Posts Tagged ‘husbands and wives’

postheadericon Financial independence versus dependence

I was reading about a study that was recently completed by American Express Spending & Saving Tracker survey claimed that financial issues created more tensions in their relationship than anything else. Then it went on to state, “The majority of people prefer financial independence instead of dependence on a partner”.

When couples get married it does not mean that you have to lose yourself including financially because you are married. I am not saying that either spouse should have an account where money is kept hidden from each other in case you decide you want to bail out on the marriage. The message I want to convey is this, prior to your uniting your finances was your responsibility whether you handled them good, bad or indifferent. Once you are married, those finances are still yours, good, bad or indifferent. Whether or not you and your mate choose to open joint accounts is another discussion that should be had and a decision should be made.

Should spouses have a separate account. I believe spouses should have a separate account in addition to whatever they have decided regarding joint accounts. My husband and I have a separate account that we use to pamper each other and have some extra that we can pamper ourselves that does not hinder the household finances. What does that do for the marriage? That removes stress from the marital finances because in every relationship there is a shopper and a saver. If the shopper gets out of hand and now they are unable to pay all the bills, the saver (if they are the money manager) will not be happy.

If the husband and wife also have a joint account, then they know that one person is not shouldering all the financial responsibility. There is nothing wrong with dependence within balance. Seems to me as if there are spouses (whether husband or wife) that could be losing their life and identity once they become married. There are husbands and wives that have given up jobs and stay at home for one reason or another and that does impact the marital finances.

When financial issues arise the amount of stress it places on a marriage can affect so many areas of their life – relationships, employment, credit and much more. I would encourage all couples to do what is best for them. Develop a financial plan for your marriage and work your plan, even if you have been married for numerous years. You can start today right where you are.

postheadericon Planning for the Wedding and Failing at the Marriage

This post has been coming for a couple of days and I decided to write it today. I am sure the title caught your attention Planning for the Wedding and Failing at the Marriage. It means just what it says. Let’s me break it down. Many women have been dreaming about their wedding day every since they can remember. They have been able to see that day in their minds, the dress, who would be in the bridal party and so much more.

Once they become engaged, the wedding planning begins to carry out exactly what that dream is that has been in their mind for years. Reading various bridal magazines, attending bridal show after bridal show, going to bridal shops and even watching various shows.. Say Yes To The Dress and much more. Then you begin talking with girlfriends in detail about your plans and even your parents.

This day.. Your Wedding day must come off without a hitch. You are taking the time and attention to ensure this happens just as you have dreamed. For some of you that means you hire a wedding planner, for others of you that means you do it yourself and either way there are checklist invovled. You make sure all the I’s are dotted and the T’s are crossed. You WILL NOT, down right REFUSE to leave anything to chance.

The wedding day approaches and you have confidence that everything is the way you want it. Minutes after saying “I Do” comes the marriage. What have you done to plan for the marriage? We all know the statistics money is one of the top reasons for divorce.

What have you done to plan for your money and marriage? How do you handle your fiance coming into the marriage with debt and NOT paying his bills but you don’t find out until weeks after you say “I Do”.  When you were talking about the wedding expenses, you were continuing to plan for the wedding and nothing else.

What will you do if he is the money manager and does not want to have a joint account with you? If this hurts your feelings, what will you do afterwards? What if you are bringing bills into the marriage, he knows about it and has agreed to help you pay off your debt BUT wants a full accounting of your money? How will you handle that? Does he deserve to get a full accounting? Do you get offended and say I don’t want your help because you are now faced with a lack of trust on your part? Even as you are reading this, do you honestly know what financial obligations are being brought into the marriage by your future spouse? Have you talked about it? Have you seen things that are red flags but are choosing to ignore it because you want to be married?

Sure, I could go on and on because I live money and marriage every day. I know money is not a romantic or even a “warm fuzzy feeling kind of topic”. Yet, marriages are ending every day because of money issues that husbands and wives did not “TALK” (not argue) about and reach solutions. Before you plan another detail for your wedding, take the time and begin PLANNING and GETTING answers for your impending MARRIAGE.

To learn how to communicate about money in the comfort of your own home, grab your copy today of Money Talk Before The Commitment Walk and The Debt Stops At The Altar financial education program for engaged couples and newlyweds. Your marriage does not have to be like everyone else’s filled with financial stress and strain, being called at work with complaints from the spouse about finances and more.

Money and marriage is a private topic and embarrassing if you have made some wrong choices. That is one of the reasons this program was developed so couples could get answers in the comfort of their own home behind closed doors. Whether they do it together or one spouse listens first and then shares with the other it is a flexible program. You learn how to TALK with each other about money, how to decide who the money manager should be, recognizing shopper and saver characteristics and more.

postheadericon Should a Married Person keep Borrowing Money to a Friend a Secret?

Husbands and wives listen up. This question came to me anonymously and I felt to address this on my blog.  Should a married person keep borrowing money to a friend a secret? First and foremost, a marriage is built on trust and cannot be built on secrets. When secrets come out they usually inflict HAVOC on a marriage because of what it is. Why would you, a married person be loaning money to a friend and not discuss it with your spouse? That goes for male or female.

What is your goal for not telling your spouse that you are loaning money to a friend?

(1) You are not telling your spouse because you know they would not agree.

(2) You believe the friend will pay you back before the spouse discovers this money  is missing.

(3) You do not believe you are accountable to your spouse when it comes to money and you can do whatever you want.

(4) Your friend has been giving you a hard time about checking with your spouse before doing things. SO to show them that you are in control, you loan this friend money without telling the spouse.

If none of those are your goal, then you need to re-evaluate why you keep loaning money to a friend and are keeping it a secret. Are you prepared to deal with the consequences when your spouse finds out? Secrets rarely stay a secret.

postheadericon Lesson from an Obi regarding Money and Marriage

Some of my readers know that our twins are taking a karate class. Well last week they got their karate uniforms which is called a Gi. The uniform has a belt that has to be tied a certain way which is called an Obi. Here is how this works, the twins went to class on Monday night and were learning to tie the “Obi.”

Today at the beginning of our homeschool class, I decided that they were going to show me that they learned how to tie the “Obi”. Of course the daughter does it within 15 minutes – 3 different times. It is now almost an hour later and the son has yet to do it once. What does this have to do with Money in Marriage? I am soooo glad that you asked.

Lesson 1:  We must listen to instruction. When husbands and wives are talking WITH each other about money and marriage we must listen. There are times when husbands and wives are sharing important information about money in marriage and our minds are focused on other things.

Lesson 2:  Money in marriage requires dedication and discipline throughout the marriage. It is not a one time discussion.

Lesson 3:  Our son has not once asked for help in getting the instruction again. Many times husbands and wives are having financial challenges and will not ask for help. Being silent creates more financial challenges and feelings being hurt in the marriage. This also happens because one or both made assumptions when it came to money and marriage.

Lesson 4:  Instead of becoming frustrated to a point of where you will not understand the lesson… step back from the situation and take a deep breath. Then come to the table with a new and clear perspective.

Lesson 5: I know, men and women are different, even when it comes to learning styles. Our son is a visual learner. Therefore, what I decided to do was have him tell me the steps in tying the “Obi” while I put it on. Afterwards, he could do it with me.  When it comes to Money and Marriage, husbands and wives should take the time to know what type of learner they are and what is the preferred method of communication. Then begin talking about Money and Marriage in that regard so that messages are received and ACTION can be taken.

Whoever would have thought lessons from an Obi could be applied to Money and Marriage. Soo having fun with what I do.

postheadericon Financial Baggage enters the Marriage

Brides, Grooms, Husbands and Wives take a note. When you enter into marriage realize that prior to your saying I do, you had a life outside of your mate. That life included making financial decisions that were good and some financial decisions that might have been not as good. The money mistakes are a part of you if you chose not to clean them up prior to marriage and are a part of your marriage.

They are a part of your marriage because you will think about them. Once your spouse finds out about them voluntarily or involuntarily is entirely up to you. The result can be different. The question I ask you today is this: Could the financial baggage that is surfacing in your relationship becoming detrimental to the welfare of your union? If so, then what are the steps that you are taking to remove the baggage.

Baggage in itself is not a good thing. Usually tied to baggage of any nature is emotions which leads people to act hastily without thinking about all of the consequences.  Remember, every decision you make has a consequence. Take a few minutes to think long term and not short-term when it comes to your decisions.

The only time that I know of that baggage is good is if it is luggage and you are taking a much deserved vacation. Otherwise financial baggage is not good, revisiting old girlfriends or boyfriend baggage is not good and even previous employment situations that had baggage is not good. It is time to have a clear picture of what you want and where you want your finances and marriage to go.

With that in mind, quit living your past in the present. Live the PRESENT now and take care of NOW, TODAY and the future will take care of itself. This is not a time to keep looking behind you or you will miss opportunities in your present to get your finances in order, to impact your marriage for a lifetime and much more. Sure, it could be thought of as “Not the Norm” – it’s about time. Going along with the norm has ended marriages, caused separations and stopped people from talking about money in marriage. It is a New Day and time for New Financial Beginnings and Plans.

Don’t ignore the baggage.  Baggage  can overtake you or be overwhelming to your spouse. Talk with your spouse today, develop a plan to remove it and BEGIN removing it. You can talk about things all day BUT until you take action it’s just TALK.  JUST DO IT! BE IT!