Posts Tagged ‘girlfriend’
Have you not seen any of the court tv shows such as Judge Hatchett, Judge Joe Brown or even Judge Mathis – this statement is like an episode that I have even seen over and over.
Boy dates girl, they believe they are in love. He loans her money after dating for about six weeks. She begins paying him back after the loan. She pays a minimal amount two times and then she breaks up with him. They do not have anything in writing and before you know it, they end up on Judge Mathis or Judge Joe Brown.
Listen, when you are in the dating stage this is also the perfect time to watch how someone manages their money. If you are dating someone and they ask you for a loan, do not feel obligated to loan them the money. It is not your responsibility.
Watch the signs:
(1) Being asked to loan money without anything in writing.
(2) Asking you for a loan in the first place.
(3) Mismanaging funds. Spending money loaned on extras versus paying off bills.
(4) Asking you to pay a bill for them while you are in the dating stage.
(5) Asking you to help a relative financially.
When you are only dating, watch what is happening with their money. How they spend, if they are working and more. This is not to be taken lightly. So take heed and choose your relationships carefully.
How many times have you watched divorce court and saw where they started out as boyfriend and girlfriend, she really loved him so when he asked her to borrow some money or co-sign on a loan she did it. They had an agreement that the money would be paid back. Because she loved him sooo much, she decided to marry him even though he did not pay back one dime from the loan.
Maybe that was his intention all along to get money from her and then marry her so she would forget about the loan. Then she decided to stick by her man and married him. The relationship was going along so, so and then he starts coming home later and later. Sometimes it would not be until the next morning. Granted he is not working. So what is he doing?
After seven or eight months, the wife grows tired of this routine and decides to get divorce. I’ve seen the episode on Divorce Court, haven’t you. The first thing she says is he owes me some money. The Judge generally asks if there was anything in writing. Once she hears all of the details, she comments didn’t you see the signs. You do not need to be married to him anyway.
If you are loaning money while you are dating, you need to find out the entire financial picture before you think about marriage. If you find out something you cannot handle or live with, then maybe you should not walk down the aisle.
As I was reading through different stories, this one caught my attention Money Before Baby. Based on the title alone, let’s be honest readers I am sure you know how this story goes. Woman has a girlfriend who is married and is pregnant. She’s happy, yet she cries. Her biological clock is ticking and she is dating someone who she would consider marrying but is not married yet.
To top it off, finances are mess and so she is not ready by any means to start a family. Does it have to be this way, of course not? It does not have to take the biological clock ticking in order to get your finances in order either. That is something that should be or should have been happening all along.
Now you have begun to think about it and are putting yourself in the place of making more mistakes if you base making these choices on biological clock, OB-Gyn is saying this, looking at your ages. There are consequences to all these decisions. I would say focus on getting your finances in order and begin talking more about the finances.
Actually maybe even before talking about the finances is discussing where your relationship is headed. There should be order to every relationship and decisions made. Next focus on the finances and establishing mutual financial goals. If you bring a baby into a relationship without marriage and financial problems… there could very well be more problems.
Do not be over anxious and make hasty decisions because your married girlfriends are having babies.
This movie has several of my favorites again Taye Diggs, Morris Chestnut, Nia Long, Sanaa Lathan and Terrance Howard. It is always my goal not to spoil it for you if you have not seen the movie, so here is my brief recap.
Harper Stewart (Taye Diggs), who is a writer and The Best Man at the wedding of Lance (Morris Chestnut) and Mia (Monica Calhoun). The three of them went to college together. Lance was a football player and becomes a pro player. Needless to say he lived up to the reputation of a football player being physically intimate with all the girls. Then he meets Mia and decides he needs to be with her. Harper tends to dissuade him saying she is a “good, Church going girl”. Eventually Lance and Mia do hook up and he plans on marrying her. The weekend prior to The Wedding, all of their old college friends get together in celebration of this upcoming union. Harper’s book comes out and they discover he has captured their lives in print but changed their names. He tries to say that it is fiction. Lance believes he is the only person Mia has ever slept with but according to Harper’s book secrets begin to come out… You will have to see the movie to get all the juicy details. It is a GREAT movie.
Once secrets are revealed, it can alter the course of a relationship either temporarily or permanently. Whether they are salvageable or not depends on the people in the relationship. These young people set out to accomplish different professions and they did it. It did not change them and they were genuinely happy for each other.
The character Terrance Howard played tried several different things and was talented. The bottom line is he did not stop at one thing – he kept on going. The bride-to-be was comfortable in who she was and so was the groom regardless of what anyone thought.
Nia Long’s character, Jordan was an independent business woman that had everything going on. Yet she was not in a relationship. Although while they were in college, something almost happened between her and Harper. She is very career focused which happens with many women. Once their career is at a certain point, then they think about dating and/or marriage.
Julian was a teacher and content doing that job, yet his girlfriend Shelby all the college friends did not like. Shelby was a woman that was into shopping and prestige. She wanted Julian to return to become a lawyer and he is not interested. She also was big on pouting if she did not get her way. You will have to watch the movie to find out what happens.
One of the main secrets revealed almost caused this wedding not to happen after a lot of money had been spent. It does not matter if you are on the bride’s side or the groom’s side, if a wedding is called off after the money has been spent and you cannot get deposits back it can upset everyone. Granted if you found out something the night before that you just could not live with, then those expenses would not amount to what it could costs you later. Be true to yourself and decide what you need to do. Think about the big picture not just the short-term. CAUTION: Too many people rush into a wedding trying to save face. They are more concerned with what people are going to think about them instead of their true feelings about getting married and the person they are marrying. Do not get into the habit of trying to please people.
1) Financial secrets can tear down trust in a relationship and marriage. Share your financial background upfront and if the fiance’ cannot handle it then you are better off.
2) Be comfortable in who you are. That means if you are comfortable being the homemaker then be the homemaker. If you are employed outside the home, then you are employed outside the home. Have the discussion about what the role of the husband is and what the role of the wife is according to how each of you see it – not what your parents think. Talk about the respective roles and agree. If you choose not to talk about it, it can be costly in the long term.
3) Husbands and wives have to believe in each other and support them in their individual dreams as well. At the end of the day, it does affect the household bottom line. Do not be so short-sighted that you think it is only about you. Once you said “I Do” it is no longer “ALL ABOUT YOU”.
Definitely one for the library: