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Posts Tagged ‘career’

postheadericon Research regarding Career Women making Bad Wives

Very interesting this morning I came across this article discussing Research shows Career Women make Bad Wives . Of course the title caught my attention and I had to continue reading.

This article is discussing another article that was written by a Forbes Executive in 2006 that said Don’t Marry a Career Woman. His article suggested the career woman is more likely to divorce, not have children and more. Does talk about Diane Sawyer, Barbara Walters, Oprah, Martha Stewart and more as highly successful women that are either single, divorced or childless.

I have not ever looked at that and find that to be interesting. When you have a marriage where both husband and wife are focused on their careers, children can be a part of it. A great component of marriage, career, parenting and all that it entails is balance, communication and goals. What each spouse would like for their marriage, careers and parenting dreams? I for one do not think you have to give up your career dreams in order to be a parent.

What are your thoughts about the career women and being a wife?

postheadericon Marriage and Money Movie #23 – Love and Other Four Letter Words

I must admit when this movie came out, I must have missed it in the theaters. Yet, about four months ago when I was watching TV, the title made me stop and watch. Love and Other Four Letter Words – let me be honest I know some four letter words that people dislike, so I thought to myself go ahead and watch it. Below is my brief summary.

TV Personality, Stormie wants to grant her dying grandmother’s wish that she be married. So she in turn talks with her assistant and they pay this gentleman to pretend that he is going to marry her. Stormie goes along with it as long as she can and she even talks with her childhood pal who is a minister. Stormie’s Nana calls and says she is coming out there. You must watch this movie to find out what happens in the end.

Money Implications:Being a strong, independent successful woman does not mean that you cannot enjoy life as well. The character Stormie in this movie was willing to pay someone and pretend to make someone else happy in her family but not be true to herself. Marriage is a serious commitment and should not be taken lightly.

Money Tip #1: Do not plot with friends in order to marry someone because of their money. Be true to yourself and who you love.

Money Tip #2: Being independent, career oriented does not mean that you cannot have a relationship if that is what you desire. As a matter of fact, kudos to you for knowing who you are and bringing assets to the marriage table.

Observation:
This person was all about pleasing her dying “Nana” no doubt, someone she would do anything for. Parents nor relatives wishes for us cannot dictate how we live. Sometimes parents are attempting to live through their young children (adults) and it causes more problems.

Recommendations:
(1) Being an independent person has given you the opportunity learn how to manage money on your own. Take those lessons into your marriage and establish mutual financial goals.

(2) Once you are married, learn how to relax somewhat and know that you do not have to carry the load all by ourself. You know have a spouse that you can depend on.

(3) Love can lasts for a lifetime. Make decisions based on facts not emotions.

postheadericon Marriage and Money Movie #21 – Brown Sugar

Taye Diggs and Sanaa Lathan, there was no way I was going to pass this one. I own it and anytime that I really need to crank out a lot of work, I put this one on and it gets me through.

This story is about two childhood friends, growing up and making it. They hadn’t seen each other in a while and when they connect again, she (Sidney) finds out that he (Dre’) is getting married to Nicole Ari Parker who plays Reece. Reece is also in the corporate world and makes a lot of money. The night before the wedding you will not believe what happens…. That is all I am going to say, go and get the movie.

Money Implications:

Do not marry for money. Marry for love and know in your heart of hearts this is the person you should be marrying.

Money Tip #1: Live within or below your means. Living above your means leads to trouble.

Money Tip #2: When it comes to your career, you must be true to yourself about what you need from employment to make yourself happy.

Money Tip #3: Do not start your own business without knowing what the expenses are, how long it will take before you make a profit and what the costs are to start the business.

Observations:

Even though Dre’ and Sidney attempted to pretend they were in love with other people, it all changed at a certain time. You love who you love.

Recommendations:

1) Do not be afraid of loving the person you fell in love with. If you are settling for “Mr. Comfortable and Acceptable, there could come a point in your relationship when you feel it is time to get out.

2) Divorce is expensive. As a matter of fact, I say it is the biggest marital expense of them all. Know what you are doing.

No movie library should be without this one:

postheadericon Marriage and Money Movie #19 – The Marriage Counselor

It is soo much fun doing something that I love. Watching these movies and reviewing them from a money perspective is the best. This actually was a play that was recorded and my kudos to Tyler Perry it was fabulous.

Let me give a summary of what this movie is about. In a nutshell, The Marriage Counselor of course counsels married couples that have different issues. But what does a marriage counselor do when there are problems existing in their own marriage? This is one that every couple should watch. I know it is truly a summary and I kept it short because I do not want to tell the whole movie and believe me as good as this movie was it would be soooo easy to do.

Money Implications:

Do not become so focused on your career that you neglect your household expenses and continue to spend beyond your means.

Money Tip #1: If your spouse wants to review the household bills, make the time to talk WITH your spouse about the bills so everyone is on the same page.

Money Tip #2: Plan for your vacations and the costs involved so that you can enjoy your vacation and not have to worry about how you are going to pay bills when you return nor have a good time on the vacation because you need to save a certain amount of money for bills upon your return.

Observation:

Husbands and wives do not fault each other for being a hard worker. It is great to have a strong work ethic. Yes, you should take time to stop and smell the roses. You can make any day special by taking the time to do something “special” for your mate.

This movie had a different situation that I want to comment on here. It was where the wife and husband both were working. Yet the wife commented that the husband was spending all of her money. He stated that he makes his own money. Seems as if the wife was unaware of this. Later on it gets revealed what he is doing with his money.

Recommendations:

1) Parents become elderly and life happens – begin thinking solutions if a parent needed to move in with you and your spouse; or if they  needed to be placed in a senior care facility and money was needed from you to assist with monthly payments.

2) If you are sooo driven by paying bills, you can miss out on living life. Yes, you should set healthy boundaries even when it comes to finances and make sure you enjoy life at the same time.

3) The grass is not always greener on the other side. You are only seeing a part of the picture. Do not mess up your money and marriage because someone else appears to have it altogether or easier. You never know what is truly behind closed doors.

4) Establish mutual financial goals for your marriage. This way everyone’s needs are met and dreams can be accomplished.

5) Husbands and wives prior to walking down the aisle, should exchange credit reports so that both of you know what the financial issues are upfront before you say “I Do.”

6) Financial secrets revealed can have bad consequences. Be open and honest about your financial baggage and plans to clean it up.

7) For those that are faith-based, do not let people in the church judge your marriage based on outside appearance. You know who you married and what drew you to the person.

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postheadericon Friendship Marriage?

What is it going to take for people to wake up? My rant for this morning. As I was doing some reading on the internet I came across this article titled “The Friendship Marriage“. Alright so it alludes that when you think of a “Friendship Marriage” you think about two people who have not gotten married by their thirties, they are friends and agree to marry each other.

It goes on to say that many couples today are entering into a marriage where love is only one component of the marriage. Okay! Stop for a minute. Whether it is a “so-called Friendship Marriage” love has always been one of the components and not the only component. Marriage is what people CHOOSE and I do mean CHOOSE to make it.

Okay so it continues, “Companionship or friendship marriage is the joining together of two people who have successful careers, independent lives, strong friendships, and a “sense of self.”

Where is it written that if you get married for love that the people cannot have successful careers, somewhat be independent, have a strong friendship and a sense of self? Can someone please put this in the comments for me once you have read this post.

Here’s the kicker – They respect and have a love for each other, rather than “being” in love. WHOA! That paints a different picture. In my opinion, marrying for LOVE with someone that you can be in love with is a lot more fun. This person should be your best friend. Sounds like a friendship marriage is between two people that might not be able to handle a regular marriage with someone they would be “in love” with. Sure does make me think.

One thing this article in my opinion prides itself on is the fact that finances are disclosed and talked about. I could see them discussing it up front but I sure have to wonder how long these marriages would last. Thinking about this type of marriage, I see sooo many red flags.

postheadericon Marriage and Money Movie #8 – Marley and Me

This movie was a little difficult for me to watch for several reasons. My biggest problem is the dog is unruly and undisciplined. This couple got Marley shortly after they were married and still newlyweds. Marley was there as they pursued their different career aspirations, had children and even relocated.

John shared how he argued with his father about money in passing. It was in a brief clip of where he was sharing he did this here and there, took Marley here and there and Jen did this or that. That is the extent of what was said about money. The movie shows different times when they were frustrated and overwhelmed by life. Yet they remain committed to their marriage. John’s single friend, Sebastian continues to use Marley in the beginning to meet women. Later on he does the same thing with John’s kids.

Money Implications:

Clearly there were some money issues or he would not have been arguing with his father about money. However, since it was not brought out in the movie, we will not know the depth of these money issues unless it was detailed in the book. Incidentally, I do not see myself running right out to get this book.

Money Tip #1:  Household finances should remain between you and your spouse. You two are the only ones paying the bills.

Money Tip #2: Family members may seek to give you financial advice without your asking. If you are not comfortable having these conversations then steer clear.

Money Tip #3: When it comes to career aspirations  make sure you are doing what makes you happy.  As one gets older it is not about the money but what makes you happy and impacts lives.

Observations:

1) Do not fight with your parents about money. It is important that you and your spouse are discussing your finances.

2) You and your spouse should establish a realistic household budget so that when you are planning your career aspirations you know exactly the amount of income you need to contribute.

Recommendations:

Learn early what your response will be when family members ask about your finances. This will serve you well throughout your life and marriage.

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postheadericon Marriage and Money Movie #2 – Not Easily Broken

I must share when I went to see this movie, I hadn’t been to the movies in a very long time. Busy mom of twins and so I was treating myself that day with “Mommy” time. For at least ten minutes, I was in there by myself. I can’t say I was necessarily surprised.

I don’t want to give too much away in case you have not seen the movie but from a money and marriage aspect – wow, I have much to share. Briefly – Boy meets girl, they become high school sweethearts. Boy and girl get married. His dreams of being a pro athelete are shattered by injury. Woman gets a corporate job — makes lots of money. Holds it over man’s head.

First – I did not enjoy how she continued to demean him. Understand this the Power of Speech is crucial in a relationship. Instead of building up their relationship, she continued to tear it down, including when it came to his JOB.

Money Tip for Wives: Do not talk down to your mate about his business or his job. This affects you as well. Sounding unappreciative of what he does and continuing to bring this before him will eventually get old and they could go to someone else that would appreciate what they are doing.

Second –  When the husband had to take over the finances, it was very clear he was not aware of what the bills were. All we see are bills on the table and a look on his face in unbelief. You did not see bill collectors calling at all hours and him trying to figure out how to pay the bills.

Money Tip: Regardless of who manages the money in the household, both husband and wife need to know what is happening with the household personal finances. Share with them what bills have to be paid on the first of the month, what has to be paid midmonth – to who, how much and how it is paid — whether check or automatic deductions from certain accounts. Let them know what is paid quarterly, annually and monthly.

Third –  Remember when you came into your marriage, both of you had dreams. Do not sacrifice one person’s dream for the other. In this movie that did happen because the wife felt because she brought the money, that her dreams were more important which made him feel inadequate.

Money Tip: Agree to go for both husband and wife’s dreams which can only enhance your marriage relationship even more. Help each other achieve those goals because in the end there will be a part of it that deals with finances. Imagine if the husband and wife both achieved those career goals and all the bills were paid off and you could take vacations every other month or donate to causes important to both of you or buy that dream house or start that family. There are a myriad of things husbands and wives can do together successfully when they are on the “same page”.

Fourth: When they were at the restaurant and she wanted to pay the bill, he knew they did not have the money but she insisted on paying the bill. Then one of her clients, ended up having to pay the bill.

Money Tip: Talking about Money is very important. It is a conversation that is more than a one time conversation. Talk about money throughout the week so everyone is clear on what is happening with money in the house. No husband or wife is a mind reader, especially when it comes to finances. It does not matter how long you have been married, Money Talk Matters. Talk about it, talk about it and gain insight and understanding.

Brief Aside: If you talk negative about your spouse to your family, that is how they will see that mate. It is hard to undo negative speech about someone you love. Choose your words carefully.

If you have not seen this movie, purchase below:

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