Money Talk Matters

Posts Tagged ‘job’

I felt I had to include this one not just because it was one of my favorites, but as I was watching another Marriage and Money movie as I call them, it was mentioned. I thought to myself well let’s include it as well. Cannot hurt anything.

Of course it includes some of my favs which my readers are sooo used to by now – Sanaa Lathan and Omar Epps.  Let’s see if I can summarize this one without giving too much away and it makes you run out and get the movie.

Next door neighbors (Monica and Quincy) who are rivals end up becoming friends and then lovers. Both of them being competitive end up being recruited by the same college team. They of course thought that was great. Once in college – basketball does interfere with their relationship, as well as Quincy finds out his father has a family outside of his own and that really takes a toll on his mental capacity.

Monica gets an opportunity to be in the starting line up when Quincy is dealing with this family situation and because she does not have time for him, he turns to another young woman on campus. He also flaunts this in Monica’s face.  He does not end up with this young woman, nor does he end up with Monica but….. you must get the movie to find out the next turn and twist as well as the ending. This is a movie I watch everytime it comes on TV.

Money Implications:  I liked in this movie these young people stayed true to who they were.  The one implication I recommend is that regardless of your income level, it should not change you as a person.

Observation:  When it comes to love, as I always say do not be driven by emotion which can lead you to make the wrong choices. 

When Quincy was dealing with a family issue, he felt that Monica should have risked her opportunity to be in the starting lineup to listen to him vent. Honestly, at the end of the day her listening to him would not have changed what happened. I ask you would he have done the same thing for her?

I love how in the end, Monica and Quincy were true to themselves and each other.

Recommendation:  Understand that life happens and you CONTROL how you handle challenges in your life. For example if your hours were cut at your job, what is your solution? 

Do not left financial challenges get you down. Take control and manage your finances instead of you being controlled by your finances.

I am glad this one did not completely get by me.  About two or three weeks ago, a colleague recommended I watch this movie after reading some of my previous reviews.  Of course some of my favs were in it Sanaa Lathan, Wesley Snipes, John Amos and CCH Pounder.

Zora Banks, who is a young independent woman, a singer and teacher  moves to another city and meets construction worker, Franklin that has been doing work in her building, specifically her brownstone. Zora notices Franklin and vice versa. Franklin returns later to Zora’s brownstone and they become intimately involved prior to any background discussions.  AFTER the fact, they began to talk about some of their personal life which could be viewed as secrets that they did not share prior to becoming intimate. Then once these truths begin to reveal themselves, the relationship gets complicated. This movie deals with separation, children, pregnancy, finances, employment, job loss and more. Of course I did not want to give away too much but highly recommend you see this movie if you have not already.

Money Implications:  When you are in a relationship, do not make one person feel as if they are carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders when it comes to finances. If you do, they will eventually grow tired and could seek an escape route.

Observation:  If you are seriously involved with an individual that is separated but not divorced, you need to consider all the facts – what type of debt do they have, are they paying child support, are they working and more.

If your relationship consists of you paying all the bills, know that there is the possibility that your finances will begin to run short because you are the only one paying all the bills, paying for dates, etc. After a period of time, this might not feel as good as when you first started.

When Zora and Franklin met they both had individual dreams, however they let emotions and circumstances of life get them off track. Once she threw him out, they focused on their dreams and accomplished those goals separately.

Recommendations:

1)  Be honest about your backgrounds including finances upfront before there is physical involvement. Emotions can cloud your judgment.

2) Establish mutual financial goals for your marriage. If you are seriously dating and not married yet, pay attention to financial habits that are exhibited even in the dating stage. This could give you insight into how they will handle financial challenges during marriage.

3) If you are in a serious relationship with someone that is separated but not divorced and children are involved, you must really consider a couple of different things: a) if you ended up marrying this person could this happen to you several years down the road where they are now seeing someone else and you are at home with the kids; b) if the person is not paying child support to existing children what would happen if you had children with the person and they left you at some point in time; c) find out what their plan is regarding divorce and what do they see for the future of your relationship?

4) If your husband is a contractor or wants to start his own business, encourage him and do not tear him down. Tearing him down will not result in the bottom line being met.  Ask if there is anything you can do to help. Teamwork – partnership is essential in marriage.

Hear ye, hear ye – the dishonorable debt is being invited to your home because you thought debt would not come to your house because of

your ethnicity

your economic background

your marital status

your education level

your age

who your parents are

your religion

your employment

I said it that way because now you should know better. Debt is an equal opportunity, frustrating and stressful situation if you do not take control of your finances.  Debt changes personalities, impacts marriages negatively, can ruin friendships – because people are ill-equipped with finances.

I have been guilty of not paying attention to what was happening in finances at different times. Nothing like a recession to get your attention. Now when you are faced with less money and the same bills, what action do you take in order to maintain and correct financial situations?

Options: (1) Talk with Creditors and work out a more affordable payment arrangement;

                  (2) Create your own bailout – by starting a home based business from a hobby or something that you have always wanted to do that has low overhead.

                 (3) If you already have a business, re-evaluate your services and contact previous clients. Could institute a referral policy to generate new clients.

                 (4) Get a second job if necessary. If that is what you choose to do.

                 (5) Make sure you establish a household budget if you did not prior to this happening.

Do not let debt cause you to act out of character and hurt those you love. Choose to take control of your money and not be controlled by money.

Money and marriage are near and dear to my heart because this is what I live.  I am the person that came to their marriage with financial baggage and maybe different than you I did put it on the table. As a matter of fact, so did my husband. We both came to our marriage with financial baggage and we are both Christians. My husband and I are a happily married couple of 13 years that know from our own experience how to be successful at money and marriage.

When it comes to dealing with financial baggage which can be anything from  - slow pays, homelessness, debt, bankruptcy, cleaning up credit, family and money, becoming parents, job loss, spending, student loans, bad credit, business decisions affecting finances and relationships – we have experienced it.

When I say this morning, Money and Marriage is My Ministry,  it is a ministry for me that I do not take lightly. I thought back to when I was interviewed by US News and World Reports - a question she asked was does faith impact money? I had soooo much fun answering that question because it does when you are a Christian, believer.  I am here to listen, then encourage and provide solutions that work to:

• Couples that are in church whose finances are funny and they do not understand but do not think they can reach out to anyone for help because they believe they will be judged or their situation will become church staff gossip

• Couples who are embarrassed to even say we have made wrong decisions and want to get our money and marriage right. We don’t want money being a reason we get divorced.

• Individuals who are tired of making wrong financial decisions but need help in cleaning it up.  

• Anyone that want help in the area of money and marriage without judgment and condemnation. 

• The person that has fear when it comes to money.

Regardless of what you think, you can come out of financial frustration today. As far as I am concerned, Christian Marriages should be setting the example for those not of faith and encourage them to want to be a Christian. But I know that is not what has happened.   

It is time to equip Christian marriages with life skills to sustain marriages and not let them be a divorce statistic.  Let me address this – do you have to be a Christian to contact me? No, you do not and I will continue to provide you with solutions based on what I know works. 

Christian or not, when you are given solutions it will be your choice whether or not you utilize the information and move beyond financial frustation and begin the path of financial independence.

I saw an article in the Wall Street Journal that talked about What Layoffs Do to a Marriage and I had to share about it. See, I have experienced this in my own marriage.

This article talks about how when someone is laid off, they do things around the house, job hunt and try to keep themself busy. Then when the spouse comes home, they are desperate for attention.  A layoff impacts the relationship on so many levels.

I want to share what happened with us, it was well after we had been married four years and hubby was laid off. I saw how hard he worked for someone else and asked him what did he want to do.  One of the differences with us is that our household budget was based on one income in case of something  just like that. So he did not have to go back to work for someone else. I told him to do what he wanted. He decided that he wanted to start a small printing business that we could run out of our home.

We had sooo much fun doing this because we literally turned our dining room into the printing shop in our first home. Another great thing is that my business that I had on the side, funded his business. Love it because there was no credit cards used. The one thing we did for the biggest piece of equipment we needed we had gotten an equipment lease through American Express at that time. Otherwise everything we purchased.

That article talks about how most plan their lives around two incomes and we didn’t so we had the luxury of starting another business while I worked at a law firm. My income at the firm was the same as his prior to the layoff - so we did not miss a beat.

Our goal was to make sure that at the end of the day we are happy. Depression was not an option. Working for someone else does not define who you are, sure it can use your skills but many people would do something else if they had the money.  There does come a time when what makes you  happy outweighs what you make working for someone else.

If you are dealing with a money and marriage issue resulting from a layoff, send me your question.