Posts Tagged ‘financial stress’
My fiance has been in at least five weddings over the last sixteen months. We have been engaged and are now planning our wedding. I told her from the beginning that since we were paying for the wedding, I thought we should have a conservative yet elegant wedding that we both can remember for years to come. Yet every time we talk, I hear about this friend’s wedding and that friend’s wedding. It is getting on my last nerve. What is a groom to do?
Brides-to-be take a note, if you spend your time trying to keep up with the Joneses and you and your groom are paying for your wedding, you just may run him off. Money is one of the top causes of divorce. When he is being honest with you and sharing with you upfront that he does not want a lot of debt, listen to what he is saying. He is not saying he does not want a wedding. He is saying he does not want debt that is going to smother him and you to the point of there is stress from the beginning in the marriage.
It has been told to men from the beginning they are supposed to be the providers for their families. How can he provide for the family if you are creating uncontrollable debt and put it all off on him? Be honest with yourself about what your income is and what is his income is. There is nothing like having the ability to come back from a honeymoon and nuture your new marriage relationship without financial stress instead of coming back to a stack of bills and immediately arguing about you spent this amount.
Once the arguments start, then pointing the finger begins. Shifting the blame and no one will enjoy that. Let me let you in on a secret, when you are looking at the Joneses, you are looking from the outside and you do not know exactly what is going on in the inside. You may be reading this and saying yes, I do know what’s going on. You know what your girlfriend is saying not her husband. There is always her side, his side and THE TRUTH!
Groom: Sit down with your bride and show her the budget, what the two of you have agreed upon and what you have spent to date for the wedding expenses and what remains. Furthermore, also talk with her about what bills you are both bringing to the table outside of the wedding. Maybe the BIG PICTURE will help her to stop looking at her friends.
I had to stop and write this post because it came over heavy in my spirit. Yes, I am writing this for you looking at this screen crying because finances are tearing your marriage apart and you do not know what to do. You did the best you could with what you had but it appears it was not good enough. You did not talk to your spouse about it because you did not want more stress, you were already carrying the burden.
Once things began to spiral out of control, you had no choice but to speak up and say what was happening.
That caused stress, strife, blame and even some distance within the marriage. Is it tooo late? No, it is not to late and at this point it depends on you. Why? Because you are the one that is still managing the money that is there. The choices you are preparing to make will be crucial.
Dry your eyes and read this clearly! I know firsthand that money issues in marriage is an embarrassing and difficult situation. Furthermore it is a very private issue – I agree. Because it is private and most of us do not want anyone to know the challenges we are facing, it leads us to fall into even more “DEBT” traps. In order to begin resolving your issues, you have to step outside of yourself and talk to someone that knows the best course of action you can take. When you have limited knowledge about finances, you continue to do what you think is best based on what you know.
Let’s be honest, you have cried in the morning when you were waking up, at noon and even as you laid your head on the pillow at night from the turmoil that was mounting inside. Today, is a new day and a new opportunity to take some action. Maybe you will continue reading this and say I cannot afford to get help. Sure you can it is a matter of choices and what do you want to see happen.
I have created for you a membership site called Marriagemoneymatters.com . Don’t let the word “membership” scare you away because it is not like you think. This site is one where no one knows you are on but you. So it is not like a forum where you can talk with others and be judged. Its affordable and will cost you less to get help then what you are paying for probably the minimum balance on one credit card.
What do you have to lose? If you do nothing, then you continue along the path of tears morning, noon and night. If you become an Intermediate or Graduate level member, you get access to solutions and even a one-on-one with me. How would you like to have your own personal financial advocate that understands what you are going through and is ready to help you move from financial woes to financial health.
If you are ready to take that step today, join at www.marriagemoneymatters.com and for those that join within the next 24 hours at the Intermediate or Graduate level, I will give you 1 additional 20 minute counseling with me at no charge.
Engaged Couples – Brides-to-Be -Fiance’s
Would you marry someone with major debt? What would you consider to be a deal breaker when it comes to debt? Take a look at this article that was on “Glamour Magazine”.
Have you thought about this subject or is this a subject that you choose to ignore? Let me caution you either way – debt does impact a marriage whether it is brought into the marriage or incurred once married. Factors that I believe should be considered is financial plan, work ethic and willingness to resolve and remove the debt.
Entering into a marriage with debt takes away from the opportunity to nurture and build a relationship, yet places the majority of the focus on removing debt and alleviating the financial stress that pulls at the relationship which can lead to pointing the finger.
If you need assistance on talking about finances and removing debt, contact me through this site. I do provide one-on-one counseling for couples and/or individuals.
What a fun time to be planning a wedding as an engaged couple. One thing that you should not forget to do is establish a budget as an engaged couple. This budget could encompass many things because while most brides are probably focused primarily on the wedding, I want to encourage you to also focus on the marriage.
You could establish a wedding day budget – what you plan to spend for
caterers, flowers, wedding gown, etc. The groom’s cost will more than likely be minimal. However, once you return from the honeymoon and began living together if you had not gotten a place together prior to your marriage, now you are beginning your life together as husband and wife.
What should be included in the budget:
Insurance costs – auto, life, health
Credit Card bills
Those are only a few items that should be on the budget. You should sit down and each person complete a budget worksheet of what their bills are separately and then do a budget where you have combined all of your expenses.
As you are planning to move forward with the wedding, do not blame each other for past expenses that you incurred when the other person was not a part of your life. Budgeting says that you do not have to keep up with the Joneses or your best girlfriend that had a wedding that costs x amount of dollars.
As an engaged couple, now is not the time to be silent when it comes to finances, budgeting and your future. Be honest with yourself and establish a plan. It can make the difference between financial stress and financial happiness.
If you need additional guidance or resources, look under www.moneytalkmatters.com/products.
One of my favorite Money and Marriage Tips that I often post on Twitter is the biggest expense of marriage is …. DIVORCE. Well, well how about that the New York Times released an article on October 23, 2009 and in the very beginning it says, “But most couples don’t realize that divorce can also be among the most ruinous financial moves anyone can make.”
Money Talks To Have Before Marriage continued to share the affects of divorce affect far more people. Divorce is not just about the husband and the wife, it affects the children, relatives and friends of those spouses. It is very costly. The author of this article states, He has wanted to devote a series to divorce and money for a long time and decided to start with discussing finances which could save some marriages if people made it a priority”.
Money and Marriage should be a lifestyle of open communication about finances, establishing and achieving mutual financial goals as well as removing financial stress and strain from the relationship. When financial stress takes over the relationship, husbands and wives tend to forget about the loving and nurturing part of their relationship. Dreams are forgotten. Pointing the finger becomes the norm and shifting the blame. Blaming each other does not solve the financial challenges.
Brides-to-be, grooms, and even newlyweds take note. Sure you can spend thousands of dollars on your wedding, but what will you do to ensure that your marriage lasts for a lifetime?
Money is an important topic when it comes to engagement and marriage. This is yet another anonymous question that came in from a soon-to-be groom. What do I do, my fiance does not share her support of expenses? Heavy duty topic which can lead to an uneasy discussion but this should be talked about.
I would imagine this groom-to-be is not the only person that is dealing with this issue. First, how long has your fiance not been willing to share in his or her support of expenses? What people fail to realize is this, if their is a certain behavior that is exhibited that you do not agree with yet you remain silent, then it is perceived in the other person’s mind as accepted or agreed upon. Therefore, for example if the fiance has not ever shared in her support of expenses, then it will take some doing to change that behavior.
Next, I would recommend that you sit down with your fiance and begin talking about the money matters more in depth than you were before. This clearly should raise a red flag that the does not share her support of expenses. Why is that? Are some of the expenses hers? Are these wedding expenses? Also are these needs or wants? These are definitely questions that you need to sit down and discuss now. Why? You are headed down a road of pointing the finger and blame if one person does not agree with financial expenses that are happening in the marriage.
You cannot look at this one sided and place all the blame on her. Be honest with yourself because deep down you know what the reason is. Do not be in denial. Both of you need to take responsibility and discuss your finances openly. What are the mutual financial goals for the marriage? What debt is being brought into the marriage by the husband and the wife and so much more. Do not avoid having these discussions or you could be setting your marriage up for financial stress unnecessarily.
Financial secrets upon being revealed can divide a marriage. Begin talking with your fiance today about the expenses.