Money Talk Matters

Posts Tagged ‘financial challenges’

I wonder how many couples got engaged during Thanksgiving where now either the bride-to-be or groom is looking to cut costs already for the pending wedding. I think I saw a tweet where a groom was looking for ways to reduce costs. It truly is amazing to me, how crafty the brides and grooms get at ways to reduce costs, expenses for the wedding day and might not have had one discussion about money for their marriage.

Sure, it is all good to reduce costs where you can. Wouldn’t it be even better or like icing on the cake to know your marriage could handle financial challenges that might present themselves based on discussions you have had and continue to have during the engagment.

Since this is the beginning, pay close attention to how both of you handle money, talk about money as well as what you agree and or disagree on when it comes to money. Time will tell if you can handle it or not.

Brides and grooms there is no reason to fear discussing money before marriage if your soon to be spouse is your best friend, the person you can talk to about everything and the one you are marrying for love and not money. Regardless of what financial mistakes that were made prior to your saying “I Do”, you should put the cards on the table.

There are a variety of benefits to discussing money before marriage such as:

(1) Trust – If you can openly and honestly discuss your finances before you get marriage this can increase the level of trust within your marriage. This could say to your future spouse that you trust them and love them enough to share even the not so pretty picture so they are not broadsided later by an ugly truth.

(2) Teamwork – This presents to your future spouse teamwork versus division because of money. Discussing money before marriage allows both sides to see what each other did right and what mistakes might have been made. Furthermore, the two of you can come together and discuss a way to resolve financial issues together. This in itself can reveal how you will handle financial challenges once you are married.

(3) Financial Goals – Talking about money early gives you an opportunity to establish mutual financial goals. This gives you a glimpse into what you have to look forward to once you are married and how you can think about the short and long-term consequences of decisions made. You will see whether each one will fight to have their own way or be willing to compromise and work for the benefit of the relationship.

(4) Can keep you from being a statistic – Discussing money before marriage instead of keeping financial secrets from your groom to be, could keep your marriage from becoming a divorce statistic due to the lack of financial discussions.

One of my favorite Money and Marriage Tips that I often post on Twitter is the biggest expense of marriage is …. DIVORCE. Well, well how about that the New York Times released an article on October 23, 2009 and in the very beginning it says, “But most couples don’t realize that divorce can also be among the most ruinous financial moves anyone can make.”

Money Talks To Have Before Marriage continued to share the affects of divorce affect far more people. Divorce is not just about the husband and the wife, it affects the children, relatives and friends of those spouses. It is very costly. The author of this article states, He has wanted to devote a series to divorce and money for a long time and decided to start with discussing finances which could save some marriages if people made it a priority”.

Money and Marriage should be a lifestyle of open communication about finances, establishing and achieving mutual financial goals as well as removing financial stress and strain from the relationship. When financial stress takes over the relationship, husbands and wives tend to forget about the loving and nurturing part of their relationship. Dreams are forgotten. Pointing the finger becomes the norm and shifting the blame. Blaming each other does not solve the financial challenges.

Brides-to-be, grooms, and even newlyweds take note. Sure you can spend thousands of dollars on your wedding, but what will you do to ensure that your marriage lasts for a lifetime?

Some of my readers know that our twins are taking a karate class. Well last week they got their karate uniforms which is called a Gi. The uniform has a belt that has to be tied a certain way which is called an Obi. Here is how this works, the twins went to class on Monday night and were learning to tie the “Obi.”

Today at the beginning of our homeschool class, I decided that they were going to show me that they learned how to tie the “Obi”. Of course the daughter does it within 15 minutes – 3 different times. It is now almost an hour later and the son has yet to do it once. What does this have to do with Money in Marriage? I am soooo glad that you asked.

Lesson 1:  We must listen to instruction. When husbands and wives are talking WITH each other about money and marriage we must listen. There are times when husbands and wives are sharing important information about money in marriage and our minds are focused on other things.

Lesson 2:  Money in marriage requires dedication and discipline throughout the marriage. It is not a one time discussion.

Lesson 3:  Our son has not once asked for help in getting the instruction again. Many times husbands and wives are having financial challenges and will not ask for help. Being silent creates more financial challenges and feelings being hurt in the marriage. This also happens because one or both made assumptions when it came to money and marriage.

Lesson 4:  Instead of becoming frustrated to a point of where you will not understand the lesson… step back from the situation and take a deep breath. Then come to the table with a new and clear perspective.

Lesson 5: I know, men and women are different, even when it comes to learning styles. Our son is a visual learner. Therefore, what I decided to do was have him tell me the steps in tying the “Obi” while I put it on. Afterwards, he could do it with me.  When it comes to Money and Marriage, husbands and wives should take the time to know what type of learner they are and what is the preferred method of communication. Then begin talking about Money and Marriage in that regard so that messages are received and ACTION can be taken.

Whoever would have thought lessons from an Obi could be applied to Money and Marriage. Soo having fun with what I do.

Over the last few days, I have posted some Money and Marriage tips that have focused on emotional spending. The tips are below:

Money and marriage tip: Emotional spending creates more bills. It’s not worth it.

Money and marriage tip: Do not spend money to get your emotional needs met.

These tips got responses from different followers in cyberspace. Then I began thinking about previous times when I had given seminars and wives said they were hurt by their husbands spending. I’ve also heard from husbands that said wives were spending. Furthermore when they mentioned it arguments ensued.

This led me to write this post not in complete detail but as a starting point to begin some dialogue. At the end of the day, we need to get down to the root cause. The definition of emotions (according to Dictionary.com) is something that causes such a reaction. Emotion is happy, sad, joy, angry, fear, hate, disgust, etc.

Spending is to pay out, dispose of money. Okay so let’s tie it altogether. Emotional spending is disposing money because you are happy, sad, joyful, angry, hateful or disgusted.

SO your goal in emotional spending is to dispose of money because you are
mad, happy, disgusted or angry.

If you had financial challenges prior to the time you did emotional spending, then it was your intent to dispose of money when you went out because of your emotions! This solved the problem.

I invite you to write in and leave me a comment regarding emotional spending. Part 2 will come later in the week.