Posts Tagged ‘faith’
Being the money manager such as I am, there are times when you might not tell your spouse everything that is going on with the finances. Why does this happen? Well, I can think of several reasons – you do not want to add to his stress level, you think if you told him he would go off on you (not physically but verbally), you believe you can get it handled and no one needs to be the wiser. Listen wives, for whatever reason it – do you realize you are shouldering all the burden, stress and frustration. You also could be making decisions without all of the information and your husband could be assisting you.
Has this happened to me? There were some times when I was not discussing in complete detail the money with him because I was working the plan. I told my husband give me a chance to work the plan. Now was he willing to do it? Yes, because when I have said that before it turned out to the benefit of everyone and not to anyone’s detriment. So he knows when I say I am working the plan that it will give him more freedom later to shop without scrutiny. See, in our marriage he is the shopper and not me.
Do I think we all are shoppers at some point. Yes, because I will buy up Barnes and Nobles if left to my own devices. But other than that, it is quiet when it comes to shopping from me. I digress, when a financial issue presents itself that you did not plan on and it gets bigger and bigger, who do you turn to? When I was single and this happened, I did not turn to family, friends, nor anyone in my church. What happens then Ladies is that things spiral out of control.
Once things spiral out of control, it is almost like no turning back. Before things spiral out of control today, I am here to help you. I’m the wife who has been in debt, homeless, came back from being in debt, restored and happily married to the same man that I married when I was in debt. Do you need someone to encourage you that you can get out debt, share with you how to talk to your husband about finances and establish a plan as well as much more… then become a member of MarriageMoneyMatters.com today which is for wives.
I will be working with you on reviewing credit reports, providing one-on-one financial counseling, holding you accountable to discussing money and marriage with your husbands and much more. Join today and get the answers in the privacy and comfort of your own home.
I wanted to take this time and share with you that during National Marriage Week as I was faciliating Money and Marriage Teleseminars, my husband and I were celebrating 14 wonderful years of marriage. We came into our marriage with our eyes open. What do I mean by that?
We both came into our marriage with debt and disclosed that information fully to each other. We knew that we had made mistakes and did not judge each other, yet we let that catapult our relationship into a STRONG and FORMIDABLE team. How many of you have heard… A THREEFOLD CORD is NOT EASILY BROKEN! Amen!
When we talked about getting married, my mindset was I do not want to incur anymore debt for a wedding. Sure it was my first and only marriage; however knowing what I knew about the existing debt, I was not of the mind to create more. I WANTED to be OUT OF DEBT and so did he. So we agreed on a Justice of the Peace ceremony. Our family was not in town and I am not big on crowds.
We got married and paid for everything we needed in cash and were still able to continue with life. What did we do about the DEBT? We established a five year plan to pay it off that we could live with. Bless GOD – we did it in two and a half years WITHOUT filing bankruptcy, WITHOUT buying and selling houses – WE WORKED the PLAN. So when I talk to you about Money and Marriage – Telling you first hand experience.
Remember each one of us came to our marriage with debt – things that we did in our past without the other person yet we had to handle the ramifications of those choices we made separately together. What did those things include include….effects of bankruptcy, creditor calls, restoration from being homeless, not having a bank account, not being able to or comfortable talking with family about money issues, not comfortable enough to talk with anyone in our church, let alone our friends, challenges in our Faith and much more.
As we celebrated our 14 years of Marital Happiness, Love, Family and LASTING when others thought we would not make it – our twins were celebrating with us. They simply adore their example of marriage, love and happiness. We make sure and create memories for them that they will never forget. They do the same for us.
So for those of you that are engaged, newly married and married for many years, keep on pressing on and HAVE A PLAN. Even at 14 years we have plans that are short-term and long-term. We have fun making them as well as making them a reality and going beyond them.
To my Hubby, thank you my Love for who you are, whose you are and all that you are becoming. Thank you for 14 years of trials & triumphs, happy times and sad times, the ever growing TESTIMONY that our Marriage and Family is.
Last year when we witnessed first hand the economy decline, marriages were tested on new levels. Christian marriages were also tested and some ended in divorce because of the finances. How does a husband and wife hold on to their faith when it seems as if their finances are becoming less and less. They are praying, yet they do not see a change in their situation.
What is a husband or wife to do when one spouse is continuing to hold on to their faith, yet the other spouse’s faith has been shaken. Now not only is the marriage dealing with the financial issues but now they will be dealing with shaken faith which impacts the marriage on a different level. How does a couple hold on when it appears what they are doing is not working?
Join Dr. Taffy and Rev. Angela Chester on February 8, 2010 at 8pm EST as they discuss Faith and Finances for the beginning of the Money and Marriage Teleseminars during National Marriage Week.
Sign up here for the call in information: http://financesandfaith.eventbrite.com/
When this question came in to me, I had to do a little research because I had not ever heard of this. This person is divorcing from her husband and I gather it is not by her choice; however, she has no access to money because his money is in his ministry account.
I had not heard of a ministry account before. What I have discovered is that it is an account for people involved in ministry. What it appears to me is this woman’s husband has an account and did not give her access nor did he put her name on the account.
Now I ask you, what is GODly about this behavior? What happened to the Ephesians 5:25-29 where it says, (Amplified Bible) ”
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 So that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, 27 That He might present the church to Himself in glorious splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such things [that she might be holy and faultless]. 28 Even so husbands should love their wives as [being in a sense] their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. 29 For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and carefully protects and cherishes it, as Christ does the church.
Doesn’t it say in 29, he must nourish, carefully protect and cherish her. So it appears this man is going to leave his wife and possibly kids without financial means to take care of their household. Sure, I don’t know the whole story. Even without knowing the entire story, this does not sound like to me what Jesus would do!
This saddens me because it is questions like these and situations like this that cause others in the Church to stumble. Because people who are and are not saved are watching how Christian marriages are falling apart based on husbands and wives choices, selfishness and lack of guidance from within the Church.
(1) The wife needs to take steps to ensure she and her children are provided for.
(2) She needs to do an assessment of what joint accounts they do have.
(3) She also needs to assess the credit cards they have and find out what happens when they get divorced.
(4) If the wife has a joint bank account and no credit card, she should talk with a personal banker about opening her own account and getting a debit card attached to her account.
*This is a time to be honest with yourself and not in denial about your situation.
Ladies, I was sitting here reviewing and thinking back to when I was younger and some of the different women that came across my path and what they did when it came to men. Lo and behold, that is where the title of this post came from. There are women who are spending their money on a man to keep him interested when they know he is not faithful nor committed to their relationship. In their mind, they were seriously dating and not far from walking down the aisle, when he is far from it.
For the woman that is reading this and it fits you, stop now! Do not spend another dime on this man. He is not the one for you no matter how good you think you are for him. You cannot buy love because love is not for sale. It is not an emotion it is a choice. Furthermore, if you have a person that is not being faithful when you are dating, what makes you think he will be faithful once you are married? Just a thought!
Do not ignore what is happening right in front of you. If you do and force a relationship that is not supposed to happen, you are potentially in for heart ache down the road that could have been avoided. Buying toys and trinkets does not solidify your relationship what it does it cause you to be taken advantage of.
Think about it. How many women do you know that have tried to buy a man with gifts, even giving him money, etc? What was the end result? Stop today if this is you. Don’t put yourself in a financial hole for someone that is probably not going to be around much longer.
This is one of my favorites – the story of four women that have their individual stories that deal with professionalism, parenting, marriage, a divorced mother and single woman seeking a man. One of my primary reasons for including this movie is because there are varying dynamics that warrants its inclusion. Each character: Savannah, Robin, Gloria and Bernadine have great story lines.
These women share each others triumphs and struggles throughout this movie. Savannah was the professional, single woman that did not let her “single status” keep her from reaching her goals. Although her mother felt every woman “NEEDS” a man. Robin was the professional, single woman that had been burned by men so much that she did not look at them the same. Furthermore, she had lost her self-respect but gained it back in the end. Gloria was the divorced parent that owned a hair salon and who had almost cut herself off from relationships because she had gotten used to spending time with her son that was graduating from high school. She does have an interest in the widowed neighbor. Lastly, we have Bernadine who was married to a professional and mother of two children. When Bernadine wanted to start a business, he told her it was not the right time. So she put everything she had into building his businesses. Strongly recommend you watch the entire movie.
Money Implications: I am going to do this based on each character:
Savannah – she had money and still had some degree of difficulty in who she was as a person. Her mother had limited finances and was attempting to keep it from Savannah. Once Savannah found out, she wired the money for her mother.
Robin – she lived somewhat comfortably but was settling for mediocre men. Had a great job and clearly was making money but what she thought about herself was reflected in the men she dated. Did not really value who she was until the end of the show.
Gloria – the entrepreneur of the group. She appeared to be doing well financially.
Bernadine – the true “lesson” in this group. Do not put everything you have into your spouse. This lady was not aware of what the husband had been doing regarding putting EVERYTHING in his name. Once he decided he wanted a divorce, initially it appeared as if she was not going to get anything.
Money Tip #1: Having money does not mean you cannot have financial problems in your life.
Money Tip #2: If you are an entrepreneur or seeking to become an entrepreneur, do your homework. What type of business are you seeking to start, what are the start-up costs, who is your target audience, can you start this business without taking money from the household budget and another major statement that you cannot ignore: If you are married, talk with your spouse before starting a business especially if it will impact your time and family finances.
Money Tip #3: This applies to the husband and the wife – share with each other about the household finances. Do not let the money manager be the only one that is aware of all the bank accounts, how much money is in each account and when the bills are due.
Money Tip #4: Husbands and wives do not get lost in the marriage. Meaning put everything into the one person where you have no self-identity. That costs you in the long run.
Money Tip #5: Husbands and Wives – stay faithful to your mate and do not even think about the grass on the other side. It does not matter who attempts to flirt with you. Based on a lot of stories in national news and facts – people that enter into infidelity are paying a “HEAVY PRICE” and sometimes it is their life in addition to money.
Money Tip #6: For single parents, if you are not getting the child support that you are due it is up to you to decide what action you are going to take. Also, recommend that you create great memories every day with your children. Creating memories does not necessarily have to involve a lot of money.
Money Tip #7: For the new single parent, when it comes to money – take the time to sit down and detail your new household budget and expenses. This will show you what you need to run your household from month to month.
Observation: Money impacts lives in many ways and should not be ignored. Take the time today to look at the roles money plays in your life.
Recommendations: I know there are times when we as women vent to our girlfriends about our spouses, what I want to say on this is take the time to talk with your husband about your finances and issues you are facing. The two of you are on the same team – solve the situation together.
For the single parent, ensure that you find out all of the resources available to you through different organizations that assist single parents. Some could be local and there could be some that are on the internet. Do your research.
For the newly divorced spouse, pull yourself together and know that being single does not define who you are. Think about what you want to do with your life and what example do you want to set for your children.
Add this to your movie collection today:
Money and marriage are near and dear to my heart because this is what I live. I am the person that came to their marriage with financial baggage and maybe different than you I did put it on the table. As a matter of fact, so did my husband. We both came to our marriage with financial baggage and we are both Christians. My husband and I are a happily married couple of 13 years that know from our own experience how to be successful at money and marriage.
When it comes to dealing with financial baggage which can be anything from - slow pays, homelessness, debt, bankruptcy, cleaning up credit, family and money, becoming parents, job loss, spending, student loans, bad credit, business decisions affecting finances and relationships – we have experienced it.
When I say this morning, Money and Marriage is My Ministry, it is a ministry for me that I do not take lightly. I thought back to when I was interviewed by US News and World Reports - a question she asked was does faith impact money? I had soooo much fun answering that question because it does when you are a Christian, believer. I am here to listen, then encourage and provide solutions that work to:
- Couples that are in church whose finances are funny and they do not understand but do not think they can reach out to anyone for help because they believe they will be judged or their situation will become church staff gossip
- Couples who are embarrassed to even say we have made wrong decisions and want to get our money and marriage right. We don’t want money being a reason we get divorced.
- Individuals who are tired of making wrong financial decisions but need help in cleaning it up.
- Anyone that want help in the area of money and marriage without judgment and condemnation.
- The person that has fear when it comes to money.
Regardless of what you think, you can come out of financial frustration today. As far as I am concerned, Christian Marriages should be setting the example for those not of faith and encourage them to want to be a Christian. But I know that is not what has happened.
It is time to equip Christian marriages with life skills to sustain marriages and not let them be a divorce statistic. Let me address this – do you have to be a Christian to contact me? No, you do not and I will continue to provide you with solutions based on what I know works.
Christian or not, when you are given solutions it will be your choice whether or not you utilize the information and move beyond financial frustation and begin the path of financial independence.