Posts Tagged ‘children’
Started out a little later this morning and even let the kids sleep in late. They loved it. We all felt refreshed before heading out to some meetings today. I got some bills from hubby via email from some of his clients prior to my leaving. This worked out fabulous since I was hoping that we would be able to get his vendors paid at the beginning of this week so he could do some other things. Check mark off the list.
The twins and I headed out and got three things crossed off our list as we headed to my meetings. Because I left late the day went faster. We were okay with that because we made the most of our time. We did my meetings, then went to my husband’s job to deliver those payments and we came home. I also knew that we had to go to the library today and check out our next round of DVD’s and they got to choose two videos each that they wanted. So much fun homeschooling with them and explaining the reason for different things and their asking questions. Same thing as a previous day, what you put into your children, you will get out. No one can love them and care for them like a parent.
When a husband and wife work together as a team, there is so much more that can be accomplished. My husband knows how passionate I am about helping marriages succeed because of money talk and skills. There is no reason that they should be ending in divorce because of money. I like sharing accomplishments with him from unexpected interviews to surprising book sales and more. Excitement is a GREAT thing and it shows that I’m working it as hard as I can. What I am doing is for my family! What will you do for yours? What will you do to ensure that your family is in tact? Has a good quality of life? Can impact others? It is up to you.
Stay tuned we only have a few more days.
Money and Marriage Lessons For Today:
1) Two heads are better than one!
2) What will you do to ensure your family is in tact? Don’t think about what society says. What do you say?
3) What will you pour into your children (if applicable) to let them know they have a purpose? What is your way of showing them love?
Money and Marriage Encouragement for Today:
Do not take your spouse for granted. Appreciate the similarities and the differences.
I tell you I am such a Court TV junkie and tonight I came across this particular episode that lines up with the previous post about being broke and one future spouse doing everything. Take a look at this:
Problems with this couple:
1) Lack of Communication and Limited Communication
2) Arguing in front of the child
3) She continuously took this gentleman to court. I must admit when it gets to those levels, you do not need to get married.
At the end of the day, this woman does not even remember this person proposing to her. He wants the ring back and stuff that he left. I tell you what I was thinking when I watched this when she walked in she was twisting this ring on her finger. I could not help but wonder if that was the alleged ring. She told the Judge it wasn’t… I still remain somewhat suspicious.
Brides-to-be and grooms-to-be it should not be that hard. If anyone has to get physically abused walk away. That’s not the person for you.
This is a “hot topic” that I continue to see needs answering. Should parents give married “GROWN” children money. Let me say upfront there are a lot of different factors and I am going to discuss them right here. Because LIFE happens and the answer can vary. Take the time to read this and decide what applies to you or what will you do when your children are grown and married.
First situation: I think it is acceptable for parents to give grown married children money if they are in an emergent situation. It was unexpected, they are not bad money managers but an unexpected sitation has happened. Also as long as the husband and wife, both know the parents gave the money. This does happen and can happen.
Second situation: Parents are loaning their adult child money without the spouse knowing it. This is primarily when the spouse is complaining to parents about their spouse. So the parents are almost taking sides and encouraging separation in money and marriage by their actions. Do not even pretend it does not happen because it does. Parents do not insert yourself in the middle of a husband and wife financial issues. They have to learn how to talk with each other (not argue) and work out their differences. You are not in their home 24/7 and are getting one side of the story.
Third situation: Grown married children are taking advantage of their parents because they know they can. There are probably a husband and wife that are bad money managers based on their own background, then they run to mom and dad to bail them out of their financial troubles because they know they can without any remorse. This in itself makes for debt situations that can tear the marriage apart. What can also end up happening in this situation is that one set of parents become a bank and the other set of parents are almost ignored because they do not open up their wallets. Either way, all of this scenario is bad.
Caution for parents: When brides and grooms get married initially, they need to learn how to rely on each other. Not run to you to bail them out at the first sign of financial stress.
Brides and grooms: Do not go to your parents and speak negatively about yout spouse and money. Once you paint a picture of negative and uncooperation, it is hard to change it back.
I was watching CNN a few days ago when they were discussing the NY Times Reporter’s interview with The First Family regarding their marriage and it is very evident they are in what I like to call “The Marriage Fishbowl”.
The Marriage Fishbowl is clearly where everyone is watching your every move that the husband and wife make. Did he do this? Did she do that? What was the response? How do they handle this or that? Being in the marriage fishbowl will cause your marriage to be critiqued by some, praised by others, some will remain silent in wonder, there are couples that will try to live up to your representation of marriage and much more.
With Barack and Michelle Obama, clearly based on the interview facts are facts:
1) He had not lived in the home full-time since 1996. So being in the position they are in now is a good thing. Togetherness.
2) Date night is important to them. Yet it was criticized because of how he did it a year ago.
3) Family is important to them and he makes time for his wife and daughters despite being The President.
4) It was shared that there was a very stressful time in their marriage.
Life Lessons to Accept:
1) We all have a role in our marriage. When the other spouse is not there full-time, we take care of business and do what needs to be done especially when there are children involved. You do not let things fall apart.
2) Marriage takes teamwork. Communication is very important. Not arguing but talking with cool heads.
3) Wives and husbands are to support each other in their individual and mutual goals. VISION is important and know where you are going.
4) Date night is important because it gives you time to enjoy your relationship and each other.
Money was not a topic but I want to interject. Discussing money is very important and would alleviate financial mistakes. Because that too is something that is watched when you are in “The Marriage Fishbowl”.
What do you think it takes to make a marriage work? Leave your comments.
We will discuss “The Marriage Fishbowl” again.
Very interesting this morning I came across this article discussing Research shows Career Women make Bad Wives . Of course the title caught my attention and I had to continue reading.
This article is discussing another article that was written by a Forbes Executive in 2006 that said Don’t Marry a Career Woman. His article suggested the career woman is more likely to divorce, not have children and more. Does talk about Diane Sawyer, Barbara Walters, Oprah, Martha Stewart and more as highly successful women that are either single, divorced or childless.
I have not ever looked at that and find that to be interesting. When you have a marriage where both husband and wife are focused on their careers, children can be a part of it. A great component of marriage, career, parenting and all that it entails is balance, communication and goals. What each spouse would like for their marriage, careers and parenting dreams? I for one do not think you have to give up your career dreams in order to be a parent.
What are your thoughts about the career women and being a wife?
My first response after our daughter said she would get the Thomas toy was the following, remember it takes your money combined to get the toy and it has to be something that both of you will play with. Reader, remember it only has 19 pieces and forms one toy. So she thought about it and went and picked up the pink legos. So she was holding that box and our son was holding the Thomas toy.
Since they were not aware of the big picture, Money class was in session. I said to them, the Thomas toy costs $19.99 and only has 19 pieces which you are paying a little over a $1.00 per piece and said the other legos has 214 pieces for $14.59 which is 0.06 cents per piece. Oh yes, I took it there. I said to our son for each Thomas piece you are paying over a $1.00. With one of these pieces you cannot do anything. I told him you are paying for the name. Only one of you could play with it at a time and could not add on to existing toys you have at home. Then I threw in a Knex building toy which they really like which had 138 pieces and was $8.99 – had to put it in the options. They could build 10 different things with this. I said it costs 0.06 per piece. Then I told them to discuss it amongst themselves and they could tell me what they wanted to do.
This was truly a day in learning the value of a dollar. So our son was holding on to the Thomas toy for dear life. He and his sister began having their discussion about the toys and what they thought. I also said this to them before stepping back with the Thomas toy you have no money left over for anything and with the other one, you have some left over.
Then I stepped back and let them discuss. What do you think happened?
Well, I tell you what when I saw this question in my email box it stirred up several things in me. The complete question was this: Do I stress about money while dating a woman with children, could it be greed? Hmmm, why would you write me if you are going to answer your own question. Or is it because you think I am going to sugar coat the answer. Let me tell you, that does not happen on this blog and most should know that by now.
A single mother with children who is handling her business does not need in any way a selfish man in her life or the lives of her children. See it is not necessarily greed unless you are there to take money from her and prevent her from her handling her business. It is more selfish because you have turned into another child instead of a male who could be an example of a man handling his business.
Single mothers do not need distractions in their life. They have already been through enough which caused them to become single parent and are getting their lives on track and are making sacrifices for their kids. They are making sure their kids get everything that they need. Single mothers – if you are reading this, do not settle for less than you and your children deserve. It is soooo not worth it.
For those of you that do not know, I was raised by a single mom so I know firsthand what I am talking about. Single moms – everybody does not need and should not meet your children. Protect them. Everyone is not worthy of your precious children.
So for the male that sent that question in, you need to re-evaluate who you are and what you want out of life. Do not cause pain to someone else because you are in pain or have residual pain from a previous relationship.
This morning after class with our twins, I was doing some research and discovered this article that is titled, Is One Month Into Dating Too Soon to Get Hitched? Of course as suspected, this article is talking about famous people tying the knot after one month of dating. Then it goes on to share the pros and cons.
I started thinking about is there an approved dating period before marriage? Truly there are some people that get married in a short period of time after dating because they just know they have found their best friend, soul mate that they want to spend the rest of their life with.
Let me share my own example, many many years prior to meeting my husband, I had two serious relationships where one lasted for four years and the other was three years. Neither of those led me to walk down the aisle saying “I Do” and believe me every day of my life, I am truly thankful for that. There was waaaaaay to much drama in each.
But when I met my husband, we only dated for six months and then we were married. We knew after three months of dating that we were supposed to be married. We spent lots of time talking about our pasts, things we did and what we would like to do. I am a very no nonsense type of woman – what you see is what you get. No time for pretending to be someone else.
Here is what I would have to say if someone is asking to get married after a month of dating or even a few weeks:
1) What is the hurry? Is there some information that you are about to find out that if you are married does not have to be disclosed? Is there some legal trouble they are about to get in and this would permit them to avoid it.
2) Is their financial gain on the other person’s behalf by doing it sooo fast? You have to be very careful when it comes to a “rushed” marriage when you haven’t known each other for so long.
3) Sometimes children are involved… enough said.
I am not saying that people should not get married. What I am saying is people should take the time to get to know each other and do not gloss over what could appear to be a “red flag” even while dating before moving on to walking down the aisle.
Marriage is a wonderful lifestyle and should not be entered into on a whim or because it is what everyone is doing. Take the time to date and have fun, it doesn’t stop once you are married to the right person.
Last time I left you with the thought of if you were depending on God or your mate when it came to finances. I also said what is causing the divorce is deeper than money. We reference money as one of the top reasons for divorce but as I said before, money in itself cannot do anything.
When couples are arguing about money, they are arguing about 1) its mishandling – overspending and impulse buying which results in not having enough to pay bills or for other necessities; 2) an individual’s value system when it comes to money. Value system meaning your beliefs about how money should be handled, who should handle the money and what takes precedence when it comes to expenditures in the household. Value system is comprised of many factors especially when it comes to money – your environment, what you saw and experienced when you were growing up regarding money, your personal handling of money good and bad. All of these factors form your value system. So when your value system is challenged you react or respond a certain way.
Value system is big – so let me put it into perspective. For example, as a person that was raised by a single parent with little to no access to money, it would be within my value system to be very cautious about money, paying bills and making sure there is some left over. So it would not “feel good” to me to buy on impulse. Now from Married Christians perspective if you know that you are to pay your bills and you spend impulsively on a want versus a need and now you cannot pay your bills – the discussion is happening in a way you might not like.
So Married Christians may be divorcing and utilizing money as the reason but it is not the reason it is their value system being challenged. They have had enough. Money issues affect more than the husband or the wife, it affects their relationship, performance at work, if they have children (them as well), household bills and more.
Before you decide to file for divorce, think things through and be honest. Think about your actions when it comes to money and marriage – 1) What role did you play in this area that you believe has failed and 2) Did you have structure when it came to finances? Begin talking it out with each other to each other about money to see what you can do to make better decisions to sustain the marriage and time invested in each other than versus throwing away this union.
CAUTION: Do not wait until you are in Divorce court to find out about each other’s financial habits.
I must admit when this movie came out, I must have missed it in the theaters. Yet, about four months ago when I was watching TV, the title made me stop and watch. Love and Other Four Letter Words – let me be honest I know some four letter words that people dislike, so I thought to myself go ahead and watch it. Below is my brief summary.
TV Personality, Stormie wants to grant her dying grandmother’s wish that she be married. So she in turn talks with her assistant and they pay this gentleman to pretend that he is going to marry her. Stormie goes along with it as long as she can and she even talks with her childhood pal who is a minister. Stormie’s Nana calls and says she is coming out there. You must watch this movie to find out what happens in the end.
Money Implications:Being a strong, independent successful woman does not mean that you cannot enjoy life as well. The character Stormie in this movie was willing to pay someone and pretend to make someone else happy in her family but not be true to herself. Marriage is a serious commitment and should not be taken lightly.
Money Tip #1: Do not plot with friends in order to marry someone because of their money. Be true to yourself and who you love.
Money Tip #2: Being independent, career oriented does not mean that you cannot have a relationship if that is what you desire. As a matter of fact, kudos to you for knowing who you are and bringing assets to the marriage table.
This person was all about pleasing her dying “Nana” no doubt, someone she would do anything for. Parents nor relatives wishes for us cannot dictate how we live. Sometimes parents are attempting to live through their young children (adults) and it causes more problems.
(1) Being an independent person has given you the opportunity learn how to manage money on your own. Take those lessons into your marriage and establish mutual financial goals.
(2) Once you are married, learn how to relax somewhat and know that you do not have to carry the load all by ourself. You know have a spouse that you can depend on.
(3) Love can lasts for a lifetime. Make decisions based on facts not emotions.