Money Talk Matters – Bride and Groom Money Talk©

Money Talk Before Marriage isn’t necessary if..

1) You have decided to keep your financial secrets hidden and you can handle the consequences once the truth comes to light.

2) You want your upcoming marriage to potentially be a divorce statistic by not discussing one of the top (if not the top) cause for divorce.

3) You are so in love, your fiance has told you that he or she is not paying their bills prior to your being married and you feel secure in knowing this will change once you are married.

4) You have swapped credit reports.

5) You are aware your future spouse has other children and is not paying child support. then once you say “I Do”, the ex-wives will sue you both.

6) Your future spouse is not working and has no intention of getting a job; thereby placing you in the position of bringing in all the income, paying the bills and planning for the future.

7) When one spouse has more debt than the other and the one with no debt will be expected to pay all the bills.

You’ve talked with your girlfriends about financial issues and they have re-assured you everything will be okay despite the fact they don’t know your future spouse and what his thoughts are.

9) You prefer to learn your money lesssons On-the-job in marriage and comfortable with making mistakes.

* If you need premarital financial counseling, register at www.moneytalkmatters.com and Dr. Wagner will contact you.

Copyright ©2010 – Dr. Taffy Wagner – Permission granted to use and reproduce with proper citation.

We have all have heard and know money is one of the top three reasons for divorce, yet people are getting married every day without having discussed finances. Is DEBT the new FAMILY HEIRLOOM?

Individuals are mismanaging money, obtaining credit card after credit card and not making enough money to pay all of their bills. Where does this start – the lack of knowledge regarding finances? It could go back to their Parents and even their Parents’ parents. Be honest if their parents were not taught how to manage money and has experienced their own share of financial strain and struggle but made it through. This could be the result of not having been talked to about money.

Unfortunately the cycle continues and NOW Debt becomes the family heirloom. We all know that heirloom is a FAMILY possession that is passed down from generation to generation. When I think about an heirloom, I think about jewelry, pictures, furniture and other possessions of older family members. Incidentally, it does seem that “DEBT” has reached this status of heirloom. Unless someone decides to break the cycle, debt will be passed down from generation to generation along with that negative mindset in regards to money.

Debt is not precious nor should it be passed down. DO NOT ignore the warning signs of a son or daughter mismanaging money. Stop today and get them the help that is necessary so that their marriage does not end up becoming a divorce statistic because of money when it doesn’t have to be.

A lot of time is spent on wedding day preparation, but how much time is spent on ensuring that brides and grooms are getting the necessary life skills to sustain their marriage? Couples need to be prepared for financial decisions such as what happens if one spouse loses a job – are they prepared financially? How do they handle when the economy is down? I remember when the economy began to tank, the statistic surfaced that 3 out of 4 married couples were arguing about money.

Debt is equal opportunity and does not discriminate based on race, economic level, religion, or sex. Choose to stop the cycle today and get premarital or postmarital financial education for yourself or the ones you love. If you know you wouldn’t want your son or daughter to go through what you have gone through when it comes to money and marriage, then give them the gift of financial education as a wedding gift. Invest in their marriage for a lifetime and provide them with a resource that teaches them how to make solid financial decisions so they won’t have to come to you and borrow money after saying “I Do”.

Get them premarital financial counseling or give them the program that they can complete in the comfort and privacy of their own home. Go to www.moneytalkmatters.com/products

Engaged Couples you should take a look. I invite you to Share, subscribe or leave comments.

The economy has had its effects on many relationships especially for those that are engaged. Brides and grooms are having to cut costs where they can in order to have the wedding of their dreams. Sure they are compromising on different things and some have even gone the route of DIY. I tell you what, I am an artsy girl in a different kind of way and don’t think I would have been doing a lot of DIY. Hmmm, let me think about this as I write… my husband actually did our wedding announcements because he works in the printing industry.

When it came to the flowers, I went to a local florist and chose my bouquet and the boutonneire that I wanted my him to wear. So there were some things that we did handle. We had a Justice of the Peace wedding because we knew what our financial situation was and did not want to incur more debt due to our wedding.

I have repeatedly been reading different articles and getting some anonymous notes on the back end of my blog regarding how the economy has been affecting the bride and groom. This week, I will be talking about different situations regarding the money and the bride and groom. Stay tuned…

Part 2 – To With This Ring.. I love it because immediately the questions from Claire and Cliff are being asked – what do we know about him.. Does he have his own apartment? Does he live alone? Claire asks Cliff what do you know?

What do you think would happen if parents asked questions of the fiance such as – Do you have any debt? What is your income? How long have you been working at your job? If you have a financial emergency, what is your method to solving it.

Watch this next part about With This Ring:

If your parents asked your fiance about his bills? His Debt? Would you still be with them. Weigh in!

My fiance is in financial trouble and I am truly uncomfortable. It is making me rethink this whole wedding thing. Should I rethink it or go ahead with the marriage?

Dear Bride-to-be, if this is you here is what I have to say – pay attention to your feelings. Obviously this is a red flag for you and you do not want to sweep your feelings under the rug. Remember, money is one of the top reasons for divorce, communication is another. If you and your groom are not communicating openly about money, it is as if you are setting yourself up to fall into the statistic.

Since you know that he has some financial trouble – let me ask you this – did he tell you upfront or did you find out by accident? If he told you that he has financial trouble that is a step in the right direction. Why? Because he is not trying to hide it. Second, he wants you to know what you are getting yourself into.

The next step for you is if he told you upfront, find out exactly how much financial trouble it is. Whether it is so many thousands of dollars in debt, is he facing auto repossession, debt from a previous marriage or what. You need to know the whole picture because once you are married more than likely you will have to deal with the consequences. Trust me, I am writing to you from experience.

My husband had a bankruptcy from a previous marriage long before we got together. Several years after we were married, creditors were calling saying he owed them money. When I asked him about it, he said they were discharged in the bankruptcy. I said okay, where was the bankruptcy filed. Then I put on my legal hat and made some calls, wrote some letters and within 30 days had a copy of the discharged bankruptcy paperwork listing the creditors that were under that filing. Let the fun begin.

So find out what you need to know beforehand and be honest with yourself. Can you handle being there for him while he deals with the financial trouble or not? Also find out what his game plan is to remove the financial trouble. He should have a plan in place prior to getting married.

Let’s flip this. Maybe this is just me usually when I hear fiance’, I think of the groom. Well, hold on to your seat someone sent this one in and said, what do I do. My fiance’ is bad with money and I was planning on her being the money manager. How do I address this now?

That is just it – you address now. Talk with her about money management. Why? Because it concerns you that she is not managing her money well and whatever the consequences are – whether she has debt, collectors calling or whatever, once you are married you could be dealing with the consequences of that. Do not brush it under the rug because it could become a nightmare for you if you do not address it.

Ask her the following:

1) What does she know about managing money? Being bad at finances does not necessarily mean it is her intent to be bad. She might not be budgeting or keeping track of how her money is being spent and ends up making mistakes. Talk with her about establishing a budget.

2) Maybe this should be first, let her know that you love her and want to help her get her finances in order so that once you are married, she can be confident whether she is managing the money or you are. You want to include her in on your financial habits so that the two of you can establish a financial foundation for your marriage. Your finances will be one of openness and not financial secrets.

This should give her some level of comfort and maybe even a sigh of relief because she will know that she is not alone. Dont take it for granted that she might not have had anyone that she could talk with nor depend on and now you are here. Remember it is all in how you say it and present it to her.

I was not going to point this one out however, as much as I tried not to post it, it kept coming up. Remember the Jilted Bride that was Awarded $150,000. Take a look.

According to the post I read, “he testified he had taken her on several trips and paid $30,000 of her debt while they were engaged. Then he found out she had even more debt so he called it off! In my opinion sounds like he dodged a life of financial frustration if she had that amount of debt and more.

When you get into the habit of paying off a future spouse’s debt even prior to getting married, this can open the door for them to create more if they are shoppers and feel as if they have been given a new lease on life. Why? Because they may believe you have a soft spot and think they can create debt and run to you to clean it up.

Whatever debt you create prior to your marriage and engagement is your responsibility to clean up. Not your future spouse! It is not written in stone anywhere they they must pay off your bills even once you are married. Your credit is individual. Brides and grooms both need to beware and pay attention to the financial obligations that exist prior to getting married.

There are many brides-to-be and grooms-to-be that are dealing with one of their future spouses being broke and they are shouldering all the bills during the engagement phase and they are sick of it. It is not only because they are shouldering all the bills, furthermore, they are the one taking care of keeping the house clean, cooking dinner and more. Incidentally, this is beginning to wear on the one that is bringing in the income.

Newsflash – If this is what is happening when you are engaged and you are not expressing your concerns and talking about it, the same will occur once you are married. Notice I said if you are not expressing your concerns – not arguing, calling each other names, walking out and leaving things unresolved. None of those behaviors solve financial shortcomings. Let’s break it down.

When you are engaged and only one of you are bringing in the income – yes initially it seems okay but it will wear off in a short matter of time. Here is what you look at: 1) Does your future spouse have the initiative to change jobs or get a job if he or she is not working; 2) Do they also have bills and you are paying his or her bills in addition to yours and are you able to do it without falling behind on your bills; 3) It sends a message when he or she is not paying her bills during the engagement phase because what will they do when an emergency or situation happens once you are married?

Let’s take it here, what would your parents say if they knew your future spouse was not paying his or her bills and you were paying everything? If you won’t tell them, what keeps you from telling them and why? My purpose here is to show you this could be a red flag because people do not change once they get married. As a matter of fact, after a period of time they get comfortable and what you put up with for a certain period of time becomes acceptable and they do not expect they should change.

You can be sick of shouldering all the bills and are you going to TALK about it? What is it that you want to see happen in your finances while you are engaged and then let’s talk about once you are married. Because normally what happens while you are engaged gets carried over into the marriage. Set the right foundation now for financial and marital happiness not discord.

This post has been coming for a couple of days and I decided to write it today. I am sure the title caught your attention Planning for the Wedding and Failing at the Marriage. It means just what it says. Let’s me break it down. Many women have been dreaming about their wedding day every since they can remember. They have been able to see that day in their minds, the dress, who would be in the bridal party and so much more.

Once they become engaged, the wedding planning begins to carry out exactly what that dream is that has been in their mind for years. Reading various bridal magazines, attending bridal show after bridal show, going to bridal shops and even watching various shows.. Say Yes To The Dress and much more. Then you begin talking with girlfriends in detail about your plans and even your parents.

This day.. Your Wedding day must come off without a hitch. You are taking the time and attention to ensure this happens just as you have dreamed. For some of you that means you hire a wedding planner, for others of you that means you do it yourself and either way there are checklist invovled. You make sure all the I’s are dotted and the T’s are crossed. You WILL NOT, down right REFUSE to leave anything to chance.

The wedding day approaches and you have confidence that everything is the way you want it. Minutes after saying “I Do” comes the marriage. What have you done to plan for the marriage? We all know the statistics money is one of the top reasons for divorce.

What have you done to plan for your money and marriage? How do you handle your fiance coming into the marriage with debt and NOT paying his bills but you don’t find out until weeks after you say “I Do”.  When you were talking about the wedding expenses, you were continuing to plan for the wedding and nothing else.

What will you do if he is the money manager and does not want to have a joint account with you? If this hurts your feelings, what will you do afterwards? What if you are bringing bills into the marriage, he knows about it and has agreed to help you pay off your debt BUT wants a full accounting of your money? How will you handle that? Does he deserve to get a full accounting? Do you get offended and say I don’t want your help because you are now faced with a lack of trust on your part? Even as you are reading this, do you honestly know what financial obligations are being brought into the marriage by your future spouse? Have you talked about it? Have you seen things that are red flags but are choosing to ignore it because you want to be married?

Sure, I could go on and on because I live money and marriage every day. I know money is not a romantic or even a “warm fuzzy feeling kind of topic”. Yet, marriages are ending every day because of money issues that husbands and wives did not “TALK” (not argue) about and reach solutions. Before you plan another detail for your wedding, take the time and begin PLANNING and GETTING answers for your impending MARRIAGE.

To learn how to communicate about money in the comfort of your own home, grab your copy today of Money Talk Before The Commitment Walk and The Debt Stops At The Altar financial education program for engaged couples and newlyweds. Your marriage does not have to be like everyone else’s filled with financial stress and strain, being called at work with complaints from the spouse about finances and more.

Money and marriage is a private topic and embarrassing if you have made some wrong choices. That is one of the reasons this program was developed so couples could get answers in the comfort of their own home behind closed doors. Whether they do it together or one spouse listens first and then shares with the other it is a flexible program. You learn how to TALK with each other about money, how to decide who the money manager should be, recognizing shopper and saver characteristics and more.