Posts Tagged ‘loan’
Wait, I thought I had read it all. It is the “norm” of course for husbands and wives to dispute over money spent at the wedding, but wait when I share about this story I read tonight.
There I was doing a little research and thought I need to post on Money Talk Matters for the engaged couples. Granted, I’ve been very busy with local seminars and radio shows dealing with money. Still, I felt let me do a post and get back to it on a regular basis because sooo many people need help.
Then it grabbed me – Fathers-in-law Cash Clash. Listen they were fighting over a loan made for the wedding and ended up in court when the marriage ended after one year. The marriage ending after one year is another post.
Take the time to read this now – Fathers-in-law Cash Clash – definitely sound like a Court TV episode. What are your thoughts?
Wait a minute, it is a red flag if you take out a loan for your future spouse during the engagement. Also, if part of that loan is to be used for your engagement ring. Hmmm isn’t that essentially like paying for your own ring! Take a look:
Let me say right off I know this one is going to be loaded. When the question came in to my email, I thought to myself there are other wives this is happening to or vice versa. So let’s take it one step at a time.
Obviously the wife who wrote in anonymously found out after the fact. First question, how did she find out? Did she discover that money was missing from their joint accout? Or did he say, by the way honey a couple of weeks ago I loaned this friend some money?
I guarantee you the wife that wrote that sent that question in, is more than likely mad because he did it and she did not know about, may not even like the friend the money was loaned to and probably feels she cannot trust her man with their money because he will give it away to whomever he wants without talking with her about it as if she does not have a say so.
Money is a serious subject that cannot be avoided between a husband and wife. Husband and wives do you have an understanding about loaning money to friends, relatives or colleagues? If you do not, this is something that should be discussed beforehand. It will prevent the type of email I received.
When people lose trust in relationships, it is hard to get it back. It takes a lot of work. Then the question becomes did he really loan the money or give the money. Either way it is a serious discussion that must be had in order to prevent what the couple is dealing with right now in their relationship.
This is not saying you should not loan money, but husbands and wives should know what they agree on when it comes to loaning money, to whom and agreeing even on an amount that will not affect their household finances. Be careful, because you do not want to become a personal banker at the risk of your own marriage. It’s not worth the risk.
How many times have you watched divorce court and saw where they started out as boyfriend and girlfriend, she really loved him so when he asked her to borrow some money or co-sign on a loan she did it. They had an agreement that the money would be paid back. Because she loved him sooo much, she decided to marry him even though he did not pay back one dime from the loan.
Maybe that was his intention all along to get money from her and then marry her so she would forget about the loan. Then she decided to stick by her man and married him. The relationship was going along so, so and then he starts coming home later and later. Sometimes it would not be until the next morning. Granted he is not working. So what is he doing?
After seven or eight months, the wife grows tired of this routine and decides to get divorce. I’ve seen the episode on Divorce Court, haven’t you. The first thing she says is he owes me some money. The Judge generally asks if there was anything in writing. Once she hears all of the details, she comments didn’t you see the signs. You do not need to be married to him anyway.
If you are loaning money while you are dating, you need to find out the entire financial picture before you think about marriage. If you find out something you cannot handle or live with, then maybe you should not walk down the aisle.
I had to watch this movie a second time to make sure it fit the marriage and money movie reviews. I am sooooo glad I did because it was a great addition. This movie had various dynamics that I am going to point out that can benefit so many on different levels. Take your time when you are reading these reviews because if you can think back to the movie, you can see these different points of view.
Without giving too much away this movie dealt with an affluent family, race, unemployment, lies, and money. One of my favorite actors that I got to see in person and truly miss that was in the movie – the late Bernie Mac. Ashton Kutcher was also in this movie.
Ashton plays Simon in this movie and has become engaged to Bernie’s (Percy) daughter – Teresa. Simon and Teresa are going to her parents for the weekend to celebrate their 25th anniversary. She has not told her parents that he is white. Percy has pulled Simon’s credit report and is pleased with what he sees. When they arrive, Percy mistakes the cab driver, who is black for his daughter, Teresa’s boyfriend. Then when Simon introduces himself as her boyfriend, Percy is taken shocked. Percy looks around to see if anyone sees Simon standing in the yard and says we need to go inside. Then he begins in on Simon with the 20 questions. He is very suspicious of simon.
Percy later asks his wife, why didn’t the daughter tell them he was white. Wife admits she had figured it out. Simon begins contacting old friends and colleagues to see if he can get a job before anyone discovers he does not have a job. Percy does not like him from the start and wants to take him to a hotel.
Do not hide your financial background from your soon to be spouse. When the truth is revealed it could divide and destroy your relationship and marriage. There is nothing wrong with putting your cards on the table to ensure the one you love knows you are not attempting to keep secrets, especially financial secrets.
Do not lie about your employment situation. You can only pretend so much and it will catch up with you.
Money Tip #1: If you love someone, love them regardless of income.
Money Tip #2: For parents, do not make your grown son or daughter feel as if their choices are wrong when it comes to a mate without talking with your future son or daughter-in-law.
Money Tip #3: Do not prejudge a person based on the color of their skin. That type of discrimination affects a person as a whole which includes their work performance.
Money Tip #4: Parents should be knowledgeable of how their future son or daughter-in-law handle different financial situations.
When it comes to love, race should not matter. Your heart does not discriminate – love who you love and enjoy life.
Do not lie about your employment because it will affect the entire household. Once you say “I Do”, all situations (employment, education, financial and more) affect the household.
If you start out lying to your future spouse, you will slip up and the relationship could begin to deteriorate.
1) Be honest and proud of your soon-to-be spouse. You are the one that has to live with the person and make joint decisions. You should not be embarrassed about this person or anything.
2) Know that when you enter into a marriage and it is different races, you can get the looks and even some comments – do not address people’s ignorance. Love the one you are with because they love you. You don’t have to impress anyone.
3) Talk WITH each other versus AT each other. The power of speech also affects your finances, ability to work effectively and efficiently whether you work for someone else or have your own business.
4) When you are building a relationship with your in-laws, it takes time. Build the relationship without passing judgment. This is your soon-to-be spouse’s parents.
5) Before you borrow money from parents or in-laws, know up front that a lot can happen from that i.e. change in the relationship, parents watching how you spend (they may think you are wasting their money) money and more. Make sure everyone understands whether it is a gift or a loan.
When young men and women are preparing for marriage, they have time on their side because some of them are not getting married right away. The benefit is if they have questions or concerns about money, they can talk with their parents or their parents can refer them to a financial advisor that can assist them with talking about money as a couple.
It should be a parents responsibility to ensure that their son or daughter knows this life and marriage sustaining skill so that they can live happily ever after and not have financial issues because of the debt incurred from the wedding.
Parents should think back to when they first got married and all the things they wish someone had told them when it came to money and marriage. They can impart this knowledge to their son or daughter so they will not have to go through the same struggles the parents did but be informed on handling financial situations.
Parents love your sons and daughters and do not assume that they know how to manage money. Sure, they might have gone to college and seemed to have taken care of money while at college. Let me ask you a question: What is the amount of their student loan bill? Enough said.
Prepare your son or daughter with this valuable life and marriage sustaining skill. They will thank you for it later. You will also be glad that you did.
This is one of those topics that I have heard from students firsthand when I have had exhibit booths at different events. When I saw this story in the Wall Street Journal, there was no way I was going to pass it up. The title is Students Borrow More Than Ever for College.
I completely understand why they are borrowing because they want to attain an education. However, the problem is not knowing all of the consequences of having all of these student loans. For example, I remember talking with one student and they expressed that the amount of money they spent on their education, once they got a job it would take five to ten years to pay off their student loan based on what they were making at the job they got after graduating from college.
The article shares “The ripple effects for today’s heavily indebted young people are becoming palpable. A growing body of research suggests that tough loan payments are affecting major life decisions by recent graduates, forcing them to put off traditional milestones—from buying a first home to even marriage and having children.” It is on doubt that having this huge debt looming over their future would have them putting off marriage and having children because that in itself is an expense.
Before that son or daughter who has student loans get married, I encourage you to provide them with financial skills or a financial literacy program such as Money Talk Before The Commitment Walk and The Debt Stops At The Altar which teaches them how to talk about money throughout the lifetime of their marriage. This program they can use on their own before they even get married.
Money and marriage are near and dear to my heart because this is what I live. I am the person that came to their marriage with financial baggage and maybe different than you I did put it on the table. As a matter of fact, so did my husband. We both came to our marriage with financial baggage and we are both Christians. My husband and I are a happily married couple of 13 years that know from our own experience how to be successful at money and marriage.
When it comes to dealing with financial baggage which can be anything from – slow pays, homelessness, debt, bankruptcy, cleaning up credit, family and money, becoming parents, job loss, spending, student loans, bad credit, business decisions affecting finances and relationships – we have experienced it.
When I say this morning, Money and Marriage is My Ministry, it is a ministry for me that I do not take lightly. I thought back to when I was interviewed by US News and World Reports – a question she asked was does faith impact money? I had soooo much fun answering that question because it does when you are a Christian, believer. I am here to listen, then encourage and provide solutions that work to:
- Couples that are in church whose finances are funny and they do not understand but do not think they can reach out to anyone for help because they believe they will be judged or their situation will become church staff gossip
- Couples who are embarrassed to even say we have made wrong decisions and want to get our money and marriage right. We don’t want money being a reason we get divorced.
- Individuals who are tired of making wrong financial decisions but need help in cleaning it up.
- Anyone that want help in the area of money and marriage without judgment and condemnation.
- The person that has fear when it comes to money.
Regardless of what you think, you can come out of financial frustration today. As far as I am concerned, Christian Marriages should be setting the example for those not of faith and encourage them to want to be a Christian. But I know that is not what has happened.
It is time to equip Christian marriages with life skills to sustain marriages and not let them be a divorce statistic. Let me address this – do you have to be a Christian to contact me? No, you do not and I will continue to provide you with solutions based on what I know works.
Christian or not, when you are given solutions it will be your choice whether or not you utilize the information and move beyond financial frustation and begin the path of financial independence.
Here comes the bride, all dressed in white. Behind her comes a building that represents her college debt that the groom does not know about. Continue seeing her in your mind because behind that building is a car that represents her car payment. Did you know that she had a car loan that she is actually upside down on? Hmmm it’s not to late to start the “Money Talk.”
As you continue you seeing your bride trying to make it down the aisle, behind the car are several department stores where she has charged various items on her credit card. After dragging this baggage down the aisle for 25 minutes, she stands at the altar waiting to take her vows and commit to you.
If you did not realize this until now, both of you will bring money baggage and financial mistakes into your marriage. If you choose not to discuss them until after the honeymoon, it could cause for uneasiness from the start. You might want to read about Hidden Debt Revealed after the Honeymoon.
Money baggage can cause stress, division and personalities to change when the baggage gets revealed. If you are reading this and you are the bride or groom, picture your soon-to-be wife or husband standing there with all those items behind them at the altar.
Begin the Money Talk today. You can get your copy of Money Talk Before The Commitment Walk and The Debt Stops At Altar via the products page.
For the Parent: Without talking about money to your children the following could happen:
1) Applying for numerous credit cards and overcharging
2) Writing checks and not knowing how to balance the checkbook
3) Getting loan after loan from a bank and getting co-signers
4) They repeat what they saw you do
For the Student: I am going to say high school to college age:
1) Peer pressure when out with friends which can lead to overspending
2) Mismanaging money from student loans and applying for every credit card offer on campus
3) During break getting a job but spending the money instead of planning ahead
4) Not being able to return to school because its not affordable
For the Engaged Couple:
1) Walking down the aisle and preparing to say “I Do” then finding out spouse is in debt – Creates a major problem
2) Knowing that you are a shopper and praying your fiance does not find out
3) Learning your future spouse has $20,000 in debt and not knowing how to handle it
4) Not compromising on wedding expenditures – could set the stage for marriage
For the Married Couple:
1) Been married for years and one person managed the money, now faced with consequences that are forcing conversation
2) Blaming the other person for spending in a time when you needed to be “frugal”
3) Silence being a part of the marriage because of financial tension
4) One person feeling as if they shoulder all the financial burden
Whether you are married, engaged, a student, parent or single – you decide. Based on what you read above, should money be a taboo subject? Share your comments.