1) You have decided to keep your financial secrets hidden and you can handle the consequences once the truth comes to light.
2) You want your upcoming marriage to potentially be a divorce statistic by not discussing one of the top (if not the top) cause for divorce.
3) You are so in love, your fiance has told you that he or she is not paying their bills prior to your being married and you feel secure in knowing this will change once you are married.
4) You have swapped credit reports.
5) You are aware your future spouse has other children and is not paying child support. then once you say “I Do”, the ex-wives will sue you both.
6) Your future spouse is not working and has no intention of getting a job; thereby placing you in the position of bringing in all the income, paying the bills and planning for the future.
7) When one spouse has more debt than the other and the one with no debt will be expected to pay all the bills.
You’ve talked with your girlfriends about financial issues and they have re-assured you everything will be okay despite the fact they don’t know your future spouse and what his thoughts are.
9) You prefer to learn your money lesssons On-the-job in marriage and comfortable with making mistakes.
* If you need premarital financial counseling, register at www.moneytalkmatters.com and Dr. Wagner will contact you.
We have all have heard and know money is one of the top three reasons for divorce, yet people are getting married every day without having discussed finances. Is DEBT the new FAMILY HEIRLOOM?
Individuals are mismanaging money, obtaining credit card after credit card and not making enough money to pay all of their bills. Where does this start – the lack of knowledge regarding finances? It could go back to their Parents and even their Parents’ parents. Be honest if their parents were not taught how to manage money and has experienced their own share of financial strain and struggle but made it through. This could be the result of not having been talked to about money.
Unfortunately the cycle continues and NOW Debt becomes the family heirloom. We all know that heirloom is a FAMILY possession that is passed down from generation to generation. When I think about an heirloom, I think about jewelry, pictures, furniture and other possessions of older family members. Incidentally, it does seem that “DEBT” has reached this status of heirloom. Unless someone decides to break the cycle, debt will be passed down from generation to generation along with that negative mindset in regards to money.
Debt is not precious nor should it be passed down. DO NOT ignore the warning signs of a son or daughter mismanaging money. Stop today and get them the help that is necessary so that their marriage does not end up becoming a divorce statistic because of money when it doesn’t have to be.
A lot of time is spent on wedding day preparation, but how much time is spent on ensuring that brides and grooms are getting the necessary life skills to sustain their marriage? Couples need to be prepared for financial decisions such as what happens if one spouse loses a job – are they prepared financially? How do they handle when the economy is down? I remember when the economy began to tank, the statistic surfaced that 3 out of 4 married couples were arguing about money.
Debt is equal opportunity and does not discriminate based on race, economic level, religion, or sex. Choose to stop the cycle today and get premarital or postmarital financial education for yourself or the ones you love. If you know you wouldn’t want your son or daughter to go through what you have gone through when it comes to money and marriage, then give them the gift of financial education as a wedding gift. Invest in their marriage for a lifetime and provide them with a resource that teaches them how to make solid financial decisions so they won’t have to come to you and borrow money after saying “I Do”.
Get them premarital financial counseling or give them the program that they can complete in the comfort and privacy of their own home. Go to www.moneytalkmatters.com/products
A few weeks ago I interviewed Marcus and Gloria Whyte, Life and Relationship Coaches. I asked them what does it take to make a marriage work in 2010 and we were off and running for the next hour on Money and Marriage Xposed radio.
Listen to this interview and be ready to take action. Marcus and Gloria are great examples of a “TEAM” and keeping it real. They know life happens and it is all about how you handle situations.
Claire and Cliff go to the kitchen and when they return, Denise is waiting with Martin. They immediately say we cannot say that we have been told a lot about you. Denise feels in the hot seat, however she is being quiet and letting Martin dig the hole even deeper…divorce, child..
If your fiance had this background, what would your parents say about your pending marriage?
If you are like me, you love those Cosby shows where the characters did the unexpected. Since last week we talked about Vanessa and Dabnis, I thought this week we could talk about Denise and Martin, because that was another doozy when I saw it for the first time.
Remember, Denise went to Africa to get it together and do for others. She didn’t want to be in college and the parents agreed to send her. She returns a week early and the parents are surprised. They are glad to see her and have plans for her to return to college but….. Take a look:
There are many brides-to-be and grooms-to-be that are dealing with one of their future spouses being broke and they are shouldering all the bills during the engagement phase and they are sick of it. It is not only because they are shouldering all the bills, furthermore, they are the one taking care of keeping the house clean, cooking dinner and more. Incidentally, this is beginning to wear on the one that is bringing in the income.
Newsflash – If this is what is happening when you are engaged and you are not expressing your concerns and talking about it, the same will occur once you are married. Notice I said if you are not expressing your concerns – not arguing, calling each other names, walking out and leaving things unresolved. None of those behaviors solve financial shortcomings. Let’s break it down.
When you are engaged and only one of you are bringing in the income – yes initially it seems okay but it will wear off in a short matter of time. Here is what you look at: 1) Does your future spouse have the initiative to change jobs or get a job if he or she is not working; 2) Do they also have bills and you are paying his or her bills in addition to yours and are you able to do it without falling behind on your bills; 3) It sends a message when he or she is not paying her bills during the engagement phase because what will they do when an emergency or situation happens once you are married?
Let’s take it here, what would your parents say if they knew your future spouse was not paying his or her bills and you were paying everything? If you won’t tell them, what keeps you from telling them and why? My purpose here is to show you this could be a red flag because people do not change once they get married. As a matter of fact, after a period of time they get comfortable and what you put up with for a certain period of time becomes acceptable and they do not expect they should change.
You can be sick of shouldering all the bills and are you going to TALK about it? What is it that you want to see happen in your finances while you are engaged and then let’s talk about once you are married. Because normally what happens while you are engaged gets carried over into the marriage. Set the right foundation now for financial and marital happiness not discord.
I was thinking that this week and everyday, let’s face it you should ensure that you are comfortable with talking about money with your bride or groom-to-be during the engagement. Money issues will happen during that first year of marriage that can literally tear the marriage apart and leave you both in divorce court if you both are not strong and secure in your relationship. Its not about whether or not you have been together for a really long time, its more about your level of communication and being a team.
There are a lot of brides and grooms that treat each other as if they are opponents instead of allies. What is the point of being married if you are going to be against each other instead of for each other. It will not take much to tear you apart if you have that mindset. Should you be discussing money on a regular basis during engagement? Yes. Why you ask? Because not only does it costs money to have a wedding (regardless of who is paying for it), you both have an opportunity to see how each one of you handles money.
Are you being cautious or a spendthrift? Are you staying within budget or going over budget every chance you get because you want the wedding of your dreams at everyone else’s expense. Make sure you are sending the right message and that you are not creating an environment of financial stress and strain even during the engagement.
A couple of weeks ago, I was watching The Price is Right which is one of my favorite game shows that I have been watching every since I can remember. This one particular episode was dedicated to “Engaged Couples” which I felt was a nice twist to the show. Seeing brides-to-be and grooms-to-be bidding on various gifts they could use for their marriage was pretty nice.
I also observed that some did not discuss and one person just handled the bidding. Hmmm, that holds true once married that often times, I will have to say women are the money managers whether they want to be or not. Money is a topic that should be discussed on the regular in a marriage, I would even say weekly discussions in the beginning in order to get the non-money manager spouse involved in knowing what is happening with the marital finances.
For a weekly discussion, I recommend making it fun and light-hearted and not all serious. Hint brides-to-be if you come at your spouse too serious there will already be some dread in what you are going to say. Believe me, learn early how to talk with your mate about those important topics including money. Being proactive about your finances instead of reactive will go a long way.
Close to 42% of African American adults have never been married, and by their early 40s, 31 percent of black women have never been wives, compared with 9 percent of white women, 11 percent of Asian women and 12 percent of Hispanic women. Statistics may show those numbers, however, there is a community of African Americans all across the country encouraging others in committed relationship to celebrate the joy of marriage.
Money is one of the top reasons for divorce. Whether it is a lack of money, money mismanagement or a communication breakdown about the finances, it is time to establish marriages for financial success. In honor of Black Marriage Day, Dr. Taffy Wagner, releases The Ten Commandments for Black Marriage and Money Success video.
The Ten Commandments for Black Marriage and Money Success is a compilation of couples, husband, wives sharing over 70 years of marriage experience regarding marriage and money. Stop and watch the video below:
I have been busy over the last few weeks between the kids, my husband and I talking and evaluating our businesses over and over it has been lots of fun. Communciation is key when you are married. Talking with your loved one about the concerns you have, your dreams, your goals and even the things that you are afraid of. Yes, that’s right I said if there are things you are afraid of open up about them as well.
From day one, my husband and I have always been each other’s biggest supporter. Having said that it was fun talking about the growth we want to see in each of the businesses and stepping out of the box to make it happen. Believing in ourselves and what we have to offer was absolutely great. What would you do if your spouse was your biggest encourager? Where do you think your marriage and money would be if you were on the same page and had mutual financial goals?
I have watched different Court tv shows which some are my favorite, but when I watch these people I think what were they thinking when they say I Do. Clearly some people were not thinking. It is evident that they should not have been getting married because they were too young and not ready to be someone’s spouse.
Marriage and money means working together and not against each other. There will be issues come up that you do not even expect but believe this if you can work THROUGH them together, your marriage will be stronger for it.
The idea when you say “I Do” should be to be married for a lifetime. With marriage comes different challenges and issues. Your first thought should be how can we work it out instead of its your fault and I am out of here. You didn’t get married to suddenly be divorced and single. Together you can accomplish much.
You’ve talked with your girlfriends about financial issues and they have re-assured you everything will be okay despite the fact they don’t know your future spouse and what his thoughts are. 
