Money Talk Matters

Posts Tagged ‘daughter’

Best friends that have not seen each other in a couple of years. The guy contacts the girl to share that he is getting married the upcoming weekend and wants her there. He does not feel as if he can go through it without her. She arrives with the intention of breaking it up because she loves him and has for 9 yrs. Over the next few days, she does everything she can to split them up and it does not work by any means. At the end of the day, she cannot break them up because she turns out (bride-to-be) to be the perfect woman.

Money Implication: His bride-to-be is the daughter of a billionaire baseball team owner. He is a freelance sports writer. One would think this would affect the relationship. The groom’s best friend does try to use this to her advantage as one of the tools to break up their relationship. Yet his bride-to-be pulls it off the table.

Money Tip #1: Do not let money be the driving factor to your walking down the aisle. Marry for love and not money.

Money Tip #2: In my opinion if you have a pre-nup it says you are planning for the divorce before you say “I Do.” Love is a choice and not an emotion.

Money Tip #3: Do not let society dictate your wedding or marriage. You know what is true and right in your heart.

Caution: All of your friends might not be happy about your upcoming wedding. However, be realistic and make a wise decision. The heart does not lie.

Second Caution: Do not settle for less than you deserve because all of your friends are married. Take your time because the right person will come along.

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This is almost a typical father’s response when a daughter would announce her engagement. First thought she’s too young and definitely he is not good enough for his daughter. Naturally he would want his wife to agree with him but she does not. Mother and daughter hire a wedding consultant and spend uncontrollably. He is clearly dealing with the cost and also thoughts of losing his daughter. Movie does show the relationship that exist between a father and daughter.

Money Implications: The father is a “tightwad” as some might say. The mother and daughter are excited about the upcoming wedding and spend, spend, spend. In my opinion this sends the wrong message because she could spend uncontrollably against her soon to be husband’s wishes once married.

Money Tip #1: Emotions tend to dictate money solutions and should not. I always recommend people step back from the situation and let cooler heads prevail.

Money Tip #2: If you are a shopper, admit to it up front and do not let your spouse be surprised weeks after you return from the honeymoon that each week you are spending uncontrollably.

Money Tip #3: Pertaining to parents and married adult children, be cautious in the area of money. The husband and wife need to viewed as the husband of his new wife and not just “their son” and vice versa. They should for their household finances initially without running to mom or dad.

Money Tip #4: The wedding day is only the beginning of the marriage, begin the money talk prior to the wedding and continue it throughout the marriage.

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This morning has led to many posts regarding personal finances. I was on the phone contacting one of my vendors. They were asking me about Money Talk Matters and what I do. I shared with them that I teach couples how to communicate about money throughout the lifetime of the marriage. The customer service rep on the other end said I wish you had talked to my daughter.

I asked her how long the daughter had been married. She said eleven years and is going through a divorce. Nasty divorce. She stated that her daughter would not listen to her. Clearly this lady and I were on the phone for some time. She went on to share that this daughter was a shopper. From her saying that, I ascertained that it was partially a factor in this divorce. I shared with her even through divorce, her daughter could still contact me if she wanted to discuss finances.

There are times when our adult children (no matter how old they get) will have to get the message from someone else. If your son or daughter is preparing to walk down the aisle and you are not able to share the message about money and its importance in marriage you can have some options:

1) Send them to this blog and let them read this particular post
2) Give them the web address www.DebtAtTheAltar.com
3) Remind them of all the stories in the news about couples that would be divorcing but cannot because of financial issues
4) Give them the gift of financial education by giving Money Talk Before The Commitment Walk and The Debt Stops At The Altar financial education program

Once you have decided what you are willing to do, you can be assured that you did broach the subject of finances in a manner that was not threatening but out of concern. Hopefully, your son or daughter will appreciate what you are doing.

I prefer that you not be like this mother, sighing because the daughter is going to have a rough time even in divorce. Talk about finances before and during marriage can help prevent financial stress. Take the time to equip your loved ones with premarital financial answers.