Money Talk Matters

Posts Tagged ‘funds’

I saw an article in the Wall Street Journal that talked about What Layoffs Do to a Marriage and I had to share about it. See, I have experienced this in my own marriage.

This article talks about how when someone is laid off, they do things around the house, job hunt and try to keep themself busy. Then when the spouse comes home, they are desperate for attention.  A layoff impacts the relationship on so many levels.

I want to share what happened with us, it was well after we had been married four years and hubby was laid off. I saw how hard he worked for someone else and asked him what did he want to do.  One of the differences with us is that our household budget was based on one income in case of something  just like that. So he did not have to go back to work for someone else. I told him to do what he wanted. He decided that he wanted to start a small printing business that we could run out of our home.

We had sooo much fun doing this because we literally turned our dining room into the printing shop in our first home. Another great thing is that my business that I had on the side, funded his business. Love it because there was no credit cards used. The one thing we did for the biggest piece of equipment we needed we had gotten an equipment lease through American Express at that time. Otherwise everything we purchased.

That article talks about how most plan their lives around two incomes and we didn’t so we had the luxury of starting another business while I worked at a law firm. My income at the firm was the same as his prior to the layoff - so we did not miss a beat.

Our goal was to make sure that at the end of the day we are happy. Depression was not an option. Working for someone else does not define who you are, sure it can use your skills but many people would do something else if they had the money.  There does come a time when what makes you  happy outweighs what you make working for someone else.

If you are dealing with a money and marriage issue resulting from a layoff, send me your question.

The title of this story alone made me stop and read it. $99M Divorce trial. We know the story, older business tycoon marries younger woman. Younger woman is appealing initially, then older business tycoon gets tired of younger woman. Younger woman has now become accustomed to a certain lifestyle. Divorce ensues and now she believes she is entitled to remain in the same lifestyle.

This amazes me – 3 yrs after the wedding, young wife signs a postnuptial agreement for $43 million million in stock, hedge fund shares, jewelry, and properties in Sweden worth $4 million. I would think for the average person that should be good. But no – she says they reconciled for 6 months after they broke up so the agreement is void.

Reportedly he is worth $300 million – so she was $99 million of it. He takes the stand and says this marriage was “dead” long before he became involved with another woman.

In my opinion, she wants to make him pay even more because he is involved with someone else. My goodness these are poor examples of choosing a mate, yet they are adding to divorce statistics. These marriages are ending up in divorce and it truly costing more than the marriage.

Remember – Biggest marital expense of them all is …. DIVORCE.

What I thought this movie was going to be about and what it actually was about are two different things. This Tyler Perry movie is another great movie. Let me share a brief glimpse. Based on four couples that would get together every year, they had discussions about marriage, did exercises and rejuvenated their marriages per se. This year when the couples get together, many things transpired. The couple that I want to focus on is Angela and Marcus. Angela was a wife that had a lot to say and made sure that Marcus knew it. She would say to him I am the one, it was my money that started the hair salon where you work. She would say to him will you pay the mortgage, pay for the food, do something. Angela was the kind of woman that was very demeaning to her husband. It did not matter to her public or private, she did it all the time. On this weekend getaway secrets come out on the first morning and that spoiled the entire weekend for everyone. Later on Marcus has had enough and finds his voice. He reveals that it was HIS MONEY that started the salon.

Money Implications:

Clearly this movie had money and marriage implications throughout. All the couples had attended college and became exactly what they said they would. The only person that did not was Sheila. However, Sheila put everything into her husband, like so many other women have done and others continue to do. He took all of her money and left her with $87.00 . You will have to watch the movie for more on Sheila.

Money Tip #1 – Do not get so wrapped up in your profession that you forget to take time for each other. Pamper each other and have fun.

Money Tip #2 – There is no benefit to embarrassing your spouse if you paid for starting a business they always wanted. It should be joint funds anyway. When you invest in your spouse, you are investing in your relationship long-term.

Money Tip #3 – Do not talk down to your spouse and demean them.

Observations:

1) Secrets that eventually get revealed can tear down a marriage. Do not let someone have negative information on you that they would blackmail you with. Make sure there are no secrets from your spouse.

2) If you have financial secrets, it is better to get them out on the table prior to the spouse finding out in a way that you had not planned. This leads to distrust in the relationship. Know that is hard to get trust back once it is lost.

Recommendations:

1) Money and marriage do not have to be difficult. People make it difficult based on their believes, past experiences and lack of information.

2) Establish mutual financial goals for your marriage.

3) Support your spouse if he or she is an entrepreneur. Ask them about their business and offer to assist if necessary. Your being supportive of them affects their success.

This is a must see for any married couples’ movie collection. Grab your copy here:

If you need a money and marriage advocate to come and speak to your audience on money and marriage, contact Dr. Taffy at drtaffy@moneytalkmatters.com .

Let’s have some fun this morning and enlightenment at the same time. Remember when you were young and we rode the bus to school. The bus would come to your house and you would get on the bus and talk with your friends all along the ride to school. Some mornings you wanted to talk and some mornings you might have been sleepy. Yet, you rode the bus. Once at school, you attended school and at the end of the day, you got back on the bus to return home.

Later in life as an adult, you might have rode the city’s transportation system which was a bus to the mall, work or if you were visiting another state and that was the best mode of transportation you rode the bus. So a bus has been integral in our lives. Now that you can relate and understand the bus – let’s take it one step further.

Today, I want to talk with you about the “Financial Bus of Life.” Regardless if we are in a recession or the economy is up, there is a financial bus in your life. When you were in elementary school through high school, even as a young adult the bus I talked about represented a mode of transportation that got you from one destination to another. For this post it will be a little different.

When you think of a bus what is the first thing that comes to mind? I know for our twins they would think it is big and yellow. For someone else it could continue being that mode of transportation to work or shopping. When we are talking about the financial bus – I want you to think about two things – the passenger and the driver.

Now when you think about “The Financial Bus of Life” what have you been doing? The role of the passenger is sitting on the seat and watching things happen in the area of finances. Mismanagement of funds happen, overspending happens, maxed out credit cards, financial mistakes happen because of a lack of knowledge. Consequently, the cycle of debt starts and repeats itself. We sit on the seat and watch it happen over and over. We do not want to talk to anyone because we are embarrassed. Also, we lack the will to change our situation.

Another character in The Financial Bus of Life is the role of the driver. The driver is the person that no matter what has happened in their finances, they are taking control. They refuse to sit on the seat and watch things happen to them. They are the ones that have made a CHOICE to CONTROL their finances and make healthy financial decisions regardless of what is happening around them. The driver has and is working his or her plan to pay the bills and alleviate debt. The driver does not get influenced by peer pressure or The Joneses. Let me share a secret, there are drivers that were passengers at one time.

One of the big differences between a driver and a passenger is the passenger usually lacks the will to change their situation. That can be due to their mindset, used to being a complainer without action and also surrounding themselves with people who think just like them. The driver is going to take action to reach the desired financial result.

Are you a driver or a passenger in The Financial Bus of Life?  

The first movie that I want to talk about is Fireproof. Understand this is my opinion as a money and marriage advocate and personal finances educator. Fireproof was a good movie overall. From the money and marriage aspect – clearly they were not on the same page regarding finances in the marriage. He had “his money” and she had “her money”. The husband had drawn those lines in the very beginning of the movie. I would’ve like them to show more detail on why he had drawn those lines. Reason: there are couples that deal with that and don’t understand because they are driven by their emotion.

When you have His Money and Her Money in a marriage, those lines are not drawn without reason. This could help couples understand each other’s motivation for some of the choices that they make.

There came a point in the movie where he did use “His Money” for a need that was important to her. Although she thought someone else did it until she did some background checking. Then she was convicted herself about her own thoughts.

Overall: It is a good movie. That was my take on the money and marriage side.

Recommendation: When you have His Money and Her Money, establish clear reasons upfront the reason it needs to be this way. Otherwise the separation of money can lead to separation in other areas of marriage and open the door for lack of trust in many areas. Know why you are choosing separate funds. All choices have consequences good, bad or indifferent. Do not make any decision lightly.