Posts Tagged ‘conversation’
This is one of my favorite topics because people limit intimacy based on their own thinking. As I was going through different articles this morning, I discovered one titled Relationship intimacy is enhanced by money talk.
It discusses how you need to treat your marriage like a business. You would not start a business without a business plan, expenditures and etc. Then they provide questions you should ask before you get hitched. I agree that you should be talking about money before you walk down the aisle with this caveat, if you begin the money talk understand it is an ongoing conversation throughout the lifetime of the marriage.
Money has more than one role in a marriage and it is important for couples to recognize they have to set a financial foundation for their marriage. They have to set mutual financial goals and achieve them together. Being able to discuss financial mistakes and financial achievements without stress, frustration will definitely lead to greater intimacy in marriage.
Start talking openly about money today.
I had to include this one because it was a great kids movie with adult lessons that I am all to happy to share. We saw this movie in 3D with our twins about a month or so ago and I was posting the other movies – I said to myself, this one will not be expected.
Carl and Ellie meet when they were very young. Ellie was into exploring, likes Carl and says he can become a part of her exploring club. They grow up and Carl marries Ellie. One of the things that Carl promised Ellie is that he would take her to Paradise Falls.
Everytime they would think about going to Paradise Falls, something would happen in the house and need the money. They would take the money from their savings and repair whatever needed repairing. Do they ever make it to Paradise Falls….. you will have to watch the movie to find out.
Money Implications: This couple had mutual dreams and goals for their marriage.
Money Tip #1: We can learn a lot from this movie – first thing being this couple was saving money for their trip to Paradise Falls. When repairs came that were needed they took the money out of savings and paid for it. Notice I didn’t say they charged it.
Money Tip #2: They discussed financial obligations and made sure they handled them.
Money Tip #3: The husband became very creative when he took the steps to travel to Paradise Falls.
Money Tip #4: Remain focused on your financial goals. This husband knew the goal was to get to Paradise Falls and worked it out.
Recommendation: Get into the habit of paying cash for your items or save the money to purchase.
Money Talk is an on-going conversation and not a one time discussion.
Do not limit yourself by saying things can only be accomplished one way. Allow yourself to think outside of the box.
Great movie for kids and adults, buy it below:
Have you met “The One” and know that you will be together forever? You have a great time with this person, can talk about anything and even see yourselves together for the long haul but one thing is standing in your way….
The other person has OVERWHELMING DEBT and you cannot put it out of your mind!
Let me say upfront, I applaud you for paying attention and being honest about how this makes you feel. You realize that money is not a subject that should be swept under the rug as if it doesn’t exist. Now the idea is that you are not saying it changes your love for the person. What you are saying is that you and this person should talk about what are their plans for paying off this debt, how long is it going to take and what steps have they already put in place?
Getting married is serious business because it is not a fairly tale or a tv show. It takes two committed people that are choosing to love each other and not based on emotion. That understand life has ups and downs, yet they are agreeing to weather the ups and downs, allow each other to grow and become the magnificent person that is inside and can conquer the world together. People that take their vows seriously and not lightly.
If you are aware that your soon-to-be spouse has debt and you are not sure how to begin the conversation, I invite you to get “The Wedding Bailout” today at www.moneytalkmatters.com/the-wedding-bailout which will guide you in the comfort of your to begin talking about money in a non-threatening and light-hearted fashion. After you purchase “The Wedding Bailout”, at the end of this e-course you will receive “Bride’s Guide When The Sky is Knot The Limit” which was developed by Creations of Love, Inc. to assist you in planning your wedding on a budget.
This movie was a little difficult for me to watch for several reasons. My biggest problem is the dog is unruly and undisciplined. This couple got Marley shortly after they were married and still newlyweds. Marley was there as they pursued their different career aspirations, had children and even relocated.
John shared how he argued with his father about money in passing. It was in a brief clip of where he was sharing he did this here and there, took Marley here and there and Jen did this or that. That is the extent of what was said about money. The movie shows different times when they were frustrated and overwhelmed by life. Yet they remain committed to their marriage. John’s single friend, Sebastian continues to use Marley in the beginning to meet women. Later on he does the same thing with John’s kids.
Clearly there were some money issues or he would not have been arguing with his father about money. However, since it was not brought out in the movie, we will not know the depth of these money issues unless it was detailed in the book. Incidentally, I do not see myself running right out to get this book.
Money Tip #1: Household finances should remain between you and your spouse. You two are the only ones paying the bills.
Money Tip #2: Family members may seek to give you financial advice without your asking. If you are not comfortable having these conversations then steer clear.
Money Tip #3: When it comes to career aspirations make sure you are doing what makes you happy. As one gets older it is not about the money but what makes you happy and impacts lives.
1) Do not fight with your parents about money. It is important that you and your spouse are discussing your finances.
2) You and your spouse should establish a realistic household budget so that when you are planning your career aspirations you know exactly the amount of income you need to contribute.
Learn early what your response will be when family members ask about your finances. This will serve you well throughout your life and marriage.
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This gentleman had been performing at weddings for quite some time. When it is his wedding day, his bride decides that she is not going to show up. He is devastated as he finds out from his sister as he is waiting at the altar. Next day bride shows up and explains she does not want to marry a wedding singer. She was in love with who he was when they were younger. Then the main character is helping another waitress with her wedding plans. Her fiancé has all the money and does not think a lot of her. He is cheating on her while they are engaged. He always wants what he wants and does not like to compromise.
Money Implications: Robbie’s (the Wedding Singer) obviously did not have a conversation with his bride-to-be Linda prior to the wedding day about their finances. That is one of her primary reasons for not wanting to marry him because she believes he is limited in what he can make. Julia – the young waitress that he helps she is not being true to herself at first and settling for her groom. She settles because she believes that Robbie is not available.
Recommendation: Begin the Money Talk during the engagement so no one is left standing at the altar wondering what happened to their respective bride or groom. It’s when money is not discussed on any level that financial situations start to arise as you are preparing to walk down the aisle and right after the honeymoon.
Money Tip #1: Do not continue to focus on the past as you are planning your future especially when it pertains to money. You will not be able to move ahead.
Money Tip #2: Look at the inside person, not just the outside. I’m sure you have heard the saying “All that Glitters is not gold.” Same hold true, if a person is taking you here and there, spending left and right you might want to check the financial foundation or their financial situation. Recommendation: It is better to ask the hard questions instead of marrying into debt.
Warning: Do not be short-sighted as you are preparing to walk down the aisle. Think long term and listen to what is being said and the actions that are being presented to you. DO they line up?
I must share when I went to see this movie, I hadn’t been to the movies in a very long time. Busy mom of twins and so I was treating myself that day with “Mommy” time. For at least ten minutes, I was in there by myself. I can’t say I was necessarily surprised.
I don’t want to give too much away in case you have not seen the movie but from a money and marriage aspect – wow, I have much to share. Briefly – Boy meets girl, they become high school sweethearts. Boy and girl get married. His dreams of being a pro athelete are shattered by injury. Woman gets a corporate job — makes lots of money. Holds it over man’s head.
First – I did not enjoy how she continued to demean him. Understand this the Power of Speech is crucial in a relationship. Instead of building up their relationship, she continued to tear it down, including when it came to his JOB.
Money Tip for Wives: Do not talk down to your mate about his business or his job. This affects you as well. Sounding unappreciative of what he does and continuing to bring this before him will eventually get old and they could go to someone else that would appreciate what they are doing.
Second – When the husband had to take over the finances, it was very clear he was not aware of what the bills were. All we see are bills on the table and a look on his face in unbelief. You did not see bill collectors calling at all hours and him trying to figure out how to pay the bills.
Money Tip: Regardless of who manages the money in the household, both husband and wife need to know what is happening with the household personal finances. Share with them what bills have to be paid on the first of the month, what has to be paid midmonth – to who, how much and how it is paid — whether check or automatic deductions from certain accounts. Let them know what is paid quarterly, annually and monthly.
Third – Remember when you came into your marriage, both of you had dreams. Do not sacrifice one person’s dream for the other. In this movie that did happen because the wife felt because she brought the money, that her dreams were more important which made him feel inadequate.
Money Tip: Agree to go for both husband and wife’s dreams which can only enhance your marriage relationship even more. Help each other achieve those goals because in the end there will be a part of it that deals with finances. Imagine if the husband and wife both achieved those career goals and all the bills were paid off and you could take vacations every other month or donate to causes important to both of you or buy that dream house or start that family. There are a myriad of things husbands and wives can do together successfully when they are on the “same page”.
Fourth: When they were at the restaurant and she wanted to pay the bill, he knew they did not have the money but she insisted on paying the bill. Then one of her clients, ended up having to pay the bill.
Money Tip: Talking about Money is very important. It is a conversation that is more than a one time conversation. Talk about money throughout the week so everyone is clear on what is happening with money in the house. No husband or wife is a mind reader, especially when it comes to finances. It does not matter how long you have been married, Money Talk Matters. Talk about it, talk about it and gain insight and understanding.
Brief Aside: If you talk negative about your spouse to your family, that is how they will see that mate. It is hard to undo negative speech about someone you love. Choose your words carefully.
If you have not seen this movie, purchase below:
Day in and day out life happens. We talk about things on the news, friends and relatives. We talk about our children, neighbors and even our jobs. Yet, when we talk about money it might not necessarily pertain to our situation. We talk about we need to buy this or that and usually that is the extent of the conversation.
With the economy being as it is, couples and individuals are being forced to communicate about money. What is interesting is some do not even know where to start or how to have the “Money Talk”. There are couples that have been married for years and have paid the bills, bought houses, cars, etc yet the “Money Talk” has not been what it should be.
Now is a prime opportunity to begin a new foundation and establish the “Money Talk” for your relationship. Regardless of the economy, Money Talk Matters for one simple fact if nothing else, that is money has many roles in our lives. It is not something to be taken lightly but necessary in every day life.
Begin the “Money Talk” today and recognize that it is not a one time conversation. It is an ongoing conversation. Take the first step and start today. You are welcome to post your comments.