Money Talk Matters

Posts Tagged ‘feelings’

Taye Diggs and Sanaa Lathan, there was no way I was going to pass this one. I own it and anytime that I really need to crank out a lot of work, I put this one on and it gets me through.

This story is about two childhood friends, growing up and making it. They hadn’t seen each other in a while and when they connect again, she (Sidney) finds out that he (Dre’) is getting married to Nicole Ari Parker who plays Reece. Reece is also in the corporate world and makes a lot of money. The night before the wedding you will not believe what happens…. That is all I am going to say, go and get the movie.

Money Implications:

Do not marry for money. Marry for love and know in your heart of hearts this is the person you should be marrying.

Money Tip #1: Live within or below your means. Living above your means leads to trouble.

Money Tip #2: When it comes to your career, you must be true to yourself about what you need from employment to make yourself happy.

Money Tip #3: Do not start your own business without knowing what the expenses are, how long it will take before you make a profit and what the costs are to start the business.

Observations:

Even though Dre’ and Sidney attempted to pretend they were in love with other people, it all changed at a certain time. You love who you love.

Recommendations:

1) Do not be afraid of loving the person you fell in love with. If you are settling for “Mr. Comfortable and Acceptable, there could come a point in your relationship when you feel it is time to get out.

2) Divorce is expensive. As a matter of fact, I say it is the biggest marital expense of them all. Know what you are doing.

No movie library should be without this one:

I am glad this one did not completely get by me.  About two or three weeks ago, a colleague recommended I watch this movie after reading some of my previous reviews.  Of course some of my favs were in it Sanaa Lathan, Wesley Snipes, John Amos and CCH Pounder.

Zora Banks, who is a young independent woman, a singer and teacher  moves to another city and meets construction worker, Franklin that has been doing work in her building, specifically her brownstone. Zora notices Franklin and vice versa. Franklin returns later to Zora’s brownstone and they become intimately involved prior to any background discussions.  AFTER the fact, they began to talk about some of their personal life which could be viewed as secrets that they did not share prior to becoming intimate. Then once these truths begin to reveal themselves, the relationship gets complicated. This movie deals with separation, children, pregnancy, finances, employment, job loss and more. Of course I did not want to give away too much but highly recommend you see this movie if you have not already.

Money Implications:  When you are in a relationship, do not make one person feel as if they are carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders when it comes to finances. If you do, they will eventually grow tired and could seek an escape route.

Observation:  If you are seriously involved with an individual that is separated but not divorced, you need to consider all the facts – what type of debt do they have, are they paying child support, are they working and more.

If your relationship consists of you paying all the bills, know that there is the possibility that your finances will begin to run short because you are the only one paying all the bills, paying for dates, etc. After a period of time, this might not feel as good as when you first started.

When Zora and Franklin met they both had individual dreams, however they let emotions and circumstances of life get them off track. Once she threw him out, they focused on their dreams and accomplished those goals separately.

Recommendations:

1)  Be honest about your backgrounds including finances upfront before there is physical involvement. Emotions can cloud your judgment.

2) Establish mutual financial goals for your marriage. If you are seriously dating and not married yet, pay attention to financial habits that are exhibited even in the dating stage. This could give you insight into how they will handle financial challenges during marriage.

3) If you are in a serious relationship with someone that is separated but not divorced and children are involved, you must really consider a couple of different things: a) if you ended up marrying this person could this happen to you several years down the road where they are now seeing someone else and you are at home with the kids; b) if the person is not paying child support to existing children what would happen if you had children with the person and they left you at some point in time; c) find out what their plan is regarding divorce and what do they see for the future of your relationship?

4) If your husband is a contractor or wants to start his own business, encourage him and do not tear him down. Tearing him down will not result in the bottom line being met.  Ask if there is anything you can do to help. Teamwork – partnership is essential in marriage.

I did not know about this movie until I was doing some research and very glad that I found out about this movie. Favorite actors and actresses Matt Dillon, Kate Hudson, Owen Wilson and Michael Douglas are the main characters for this movie. I will be brief in my summary.

Kate Hudson whose character is Molly prepares to marry Carl who is played by Matt Dillon. Carl works for Molly’s father, Bob who is Michael Douglas. Carl’s best friends Neil and Dupree, played by Owen Wilson have been with him through everything in his life. Of course they are in his wedding and Dupree is his Best Man. Upon returning from the honeymoon, newlywed life begins with some interesting issues that can impact a marriage such as the place of friendship, parenting, money and employment. This is a must see movie for engaged couples and newlyweds.

Money Implications:

1) Accept yourself for who you are and do not let the parents of the spouse make you feel inferior. Those feelings affect your job, relationships and your marriage.

2) Maintain your friendships within your marriage but not at the expense of your marriage. There is no rule that says once you are married you have to get rid of your friends. CAUTION:  Be careful if you are a husband and has a single female friend or vice versa if you are the wife and have a single male friend. Do not open that can of worms.

3) Know what your household income is and work your mutual financial plan. Establish mutual financial goals even while planning your wedding. Anyone outside of your household (this includes parents, grandparents) does not need to know what your income and expenses are unless you are seeking to establish a financial plan utilizing a financial advisor or planner.

4) Have candid talks with your soon to be spouse regarding finances, especially if they grew up in an affluent environment. The true financial picture of your marriage should be discussed before you walk down the aisle so they do not come into the marriage with unrealistic expectations based on their upbringing.

Observations:

Newlyweds must be comfortable in their marriage and relationship because when other factors present such as relationships with parents and best friends arise that may cause conflict, the newlyweds must stick together despite what parents and best friends think. Even though best friends have generally been around longer than the spouse, the spouse comes first. A true best friend will not place you in the position of choosing between them and your spouse.

WORD OF CAUTION: If one friend is saying this is not the person to marry, consider the source. BUT if EVERYONE is saying you should not marry this person, then you need to WAKE UP and be truthful. Do not marry a person that is not good for you just to get out of a) your parents’ home;  b) because you want to be married and do not truly love this person or c) for the money.

Recommendations:

1) Pay attention to how the bride is handling money while you are engaged and planning for the wedding. Listen to what they are saying and whether or not they are willing to compromise on wedding purchases and reduce costs. For example, if the bride comes from an affluent family and knows that her parents are paying for everything and is not willing to compromise based on the groom wanting to reduce or alleviate something, this could be a glimpse into what they will do once you are married.

2) Money cannot buy you love. Do not let your parents money and their thoughts about money and a mate dictate who you should marry.

3) Be true to yourself about who you really are and who you love. Do not get into the habit of pleasing people or you will end up unhappy.

Another movie that I cannot recall why I had not seen this one before especially since I am such a huge fan of Richard Gere and Julia Roberts.  Really after Pretty Woman you think I would have been one of the first ones to see this but I had not seen this until recently. Almost embarrased to admit such. But I digress, let’s see if I can summarize it without giving too much away.

A journalist (played by Richard Gere) who is on deadline finds out about this “Runaway Bride” and decides to write about her without getting all of the facts. Okay I know from my brother having been a journalist, that is Journalism 101 – always check your facts before you run a story. The Runaway Bride (played by Julia Roberts) turns around and writes the newspaper and gets him fired. Journalist decides to do his fact checking a little late, after the fact by going to the town where the Runaway Bride is in order to clear his name. He befriends her family, friends and fiance. While the journalist is talking with the Runaway Bride’s father, he shares that he has all of her escapes via videotape and gives them to the journalist.  The father also comments on how he has paid for all of these weddings. Runaway Bride says she is paying for number four. Journalist believes she will not make it down the aisle to number four. The more he finds out about her…. Next question is does she make it down the aisle and marry number four or what does she do? You will have to watch the movie if you haven’t already to find out what happens.

Money Implications:

1) Considering her father paid for three weddings, I do not expect anyone to believe their parents will pay for a second wedding if the first one does not last. The expense of three weddings sure enough could put parents in debt.  

2) This bride has major premarital concerns and if the day of the wedding arrives and you continue to have questions, you should either delay the wedding or call it off. It does not matter what people will think – be true to yourself.

3) Realize that money is being spent for a wedding. Whether you are paying for the wedding or your parents are paying, money is being spent. Do not take it for granted that some of these expenses once you have spent the money there is not an opportunity to get the money back. If you have not begun to talk about finances, now is just as good as any time. Start talking about money for your marriage while you are talking about compromising on financial expenses for the wedding.

Observations:

1) The bride continues to panic as she is at the altar or approaching the altar. The father makes a joke about it but you can tell he is not necessarily happy about this situation. The bride says she is going to pay this time. It’s as if she almost has some guilt about these different attempts.

2) When the bride wants to purchase an expensive wedding gown, the lady at the dress shop does not want to sell it to her because she knows her past history with weddings and not making it down the aisle. She recommends she purchase something less expensive. The journalist steps in and says he will buy the dress. When choosing a dress, buy within your budget.

Recommendations:

1) Wherever you are in your relationship, six months to a year or even longer, start talking about money now. Three out of four married couples argue about money. It is not a written rule that you must become a part of that statistic. Talk about money in order to prevent financial stress in your marriage.

2) Be certain that the person you are about to marry is the person you love regardless of income, appearance or employment status. Let’s be honest, some of the cutest people or most handsome treat people the worse. People do not stay the  same age, size and could change jobs several times throughout marriage.

3) Do not lose your identity in becoming a wife. All to often women lose themselves when they become married, especially if their husband has some type of position. They get lost in being Mrs. XXX and then when he loses that position and/or becomes depressed or becomes upset then they too go through that same behavior instead of being strong and talking him through what happened and encouraging him to move forward. Instead the entire household is now depressed and cannot seem to move out of the slump they are in. **Part of what I saw was the problem with Maggie is she felt she could not be herself which incidentally cost her family in the long run.

Good. This means that you have opened up with your soon-t0-be spouse about your finances and there is some cause for concern.  Great! Why do I say that? Because you are talking about your financial background before you walk down the aisle. Can you imagine what would happen if you did not?

Imagine walking down the aisle saying I do, knowing all the while in the back of your mind you hope that he does not find out about your debt. Let me ask you, how do you plan on keeping this from him once you are married? Should you? Remember three out of four married couples argue about money. Furthermore, we have all heard that money is one of the top reasons for divorce.

The fact that you are discussing the bottom line and it is causing concern, I say ask the soon-to-be groom the same thing. What is his financial background? This way you do not feel as if you are the only one in the hot seat. Trust me right about now you feel as if you are in the hot seat and want to change the subject.

Not necessary. Your learning to discuss money issues now will serve you well throughout your marriage instead of avoiding the tough topics. Share with me, how do you plan on starting the “Money Talk” today?

This is one of those things that I have always known because some become professional athletes at such a young age and are bombarded with limelight, money and opportunities that they are not necessarily prepared for. I came across this story tonight and could not resist sharing it, it is titled Taking Vows in a League Hit Hard by Divorce.

This story shares that 78% of NFL players are bankrupt, divorced or jobless. WHOA! That statistic says that they are not being protected nor surrounded by people that are truly looking out for their best interest long term. There is absolutely NO REASON on GOD’s Green earth why these individuals should end up bankrupt or jobless.  I had to say it that way.

This is the way I see it - their job is to play football but is not a reason for them to neglect their marriage.  It still takes work – TEAMWORK as a matter of fact. The wife cannot feel as if she is doing all the work. Furthermore, the athlete should not be made to feel as if he is strictly a cash machine.

There is sooo much in this article but another thing I want to point out is it says, “When athletes retire, most face an identity crisis. Many do not retire on their own terms, and once they leave the game, they also leave behind the fame and fortune, the crowds and adoration. Their wives experience a similar loss of status.”  Wives need to have their own identity whether they are married to a professional athlete or not because as soon as that person stops that particular position she could easily fall into depression. That does not help that husband in any way shape or form, especially if he did not leave that position on his own terms.

Athletes and wives should be taking the time to establish who they are outside of his job. What are your dreams and goals? If he was not a professional athlete what would both of you be doing? What is it you would do if you had to retire today?

Being a professional athlete does not define who you are. Put a plan in place so that when the job is done, you can move on to the next phase of your life with minimal stress and disarray to your household.

Read the article and share your thoughts here.

Have you met “The One” and know that you will be together forever? You have a great time with this person, can talk about anything and even see yourselves together for the long haul but one thing is standing in your way….
The other person has OVERWHELMING DEBT and you cannot put it out of your mind!

Let me say upfront, I applaud you for paying attention and being honest about how this makes you feel. You realize that money is not a subject that should be swept under the rug as if it doesn’t exist. Now the idea is that you are not saying it changes your love for the person. What you are saying is that you and this person should talk about what are their plans for paying off this debt, how long is it going to take and what steps have they already put in place?

Getting married is serious business because it is not a fairly tale or a tv show. It takes two committed people that are choosing to love each other and not based on emotion. That understand life has ups and downs, yet they are agreeing to weather the ups and downs, allow each other to grow and become the magnificent person that is inside and can conquer the world together. People that take their vows seriously and not lightly.

If you are aware that your soon-to-be spouse has debt and you are not sure how to begin the conversation, I invite you to get “The Wedding Bailout” today at www.moneytalkmatters.com/the-wedding-bailout which will guide you in the comfort of your to begin talking about money in a non-threatening and light-hearted fashion. After you purchase “The Wedding Bailout”, at the end of this e-course you will receive “Bride’s Guide When The Sky is Knot The Limit” which was developed by Creations of Love, Inc. to assist you in planning your wedding on a budget.

Bills, bills and more bills. You work each day and get paid twice a month. The debt has gotten so bad that you do not even look forward to payday because the money is already spent. Month after month you pay one bill and get behind on another. You don’t like it but you have found a little solace in knowing that you are paying.

All of a sudden, there’s a little glimmer of hope because one pay period you actually got some overtime. This time it seems you are about to get caught up. But the next thing you know, the next month you are behind again. So you sit and believe that you are all alone.

You continue going to work and not saying anything to any of your co-workers, yet your work begins to deteriorate. Your mind is constantly focused on the finances and you do not know what to do. You have been praying and nothing seems to be changing.

You do not think for one minute that you can divulge this challenging area in your life. You believe people are going to judge you and make you feel worse than you already do. Night after night you go to bed upset without your financial issues being resolved.

You are not alone. There are people like you all over the world. The difference between you and them today is that you can choose to get on a path that leads to financial cleanup and success. Sure that does not come from your being silent. That comes with your stepping out and realizing you have to get guidance from outside of yourself. What will you choose today – continued financial nightmare or a plan towards financial cleanup and success?

Let’s have some fun with truth this post. Prepare yourselves because it could hit some hard and others will read it and still not do anything.

When our car breaks down, the first thing we do is call a mechanic or take our car to a mechanic.

When we do not feel well, we go to the doctor.

When our vision is blurred or we think we are not reading clearly, we go to the eye doctor.

When we do not hear clearly, we go to an ear doctor.

When we have financial challenges and are making financial mistakes, look at what happens:

1) Because of embarrassment, we do not talk to anyone. Consequently we make even more mistakes.

2) We attempt to ignore the problem, thereby ruining our credit.

3) If in a marriage, we point the finger and blame the other spouse. Which causes anger in the relationship and causes stress.

4) Our work performance deteriorates because we are constantly thinking about our lack of money to pay the bills.

5) If you are single and have borrowed money from friends, we stay away from our friends.

6) Money problems lead to divorce in marriage because there is a communication breakdown.

7) We do not talk to anyone for fear of being judged.

Yet in every situation prior, we consult the most likely person who has the expertise to fix the problem or provide recommendations on solutions.

Why not in finances? Do you like where you are in your finances today? Or, do you want to make a change? If you want to make a change – Dr. Taffy is in the financial house and ready to help you.

You have to do something different in order to get better results. I know some of you will read this and agree with it, yet not take any action. I wish you well. But for those of you who take a stand today and say I want to make better financial decisions, get ready for your path to GREATNESS in financial achievement.

He spends, she saves. She expresses her concern when he spends and he feels that because he makes more than she does, that its okay. Then she’s left feeling as if what she has to say does not matter. Then she resorts to calling her girlfriends and fussing about her husband because he spends when they need to be saving. She loves him but sometimes he makes her sooo mad by spending money that she has already allocated to something else. When she tries to explain to him that money was for a bill – it goes in one ear and out the other. What is a wife to do?

Does the above scenario sound like you or someone you know? How long has this been going on? Clearly there is a money communication block when it comes to the husband in the scenario. More than likely when she is attempting to convey her concern about the money, she is doing it out of anger or frustration instead of a financial goal for the marriage.

Wonder what would happen if the wife went to the husband and shared a financial goal that she has for the money in their marriage. Of course, the financial goal benefits both people and is not one-sided. When she shares the goal and the steps it take to get there, the husband could see how it is mutually beneficial and the extraneous spending stop. You won’t know until you try. If you have set mutually beneficial goals for your marriage, this could be a starting place.

Tip: You won’t know until you try. Break down the communication block today.

If you are a married couple and would like to learn how to communicate with your spouse about money for the benefit of your marriage, send me an email today at drtaffy@moneytalkmatters.com . Let’s remove the communication block together and start you on the journey of communication openness and mutual financial goals.