Posts Tagged ‘bride’
Engagement time is a very happy and emotional time for many brides-to-be and families. Once the engagement happens sometimes within days thoughts begin swirling about wedding plans everything from flowers, wedding gown, caterers, reading bridal magazines, participating in online bridal forums and even creating your own online wedding website race through your mind.
There is no doubt that many brides will take the time to do the research, some will hire a wedding planner and some will not. Even those that don’t hire a wedding planner yet become an expert at “DIY” will make sure they have done the research and checked things off of the checklist. Planning Planning Planning.
Now one of the areas that does not get nearly that amount of attention for most during this same time is MONEY COMMUNICATION for marriage. Sure, brides are talking about the wedding budget, however, do you love him enough to say I want to show you my credit report or will you show me your credit report.
Do you love him enough to say, how would you handle if I lost my job and couldn’t get employment for six months – how would WE handle this? Do you love him enough to say, I’m not sure I want to automatically combine our finances if that is not what you want?
Marriages are ending all the time because of money. Whether it is overspending, money secrets, lack of money – doesn’t matter statistics show that one of the top reasons marriage end in divorce is because of money.
Are you failing to plan your money and marriage talks, money management skills and how to handle money management issues BEFORE you say I Do? Could you answer those questions without going to your groom right now because you felt as if you’ve talked about it or felt those talks could wait?
If you FAIL to Plan, then you PLAN to FAIL in the area of Money and Marriage DURING your marriage. When money challenges start, dynamics change in a relationship really fast because of emotions and other factors that you usually are not prepared for.
Get PREMARITAL FINANCIAL COUNSELING today! Think about it, how many marriages do you know throughout your family or even friends that have ended due to money issues. How many of them could have been saved IF they had premarital financial counseling prior to saying “I Do” and developing a financial plan for their marriage.
Its 2011 and there are many that recently became engaged over Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and even New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day. You are beginning a new page in your lives when it comes to money and marriage.
Sure within the next few weeks to days you will begin planning your wedding and there will be thoughts of a wedding budget. Let me encourage you to also think about money in this regard – your individual financial behavior as a bride-to-be or groom. Are you ready or prepared to begin managing money for two people knowing that whatever you do could affect your future spouse’s credit report?
Money is and has always been a part of marriage. This is not a topic that should be avoided now only to later become a point of contention. Money in and of itself cannot do anything. Truthfully, it is how people handle money that causes stress, strife, decrease in job performance, division in families and much more.
For those of you reading this that are engaged (whether newly engaged or have been for some time), time to write the vision when it comes to your money and marriage and make it plain. If you seek premarital financial counseling, I encourage you to do two things:
1) Sign up for the Bride Groom Money Talk Tips to the left of this page.
2) Go to Brides tab and register for premarital financial counseling today. Don’t set your marriage up for failure by not having a plan when it comes to your money and marriage.
Do not get caught going into your marriage without having a financial plan for your marriage. Think about it, no one goes on a road trip without having a map – you do not plan a wedding without having some direction and without doing your research to make sure it happens the way you want it.
Same thing should be true with your money and marriage. You should not leave it to chance that once you are married it will be what it is going to be. Have direction, vision and goals for you marital finances even before you say I Do. It is a choice between marital financial success or marital financial stress and strain. You decide!
I thought this lesson was so important that I would continue this theme throughout this week. Hmm, timely considering Christmas is coming. I knew that is what you were thinking.
Sit back and take a look:
Do you know the difference between needs and wants? Many brides and grooms are planning their wedding right now and this is a lesson that should not be missed. If brides and grooms can learn this lesson early during their engagement even before planning their wedding, this can benefit them greatly throughout their marriage.
Let’s get down to the basics and start off with definition. Need is defined as a requirement. Think back to the days of school when you were taught our basic needs are food, clothing and shelter. Elementary Watson right! Want is defined as feeling a desire for or wish for something. Classic example – someone wants to win the lottery. Doesn’t mean they will.
Brides and grooms enter their engagement with their own ideas when it comes to money long before any wedding planning even happens. Once the wedding planning begins whether thought out or planning as you go, many factors begin coming into play. What will the day of the wedding be, florists, caterers, wedding dress, how large will the bridal party be, whose paying for the wedding and even the venue. Before you know it there is this huge party planned on behalf of the bride and groom sometimes at their expense; the expense of the bride’s parents or at the expense of the bride, groom and parents.
I recommend for any bride, groom and or parent of a bride or groom that could be reading this, sit down and be honest with yourselves about your needs and your wants.
Let’s have some fun which could also be quite an eye-opener. This is for the bride and groom. May be considered old school, yet time to go back to the basics. Here is what I’d like you to do: fold the sheet of paper in half, on the top of the left hand column write the word Need and on the right hand column right want. Above both of the columns in the middle write the word Wedding.
Under the left hand column where you wrote need – write what you need for your wedding. Then under the right hand column where you wrote wants – write what you want. For some of you, you may find that your need list is quite short and has completely changed your perspective on the wedding and life as a whole. There are others who may discover that what you want may get you in trouble financially because you have been putting your wants ahead of what you need.
When it comes to money, let me encourage you to know what your needs are and invest your money in your needs instead of buying what you want and then borrowing money for your needs.
This morning on The View, Whoopi said I love the Wedding day, its the day after I have the problem with. That has been in my head all day because I believe there are many that fall into this category.
How many brides should we say are sooo excited about their wedding day and then when they return from the honeymoon its post-nuptial withdrawals? Planning their wedding, meeting with the wedding planner, caterers and such was fun and busy. Once they return from the honeymoon… its quiet.
I think so many are focused on the wedding, yet they forget to plan, prepare and prevent unnecessary issues when it comes to marriage. Plan how you want your marriage to unfold, prepare for merging money in order to prevent blowups regarding financial stress. Of course there is more to it than that, yet that is a place to start especially since there are a lot of financial challenges that can arise in the first year that really tear a marriage apart.
When newlyweds start out with marital debt, it makes it very hard to nurture and enjoy the relationship instead of arguing about the money and pointing the finger which more than likely will happen.
To prevent wedding day blues, talk with your soon to be spouse about what you want your marriage to look like, how you want the finances handled and what are mutual steps you can agree to take in order to prevent stress on the marriage.
Money is a subject that needs to be talked about as you are preparing for marriage, yet it is often avoided beyond the wedding budget. Talking about money can lead to a bride or groom believing they are going to be rejected, the wedding being called off or even judgment for financial mistakes.
Let’s put the cards on the table, money is one of the top reasons if not the top reason for divorce. Whether it is because of overspending, a communication breakdown because of money mismanagement or even financial secrets when it comes to money – MONEY is a tool that everyone single or married must learn how to use and be able to talk about.
Think about it – how many of your friends are having financial struggles whether it is student loans or even auto loans. Some are employed and don’t make enough to pay all of their bills, maybe you know a bride-to-be or groom that has recently become unemployed and now they are faced with cutting the costs of the wedding. Regardless of the situation, brides and grooms should be talking about their finances prior to saying “I Do” in an effort to learn what is the best strategy for managing money as a couple based on what they have done individually.
No one is perfect and decisions made prior to your saying “I Do” does not give either one of you cause to judge each other. Instead it should cause each of you to say, here is what I did and why, now let’s formulate a financial foundation and financial plan for OUR MARRIAGE (yes, beyond the wedding day) so that our Marriage and Money can succeed and not become a divorce statistic because we kept quiet for fear of rejection.
Remember this – if the money secrets come out after you say I Do there is more of a chance that trust will be broken, which opens the door to wonder what other secrets you are hiding. Once trust is broken it is hard to get back because you cannot get trust back just based on words – ACTIONS speak louder. Why even put yourself through that. Talk about money upfront and openly – your motto should be we are being proactive in our marriage preparation and talking about money before we say I Do instead of being reactive after I Do and regretting who we married.
If you are reading this and are engaged and want to get started with “The Money Talk” with assistance, write me at firstname.lastname@example.org and get a complimentary premarital financial counseling session with your fiance. This is limited to 15 couples from this post!
Are you a bride to be and as you are approaching your wedding day, afraid your financial secret will come out? Before you decide to keep your finances a secret… take a look:
Fiance is not helping pay for wedding and what should I do? Yes, it is 2010 and tradition is somewhat out the window. Why do I say tradition is somewhat out the window – that is because of what has happened with the economy and continues to happen. There are many brides whose parents are not in the position to pay for their wedding as it once was.
If the parents are not in the position to pay, now I have not ever known it to be where the fiance pays. Now, that does not mean that he should not contribute. I would imagine if the couple was older or even if it was not their first marriage, that the bride and groom would be the ones primarily paying for their wedding.
However, if it is a younger bride whose parents are paying or contributing– let me ask you this question and you think about it– what was the understanding with you and your fiance upon getting engaged about the wedding? Did you talk about who was going to pay for the wedding? How much did you envision being spent? Did you want a big or small wedding? When is the wedding date? When you can answer that question, then you decide how to proceed.
Granted this can be one of the best times to begin money communication because maybe you just misunderstood something. Maybe he did too. Now is the time to talk about financial plans for the wedding and you will see how the two of you communicate about money. Communication styles are important when it comes to money. No better time like the present to openly talk about what you both would like and then see if you can compromise and reach a vision you both agree on without regret.
How many Brides and Grooms would rather their guest give the money, chip in for the honeymoon and skip the gifts altogether? Hmm, apparently according to an article I read this morning 45%. That is almost half. Money for the Wedding, should the bride and groom ask? Personally, I don’t think they should be asking for money. They should have a registry with various items that are needed to start their life of marital bliss. If a guest chooses to give them money, it should be that guests choice but not a recommendation nor a requirement by the bride and groom.
I’m very familiar with the dancing at the wedding for money which everyone is used to. But in this day and time if a bride and groom said to me we would like cash, it might lead me to wonder what financial issues they are dealing with? Furthermore they are planning on resolving it through wedding cash.
Brides and Grooms do not upset your guest by asking them to give you money. There would be some that could easily get offended by this. When you are planning your wedding, why not think about planning it on your budget and if your parents happen to contribute then consider that gravy.
I was not going to point this one out however, as much as I tried not to post it, it kept coming up. Remember the Jilted Bride that was Awarded $150,000. Take a look.
According to the post I read, “he testified he had taken her on several trips and paid $30,000 of her debt while they were engaged. Then he found out she had even more debt so he called it off! In my opinion sounds like he dodged a life of financial frustration if she had that amount of debt and more.
When you get into the habit of paying off a future spouse’s debt even prior to getting married, this can open the door for them to create more if they are shoppers and feel as if they have been given a new lease on life. Why? Because they may believe you have a soft spot and think they can create debt and run to you to clean it up.
Whatever debt you create prior to your marriage and engagement is your responsibility to clean up. Not your future spouse! It is not written in stone anywhere they they must pay off your bills even once you are married. Your credit is individual. Brides and grooms both need to beware and pay attention to the financial obligations that exist prior to getting married.