Money Talk Matters – Bride and Groom Money Talk©

We have all have heard and know money is one of the top three reasons for divorce, yet people are getting married every day without having discussed finances. Is DEBT the new FAMILY HEIRLOOM?

Individuals are mismanaging money, obtaining credit card after credit card and not making enough money to pay all of their bills. Where does this start – the lack of knowledge regarding finances? It could go back to their Parents and even their Parents’ parents. Be honest if their parents were not taught how to manage money and has experienced their own share of financial strain and struggle but made it through. This could be the result of not having been talked to about money.

Unfortunately the cycle continues and NOW Debt becomes the family heirloom. We all know that heirloom is a FAMILY possession that is passed down from generation to generation. When I think about an heirloom, I think about jewelry, pictures, furniture and other possessions of older family members. Incidentally, it does seem that “DEBT” has reached this status of heirloom. Unless someone decides to break the cycle, debt will be passed down from generation to generation along with that negative mindset in regards to money.

Debt is not precious nor should it be passed down. DO NOT ignore the warning signs of a son or daughter mismanaging money. Stop today and get them the help that is necessary so that their marriage does not end up becoming a divorce statistic because of money when it doesn’t have to be.

A lot of time is spent on wedding day preparation, but how much time is spent on ensuring that brides and grooms are getting the necessary life skills to sustain their marriage? Couples need to be prepared for financial decisions such as what happens if one spouse loses a job – are they prepared financially? How do they handle when the economy is down? I remember when the economy began to tank, the statistic surfaced that 3 out of 4 married couples were arguing about money.

Debt is equal opportunity and does not discriminate based on race, economic level, religion, or sex. Choose to stop the cycle today and get premarital or postmarital financial education for yourself or the ones you love. If you know you wouldn’t want your son or daughter to go through what you have gone through when it comes to money and marriage, then give them the gift of financial education as a wedding gift. Invest in their marriage for a lifetime and provide them with a resource that teaches them how to make solid financial decisions so they won’t have to come to you and borrow money after saying “I Do”.

Get them premarital financial counseling or give them the program that they can complete in the comfort and privacy of their own home. Go to www.moneytalkmatters.com/products

Now is the time during the engagement and wedding planning for a bride-to-be and groom to get on the same page about finances. How do they do this? First and foremost they should go to dinner and begin discussing openly and honestly with each other, how they handled money as a single person. What did they do that they like and what did they do that they did not like and would not want to see in their marriage.

This is a time to put things on the table in order to establish a financial foundation for their marriage. WOOHOO, they can think beyond the wedding day in order to start their marriage off on proper footing. This is not a time to close one eyes to financial behavior that might not be appropriate.

Take adavantage of this time and begin discussing money. Doesn’t have to be a very heavy discussion from the beginning and should be almost like a fact finding mission. Bride to be could invite the groom over and make his favorite dinner and ease their way into discussing finances on a regular basis. Set the tone which would say to your groom, I want us to have a solid financial foundation for our marriage.

This is one of the hardest talks but also one of the most important beginnings to every marriage. Do yourself a favor and do not wait until a week or two prior to walking down the aisle to begin having this talk. It is very important nevertheless and should be taken very serious.

I have to continue writing about fiance’s this week because there have been a lot of anonymous questions coming in. Believe me I can understand anonymous because finances are a tough, private and can be an embarrassing subject to talk with someone about. It is a subject that can change people’s lives forever based on their mindset, level of stress, urgency as well as desperation.

Let’s jump right into this: My fiance’s parents are not contributing to any of the wedding, yet they want my family and I to incorporate a lot of their expensive traditions. They did not want anything to do with the plans, but when they find out about what has been decided then they want to change things. How do I handle this?

For the brides that are dealing with the above question, BLESS your heart. You have already made decisions and more than likely have paid money towards various things that were within your budget and your parents budget. What I am about to share with you will be straight and to the point without pulling any punches.

First and foremost, whose wedding is this? Yours and your future husband. Who is paying for this wedding? Sounds like you and your parents and you are staying within the established budget. Who should be dealing with your future in-laws? Hmmm, I would say your future husband. Why? Because I am imagining that you and he talked about the wedding plans and discussed in detail what you would like to see. Now that his family is coming back after the fact, when THEY DID NOT want any part of the planning does not mean it is okay now to disrupt your wedding plans. There is already stress that comes with planning without this type of tension. Be careful not to allow anyone to try and relive their wedding through yours and turning your WEDDING DAY into something that you do not want.

Caution: Pay attention to how your fiance handles this because this can set the tone for how he will handle things once the two of you are married… if there is an issue between you, his wife and his parents. That’s a different post for another week at least.

There are many brides-to-be and grooms-to-be that are dealing with one of their future spouses being broke and they are shouldering all the bills during the engagement phase and they are sick of it. It is not only because they are shouldering all the bills, furthermore, they are the one taking care of keeping the house clean, cooking dinner and more. Incidentally, this is beginning to wear on the one that is bringing in the income.

Newsflash – If this is what is happening when you are engaged and you are not expressing your concerns and talking about it, the same will occur once you are married. Notice I said if you are not expressing your concerns – not arguing, calling each other names, walking out and leaving things unresolved. None of those behaviors solve financial shortcomings. Let’s break it down.

When you are engaged and only one of you are bringing in the income – yes initially it seems okay but it will wear off in a short matter of time. Here is what you look at: 1) Does your future spouse have the initiative to change jobs or get a job if he or she is not working; 2) Do they also have bills and you are paying his or her bills in addition to yours and are you able to do it without falling behind on your bills; 3) It sends a message when he or she is not paying her bills during the engagement phase because what will they do when an emergency or situation happens once you are married?

Let’s take it here, what would your parents say if they knew your future spouse was not paying his or her bills and you were paying everything? If you won’t tell them, what keeps you from telling them and why? My purpose here is to show you this could be a red flag because people do not change once they get married. As a matter of fact, after a period of time they get comfortable and what you put up with for a certain period of time becomes acceptable and they do not expect they should change.

You can be sick of shouldering all the bills and are you going to TALK about it? What is it that you want to see happen in your finances while you are engaged and then let’s talk about once you are married. Because normally what happens while you are engaged gets carried over into the marriage. Set the right foundation now for financial and marital happiness not discord.

I was thinking that this week and everyday, let’s face it you should ensure that you are comfortable with talking about money with your bride or groom-to-be during the engagement. Money issues will happen during that first year of marriage that can literally tear the marriage apart and leave you both in divorce court if you both are not strong and secure in your relationship. Its not about whether or not you have been together for a really long time, its more about your level of communication and being a team.

There are a lot of brides and grooms that treat each other as if they are opponents instead of allies. What is the point of being married if you are going to be against each other instead of for each other. It will not take much to tear you apart if you have that mindset. Should you be discussing money on a regular basis during engagement? Yes. Why you ask? Because not only does it costs money to have a wedding (regardless of who is paying for it), you both have an opportunity to see how each one of you handles money.

Are you being cautious or a spendthrift? Are you staying within budget or going over budget every chance you get because you want the wedding of your dreams at everyone else’s expense. Make sure you are sending the right message and that you are not creating an environment of financial stress and strain even during the engagement.

I tell you what readers, I was not ready for the clock change.  Mind you I had been dealing with the sneezing and coughing like so many others over the past weekend that I was not paying attention to the time. When I realized that the time had changed it was Sunday night at approximately 8pm when our daughter said she and her brother were going to do something in the Spring. I went OOOOH No. She of course said what Mom? I told her that the clocks changed and we were supposed to move them up an hour.

What have you done about your finances as you prepare for spring? Are your finances springing forward and on the path to removing financial obstacles or are staying in those same financial habits that is causing turmoil in your home, affecting your job and your health? The choice is yours. Why do I say that? Well, think about it like this as long as their is income of some sort coming into your hands, you can make better decisions today that affect your future.

You can remove financial mistakes and input sound financial principals that put you on the road to financial independence, becoming a saver and an investor. What are you waiting on? Why wouldn’t you want to be a save and an investor? It is high time to think big picture and for the future, not just short term. Please, please quit looking at your financial mistakes. Looking behind is causing so many to miss financial opportunities that are in front of them or they believe they deserve to be in debt and not out of debt. Either way, its a bleak picture.

Think about how much fun you could have this spring if you got your finances in order. Vacations! Picnics! Trips to the Beach and much more!  I tell you what I’ve already begun thinking about some extended weekend trips for the family. Why not! You can create memories like never before and have a lot of fun in the process.

Spring forward your finances are waiting on you.

Being the money manager such as I am, there are times when you might not tell your spouse everything that is going on with the finances. Why does this happen? Well, I can think of several reasons – you do not want to add to his stress level, you think if you told him he would go off on you (not physically but verbally), you believe you can get it handled and no one needs to be the wiser.  Listen wives, for whatever reason it – do you realize you are shouldering all the burden, stress and frustration. You also could be making decisions without all of the information and your husband could be assisting you.

Has this happened to me? There were some times when I was not discussing in complete detail the money with him because I was working the plan. I told my husband give me a chance to work the plan. Now was he willing to do it? Yes, because when I have said that before it turned out to the benefit of everyone and not to anyone’s detriment. So he knows when I say I am working the plan that it will give him more freedom later to shop without scrutiny. See, in our marriage he is the shopper and not me.

Do I think we all are shoppers at some point. Yes, because I will buy up Barnes and Nobles if left to my own devices. But other than that, it is quiet when it comes to shopping from me. I  digress, when a financial issue presents itself that you did not plan on and it gets bigger and bigger, who do you turn to? When I was single and this happened, I did not turn to family, friends, nor anyone in my church. What happens then Ladies is that things spiral out of control.

Once things spiral out of control, it is almost like no turning back. Before things spiral out of control today, I am here to help you. I’m the wife who has been in debt, homeless, came back from being in debt, restored and happily married to the same man that I married when I was in debt.  Do you need someone to encourage you that you can get out debt, share with you how to talk to your husband about finances and establish a plan as well as much more… then become a member of MarriageMoneyMatters.com today which is for wives.

I will be working with you on reviewing credit reports, providing one-on-one financial counseling, holding you accountable to discussing money and marriage with your husbands and much more. Join today and get the answers in the privacy and comfort of your own home.

Last year when we witnessed first hand the economy decline, marriages were tested on new levels. Christian marriages were also tested and some ended in divorce because of the finances. How does a husband and wife hold on to their faith when it seems as if their finances are becoming less and less. They are praying, yet they do not see a change in their situation.

What is a husband or wife to do when one spouse is continuing to hold on to their faith, yet the other spouse’s faith has been shaken.  Now not only is the marriage dealing with the financial issues but now they will be dealing with shaken faith which impacts the marriage on a different level. How does a couple hold on when it appears what they are doing is not working?

Join Dr. Taffy and Rev. Angela Chester on February 8, 2010 at 8pm EST as they discuss Faith and Finances for the beginning of the Money and Marriage Teleseminars during National Marriage Week.

Sign up here for the call in information: http://financesandfaith.eventbrite.com/

I can remember when it was confirmed that I was carrying twins, one of the first things I did was join an online forum where I could speak with other moms carrying multiples. What a great time we had of sharing tips, resources and encouraging each other. I know from being a “wedding vendor” the same thing happens with brides.

Brides get online to do research regarding fashion, flowers and even finances. Well, it is great that you can talk with other brides and ask how do you handle this and what do you do about this. However, when it comes to finances it is sooo much more than that. Money is a crucial part of marriage that you should be discussing with your future spouse.

What do you want for your money and marriage? Only you and your groom know what the truth is regarding your finances. While you are engaged, now is the time you can observe and openly discuss how do you handle different financial situations. Trust becomes a factor. What does it really mean to trust the one you “say” you love in the area of finances? If you do not feel you can trust them, why is it? How will this affect your relationships?

I will tell you this, TRUST is essential. If you cannot trust someone then you do not have anything. Let alone trust when it comes to money. So do not deceive yourself and begin talking with your fiance. I realize talking to other brides gives you  a chance to see how someone else handled it, BUT they do not know your fiance and you are learning more about him every day.

Begin talking money with your future spouse. If you need some help in how to begin the conversation get your copy today of Money Talk Before the Commitment Walk and Debt Stops at the Altar – it guides you through conversations you should have and solutions to common financial problems.

This morning I decided to write on money management in the household based on several things I have read as well as some discussions I have had. Whether the wife or the husband is the money manager, it is crucial to marriage that the other person is knowledgeable of the household financial climate. If you are the money manager and you are not sharing with your spouse what is going on with the finances, what message are you sending?

At the end of the day, if a financial situation happens and you are not able to pay the bill or meet the unexpected financial situation you are going to be the one that will get blamed. Why? Because you are the one managing the money and aware of what the income and expenses are. You consciously chose not to include the other person. Does that make it right that you get blamed? Absolutely not. What this should say to you is this – I need to include them whether you talk about it once a week or even once a month to start – begin talking.

Money is a part of marriage and you should not wait until an emergent situation occurs to begin talking about finances. When you are talking about finances because of a crisis, your emotions are all involved and you might not think as clearly when you are discussing what your options are in resolving the matter.

You are on the same team and therefore work together versus against the marriage. You can get a lot more accomplished.