Posts Tagged ‘daughter’

postheadericon Should parents give married children money?

This is a “hot topic” that I continue to see needs answering. Should parents give married “GROWN” children money. Let me say upfront there are a lot of different factors and I am going to discuss them right here. Because LIFE happens and the answer can vary. Take the time to read this and decide what applies to you or what will you do when your children are grown and married.

First situation: I think it is acceptable for parents to give grown married children money if they are in an emergent situation. It was unexpected, they are not bad money managers but an unexpected sitation has happened. Also as long as the husband and wife, both know the parents gave the money. This does happen and can happen.

Second situation: Parents are loaning their adult child money without the spouse knowing it. This is primarily when the spouse is complaining to parents about their spouse. So the parents are almost taking sides and encouraging separation in money and marriage by their actions. Do not even pretend it does not happen because it does. Parents do not insert yourself in the middle of a husband and wife financial issues. They have to learn how to talk with each other (not argue) and work out their differences. You are not in their home 24/7 and are getting one side of the story.

Third situation: Grown married children are taking advantage of their parents because they know they can. There are probably a husband and wife that are bad money managers based on their own background, then they run to mom and dad to bail them out of their financial troubles because they know they can without any remorse. This in itself makes for debt situations that can tear the marriage apart. What can also end up happening in this situation is that one set of parents become a bank and the other set of parents are almost ignored because they do not open up their wallets. Either way, all of this scenario is bad.

Caution for parents: When brides and grooms get married initially, they need to learn how to rely on each other. Not run to you to bail them out at the first sign of financial stress.

Brides and grooms: Do not go to your parents and speak negatively about yout spouse and money. Once you paint a picture of negative and uncooperation, it is hard to change it back.

postheadericon Marriage and Money Movie #30 – Madea’s Family Reunion

You are in for a treat on this one. This is number 30 and will not be the last by a long shot. Tyler Perry’s Madea Family Reunion has it all. Get ready to read an insightful review hopefully without giving tooo much of this movie away.

Madea is quite the character, she deals with a runaway child in her care and also her nieces that have difficulty with love. I want to focus on the neices who are the daughters of Victoria (played by Lynn Whitfield) that clearly is all about the money. She practically is marrying her Lisa, the youngest daughter off to Carlos (played by Blair Underwood). Unbeknownst to Victoria, Carlos has been beating on the Lisa since their engagement. The Lisa shares with Vanessa, her older sister that she is being beat on and they consult Madea for guidance.

Vanessa is single and has two kids and does not think she is worthy of love after all she has been through. Vanessa reveals a family secret to her mother and Lisa hears this for the first time. The mother thinks about herself first even when this dark secret is revealed. To find out if the wedding happened between Carlos and Lisa, you will have to purchase the movie and watch it for yourself. There are many turns and twist that you might not expect. I will give you a hint – Wedding Bells do happen but who gets married? Two thumbs up.

Money Implications:

Money does not guarantee happiness. A person that has money does not make them better than anyone else either. Some of the wealthiest people are the unhappiest.

Money Tip #1: Be content with what you have and manage it properly.

Money Tip #2: Appreciate the one you love for who they are and encourage them in whatever they choose to do. It affects the bottom line.

Money Tip #3: Do not marry for money, especially when there is domestic abuse involved.

Observations:

The mother in this movie, Victoria was all about the money from the very beginning. She was this way with her own marriage and was continuing the cycle for the youngest daughter. Fortunately Vanessa, the older sister sticks up for Lisa and talks with Madea about how to handle it. She tells them not to run but to handle their business with instructions.

Vanessa had trouble trusting men but starts to fall in love with the Bus Driver, Frankie. What happens with Vanessa and the Bus Driver is a tear jerker.

Recommendations

(1) Your past may have some difficult things to overcome, including when it comes to finances however you must not let that stop you from living life.

(2) Learn from your financial mistakes, move on and do not make the same mistakes today or in the future.

(3) Do not be afraid to speak up if you are in a relationship and domestic violence is taking place. This is not someone you want to marry and you need to get out.

(4) Do not get caught in a situation of your parents attempting to live their lives out through you by them dictating what you should do with your life as far as career and marriage. This is a costly mistake.

(5) Having a low self-esteem does not warrant that you should be treated any kind of way. Gain your self-confidence back and know that you deserve better. Having a low self-esteem not only affects your choice in a mate, affects your employment and parenting.

(6) Trust is crucial in a marriage and when it comes to money. This is not something you can fake. If you do not have trust in a marriage, then you do not have anything. Make sure you trust your spouse when it comes to money and marriage.

postheadericon Marriage and Money Movie #25 – Guess Who

I had to watch this movie a second time to make sure it fit the marriage and money movie reviews. I am sooooo glad I did because it was a great addition. This movie had various dynamics that I am going to point out that can benefit so many on different levels. Take your time when you are reading these reviews because if you can think back to the movie, you can see these different points of view.

Without giving too much away this movie dealt with an affluent family, race, unemployment, lies, and money. One of my favorite actors that I got to see in person and truly miss that was in the movie – the late Bernie Mac. Ashton Kutcher was also in this movie.

Ashton plays Simon in this movie and has become engaged to Bernie’s (Percy) daughter – Teresa. Simon and Teresa are going to her parents for the weekend to celebrate their 25th anniversary. She has not told her parents that he is white. Percy has pulled Simon’s credit report and is pleased with what he sees. When they arrive, Percy mistakes the cab driver, who is black for his daughter, Teresa’s boyfriend. Then when Simon introduces himself as her boyfriend, Percy is taken shocked. Percy looks around to see if anyone sees Simon standing in the yard and says we need to go inside. Then he begins in on Simon with the 20 questions. He is very suspicious of simon.

Percy later asks his wife, why didn’t the daughter tell them he was white. Wife admits she had figured it out. Simon begins contacting old friends and colleagues to see if he can get a job before anyone discovers he does not have a job. Percy does not like him from the start and wants to take him to a hotel.

Money Implications:

Do not hide your financial background from your soon to be spouse. When the truth is revealed it could divide and destroy your relationship and marriage. There is nothing wrong with putting your cards on the table to ensure the one you love knows you are not attempting to keep secrets, especially financial secrets.

Do not lie about your employment situation. You can only pretend so much and it will catch up with you.

Money Tip #1: If you love someone, love them regardless of income.

Money Tip #2: For parents, do not make your grown son or daughter feel as if their choices are wrong when it comes to a mate without talking with your future son or daughter-in-law.

Money Tip #3: Do not prejudge a person based on the color of their skin. That type of discrimination affects a person as a whole which includes their work performance.

Money Tip #4: Parents should be knowledgeable of how their future son or daughter-in-law handle different financial situations.

Observations:

When it comes to love, race should not matter. Your heart does not discriminate – love who you love and enjoy life.

Do not lie about your employment because it will affect the entire household. Once you say “I Do”, all situations (employment, education, financial and more) affect the household.

If you start out lying to your future spouse, you will slip up and the relationship could begin to deteriorate.

Recommendations:

1) Be honest and proud of your soon-to-be spouse. You are the one that has to live with the person and make joint decisions. You should not be embarrassed about this person or anything.

2) Know that when you enter into a marriage and it is different races, you can get the looks and even some comments – do not address people’s ignorance. Love the one you are with because they love you. You don’t have to impress anyone.

3) Talk WITH each other versus AT each other. The power of speech also affects your finances, ability to work effectively and efficiently whether you work for someone else or have your own business.

4) When you are building a relationship with your in-laws, it takes time. Build the relationship without passing judgment. This is your soon-to-be spouse’s parents.

5) Before you borrow money from parents or in-laws, know up front that a lot can happen from that i.e. change in the relationship, parents watching how you spend (they may think you are wasting their money) money and more. Make sure everyone understands whether it is a gift or a loan.

postheadericon Should Parents Talk with Young Adults about Money

When young men and women are preparing for marriage, they have time on their side because some of them are not getting married right away. The benefit is if they have questions or concerns about money, they can talk with their parents or their parents can refer them to a financial advisor that can assist them with talking about money as a couple.

It should be a parents responsibility to ensure that their son or daughter knows this life and marriage sustaining skill so that they can live happily ever after and not have financial issues because of the debt incurred from the wedding.

Parents should think back to when they first got married and all the things they wish someone had told them when it came to money and marriage. They can impart this knowledge to their son or daughter so they will not have to go through the same struggles the parents did but be informed on handling financial situations.

Parents love your sons and daughters and do not assume that they know how to manage money. Sure, they might have gone to college and seemed to have taken care of money while at college. Let me ask you a question: What is the amount of their student loan bill? Enough said.

Prepare your son or daughter with this valuable life and marriage sustaining skill. They will thank you for it later. You will also be glad that you did.

postheadericon Marriage and Money Movie #22 Hope Floats

This is yet another movie that any time it comes on, I have to stop and watch it all the way through. Sandra Bullock is one of my favorites and such a diverse actress she is. I’m sure you’ve heard the story before – young woman from a small town is married to a professional man. They have a child together. She is brought on television thinking she is going to get a makeover by a friend only to find out that her husband has been having an affair with this best friend. She leaves him and has to move back home with her mother.
She has to start over and has much to deal with being a single mother, a not so good relationship with her mother, old flame and more. You must watch this movie.

Money Implications:
She was not aware her husband was having an affair and once she became aware she was not financially sound to stand on her own. She had to move back home to her parents home which was not an easy thing to do based on her estranged relationship with her mother.

Money Tip #1 – This is for women – yes you are a wife and you are a woman. Meaning you should know how to manage money even if you have a husband as well as what is happening with the household finances.

Money Tip #2 – If you are put in the position of having to divorce your husband and return to a familiar place with relatives, you do not need to explain your situation to those relatives. If you move back in with your parents, you can choose what you share with them when it comes to your finances.

Money Tip #3 – You are an adult now and do not allow old high school friends or college friends that were competitive with you talk down to you based on what they are assuming is happening in your life. Hold your head up high and take care of your business – finances and all.

Observation:
It is clear in this movie that Sandra Bullock’s daughter wanted to be with the father and blames the mother for the breakup. As a parent it is important that you share information that the child(ren) need to know. It is not necessary to “bad mouth” the other parent. The child(ren) will make their own judgment based on what they see and hear. If your ex or soon-to-be ex is not paying child support nor spending time with the child(ren), you make memories with your child(ren) and let them know how much they are loved. Divorce and separation affects children and households in many ways. Get your finances in order and know what it takes to make your situation work.

Recommendation:
(1) Set the example for your child(ren) that you would want them to be as a young married couple. Teach them about money and managing money early on.

(2) Do no let your personal information become the “town” news of the day. What happens in your marriage and finances is not anyone’s business.

(3) We all love our parents, but do not let your parents opinions cause you to drift into depression which leads to inactivity. It is a costly position to be in.

(4) Do not let the emotional pain of your past cause you to make financial mistakes in your present thereby affecting your future.

(5) Protect the child(ren) from being devastated by a lack of the other parent’s involvement in their lives. This can have long term effects even when they are young adults, husbands and wives. Make lasting memories and it does not have to cost a fortune.

postheadericon Parents: Protect Your Wedding Investment Before You Throw Your Money Down the Drain

Your daughter is engaged and the wedding plans are in full force. For some of you the wedding is happening relatively soon and you continue to charge this and pay cash for that so your daughter can have the wedding of her dreams. Regardless of what the economy is doing, wedding are happening throughout the United States and worldwide.

 You want this to be a day she remembers for the rest of her life. Are you prepared to protect your wedding investment or throw your money down the drain? Think about this, we have all heard money is one of the top reasons for divorce. Do you realize that the BIGGEST marital expense of them all is divorce?

 Now that I have your attention parents, do something that is not the norm when it comes to paying for weddings. I’m talking about protecting your wedding investment and include life skills for your daughter’s marriage. When young women are getting married, their main focus is on their wedding day because they have dreamed about it for years, yet they do not think about what happens after the honeymoon.

 I have talked with different parents over the last few months in various settings and they ask me what do I do? When I share with them that I am a money and marriage advocate, I teach couples how to communicate about money throughout the lifetime of their marriage. Their immediate response is, “I wish you had talked to my daughter before she got married.”

 Have you felt like this as you have watched your daughter plan the wedding and spend your money? So how do you protect your wedding investment? Give your daughter financial skills that she can utilize throughout the life of her marriage. It does not have to be intrusive nor judgmental but in essence a tool that says this is an area where most couples struggle and have limited financial knowledge. Therefore, as your parent that wants to see your marriage succeed, I am giving you this gift of financial education that will keep on giving.  Once you learn how to talk WITH your soon-to-be groom about money throughout your marriage and financial challenges you may face, you can handle anything.  

 Of course you could say, she is an adult and knows how to manage money. Are you thinking that or do you know 100% that she is a good money manager? If there is any doubt, get her Money Talk Before The Commitment Walk and The Debt Stops At The Altar today which was created by Dr. Taffy Wagner, of Money Talk Matters, LLC. This financial education program can be purchased through  this site, www.MoneyTalkMatters.com .

postheadericon Loans for College affecting Students’ Future

This is one of those topics that I have heard from students firsthand when I have had exhibit booths at different events. When I saw this story in the Wall Street Journal, there was no way I was going to pass it up. The title is Students Borrow More Than Ever for College.

I completely understand why they are borrowing because they want to attain an education. However, the problem is not knowing all of the consequences of having all of these student loans. For example, I remember talking with one student and they expressed that the amount of money they spent on their education, once they got a job it would take five to ten years to pay off their student loan based on what they were making at the job they got after graduating from college.

The article shares “The ripple effects for today’s heavily indebted young people are becoming palpable. A growing body of research suggests that tough loan payments are affecting major life decisions by recent graduates, forcing them to put off traditional milestones—from buying a first home to even marriage and having children.” It is on doubt that having this huge debt looming over their future would have them putting off marriage and having children because that in itself is an expense.

Before that son or daughter who has student loans get married, I encourage you to provide them with financial skills or a financial literacy program such as Money Talk Before The Commitment Walk and The Debt Stops At The Altar which teaches them how to talk about money throughout the lifetime of their marriage. This program they can use on their own before they even get married.

postheadericon Marriage and Money Movie #11 – You, Me and Dupree

I did not know about this movie until I was doing some research and very glad that I found out about this movie. Favorite actors and actresses Matt Dillon, Kate Hudson, Owen Wilson and Michael Douglas are the main characters for this movie. I will be brief in my summary.

Kate Hudson whose character is Molly prepares to marry Carl who is played by Matt Dillon. Carl works for Molly’s father, Bob who is Michael Douglas. Carl’s best friends Neil and Dupree, played by Owen Wilson have been with him through everything in his life. Of course they are in his wedding and Dupree is his Best Man. Upon returning from the honeymoon, newlywed life begins with some interesting issues that can impact a marriage such as the place of friendship, parenting, money and employment. This is a must see movie for engaged couples and newlyweds.

Money Implications:

1) Accept yourself for who you are and do not let the parents of the spouse make you feel inferior. Those feelings affect your job, relationships and your marriage.

2) Maintain your friendships within your marriage but not at the expense of your marriage. There is no rule that says once you are married you have to get rid of your friends. CAUTION:  Be careful if you are a husband and has a single female friend or vice versa if you are the wife and have a single male friend. Do not open that can of worms.

3) Know what your household income is and work your mutual financial plan. Establish mutual financial goals even while planning your wedding. Anyone outside of your household (this includes parents, grandparents) does not need to know what your income and expenses are unless you are seeking to establish a financial plan utilizing a financial advisor or planner.

4) Have candid talks with your soon to be spouse regarding finances, especially if they grew up in an affluent environment. The true financial picture of your marriage should be discussed before you walk down the aisle so they do not come into the marriage with unrealistic expectations based on their upbringing.

Observations:

Newlyweds must be comfortable in their marriage and relationship because when other factors present such as relationships with parents and best friends arise that may cause conflict, the newlyweds must stick together despite what parents and best friends think. Even though best friends have generally been around longer than the spouse, the spouse comes first. A true best friend will not place you in the position of choosing between them and your spouse.

WORD OF CAUTION: If one friend is saying this is not the person to marry, consider the source. BUT if EVERYONE is saying you should not marry this person, then you need to WAKE UP and be truthful. Do not marry a person that is not good for you just to get out of a) your parents’ home;  b) because you want to be married and do not truly love this person or c) for the money.

Recommendations:

1) Pay attention to how the bride is handling money while you are engaged and planning for the wedding. Listen to what they are saying and whether or not they are willing to compromise on wedding purchases and reduce costs. For example, if the bride comes from an affluent family and knows that her parents are paying for everything and is not willing to compromise based on the groom wanting to reduce or alleviate something, this could be a glimpse into what they will do once you are married.

2) Money cannot buy you love. Do not let your parents money and their thoughts about money and a mate dictate who you should marry.

3) Be true to yourself about who you really are and who you love. Do not get into the habit of pleasing people or you will end up unhappy.

YouMeandDupree

postheadericon Marriage and Money Movie #7 – The Story of Us

How I enjoyed watching this movie again. This one I actually own and had been sitting on the shelf. Happy to make it a part of my Marriage and Money Movies database. I am a huge fan of Bruce Willis and Michelle Pfeiffer.

Without giving to much of it away, this is a couple that met at work, got married, had some kids and was married for fifteen years when it appeared they were going to call it quits. He was the carefree, no rules type of guy. Of course she was the by the book, stick to the schedule and took care of all the problems in the marriage wife. The day came when she got tired and he felt like she turned into her mother. The kids go off to summer camp but when they pickup the kids from summer camp a big decision is made. You are going to have to watch the movie to find out what it is.

Money Implications:

No true money implications from what I could see. They lived comfortably, the kids went to summer camp and he was able to get a new place of residence without it affecting the household finances.

Observations:

1) They had gotten so used to fighting that they resorted to silence. Silence became the norm in their marriage. Do not let this happen especially when it comes to money issues.

2) The problem with silence is if there are financial issues, the one dealing with the issues could make more mistakes when making all the decisions without discussing it with the spouse.

3) The daughter sensed something was wrong with the parents even though they tried to “mask” the problem. Know that kids pick up on every behavior change, non-verbal behavior parents exhibit. They are more aware than what parents give them credit for.

Recommendations:

1) Do not forget to stop and smell the roses regardless of how busy life gets.

2) Take the time to appreciate each other for who they are as they are on the journey to becoming even the best they can be.

3) When there are children in the marriage, exhibit the type of marriage to them you would want them to have including a marriage that has financial talks.

postheadericon Encourage your Son or Daughter to begin the Money Talk before “I Do”

I am sooo thrilled at all the articles that are coming out regarding money and  marriage. It is in the best interest of the bride and groom to talk about money prior to walking down the aisle. If they have not talked about it in depth, at least beginning the discussion will give them some idea what they are in for.

When people are preparing to wed, they are sooo caught up in the planning and excitement of a wedding, they forget about “The Marriage”. I encourage you today to take that son or daughter, niece or nephew aside and say it is important that you begin talking about money with your soon to be spouse.

Look at this recent article: Get fiscal before you wed

Money is the top reason for divorce and there is no reason that your marriage should become a divorce statistic. Take the time and learn the important skill of communicating about money which can sustain your marriage. If it is hard for you to communicate verbally in the beginning, then write your soon-to-be spouse a love note and begin sharing with him or her about your finances.

The plus side to this is that you are beginning to share and be honest in an area that can cause division, separation and eventually divorce. Take the step today to begin the Money Talk.

If you are a parent, relative or co-worker and know a bride or groom preparing to walk down the aisle, encourage them to begin talking about money beyond the wedding day. Marriage should be for a lifetime.

Archives