Posts Tagged ‘arguing about money’
Last week I wrote about how the Why BOTHER post came to be. Today, I want us to take it to another level. Why BOTHER because OTHERS won’t! There are friends and family that have had financial problems in their marriages, yet they won’t tell you to discuss money before marriage. As a matter of fact, they are putting on a show for you when they know behind closed doors they are arguing about money, going to bed mad and can barely discuss. There are others that believe it is not their place (let fear keep them from providing assistance) or they believe you are on top of this area.
You will read bridal magazines that only go so far as to discuss the wedding budget. You will attend bridal shows and it will be filled with vendors anxiously waiting for you to choose them over another competitor. If you take that much time reading, researching and planning for the day – WHY NOT take even more time PREPARING for a Marriage that can last a lifetime by getting life skills to maintain your marriage.
Why Bother addressing Money talk before Marriage? As a wife who came into her marriage with debt, got out of debt, dealt with buying a home, becoming a parent that has been married for more than 14 years, I AM going to BOTHER opening up this TOPIC. There is no reason why in 2010, money should be one of the top reasons for divorce with all the information, knowlege and access to resources.
Maybe you have watched relatives marriages end because of money (not that you got any of the details), or you have listened to girlfriends come and cry on your shoulder because of their spouse’s spending (believe me that was only one side of the story). Here is your opportunity to not be the one going to a girlfriend to cry on her shoulder. Instead be the example to those girlfriends, family members and even colleagues that are watching and begin talking about money today.
The next time you review your BRIDAL REGISTRY – add Money Talk Before The Commitment Walk and The Debt Stops At The Altar to your registry. This is a gift that keeps on giving throughout the marriage because you can listen to it over and over, do the exercises and more. Or if you would like to get premarital financial counseling, you can contact me through this website.
I was a bride that had debt and was coming to the marriage having made financial mistakes. One thing that might be different between you and me is that my fiance and I talked about our financial mistakes and pasts prior to getting married. Did that make it easier? It did somewhat because there were no secrets going in. What was hard was sharing that I had made financial mistakes.
I knew that I could not be surprised by a phone call or getting several bills in the mail that belonged to him because we shared about our finances. Why bother sharing about money and learning how to talk about it? One good reason is because if you do not and financial secrets become revealed, trust is broken in the marriage. If you don’t get anything ELSE from this post – GET THIS trust is hard to get back once it is broken. In some marriages, it is never gotten back and they end in divorce.
Trust can be gotten back; however it is not just based on your words but also your actions. So why even put your upcoming marriage on the line by having financial secrets. It is NOT WORTH IT!
You decide – financial secrets, your looking over your shoulder, stress and marital strain because of money which leads to arguments and even going to bed mad. Furthermore, silence can become the norm in your marriage because any conversation centered around money leads to a BIG BLOW UP!
Learn how to talk about money before getting married today. I encourage you to list Money Talk Before The Commitment Walk and The Debt Stops At The Altar on your bridal registry or even share with your parents that you are interested in getting premarital financial counseling and add that in your wedding budget. Getting premarital financial counseling now could very well keep you from having to borrow money from your parents later.
Take your engagement to a new level like never before.
Three days ago I got married and I can still see it sooo clearly. There we were in our chosen venue and my husband with his tuxedo on and the groomsmen by his side. As my father walked me down the aisle, it felt like the best decision I was making. In the back of my mind, I knew everything was not right but there was no way I was going to back out of my own wedding. This was the day I had dreamt of, money had been paid and I wanted to have the wedding.
We said “I Do” and there we were pretending everything was alright for the family and friends that were attending. Here I am now three days later and we have not stopped fighting about bills. It seems like an ongoing argument that will not quit. I did not rush into my wedding and I saw different warning signs about the lack of money management on his part. He was always coming up short for different things and I just brushed it off. Of course, I thought once we were married, things would change.
Now, we are sooo stressed and fighting so much all I can think about is getting out of this marriage. It’s only been three days and I know that I do not want to go through my marriage like this. How do I move forward with this marriage or do I just end it?
Before I make recommendations on this scenario, BRIDES-TO-BE and ENGAGED couples I invite you to write in your comments. Part 2 on Tuesday.