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Posts Tagged ‘benefits’

postheadericon Marriage and Money Movie #25 – Guess Who

I had to watch this movie a second time to make sure it fit the marriage and money movie reviews. I am sooooo glad I did because it was a great addition. This movie had various dynamics that I am going to point out that can benefit so many on different levels. Take your time when you are reading these reviews because if you can think back to the movie, you can see these different points of view.

Without giving too much away this movie dealt with an affluent family, race, unemployment, lies, and money. One of my favorite actors that I got to see in person and truly miss that was in the movie – the late Bernie Mac. Ashton Kutcher was also in this movie.

Ashton plays Simon in this movie and has become engaged to Bernie’s (Percy) daughter – Teresa. Simon and Teresa are going to her parents for the weekend to celebrate their 25th anniversary. She has not told her parents that he is white. Percy has pulled Simon’s credit report and is pleased with what he sees. When they arrive, Percy mistakes the cab driver, who is black for his daughter, Teresa’s boyfriend. Then when Simon introduces himself as her boyfriend, Percy is taken shocked. Percy looks around to see if anyone sees Simon standing in the yard and says we need to go inside. Then he begins in on Simon with the 20 questions. He is very suspicious of simon.

Percy later asks his wife, why didn’t the daughter tell them he was white. Wife admits she had figured it out. Simon begins contacting old friends and colleagues to see if he can get a job before anyone discovers he does not have a job. Percy does not like him from the start and wants to take him to a hotel.

Money Implications:

Do not hide your financial background from your soon to be spouse. When the truth is revealed it could divide and destroy your relationship and marriage. There is nothing wrong with putting your cards on the table to ensure the one you love knows you are not attempting to keep secrets, especially financial secrets.

Do not lie about your employment situation. You can only pretend so much and it will catch up with you.

Money Tip #1: If you love someone, love them regardless of income.

Money Tip #2: For parents, do not make your grown son or daughter feel as if their choices are wrong when it comes to a mate without talking with your future son or daughter-in-law.

Money Tip #3: Do not prejudge a person based on the color of their skin. That type of discrimination affects a person as a whole which includes their work performance.

Money Tip #4: Parents should be knowledgeable of how their future son or daughter-in-law handle different financial situations.

Observations:

When it comes to love, race should not matter. Your heart does not discriminate – love who you love and enjoy life.

Do not lie about your employment because it will affect the entire household. Once you say “I Do”, all situations (employment, education, financial and more) affect the household.

If you start out lying to your future spouse, you will slip up and the relationship could begin to deteriorate.

Recommendations:

1) Be honest and proud of your soon-to-be spouse. You are the one that has to live with the person and make joint decisions. You should not be embarrassed about this person or anything.

2) Know that when you enter into a marriage and it is different races, you can get the looks and even some comments – do not address people’s ignorance. Love the one you are with because they love you. You don’t have to impress anyone.

3) Talk WITH each other versus AT each other. The power of speech also affects your finances, ability to work effectively and efficiently whether you work for someone else or have your own business.

4) When you are building a relationship with your in-laws, it takes time. Build the relationship without passing judgment. This is your soon-to-be spouse’s parents.

5) Before you borrow money from parents or in-laws, know up front that a lot can happen from that i.e. change in the relationship, parents watching how you spend (they may think you are wasting their money) money and more. Make sure everyone understands whether it is a gift or a loan.

postheadericon Should Parents Talk with Young Adults about Money

When young men and women are preparing for marriage, they have time on their side because some of them are not getting married right away. The benefit is if they have questions or concerns about money, they can talk with their parents or their parents can refer them to a financial advisor that can assist them with talking about money as a couple.

It should be a parents responsibility to ensure that their son or daughter knows this life and marriage sustaining skill so that they can live happily ever after and not have financial issues because of the debt incurred from the wedding.

Parents should think back to when they first got married and all the things they wish someone had told them when it came to money and marriage. They can impart this knowledge to their son or daughter so they will not have to go through the same struggles the parents did but be informed on handling financial situations.

Parents love your sons and daughters and do not assume that they know how to manage money. Sure, they might have gone to college and seemed to have taken care of money while at college. Let me ask you a question: What is the amount of their student loan bill? Enough said.

Prepare your son or daughter with this valuable life and marriage sustaining skill. They will thank you for it later. You will also be glad that you did.

postheadericon Does a new marriage equal new money woes?

Well, I was reading this story this morning about many couples planning to wed in November and December. New Year, New Marriage equals New Money Woes article shares that financial issues derail many marriages. Well, well, well. Well, well, well. Yes we have all seen the statistics that money is one of the top reasons for divorce, as well as knowing that three out of four married couples are arguing about money.

Let me present this to you – money in itself is not the cause of divorce. What is the cause of divorce is how money is mishandled, people not communicating about money and bills that need to be paid. I would even step out and say that it is about controlling the household finances or lack of controlling the finances. Money in itself cannot do anything without a person’s actions.

Therefore, it is imperative that couples learn how to manage money individually and throughout marriage. Let’s face it, most of us probably did not manage money well on our own prior to getting married. We brought those same limited skills into our marriages and what did we expect to happen.

Sit down and begin talking about money for the benefit of your marriage today. Talk WITH each other and not at each other. If you do not know how to start this, you can get your copy of Money Talk Before The Commitment Walk and The Debt Stops At The Altar. For this one it does not matter that you are already married, these same principles will work right where you are and can be used throughout the lifetime of your marriage.

Talking about money is not a one time decision – remember life happens. It is a discussion that should happen on a regular basis and often so that everyone is on the same page. There are not financial secrets and one person does not feel as if they are carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. Yes it happens and it is time to stop that trend.

I am going to speak from personal experience – if couples can learn how to discuss money matters, solve financial problems together thereby keeping their marriage in tact, they can handle anything that comes there way. Money should not change husbands and wives. It is all about the couple controlling the money in stead of being controlled and changed by money.

You do not have to be like everyone else arguing about money. Set a different tone for your household and discuss money issues and SOLVE them. Complaining about them is not the answer. You have to do something different if you want a different result.

postheadericon Overcoming Impulse Buying to Benefit the Marriage

OOOH, I know this is a hot topic. Every marriage has a shopper and a saver and it can be quite the challenge initially to overcome impulse buying. You are window shopping and you hear those stores calling your name. Kind of like that young lady in Confessions of a Shopaholic – the intensions were good but weakness got the better of her.

When you are married and it is “OUR MONEY” and no longer “Your Money” it is a great thing to learn how to overcome impulse buying. So let’s look at the Pros and Cons of impulse buying which should really bring it home that you need to get it under control.

Understand I am writing this as if I was in my husband’s mind who is the shopper in our family.

Pro side to Impulse Buying
Get the item you want right then
If there is only one left, you do not miss out
Immediate gratification
Certain satisfaction of being able to do buy it because you can without having to save up for it

Con side to Impulse Buying
Spending money or charging money that you do not have
Buying it today and then realizing the next day it is not exactly what you wanted
Lack self-control

Understand there are different types of impulse buying such as this:

If you are impulse buying just for the sake of buying because it is a WANT and not a NEED. Then two days later you are asking yourself, why did you even purchase that.

If you are impulse buying because it is something you really need, have the money and it does not stop you from paying your bills.

Steps to Overcome Impulse Buying:

Remove the peer pressure if you feel pressured when with your friends.

Establish healthy financial boundaries and stick to it no matter the environment.

Leave the credit cards at home and take minimal cash with you when you go to the mall.

Do not fall for the credit card application and you will get this or that gift or discount. Go to the store and purchase what you went there for and leave the rest of it behind.

Impulse buying can lead to secrets about financial expenditures when revealed can divide and destroy a marriage. Get the impulse buying under control today.

postheadericon Financial Baggage from The Past has moved in on the Present

Did you bring financial baggage from your past into the relationship? There are times when people have financial baggage and bring it into a marriage. The difference between money and marriage without frustration and money and marriage that has stress and is on the verge of someone walking out is ALL ABOUT HOW YOU HANDLE IT.

Yes, you cannot ignore financial mistakes because they need to be cleaned up. Ignored financial mistakes only cause more problems they do not go away by themselves. Take each mistake one at a time and set a goal to get it paid off or whatever it is that you need to do.

Sometimes what happens though is a husband or wife lets the financial baggage from their past move in on the present and limit their choices based on THE PAST. They are making decisions based on that bad experience. I have a word for you today, You do not have to unpack!

People are unpacking that baggage and glorifying it. You may ask how are they glorifying it? Look at how – by continuously talking about it to everyone that will listen, making your decisions based on what happened back then even though now you are with someone different and not giving yourself a chance at a new result. So by doing so you are saying that you want more of that to happen. If you do not want the same results that you got in the past, then begin speaking a different result, take control of your finances and EXPECT it without a doubt.

If you keep looking back you will miss out on opportunities that could get money to you. Do not become stuck on what happened in the past. Take charge and make better decisions today. It is for the benefit of you as an individual and if you are married, the family.

postheadericon Money and Marriage Communication Block

He spends, she saves. She expresses her concern when he spends and he feels that because he makes more than she does, that its okay. Then she’s left feeling as if what she has to say does not matter. Then she resorts to calling her girlfriends and fussing about her husband because he spends when they need to be saving. She loves him but sometimes he makes her sooo mad by spending money that she has already allocated to something else. When she tries to explain to him that money was for a bill – it goes in one ear and out the other. What is a wife to do?

Does the above scenario sound like you or someone you know? How long has this been going on? Clearly there is a money communication block when it comes to the husband in the scenario. More than likely when she is attempting to convey her concern about the money, she is doing it out of anger or frustration instead of a financial goal for the marriage.

Wonder what would happen if the wife went to the husband and shared a financial goal that she has for the money in their marriage. Of course, the financial goal benefits both people and is not one-sided. When she shares the goal and the steps it take to get there, the husband could see how it is mutually beneficial and the extraneous spending stop. You won’t know until you try. If you have set mutually beneficial goals for your marriage, this could be a starting place.

Tip: You won’t know until you try. Break down the communication block today.

If you are a married couple and would like to learn how to communicate with your spouse about money for the benefit of your marriage, send me an email today at drtaffy@moneytalkmatters.com . Let’s remove the communication block together and start you on the journey of communication openness and mutual financial goals.

postheadericon Marriage and Money Movie #9 – Why Did I Get Married

What I thought this movie was going to be about and what it actually was about are two different things. This Tyler Perry movie is another great movie. Let me share a brief glimpse. Based on four couples that would get together every year, they had discussions about marriage, did exercises and rejuvenated their marriages per se. This year when the couples get together, many things transpired. The couple that I want to focus on is Angela and Marcus. Angela was a wife that had a lot to say and made sure that Marcus knew it. She would say to him I am the one, it was my money that started the hair salon where you work. She would say to him will you pay the mortgage, pay for the food, do something. Angela was the kind of woman that was very demeaning to her husband. It did not matter to her public or private, she did it all the time. On this weekend getaway secrets come out on the first morning and that spoiled the entire weekend for everyone. Later on Marcus has had enough and finds his voice. He reveals that it was HIS MONEY that started the salon.

Money Implications:

Clearly this movie had money and marriage implications throughout. All the couples had attended college and became exactly what they said they would. The only person that did not was Sheila. However, Sheila put everything into her husband, like so many other women have done and others continue to do. He took all of her money and left her with $87.00 . You will have to watch the movie for more on Sheila.

Money Tip #1 – Do not get so wrapped up in your profession that you forget to take time for each other. Pamper each other and have fun.

Money Tip #2 – There is no benefit to embarrassing your spouse if you paidĀ for starting a business they always wanted. It should be joint funds anyway. When you invest in your spouse, you are investing in your relationship long-term.

Money Tip #3 – Do not talk down to your spouse and demean them.

Observations:

1) Secrets that eventually get revealed can tear down a marriage. Do not let someone have negative information on you that they would blackmail you with. Make sure there are no secrets from your spouse.

2) If you have financial secrets, it is better to get them out on the table prior to the spouse finding out in a way that you had not planned. This leads to distrust in the relationship. Know that is hard to get trust back once it is lost.

Recommendations:

1) Money and marriage do not have to be difficult. People make it difficult based on their believes, past experiences and lack of information.

2) Establish mutual financial goals for your marriage.

3) Support your spouse if he or she is an entrepreneur. Ask them about their business and offer to assist if necessary. Your being supportive of them affects their success.

This is a must see for any married couples’ movie collection. Grab your copy here:

If you need a money and marriage advocate to come and speak to your audience on money and marriage, contact Dr. Taffy at drtaffy@moneytalkmatters.com .

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