Posts Tagged ‘fiance’
There are fiances that have been affected by the economy several times and are not able to contribute to the wedding. If this is the case of your fiance, continue to support him and encourage him to continue to seek employment. It is hard when a man is not working because they are even harder on themselves because they believe they should be the provider.
As his future wife, the best thing you can do is encourage him and let him know that you are in this together. Speak life to him and say he will get the right job and it will pay what you need. If you and your fiance can think of the money now as your money, then you will be that much more ahead then if you are still in the mindset of yours and his, then once you are married it becoming ours.
Lessons you can learn right now are how to compromise, how to shop wisely and purchase your needs versus your wants. You can also learn how to be supportive of each other and work together. It is important that if you have a place together now that he also helps out with the household upkeep so that you do not have to work all day, come home clean and cook dinner. Will some future wives do that? Yes they will and then reach a point where they are burned out.
Communication with your future spouse is always going to be important. Talk WITH your future spouse and not AT them there is such a difference. Remember you are on the same team not opponents. I want to say this as well, if your family and close friends know your fiance is not working, DO NOT let them talk negative about him to you by any means.
Once Elle is accepted into Harvard and she is sooo looking the part, she gets snubbed by many people due to her being “blonde”. Lo and behold in her first class, she is unprepared and the character Vivian Kenzington agrees with the instructor to kick her out. Didn’t see this coming but Vivian ends up being Warner’s fiance. Elle is sickened.
Of course the cat claws come out as soon as Vivian realizes that Warner knows Elle. At the end of the day, Warner still does not approve of Elle and thinks she is out of place at Harvard, which in turn makes her fight for her law school education.
Lesson: Brides and Grooms – be true to yourself and do not get caught up in the approval of other people or you will be setting yourself up for heartache.
The lessons in this movie did not have to do with money but instead focused more on self-esteem, relationships and knowing your mate. It is always good to have your self-esteem in check and be comfortable with who you are. Love yourself so that you can in turn love others.
Part 2 – To With This Ring.. I love it because immediately the questions from Claire and Cliff are being asked – what do we know about him.. Does he have his own apartment? Does he live alone? Claire asks Cliff what do you know?
What do you think would happen if parents asked questions of the fiance such as – Do you have any debt? What is your income? How long have you been working at your job? If you have a financial emergency, what is your method to solving it.
Watch this next part about With This Ring:
If your parents asked your fiance about his bills? His Debt? Would you still be with them. Weigh in!
I was thinking that this week and everyday, let’s face it you should ensure that you are comfortable with talking about money with your bride or groom-to-be during the engagement. Money issues will happen during that first year of marriage that can literally tear the marriage apart and leave you both in divorce court if you both are not strong and secure in your relationship. Its not about whether or not you have been together for a really long time, its more about your level of communication and being a team.
There are a lot of brides and grooms that treat each other as if they are opponents instead of allies. What is the point of being married if you are going to be against each other instead of for each other. It will not take much to tear you apart if you have that mindset. Should you be discussing money on a regular basis during engagement? Yes. Why you ask? Because not only does it costs money to have a wedding (regardless of who is paying for it), you both have an opportunity to see how each one of you handles money.
Are you being cautious or a spendthrift? Are you staying within budget or going over budget every chance you get because you want the wedding of your dreams at everyone else’s expense. Make sure you are sending the right message and that you are not creating an environment of financial stress and strain even during the engagement.
Special Alert – for brides-to-be and grooms, all engaged couples if you are arguing about money now see it as a good thing and become solution oriented. Talking not arguing would serve you better because it will allow you to lay the cards on the table and figure out a solution that works for both.
Even though you are engaged right now, it can give you more of a glimpse into how each other makes decisions when times get tough. What does the fiance want to do? What does the bride-to be want to do? Are they close to being on the same page or are you far apart and refusing to compromise in order to reach an agreement? Listen, its okay to agree to disagree. However, when it comes to finances you cannot just argue, someone walk away without any type of solution being made because feelings got hurt.
Step back from the situation and ask yourself, what are you really arguing about? Did someone’s opinion not get taken into consideration? Or did one person overspend when the other one suggested you should be in a saving mode? Of course if you focus on the fact that you are arguing too long it could be viewed as a negative instead of seeing it as a positive. The good thing about it is you can get your issues on the table and there should not be any financial secrets that each other does not know about as you approach your wedding day.
Question for the fiancee – does arguing about money at this point make you want to call off the wedding and if so, why?
Grooms make a note: If you have to support your bride-to-be financially before marriage make sure that all the cards are on the table beforehand. What is good about this is the opportunity to find out the good, bad and ugly about each other’s financial background. What each of you have done and what you plan to do for your future?
Now is the time to find out why you need to support the bride-to-be financially and is it due to her mismanagement of funds. If she is working, then the two of you need to talk about money management skills. What have you done and you already know that she is having some issues? How do you plan to move forward because one of the first things that you need to decide as husband and wife if not before is who will manage the money for your marriage.
You do not want to go into your marriage managing money by trial and error. Debt after a wedding impacts the marriage relationship like nothing else in the beginning. It robs husbands and wives of the opportunity to learn about each other and nurture their relationship. They almost automatically go into fight mode because of the financial strain that they are facing.
Take this time to talk about each other’s financial background and establish a new financial foundation for your marriage, who will manage the money and pay the bills as well as mutual financial goals to pay off debt, plan for vacations, buying a house and more. Think long-term and not just for today.
Brides if your fiance is bad with money, now is the time to talk with him and plan for your financial foundation during your marriage. It is a GREAT thing that you are finding out this information prior to your walking down the aisle. You may be puzzled as to why! Because there are so many brides and grooms that are not even discussing money before marriage and then they become mad when they find out that the money is not right or the other person has debt.
The biggest expense of marriage is DIVORCE. While you are seeing that your fiance is bad with money, why not take steps together to correct his financial mistakes and any financial mistakes that you have made. While you are putting it out there that he is bad with money, what about you? Is your financial background spotless? If not, then I suggest you share with him as well what your financial background is so that you are starting from a place of everyone’s financial cards being on the table.
It is not fair if you do not share with him and you know in the back of your mind, you have made mistakes too. Even if you have not made mistakes, share with him how you handle money so that it can enlighten him on how you make financial decisions as well as what you base those decisions on.
After you have shared how you handle money, the two of you should look at what his plans are to clean up his financial situation. Establish goals that are achievable and realistic. He needs to be able to take some steps to correct his financial picture. That may or may not necessarily involve you. What you can do is to talk with him on a regular basis and see what progress he has made. This will let him know you are not just going to have a one time discussion and drop it. Encourage him to pursue financial relief in his own life.
Brides – stop read and learn. I have been getting several questions regarding fiance’s and I must say please pay attention. This question came no doubt from a bride and you need to read this answer in full.
Question: Should a fiance help with bills even if he does not live with me?
Answer: This answer is going to be quite detailed because there are several variables.
First and foremost, the fiance’ should not be obligated to help the bride-to-be pay bills if they are strictly the brides’ bills that were created even before the fiance’ came along. Now if he chooses to help, it should be his choice and not one of feeling as if he was manipulated into helping. That would be wrong.
Second, if these were bills created by the bride-to-be for the wedding that they (bride and fiance) budgeted for, then sure he should help out with the bills even if he does not live there. Another factor that comes into play with this is if they are primarily paying for their own wedding and the parents are not contributing or are making a minimal contribution to the wedding.
Third, if these are joint bills they created together what I mean by that they opened up joint credit accounts and they have charged this and that, sure he should help pay for the bills even if they do not live together. This can be a lesson in money prior to saying “I Do”. What can be learned in this lesson is what was the original agreement when it came to expenses, who would pay, etc. If the fiance helped create the debt and then decides that he does not want to help pay, I say to the bride-to-be take a long look and decide if this is what you want your marriage to be like.
If he does not voluntarily help pay before then more than likely he will not pay after you say “I Do”. Then what happens is you are going to have regrets and think of ways to get out of it.
Brides to be: ALERT – We all know the statistics and I am going to remind you what they are:
Money is one of the top reasons for divorce
Three out of four married couples are arguing about money since the recession.
One in three marriages deal with financial infidelity
If your fiance does not pay his share of the bills that you are creating together prior to marriage, be “CAUTIOUS”. Why, let’s lay the cards on the table:
(1) Why is he not paying his share? Is it because he just does not want to?
(2) Can he not afford to? He could afford to create them with you.
(3) Is he blaming these bills on you?
This is not a time to ignore the fact that he does not want to pay his share. Is this a pattern and will this be what he does once you are married? There are clear signals that people are ignoring every day in order to walk down the aisle. Then they get divorced because of issues that arise such as money, when they did not talk about it in the first place.
Brides to be (and grooms) – pay attention to what your soon to be spouse is doing with the money prior to your getting married. Don’t just focus on the wedding plans – but look at how they are paying their own bills, are they even talking about it or being silent, what are the parents role in their bills if any and much more.
You do not want to come back from the honeymoon to discover debt beyond your imagination and have regrets. Life is to be enjoyed not dreaded.
Begin talking about money today. One way you could spark the conversation is to tell him about a financial situation that you are dealing with and see if that encourages him to open up about his own financial situation. Nothing too heavy but enough to let him know that you trust him and want to include him in decisions you are making.
Start talking before you come home to the pile of bills.
Money is an important topic when it comes to engagement and marriage. This is yet another anonymous question that came in from a soon-to-be groom. What do I do, my fiance does not share her support of expenses? Heavy duty topic which can lead to an uneasy discussion but this should be talked about.
I would imagine this groom-to-be is not the only person that is dealing with this issue. First, how long has your fiance not been willing to share in his or her support of expenses? What people fail to realize is this, if their is a certain behavior that is exhibited that you do not agree with yet you remain silent, then it is perceived in the other person’s mind as accepted or agreed upon. Therefore, for example if the fiance has not ever shared in her support of expenses, then it will take some doing to change that behavior.
Next, I would recommend that you sit down with your fiance and begin talking about the money matters more in depth than you were before. This clearly should raise a red flag that the does not share her support of expenses. Why is that? Are some of the expenses hers? Are these wedding expenses? Also are these needs or wants? These are definitely questions that you need to sit down and discuss now. Why? You are headed down a road of pointing the finger and blame if one person does not agree with financial expenses that are happening in the marriage.
You cannot look at this one sided and place all the blame on her. Be honest with yourself because deep down you know what the reason is. Do not be in denial. Both of you need to take responsibility and discuss your finances openly. What are the mutual financial goals for the marriage? What debt is being brought into the marriage by the husband and the wife and so much more. Do not avoid having these discussions or you could be setting your marriage up for financial stress unnecessarily.
Financial secrets upon being revealed can divide a marriage. Begin talking with your fiance today about the expenses.