Posts Tagged ‘consequences’

postheadericon Should a Married Person keep Borrowing Money to a Friend a Secret?

Husbands and wives listen up. This question came to me anonymously and I felt to address this on my blog.  Should a married person keep borrowing money to a friend a secret? First and foremost, a marriage is built on trust and cannot be built on secrets. When secrets come out they usually inflict HAVOC on a marriage because of what it is. Why would you, a married person be loaning money to a friend and not discuss it with your spouse? That goes for male or female.

What is your goal for not telling your spouse that you are loaning money to a friend?

(1) You are not telling your spouse because you know they would not agree.

(2) You believe the friend will pay you back before the spouse discovers this money  is missing.

(3) You do not believe you are accountable to your spouse when it comes to money and you can do whatever you want.

(4) Your friend has been giving you a hard time about checking with your spouse before doing things. SO to show them that you are in control, you loan this friend money without telling the spouse.

If none of those are your goal, then you need to re-evaluate why you keep loaning money to a friend and are keeping it a secret. Are you prepared to deal with the consequences when your spouse finds out? Secrets rarely stay a secret.

postheadericon Financial Baggage enters the Marriage

Brides, Grooms, Husbands and Wives take a note. When you enter into marriage realize that prior to your saying I do, you had a life outside of your mate. That life included making financial decisions that were good and some financial decisions that might have been not as good. The money mistakes are a part of you if you chose not to clean them up prior to marriage and are a part of your marriage.

They are a part of your marriage because you will think about them. Once your spouse finds out about them voluntarily or involuntarily is entirely up to you. The result can be different. The question I ask you today is this: Could the financial baggage that is surfacing in your relationship becoming detrimental to the welfare of your union? If so, then what are the steps that you are taking to remove the baggage.

Baggage in itself is not a good thing. Usually tied to baggage of any nature is emotions which leads people to act hastily without thinking about all of the consequences.  Remember, every decision you make has a consequence. Take a few minutes to think long term and not short-term when it comes to your decisions.

The only time that I know of that baggage is good is if it is luggage and you are taking a much deserved vacation. Otherwise financial baggage is not good, revisiting old girlfriends or boyfriend baggage is not good and even previous employment situations that had baggage is not good. It is time to have a clear picture of what you want and where you want your finances and marriage to go.

With that in mind, quit living your past in the present. Live the PRESENT now and take care of NOW, TODAY and the future will take care of itself. This is not a time to keep looking behind you or you will miss opportunities in your present to get your finances in order, to impact your marriage for a lifetime and much more. Sure, it could be thought of as “Not the Norm” – it’s about time. Going along with the norm has ended marriages, caused separations and stopped people from talking about money in marriage. It is a New Day and time for New Financial Beginnings and Plans.

Don’t ignore the baggage.  Baggage  can overtake you or be overwhelming to your spouse. Talk with your spouse today, develop a plan to remove it and BEGIN removing it. You can talk about things all day BUT until you take action it’s just TALK.  JUST DO IT! BE IT!

postheadericon Marriage and Money Movie #29 – A Good Man is Hard to Find

This movie came highly recommended to me by a colleague, Mary Chatman, CEO of Creations of Love, Inc. I have to say WOW! This was not what I expected and it truly kept me on the edge of my seat.

Darin Dewitt Henson, Golden Brooks, Erica Campbell, Mel Jackson, Bishop Noel Jones, Darius McCrary, Hill Harper and Melissa De Sousa what a cast. There are so many dynamics in this movie, I am attempting to summarize it without giving too much away.

The below is a a familiar story that people might have actually heard in real life: Man meets woman when they are younger, fall in love and he asks her to marry him. She says yes under one condition that he would never leave her. Man is invovled in his church and woman feels as if she has taken a back seat to his duties at the church. Man says that she doesn’t come second, but any time she wants to plan something, he has a commitment at the Church. Woman feels unappreciated and unwanted. Woman has a great paying job and completes a top level degree, that no doubt her husband paid for. Woman is offered a job that is paying her more and her soon to be new boss make advances. Woman invites new boss to a dinner gathering and husband is late to the gathering and still meets her new boss and does not like him.

Woman goes to work the next day and complains to the new boss. What do you think happens next. What happens next, sets off a chain of events that you do not expect by a long shot. You will have to get a copy of this movie and add it to your library. It it soooo worth it.

Money Implications:

Just because one person makes more money than the other in marriage, does not mean that the one who makes less is any more less driven than the one who makes a lot of money. There will always be people who think they can come into your life and give you the world, yet in the end it is a game to them. People love the chase. Don’t fall for the trap.

Money Tip #1: Do not forget about investments spouses made in each other and the marriage.

Money Tip #2: The grass may look greaner on the other side and that new person is only using different fertilizer with a devastating result.

Money Tip #3: Do not allow illegal activity to go in your house that could result in something detrimental to your family. It is not worth it.

Observations:

Couple #1: Main Couple who is Rachel (Golden Brooks) and Clarence (Darrin Henson) were in a marriage that dealt with him paying for her higher college education, him being involved in the Church and her feeling as if she came second to the church. They had an adult son that did not want to work but was involved with some illegal activity.

Couple #2: Bruce and Charlene a very interesting couple. Bruce worked with Clarence at the Auto Shop and is a drinker. Charlene has a good job and loves her husband. Within this relationship they deal with alcoholism, pregnancy and physical abuse.

Not a couple: What is interesting you have Rachel’s friend, Monica who met her boss, Damion Marshall. You will have to watch the movie to find out what happens.

Recommendations:

(1) Do not subject yourself to physical abuse in any relationship it is not worth it. That can cost you tons of money in the long run whether it is legal fees or even therapy bills.

(2) When you are in a marriage, do not let it drive you to do anything illegal or anything that would endanger your life.

(3) Make it known if someone begins flirting with you that you are happily married. Do not even let your mind begin to go there. You cannot afford the consequences of infidelity.

(4) For those that are spiritual, when it comes to involvement in your Church and your marriage, healthy boundaries must be set here too. Families should not feel as if they are paying a heavy price because of the Church.

 

If you are seeking guidance in money and marriage, contact Dr. Taffy via emal at drtaffy@moneytalkmatters. com

postheadericon Marriage and Money Movie #20 – Steel Magnolias

One of my all time favorites and every time it comes on, I have stop and watch it. Yes it draws me in and I have to get my popcorn. This movie has sooo many facets that I am going to share a little more detail than usual in order that you will see it is worthy of being part of this database.

These women can act – Sally Field, Dolly Parton, Julia Roberts, Shirley MacLaine, Darryl Hannah and Olympia Dukakis. What a cast. This movie takes place in northwest Louisiana – two thumbs up for that.  Many women experience stories happening around the beauty parlor. This story is no different – the action takes place around Truvy’s beauty parlor with women who are regulars. I can see it now, if you are like me when I go to the “hair shop” there are the regulars that I talk with when I see them. Catch up on family life and our thoughts about politics, etc.

Sally Field plays M’Lynn the mother of Shelby and married to Drum.

Julia Roberts plays Shelby who marries a rich lawyer and deals with diabetes, becomes a parent and faces death.

Dolly Parton plays Truvy, the owner of the beauty parlor whose  husband is generally unhappy and has a hard time finding employment.

Shirley MacLaine plays Ouizer who has been married a couple of times before, she has money but has such an interesting disposition.

Darryl Hannah plays Annelle the 19 yr old beauty shop assistant. That has left her husband and becomes very religious.

Olympia Dukakis plays the role of Clairee who is a widow and has quite the interesting friendship with Ouizer.

Money Implications:

There are different roles of money when it comes to marriage – paying for a wedding, parenting, health and even business ownership.

Money Tip #1:  Weigh the consequences of all financial decisions, short and long-term consequences.

Money Tip #2: When you are an entrepreneur, be sure to include your spouse in business plans and financial decisions.

Money Tip #3: If a spouse is having a hard time finding work, do not rub it in. Talk with them about their dreams and see how you can help them. This affects the bottom line.

Observations:

Truvy loved her husband and tried to bring some holiday cheer into their home. Even when finances are tight, you can still celebrate your marriage, love and coming out of financial challenges.

Annelle shows up in town after having left her husband, she did not have anything. No job, no car and has to make a new start. Make sure that you both are involved in the household finances so that if something happens, the other spouse can carry on with life.

Recommendations:

1) I cannot stress enough think “BIG PICTURE”. What is it you would like to accomplish?

2) Do not let your marriage make you ungrateful for who you are and the life you live.

3) If you are in a second marriage, do not compare your current husband or wife to your ex. That is a costly mistake.

4) Continue supporting your husband and wife even in difficult times.

THIS IS A MUST SEE MOVIE.

postheadericon Marriage and Money Movie #19 – The Marriage Counselor

It is soo much fun doing something that I love. Watching these movies and reviewing them from a money perspective is the best. This actually was a play that was recorded and my kudos to Tyler Perry it was fabulous.

Let me give a summary of what this movie is about. In a nutshell, The Marriage Counselor of course counsels married couples that have different issues. But what does a marriage counselor do when there are problems existing in their own marriage? This is one that every couple should watch. I know it is truly a summary and I kept it short because I do not want to tell the whole movie and believe me as good as this movie was it would be soooo easy to do.

Money Implications:

Do not become so focused on your career that you neglect your household expenses and continue to spend beyond your means.

Money Tip #1: If your spouse wants to review the household bills, make the time to talk WITH your spouse about the bills so everyone is on the same page.

Money Tip #2: Plan for your vacations and the costs involved so that you can enjoy your vacation and not have to worry about how you are going to pay bills when you return nor have a good time on the vacation because you need to save a certain amount of money for bills upon your return.

Observation:

Husbands and wives do not fault each other for being a hard worker. It is great to have a strong work ethic. Yes, you should take time to stop and smell the roses. You can make any day special by taking the time to do something “special” for your mate.

This movie had a different situation that I want to comment on here. It was where the wife and husband both were working. Yet the wife commented that the husband was spending all of her money. He stated that he makes his own money. Seems as if the wife was unaware of this. Later on it gets revealed what he is doing with his money.

Recommendations:

1) Parents become elderly and life happens – begin thinking solutions if a parent needed to move in with you and your spouse; or if they  needed to be placed in a senior care facility and money was needed from you to assist with monthly payments.

2) If you are sooo driven by paying bills, you can miss out on living life. Yes, you should set healthy boundaries even when it comes to finances and make sure you enjoy life at the same time.

3) The grass is not always greener on the other side. You are only seeing a part of the picture. Do not mess up your money and marriage because someone else appears to have it altogether or easier. You never know what is truly behind closed doors.

4) Establish mutual financial goals for your marriage. This way everyone’s needs are met and dreams can be accomplished.

5) Husbands and wives prior to walking down the aisle, should exchange credit reports so that both of you know what the financial issues are upfront before you say “I Do.”

6) Financial secrets revealed can have bad consequences. Be open and honest about your financial baggage and plans to clean it up.

7) For those that are faith-based, do not let people in the church judge your marriage based on outside appearance. You know who you married and what drew you to the person.

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postheadericon Loans for College affecting Students’ Future

This is one of those topics that I have heard from students firsthand when I have had exhibit booths at different events. When I saw this story in the Wall Street Journal, there was no way I was going to pass it up. The title is Students Borrow More Than Ever for College.

I completely understand why they are borrowing because they want to attain an education. However, the problem is not knowing all of the consequences of having all of these student loans. For example, I remember talking with one student and they expressed that the amount of money they spent on their education, once they got a job it would take five to ten years to pay off their student loan based on what they were making at the job they got after graduating from college.

The article shares “The ripple effects for today’s heavily indebted young people are becoming palpable. A growing body of research suggests that tough loan payments are affecting major life decisions by recent graduates, forcing them to put off traditional milestones—from buying a first home to even marriage and having children.” It is on doubt that having this huge debt looming over their future would have them putting off marriage and having children because that in itself is an expense.

Before that son or daughter who has student loans get married, I encourage you to provide them with financial skills or a financial literacy program such as Money Talk Before The Commitment Walk and The Debt Stops At The Altar which teaches them how to talk about money throughout the lifetime of their marriage. This program they can use on their own before they even get married.

postheadericon Financial Skills prior to Baby

As I was reading through different stories, this one caught my attention Money Before Baby. Based on the title alone, let’s be honest readers I am sure you know how this story goes. Woman has a girlfriend who is married and is pregnant. She’s happy, yet she cries. Her biological clock is ticking and she is dating someone who she would consider marrying but is not married yet.

To top it off, finances are mess and so she is not ready by any means to start a family. Does it have to be this way, of course not? It does not have to take the biological clock ticking in order to get your finances in order either. That is something that should be or should have been happening all along.

Now you have begun to think about it and are putting yourself in the place of making more mistakes if you base making these choices on biological clock, OB-Gyn is saying this, looking at your ages. There are consequences to all these decisions. I would say focus on getting your finances in order and begin talking more about the finances.

Actually maybe even before talking about the finances is discussing where your relationship is headed. There should be order to every relationship and decisions made. Next focus on the finances and establishing mutual financial goals. If you bring a baby into a relationship without marriage and financial problems… there could very well be more problems.

Do not be over anxious and make hasty decisions because your married girlfriends are having babies.

postheadericon Rich and Famous face Consequences for Financial Blunders

There may be times when people look at the rich and famous and think they are not held accountable for bad decisions they make. Well, hold on to your seat because the rich and famous face consequences just like everyone else for their bad financial decisions like everyone else.

Choices always have consequences whether good or bad. Whether it is finances, employment, business, health etc… there is always a consequence for the CHOICES we make. I would venture to say that most of the time – nothing just happens to us we make choices that result in a certain consequence. Don’t take this as a negative because it is not meant to be that way. It is to show you that YOU are in CONTROL.

When I read this story about Celebrities Financial Blunders, I wanted to share it. Just because you have the rich and famous does not mean they are immune. Listen, financial issues, debt nor taxes discriminate based on race, sex, color, creed nor religion. It is soooo equal opportunity. It does not matter who your mother, father, cousin is nor where you are employed.

Before you make that next financial decision, think about the big picture – what would the consequence be – short-term and long-term as well as who does it affect? Consider are you buying too much house which could result in foreclosure or investing in a risky stock? Or did you research your investment advisor?

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