits Admit to hiding extravagant purchases from their spouse. WHOAAAA.

It says “The Bank’s research found that almost one in five (18.5%) people in debt and in a relationship claim to be hiding the true extent of their debt from their partner or spouse.” This is an international problem – talking about money apparently is not on the top of couples list.

It is time to change that because that is unbelievable. This goes to show that people are not comfortable even in marriage opening up and disclosing their financial challenges. Yet, when most people get married within their vows are included the words For Better or For Worse, For Richer or For Poorer. What does anyone have to gain from all this secrecy? I say nothing. However, you have a lot to LOSE by hiding these truths.

The way I see it, these financial challenges are temporary and once a husband or wife takes control of their finances it can all change. But if they choose to continue the secrets and managing money improperly, more than likely the door will be open for additional financial challenges. I will let you in on a secret – until you begin correcting and talking about the financial mistakes, you are in a vicious cycle of making more mistakes and incurring more financial stress in your life.

Take control of your finances today and do not be controlled by your finances. There is a big difference.

There was no way I was going to let this one pass me by. I didn’t even know it was there until I kept on researching. We’ve heard the story, older wealthy man marries younger woman. Title is Hugh Hefner, 83 files for divorce from estranged wife Kimberly Conrad over Money. These two have been separated for years and are fighting over the money.

He wants his support payments to be cut by half to $20,000 a month saying that he has already given her close to $12M since their separation in 1998. I am shocked to find out that he was even married. Would not have expected it.

After reading this story, just goes to show you having money does not mean there are no money problems. I think as I was typing I heard someone saying “GREED”.

Yes, I am a researcher to my heart. As I was researching marriage articles this morning, I discovered this article that was in a column of USA Today titled Is secularism saving marriages? I continued to read because that title had me interested. It discusses how men and women are perceiving themselves as mutual partners which transforms marriages.

I wholeheartedly agree with that. The article seems to think that the religious community does not get that. At the end of the day, whether you are spiritual or not, your beliefs about marriage and what you would like to see happen in your marriage will guide you in your relationship.

I am proud to see more people taking premarital counseling and learning to work together. When married couples have situations, they have always had the ability to choose I thought who they sought guidance from. For some they will turn to their Pastor, others will see experts in that field and that is okay too. What matters is that the couples take action and get the guidance that they need in order to sustain their relationship.

Marriage does take work from the husband and wife. Both parties must be willing to do what it takes to make their marriage work. It is not always about being right but being able to forgive, not holding on to the past, accepting responsibility for choices made and moving forward for the benefit of the marriage. Nobody is perfect.

There was no way that I would pass up discussing this article I found this morning titled Does Money Ruin Relationships? First I want to note that this article was in the Ethipoian Review and what is being discussed is money in the United States of America the problems that surrounds it in different situations.

Clearly points out “the mega divorce settlements in the United States there was adultery involved. It looks at our athletes that were in college and then went pro signing huge contracts which leads to all kinds of money problems.” It goes on to share about with the athletes there is spousal abuse, child support and yes infidelity. Then the high priced attorney comes in for representation.

I was amazed at the detail of this article. I am not in disagreement with what is written but I want to say especially when it comes to the athletes more than likely prior to becoming a professional athlete they did not know how to manage money. Look at their background what was the environment they grew up in, did they have access to money and even how did they go to college. Then once they became a pro athlete they had people telling them what to do and some not looking out for their best interest.

I am sure just like me you have seen news report after news report where athletes once retired have money issues and it is hard to believe. Money by itself cannot do anything but the person managing or mismanaging it leads to problems that continue for quite a period of time.

This article also talks about the politicians and “spreading their oaks” it says. But somewhere in there believes that money is a part of it. Well, I have had my fill of watching politicians being exposed for their infidelity to last me a life time because I do not like what it does to the wife nor the kids (if they have any) that are now being thrust into the limelight because of the husband choosing to be with another person. The PRICE of infidelity is tooo high for people to pay.

I do not believe money ruins relationships. It is how people handle, think about, utilize, manipulate and control money that ruins relationships. What do you think?

This was one of those mornings when couples were heavily on my mind and it was best that I write out these posts because someone is in need of guidance. It doesn’t matter if they cannot send in an email but prayerfully, they will be led to these posts.

All too often I have heard about the husband being the breadwinner and controlling the money, the wife is home with the kids has to ask for money. Then when she gets money it is very limited – when I say limited it is just enough or some have said barely enough to take care of the things she needs to do for the household.

This results in the wife becoming resentful towards the husband and he is unaware. This happens for several reasons because instead of the wife seeing him as a husband she feels as if he is a parent and she is in the role of a kid asking for money; there was not a clear discussion on finances for the household and based on the husband’s upbringing – the man bringing home the money and controlling it has led to that same pattern in his marriage which he has not focused on whether it is good or not, but continuing that pattern he saw.

Now I can assure you, if husbands knew this was happening with their wives where the perception was the wives were feeling like a child instead of an equal partner, some would change that.

Having a husband that is controlling the money and having to ask for money also leads to some financial challenges in the future. What would happen if the husband could not work? Does the wife now start working and trying to figure out how to manage the household finances? What if he became injured? WIVES wherever you are, if you are reading this and in this position, yes you are the wife and you are a woman. You need to know how to manage money in and out of marriage.

Remember, before you got married you were on your own. You do not have to lose yourself in marriage but learn how to work as a team. That means work together with the finances, including each other and not making one person feels as if they have to ask permission to have some money. That could eventually sink a relationship.