Posts Tagged ‘financial’

postheadericon Financial Rules for Shacking Up Together?

I must say when I saw this article 5 Financial rules for shacking up does not even sound appealing. The term shacking up sounds so dated as well as non-committal. Well, as I think about it, it is non-committal.

Someone could get tired of living with the other especially if one has marriage on the mind and the other person likes things they way they are. Once that pressure starts of marriage on the brain, the other person is surely to walk if that was not in their plans.

This article shares one person discussing how they did not talk about long-term plans for the relationship, who would pay for what and sure enough they broke up. Article list five reason for shacking up – 1) As a means of saving money, 2) Decide who pays for what; 3) Divvy up the chores; 4) Decide on a breakup plan and 5) Never move in with someone who is unemployed.

I say what is the purpose of playing house? If you are a single person that has been on their own, maybe not a popular choice but could you move in with your parents in order to get your financial footing or seek a roommate situation instead of moving in with our boyfriend or girlfriend.

I have seen situations where the people have shacked up together for 5 or 10 years, they get pressured by their friends about marriage and then they get married. After being married only a year or two they get divorced. No turning back.

Before you decide to move in with someone, ask yourself what is your overall goal? Don’t settle for less. If what you want is marriage, does not necessarily mean it will happen by living together first. The opposite could be true.

postheadericon Husband will not share money with Wife

This is a topic that I felt was worth writing about because it happens and it can be one reason that couples end up in divorce. When a husband will not share the money with his wife there is a reason behind it. Could even be more than one reason. Let me be clear, I am not saying this is right by any means what I want you to understand is the following: husbands and wives do not just keep money from each other for no reason.

In order to get to the root of the reason, consider these questions:

1) How long have you been married and has this been the practice the entire marriage?

2) If this was not the typical for the marriage, what took place in order for this to start happening?

3) If the husband is not sharing the money with the wife, does the wife have any means of income?

4) Are wives talking with husbands about the household finances? You could be discussing the finances without having access. Sure that could be cruel – begin talking.

5) This could stem from a previous relationship even though you are not that person. Therefore, if that is the case then sit down and talk with your husband about the household finances and establish mutual financial goals for the home. Furthermore, the message should be conveyed that you are partners and not enemies. You are on the same team. You will have to prove this to him which will come in the form of your managing the money appropriately.

Consider those to start with and begin talking with your spouse. Find out his reason for taking that stand and then forgive him. But you must know what the reason is first.

postheadericon Sad it comes to this – Loving Couples Divorce to stay afloat

Awwww this saddens me to read a story such as this, Loving Couple Divorces to Stay Afloat Financially. They are experiencing money trouble after health trouble. I tell you people are having to really get creative and I don’t think it should have to be this way.

You have to read this story, the wife shares they are literally living week to week. I wondered if this would be an issue if she took her vows seriously. When I read down further, she does have some concern. I have to applaud this couple for doing what they need to do. Yes it is unconventional, however it is time to not box yourself in. Whew! Really saddens me.

postheadericon Financial Help when in Financial Trouble

As I was outside with our twins today, my mind was literally racing thinking about money in marriage. Remember the average human has 55,000 thoughts per day which means 2,292 thoughts per hour and 38 thoughts every minute. So I was burning up those 38 thoughts in the few minutes I was out there.

What was coming to me was husbands and wives often need financial help but think it is going to cost them more money then they have. Therefore, they choose not to get the help and their marital finances get worse. Costly choice. I remember making choices like that. I don’t know if you have heard the saying, “You don’t know until you know.” So if you are a husband or wife that needs financial guidance, what can you do? I want to propose several solutions to you.

1) If you do not know exactly what your financial situation is, take a deep breath and order your credit report from one of the credit bureaus.

2) Write down what you do know such as what are open outstanding late bills while waiting for that credit report to arrive.

3) Write down also what you know is the amount of income being received for the household and what are your expenses that must be met each month.

4) After doing those things, take a sheet of paper and write down what the questions are that you have and need answers to.

5) Next, get on the internet and begin doing your research. Listen, cleaning up finances takes diligence and dedication and does not have to involve a lot of money. For example, you can come to this site http://www.moneytalkmatters.com and put in search words, there is also a page of calculators. You can also go to http://thewandwgroup.com for information on estate planning, personal finances and retirement and if you are searching for a way to manage your finances online you can go to http://www.moneystrands.com or even http://www.mint.com .

6) If you are seeking to speak with a counselor, then you can also contact me via my website and know that I don’t believe in people going into debt to learn how to manage their money, nor get out of debt.

When getting financial help you have to understand, you are not investing in that person that is teaching you money management you are investing in yourself, your marriage and your family for a lifetime. Do what is best for you without breaking the bank and recognizing that you cannot continue in the same fashion that you have been. If you want a different result, you have to take a different action.

postheadericon For Better or Worse, For Richer or For Poorer becomes Reality

We have all heard that said in vows during many weddings that we have attended and some of you may have even said yourself. Bride takes the groom “For better of for worse, for richer or for poorer”. Those words are often said without any thought of that become the life of Mr. and Mrs. Wed.

Then when times get tough due to financial choices made, one party of the marriage wants to divorce because of finances. Listen, we have all heard the statistics that money is one of the top three reasons for divorce. I ask you, what happened to For Richer or For Poorer and For Better or For Worse? Did they not mean or did not give any thought to life happens? Sure, Life happens and situations happen but you are the one in control. It does not necessarily matter what the situation is but HOW YOU HANDLE the situation and come THROUGH it.

Let’s say for example a spouse loses a job and now the budget gets a little tighter, well that is okay. Couples must learn to work together and not treat each other as enemies. That husband or wife did not get up this morning and say I am going to go to work and do everything I can to lose my job. There are times it is not even their fault. Jobs have been cut due to the economy and for some companies hours have been reduced in order to sustain some companies. Either way, it was not your husband or wife’s choice that this happen at their place of employment.

A situation has presented regarding employment and what are the options you have in order to keep your household functioning accordingly? Get creative – be an optimist and not a complainer about your situation. Complaining has never solved anything and there have been times when complaining makes the situation worse. If your goal is to make the situation worse, then go ahead and complain. If your goal is to make it better, then start by changing the words that are coming out of your mouth. Become solution oriented and not a victim of what happened.

I would imagine even with financial challenges, deep down you still love the person. So financial challenges does not change that. Do not make decisions based on emotions. When you said your vows – you chose to say ” I Do” because you love the person. Love is a choice and not an emotion. Begin taking your vows seriously and talk with your spouse today.

postheadericon The Brits are hiding Extravagant purchases from Spouses

Being the researcher that I am, I was reviewing different press releases tonight to keep up on things happening in the marriage movement and I found a release titled Almost 2 million Brits Admit to hiding extravagant purchases from their spouse. WHOAAAA.

It says “The Bank’s research found that almost one in five (18.5%) people in debt and in a relationship claim to be hiding the true extent of their debt from their partner or spouse.” This is an international problem – talking about money apparently is not on the top of couples list.

It is time to change that because that is unbelievable. This goes to show that people are not comfortable even in marriage opening up and disclosing their financial challenges. Yet, when most people get married within their vows are included the words For Better or For Worse, For Richer or For Poorer. What does anyone have to gain from all this secrecy? I say nothing. However, you have a lot to LOSE by hiding these truths.

The way I see it, these financial challenges are temporary and once a husband or wife takes control of their finances it can all change. But if they choose to continue the secrets and managing money improperly, more than likely the door will be open for additional financial challenges. I will let you in on a secret – until you begin correcting and talking about the financial mistakes, you are in a vicious cycle of making more mistakes and incurring more financial stress in your life.

Take control of your finances today and do not be controlled by your finances. There is a big difference.

postheadericon Loan a Boyfriend money, Marry and Divorce Court

How many times have you watched divorce court and saw where they started out as boyfriend and girlfriend, she really loved him so when he asked her to borrow some money or co-sign on a loan she did it. They had an agreement that the money would be paid back. Because she loved him sooo much, she decided to marry him even though he did not pay back one dime from the loan.

Maybe that was his intention all along to get money from her and then marry her so she would forget about the loan. Then she decided to stick by her man and married him. The relationship was going along so, so and then he starts coming home later and later. Sometimes it would not be until the next morning. Granted he is not working. So what is he doing?

After seven or eight months, the wife grows tired of this routine and decides to get divorce. I’ve seen the episode on Divorce Court, haven’t you. The first thing she says is he owes me some money. The Judge generally asks if there was anything in writing. Once she hears all of the details, she comments didn’t you see the signs. You do not need to be married to him anyway.

If you are loaning money while you are dating, you need to find out the entire financial picture before you think about marriage. If you find out something you cannot handle or live with, then maybe you should not walk down the aisle.

postheadericon Marriage and Money Movie #27 – Mr. and Mrs. Smith

I must admit when my husband first bought this movie quite some time ago, I would not even watch it. Just looking at the front cover, it did not appeal to me. As I was going through movies on the shelf that I had not watched, I picked it up and read the back cover. Well, lo and behold seems like the kind of movie I would watch. Remember – you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover.

Mr. and Mrs. Smith have been married for five or six years and they go to see a marriage counselor to discuss their marriage. They are describing their marriage on a scale of 1 to 10. Then the counselor asks them how they met and they agree it was five or six years ago in Bogata. He was standing in a bar watching what was happening. The bar tender told him that the police were looking for people traveling alone. They ask him if he was alone and he touches his ear as if to say repeat it. Then she comes running in and they ask her if she is alone. He speaks up and says no she is with me. They walk behind these doors and they introduce themselves. They spend some time together and shortly thereafter they are married. They both work never really disclosing to each other what they do. They leave home at the same time of day and she usually gets home first and prepare dinner. Both upon returning home places their wedding rings back on their finger without the other one knowing. This movie has lies, secrets, division, teamwork and more. You must watch this one to get all of the facts.

Money Implications:

Money can afford couples an opportunity to live a stress free life when the money is managed properly.

Observations:
This was a marriage filled with lies and secrets. Many marriages would not be able to continue once the lies and secrets began coming out. That is what is so interesting about TV – “IT’s TV – not all of it is based on a true story. Same thing with movies. Now you can learn from this, that you should not keep secrets and when you tell one lie, you usually have to keep on telling lies to cover up the truth. That is tooooo much work and unnecessary.

This marriage was built on lies from the start based on the part of the wife. The husband did not become aware until later. Imagine how he felt. If there are secrets you are keeping from your spouse today, I recommend you think about how you are going to Tell the Truth and come clean.

Recommendations:
(1) If you have financial secrets from your spouse, it is time to start revealing the truth. I imagine your goal is not to be alone because you got married. Secrets are one thing that can destroy a marriage.

(2) Do not live a secret life within your marriage. People can always sense when something is wrong and they could turn into a Private Detective until they discover what it is. That could end up costing you money and your marriage.

(3) Teamwork in marriage is important, especially when it comes to financial challenges. Remember you are on the same team, not opposites. Work together for the benefit and growth of the marriage.

(4) Yes you can have different financial backgrounds. If you want to see your marriage grow into financial oneness, establish one mutual financial goal and work on it together. Once you accomplish it together, then work on another.

(5) Do not let your friends (especially single friends) dictate your relationship with your spouse. Remember, Misery loves company.

If you have not seen this movie, purchase your copy below:

postheadericon Marriage and Money Movie #26 – A Thin Line Between Love and Hate

I was minding my own business this morning driving home from a meeting and this movie came flooding my mind. I thought to myself absolutely.

This movie included Martin Lawrence, Lynn Whitfield, Regina King and Della Reese. This movie has a couple of turns and twists in it – let me share without giving away the plot of the movie. Martin plays Darnell who is managing a night club, thinks he is a ladies’ man. His childhood sweetheart is Mia who had joined the military. His mom is Della Reese which I believe was perfect casting.

Darnell is working at the club and Lynn Whitfield whose character is Brandi is a very upscale, classy woman that comes to the club and steps out of a limousine. She has money, likes the finer things in life and of course, Darnell sees her as his ultimate challenge as a ladies’ man.

Just like boys, Darnell and some of his pals are making bets on how long it will take him to get physical with her. Initially Brandi rejects his attempts. Eventually he wins her over and that is when everything changes between Darnell, Brandi and Mia. Before you think you know what happened, trust me you don’t. You will want to see this movie – lies, relationships, money and more…..

Money Implications:
Just because someone has money does not mean they do not have their share of issues in life. Some could be financial and they could also be something else. If you have money and do not know how to manage money, you can get into financial trouble really fast.

Money Tip #1: Establish financial goals for yourself and your marriage and/or relationship with deadlines.

Money Tip #2: Character Mia was comfortable with who she was and she had goals for herself. Be true to yourself and where you are financially. Do not attempt to keep up with someone else. Do YOU!

Money Tip #3: Pay attention to how your groom is spending money when you are dating or during the engagement. Is he lavishing you with gifts and not paying his bills? That will cause financial stress in marriage. Make a note.

Observations:

We all know men like a challenge. Well some women do to. It is important that you keep the love alive in your marriage. Talk with your mate. Ask them about their job and what would they like to see happen in the household finances if you have not ever asked them the question. Husbands and wives alike want to be appreciated and not ignored or made to feel unappreciated.

Recommendations:
(1) Do not discount what you have thinking the grass is greener on the other side. You could be making a costly mistake.

(2) Work with your mate for financial independence and not against them. Be the best that you can be with that mate.

(3) Be careful what you ask for, you may just get it and discover it is not what you truly wanted.

(4) Pay attention and listen to what your spouse is saying. They are revealing information to help alleviate stress in the marriage.

(5) Establish your mutual financial goals and do not get distracted by other people’s opinion on what they think you should be doing.

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postheadericon Marriage and Money Movie #25 – Guess Who

I had to watch this movie a second time to make sure it fit the marriage and money movie reviews. I am sooooo glad I did because it was a great addition. This movie had various dynamics that I am going to point out that can benefit so many on different levels. Take your time when you are reading these reviews because if you can think back to the movie, you can see these different points of view.

Without giving too much away this movie dealt with an affluent family, race, unemployment, lies, and money. One of my favorite actors that I got to see in person and truly miss that was in the movie – the late Bernie Mac. Ashton Kutcher was also in this movie.

Ashton plays Simon in this movie and has become engaged to Bernie’s (Percy) daughter – Teresa. Simon and Teresa are going to her parents for the weekend to celebrate their 25th anniversary. She has not told her parents that he is white. Percy has pulled Simon’s credit report and is pleased with what he sees. When they arrive, Percy mistakes the cab driver, who is black for his daughter, Teresa’s boyfriend. Then when Simon introduces himself as her boyfriend, Percy is taken shocked. Percy looks around to see if anyone sees Simon standing in the yard and says we need to go inside. Then he begins in on Simon with the 20 questions. He is very suspicious of simon.

Percy later asks his wife, why didn’t the daughter tell them he was white. Wife admits she had figured it out. Simon begins contacting old friends and colleagues to see if he can get a job before anyone discovers he does not have a job. Percy does not like him from the start and wants to take him to a hotel.

Money Implications:

Do not hide your financial background from your soon to be spouse. When the truth is revealed it could divide and destroy your relationship and marriage. There is nothing wrong with putting your cards on the table to ensure the one you love knows you are not attempting to keep secrets, especially financial secrets.

Do not lie about your employment situation. You can only pretend so much and it will catch up with you.

Money Tip #1: If you love someone, love them regardless of income.

Money Tip #2: For parents, do not make your grown son or daughter feel as if their choices are wrong when it comes to a mate without talking with your future son or daughter-in-law.

Money Tip #3: Do not prejudge a person based on the color of their skin. That type of discrimination affects a person as a whole which includes their work performance.

Money Tip #4: Parents should be knowledgeable of how their future son or daughter-in-law handle different financial situations.

Observations:

When it comes to love, race should not matter. Your heart does not discriminate – love who you love and enjoy life.

Do not lie about your employment because it will affect the entire household. Once you say “I Do”, all situations (employment, education, financial and more) affect the household.

If you start out lying to your future spouse, you will slip up and the relationship could begin to deteriorate.

Recommendations:

1) Be honest and proud of your soon-to-be spouse. You are the one that has to live with the person and make joint decisions. You should not be embarrassed about this person or anything.

2) Know that when you enter into a marriage and it is different races, you can get the looks and even some comments – do not address people’s ignorance. Love the one you are with because they love you. You don’t have to impress anyone.

3) Talk WITH each other versus AT each other. The power of speech also affects your finances, ability to work effectively and efficiently whether you work for someone else or have your own business.

4) When you are building a relationship with your in-laws, it takes time. Build the relationship without passing judgment. This is your soon-to-be spouse’s parents.

5) Before you borrow money from parents or in-laws, know up front that a lot can happen from that i.e. change in the relationship, parents watching how you spend (they may think you are wasting their money) money and more. Make sure everyone understands whether it is a gift or a loan.

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