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postheadericon What is a Wife to Do?

Being the money manager such as I am, there are times when you might not tell your spouse everything that is going on with the finances. Why does this happen? Well, I can think of several reasons – you do not want to add to his stress level, you think if you told him he would go off on you (not physically but verbally), you believe you can get it handled and no one needs to be the wiser.  Listen wives, for whatever reason it – do you realize you are shouldering all the burden, stress and frustration. You also could be making decisions without all of the information and your husband could be assisting you.

Has this happened to me? There were some times when I was not discussing in complete detail the money with him because I was working the plan. I told my husband give me a chance to work the plan. Now was he willing to do it? Yes, because when I have said that before it turned out to the benefit of everyone and not to anyone’s detriment. So he knows when I say I am working the plan that it will give him more freedom later to shop without scrutiny. See, in our marriage he is the shopper and not me.

Do I think we all are shoppers at some point. Yes, because I will buy up Barnes and Nobles if left to my own devices. But other than that, it is quiet when it comes to shopping from me. I  digress, when a financial issue presents itself that you did not plan on and it gets bigger and bigger, who do you turn to? When I was single and this happened, I did not turn to family, friends, nor anyone in my church. What happens then Ladies is that things spiral out of control.

Once things spiral out of control, it is almost like no turning back. Before things spiral out of control today, I am here to help you. I’m the wife who has been in debt, homeless, came back from being in debt, restored and happily married to the same man that I married when I was in debt.  Do you need someone to encourage you that you can get out debt, share with you how to talk to your husband about finances and establish a plan as well as much more… then become a member of MarriageMoneyMatters.com today which is for wives.

I will be working with you on reviewing credit reports, providing one-on-one financial counseling, holding you accountable to discussing money and marriage with your husbands and much more. Join today and get the answers in the privacy and comfort of your own home.

postheadericon Celebrating 14 Years with a Plan

I wanted to take this time and share with you that during National Marriage Week as I was faciliating Money and Marriage Teleseminars, my husband and I were celebrating 14 wonderful years of marriage. We came into our marriage with our eyes open. What do I mean by that?

We both came into our marriage with debt and disclosed that information fully to each other. We knew that we had made mistakes and did not judge each other, yet we let that catapult our relationship into a STRONG and FORMIDABLE team. How many of you have heard… A THREEFOLD CORD is NOT EASILY BROKEN! Amen!

When we talked about getting married, my mindset was I do not want to incur anymore debt for a wedding. Sure it was my first and only marriage; however knowing what I knew about the existing debt, I was not of the mind to create more. I WANTED to be OUT OF DEBT and so did he. So we agreed on a Justice of the Peace ceremony. Our family was not in town and I am not big on crowds.

We got married and paid for everything we needed in cash and were still able to continue with life. What did we do about the DEBT? We established a five year plan to pay it off that we could live with. Bless GOD – we did it in two and a half years WITHOUT filing bankruptcy, WITHOUT buying and selling houses – WE WORKED the PLAN. So when I talk to you about Money and Marriage – Telling you first hand experience.

Remember each one of us came to our marriage with debt – things that we did in our past without the other person yet we had to handle the ramifications of those choices we made separately together. What did those things include include….effects of bankruptcy, creditor calls, restoration from being homeless, not having a bank account, not being able to or comfortable talking with family about money issues, not comfortable enough to talk with anyone in our church, let alone our friends, challenges in our Faith and much more.

As we celebrated our 14 years of Marital Happiness, Love, Family and LASTING when others thought we would not make it – our twins were celebrating with us. They simply adore their example of marriage, love and happiness. We make sure and create memories for them that they will never forget. They do the same for us.

So for those of you that are engaged, newly married and married for many years, keep on pressing on and HAVE A PLAN. Even at 14 years we have plans that are short-term and long-term. We have fun making them as well as making them a reality and going beyond them.

To my Hubby, thank you my Love for who you are, whose you are and all that you are becoming. Thank you for 14 years of trials & triumphs, happy times and sad times, the ever growing TESTIMONY that our Marriage and Family is.

postheadericon Firsthand account of “The Marriage Fishbowl”

I want to share today a firsthand account of “The Marriage Fishbowl”. The marriage fishbowl just doesn’t apply to people in high profile offices, but it also applies to people in ministries, certain high profile atheletes and much more.

I remember when my husband and I were dating, there were people in my class at the time that did not like us being together. It happens and I am sure some of you can relate. We represent happiness and true love. Not judging someone based on appearances and other people’s opinion.

At the time we were dating, I was attending ministry school. We got engaged while I was in school and married about two months prior to graduation. There were people that were watching our every move – did he treat me well, how do they act in pubic and etc. Some went so far as to say we would not make it. There was at least one or two other couples that formed based on our relationship because they felt our marriage had given them the green light to marry outside of their race. My husband and I knew that GOD brought us together so we were not marrying each other out of rebellion to our parents or anything of that nature.

So we felt like we had been in the fishbowl. In a few months we will be celebrating 14 yrs of marriage. We have an unconditional love and are both givers. That definitely makes all the difference in the world.

It does not take being The First Family to be in “The Marriage Fishbowl.” More than likely it is happening right there in your own community.

postheadericon Divorcing from Husband, His money is in a Ministry Account

When this question came in to me, I had to do a little research because I had not ever heard of this. This person is divorcing from her husband and I gather it is not by her choice; however, she has no access to money because his money is in his ministry account.

I had not heard of a ministry account before. What I have discovered is that it is an account for people involved in ministry. What it appears to me is this woman’s husband has an account and did not give her access nor did he put her name on the account.

Now I ask you, what is GODly about this behavior? What happened to the Ephesians 5:25-29 where it says, (Amplified Bible) ”

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 So that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, 27 That He might present the church to Himself in glorious splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such things [that she might be holy and faultless]. 28 Even so husbands should love their wives as [being in a sense] their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. 29 For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and carefully protects and cherishes it, as Christ does the church.

Doesn’t it say in 29, he must nourish, carefully protect and cherish her. So it appears this man is going to leave his wife and possibly kids without financial means to take care of their household. Sure, I don’t know the whole story. Even without knowing the entire story, this does not sound like to me what Jesus would do!

This saddens me because it is questions like these and situations like this that cause others in the Church to stumble. Because people who are and are not saved are watching how Christian marriages are falling apart based on husbands and wives choices, selfishness and lack of guidance from within the Church.

Recommendation:
(1) The wife needs to take steps to ensure she and her children are provided for.

(2) She needs to do an assessment of what joint accounts they do have.

(3) She also needs to assess the credit cards they have and find out what happens when they get divorced.

(4) If the wife has a joint bank account and no credit card, she should talk with a personal banker about opening her own account and getting a debit card attached to her account.

*This is a time to be honest with yourself and not in denial about your situation.

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