Posts Tagged ‘divorce statistic’

postheadericon Talking about money – Fear of Rejection

Money is a subject that needs to be talked about as you are preparing for marriage, yet it is often avoided beyond the wedding budget. Talking about money can lead to a bride or groom believing they are going to be rejected, the wedding being called off or even judgment for financial mistakes.

Let’s put the cards on the table, money is one of the top reasons if not the top reason for divorce. Whether it is because of overspending, a communication breakdown because of money mismanagement or even financial secrets when it comes to money – MONEY is a tool that everyone single or married must learn how to use and be able to talk about.

Think about it – how many of your friends are having financial struggles whether it is student loans or even auto loans. Some are employed and don’t make enough to pay all of their bills, maybe you know a bride-to-be or groom that has recently become unemployed and now they are faced with cutting the costs of the wedding. Regardless of the situation, brides and grooms should be talking about their finances prior to saying “I Do” in an effort to learn what is the best strategy for managing money as a couple based on what they have done individually.

No one is perfect and decisions made prior to your saying “I Do” does not give either one of you cause to judge each other. Instead it should cause each of you to say, here is what I did and why, now let’s formulate a financial foundation and financial plan for OUR MARRIAGE (yes, beyond the wedding day) so that our Marriage and Money can succeed and not become a divorce statistic because we kept quiet for fear of rejection.

Remember this – if the money secrets come out after you say I Do there is more of a chance that trust will be broken, which opens the door to wonder what other secrets you are hiding. Once trust is broken it is hard to get back because you cannot get trust back just based on words – ACTIONS speak louder. Why even put yourself through that. Talk about money upfront and openly – your motto should be we are being proactive in our marriage preparation and talking about money before we say I Do instead of being reactive after I Do and regretting who we married.

If you are reading this and are engaged and want to get started with “The Money Talk” with assistance, write me at drtaffy@moneytalkmatters.com and get a complimentary premarital financial counseling session with your fiance. This is limited to 15 couples from this post!

postheadericon Money Talk Before Marriage isn’t necessary if..

Money Talk Before Marriage isn’t necessary if..

1) You have decided to keep your financial secrets hidden and you can handle the consequences once the truth comes to light.

2) You want your upcoming marriage to potentially be a divorce statistic by not discussing one of the top (if not the top) cause for divorce.

3) You are so in love, your fiance has told you that he or she is not paying their bills prior to your being married and you feel secure in knowing this will change once you are married.

4) You have swapped credit reports.

5) You are aware your future spouse has other children and is not paying child support. then once you say “I Do”, the ex-wives will sue you both.

6) Your future spouse is not working and has no intention of getting a job; thereby placing you in the position of bringing in all the income, paying the bills and planning for the future.

7) When one spouse has more debt than the other and the one with no debt will be expected to pay all the bills.

8) You’ve talked with your girlfriends about financial issues and they have re-assured you everything will be okay despite the fact they don’t know your future spouse and what his thoughts are.

9) You prefer to learn your money lesssons On-the-job in marriage and comfortable with making mistakes.

* If you need premarital financial counseling, register at www.moneytalkmatters.com and Dr. Wagner will contact you.

Copyright ©2010 – Dr. Taffy Wagner – Permission granted to use and reproduce with proper citation.

postheadericon Fiance is in Financial Trouble

My fiance is in financial trouble and I am truly uncomfortable. It is making me rethink this whole wedding thing. Should I rethink it or go ahead with the marriage?

Dear Bride-to-be, if this is you here is what I have to say – pay attention to your feelings. Obviously this is a red flag for you and you do not want to sweep your feelings under the rug. Remember, money is one of the top reasons for divorce, communication is another. If you and your groom are not communicating openly about money, it is as if you are setting yourself up to fall into the statistic.

Since you know that he has some financial trouble – let me ask you this – did he tell you upfront or did you find out by accident? If he told you that he has financial trouble that is a step in the right direction. Why? Because he is not trying to hide it. Second, he wants you to know what you are getting yourself into.

The next step for you is if he told you upfront, find out exactly how much financial trouble it is. Whether it is so many thousands of dollars in debt, is he facing auto repossession, debt from a previous marriage or what. You need to know the whole picture because once you are married more than likely you will have to deal with the consequences. Trust me, I am writing to you from experience.

My husband had a bankruptcy from a previous marriage long before we got together. Several years after we were married, creditors were calling saying he owed them money. When I asked him about it, he said they were discharged in the bankruptcy. I said okay, where was the bankruptcy filed. Then I put on my legal hat and made some calls, wrote some letters and within 30 days had a copy of the discharged bankruptcy paperwork listing the creditors that were under that filing. Let the fun begin.

So find out what you need to know beforehand and be honest with yourself. Can you handle being there for him while he deals with the financial trouble or not? Also find out what his game plan is to remove the financial trouble. He should have a plan in place prior to getting married.

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