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Posts Tagged ‘love’

This movie came highly recommended to me by a colleague, Mary Chatman, CEO of Creations of Love, Inc. I have to say WOW! This was not what I expected and it truly kept me on the edge of my seat.

Darin Dewitt Henson, Golden Brooks, Erica Campbell, Mel Jackson, Bishop Noel Jones, Darius McCrary, Hill Harper and Melissa De Sousa what a cast. There are so many dynamics in this movie, I am attempting to summarize it without giving too much away.

The below is a a familiar story that people might have actually heard in real life: Man meets woman when they are younger, fall in love and he asks her to marry him. She says yes under one condition that he would never leave her. Man is invovled in his church and woman feels as if she has taken a back seat to his duties at the church. Man says that she doesn’t come second, but any time she wants to plan something, he has a commitment at the Church. Woman feels unappreciated and unwanted. Woman has a great paying job and completes a top level degree, that no doubt her husband paid for. Woman is offered a job that is paying her more and her soon to be new boss make advances. Woman invites new boss to a dinner gathering and husband is late to the gathering and still meets her new boss and does not like him.

Woman goes to work the next day and complains to the new boss. What do you think happens next. What happens next, sets off a chain of events that you do not expect by a long shot. You will have to get a copy of this movie and add it to your library. It it soooo worth it.

Money Implications:

Just because one person makes more money than the other in marriage, does not mean that the one who makes less is any more less driven than the one who makes a lot of money. There will always be people who think they can come into your life and give you the world, yet in the end it is a game to them. People love the chase. Don’t fall for the trap.

Money Tip #1: Do not forget about investments spouses made in each other and the marriage.

Money Tip #2: The grass may look greaner on the other side and that new person is only using different fertilizer with a devastating result.

Money Tip #3: Do not allow illegal activity to go in your house that could result in something detrimental to your family. It is not worth it.

Observations:

Couple #1: Main Couple who is Rachel (Golden Brooks) and Clarence (Darrin Henson) were in a marriage that dealt with him paying for her higher college education, him being involved in the Church and her feeling as if she came second to the church. They had an adult son that did not want to work but was involved with some illegal activity.

Couple #2: Bruce and Charlene a very interesting couple. Bruce worked with Clarence at the Auto Shop and is a drinker. Charlene has a good job and loves her husband. Within this relationship they deal with alcoholism, pregnancy and physical abuse.

Not a couple: What is interesting you have Rachel’s friend, Monica who met her boss, Damion Marshall. You will have to watch the movie to find out what happens.

Recommendations:

(1) Do not subject yourself to physical abuse in any relationship it is not worth it. That can cost you tons of money in the long run whether it is legal fees or even therapy bills.

(2) When you are in a marriage, do not let it drive you to do anything illegal or anything that would endanger your life.

(3) Make it known if someone begins flirting with you that you are happily married. Do not even let your mind begin to go there. You cannot afford the consequences of infidelity.

(4) For those that are spiritual, when it comes to involvement in your Church and your marriage, healthy boundaries must be set here too. Families should not feel as if they are paying a heavy price because of the Church.

If you are seeking guidance in money and marriage, contact Dr. Taffy via emal at drtaffy@moneytalkmatters. com

I remember when this movie came out, I could not wait to watch. Now everytime it comes on tv, another that has me glued to the tube. Sanaa Lathan, Donald Faison, Wendy Raquel Robinson, Alfre Woodard, Taraji P. Henson, Mike Epps, Earl Billings and Golden Brooks are some of my favorite actors and actresses.

Corporate lawyer, independent woman that is not dating but everyone including her parents want her to finds love. Her friends tell her to try something new and do not worry about finding the “ideal black man.” Lo and behold she finds love in an unexpected place with a different package than she expected. Her friends set her up on a blind date with a landscaper and she is thrown for a minute.

She needs landscaping done and hires him to do it. He comes over to work on a weekend and discover that she is dressed in professional attire and comments. She shares that she has to go to work and is on target to become a partner. Before you know it, Kendra (Sanaa’s character) and Brian are spending more time together and she likes him.

Her family on the other hand has other ideas. This movie deals with race, money, parents and friends. I barely scratched the surface of this movie in my summary, grab your copy below if you want to know all the details.

Money Implications:

When it comes to your profession and you work in an environment where you might be the only person of your ethnicity, do not let it keep you from become successful and reaching your goals. Sure there will be people in the work environment that have a limiting mindset and could even talk down to you, utilize that as encouragement to press forward to success. Do not let their limitations stifle your earning potential.

Money Tip #1: You can settle for someone that makes the parent(s) happy but you will not be happy and could do things that would destroy your relationship. That comes at a price.

Money Tip #2: Stand by your beliefs even when completing a job, there is nothing greater than your integrity. If it makes the boss mad, so be it – be true to yourself and the facts.

Money Tip #3: Do not speak false information, you will be found out. This could cost you, your relationship and your job.

Observations:
Once she realized who truly was in her heart, she could no longer deny it and went after her man. Most of us know the truth pretty rapidly. Do not marry the wrong person because the money was spent or you were trying to save face. No noe will know the full story unless you choose to divulge it.

Stay true to who you really are and do not which I cannot stress enough get into the habit of pleasing your parents. Do not forsake your spouse for your parents.

Putting the parents before your spouse can destroy your marriage and relationship.

Recommendations:

(1) Be true to who you are and what your heart says.

(2) Keep an ongoing ledger or online tool to track your money. This will aid yo in the future if you have to remove something.

(3) Love is not about material things. It is fine to have material things but do not let material things have you.

(4) Race should not matter when it comes to love.

I have been asked this question over the last few months and decided that now is just as good a time as any to write it in a post. Why? Let’s face it, we both know that the economy has been taking its toll on people and marriages whether they are believers or non-believers.

So I’m not as many of you know, I am not a sugar coater when it comes to my thoughts. So let’s get right into it because more than likely this is going to be a two part blog because I do not want anyone who needs this answer to be overwhelmed and miss anything.

I said this question to my husband last night sharing with him that I was preparing to write this post. He flat out said, “The vows says For Richer or For Poorer“. I responded, you see.

I pray that you did not marry for money and married because you love the person. Love is a choice and not an emotion. I hope that you understand that money comes and goes. Yes it has many roles in our lives and it is important that you recognize the roles and functions of money in your marriage.

When a Christian man and woman stand before God, the wedding officiant and guests taking their vows, they are entering into a covenant agreement saying we will be together through good, bad and the ugly. For Richer or For Poorer means honey if we have to eat Raamen noodles for a minute then I am here with you or honey if we are eating steak and shrimp I am here with you. Regardless of what is happening with the money, Christian husbands and wives are supposed to be together working it out together. Remember, Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, A threefold cord is not easily broken. I can assure you, the GOD I SERVE is not in the business of breaking up marriages.

Marriage is not a covenant that should be taken lightly but reverently, because if you are like me and my husband, GOD blessed us with each other. We had pastors (that were complete strangers) come up to us in restauraunts even months after we were married saying, when you two are ready to get married, I want to marry you. Then we would hold up our hands and show them we were already married.

Christian marriages ARE to be examples of a GODLY marriage to non-believers. Yet if Christian marriages are doing the same thing that non-believers are doing, where is the difference and where is the example? What does it say in Hebrews 13:4-5 which I want to take from the Amplified Bible, 4 “Let marriage be held in honor (esteemed worthy, precious, of great price, and especially dear) in all things. And thus let the marriage bed be undefiled (kept undishonored); for God will judge and punish the unchaste [all guilty of sexual vice] and adulterous.

Marriages are to be held dear. It is absolutely a blessing to me, to be with the man GOD chose for me. See, I did not have to go out there looking for a mate because I know in MY BIBLE it says HE who findeth a good wife obtains FAVOR in the LORD. It is not my role to go out there and look for a mate. My responsibilty is to have my relationship with GOD right and in order, so that when GOD blessed me with my HUSBAND, I was ready. Alright, I digress that is for another time.

Let’s move on to verse 5 which says, 5 Let your [a]character or moral disposition be free from love of money [including greed, avarice, lust, and craving for earthly possessions] and be satisfied with your present [circumstances and with what you have]; for He [God] [b]Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor [c]give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [d][I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor [e]let [you] down ([f]relax My hold on you)! [[g]Assuredly not!]

I want to say Christians have to realize that no you are not supposed to love money but you have to recognize that money is a tool and a weapon. It is a tool that can be used to expand your ability to reach many people for the KINGDOM of GOD. It is also a weapon because it takes money in the world system to hire lawyers if necessary to defend you against a person or a claim. Money in itself is not a negative, it is what people do with and to money that makes it a negative in their life.

So for those married christians, I have to ask you are you depending on God or your mate? I want to leave you with this thought, in my opinion it is not the money that you are fighting about or getting divorced over, I say it is deeper and to find out you have to wait for part 2.

How many times have you watched divorce court and saw where they started out as boyfriend and girlfriend, she really loved him so when he asked her to borrow some money or co-sign on a loan she did it. They had an agreement that the money would be paid back. Because she loved him sooo much, she decided to marry him even though he did not pay back one dime from the loan.

Maybe that was his intention all along to get money from her and then marry her so she would forget about the loan. Then she decided to stick by her man and married him. The relationship was going along so, so and then he starts coming home later and later. Sometimes it would not be until the next morning. Granted he is not working. So what is he doing?

After seven or eight months, the wife grows tired of this routine and decides to get divorce. I’ve seen the episode on Divorce Court, haven’t you. The first thing she says is he owes me some money. The Judge generally asks if there was anything in writing. Once she hears all of the details, she comments didn’t you see the signs. You do not need to be married to him anyway.

If you are loaning money while you are dating, you need to find out the entire financial picture before you think about marriage. If you find out something you cannot handle or live with, then maybe you should not walk down the aisle.

Ladies, I was sitting here reviewing and thinking back to when I was younger and some of the different women that came across my path and what they did when it came to men. Lo and behold, that is where the title of this post came from. There are women who are spending their money on a man to keep him interested when they know he is not faithful nor committed to their relationship. In their mind, they were seriously dating and not far from walking down the aisle, when he is far from it.

For the woman that is reading this and it fits you, stop now! Do not spend another dime on this man. He is not the one for you no matter how good you think you are for him. You cannot buy love because love is not for sale. It is not an emotion it is a choice. Furthermore, if you have a person that is not being faithful when you are dating, what makes you think he will be faithful once you are married? Just a thought!

Do not ignore what is happening right in front of you. If you do and force a relationship that is not supposed to happen, you are potentially in for heart ache down the road that could have been avoided. Buying toys and trinkets does not solidify your relationship what it does it cause you to be taken advantage of.

Think about it. How many women do you know that have tried to buy a man with gifts, even giving him money, etc? What was the end result? Stop today if this is you. Don’t put yourself in a financial hole for someone that is probably not going to be around much longer.

I was minding my own business this morning driving home from a meeting and this movie came flooding my mind. I thought to myself absolutely.

This movie included Martin Lawrence, Lynn Whitfield, Regina King and Della Reese. This movie has a couple of turns and twists in it – let me share without giving away the plot of the movie. Martin plays Darnell who is managing a night club, thinks he is a ladies’ man. His childhood sweetheart is Mia who had joined the military. His mom is Della Reese which I believe was perfect casting.

Darnell is working at the club and Lynn Whitfield whose character is Brandi is a very upscale, classy woman that comes to the club and steps out of a limousine. She has money, likes the finer things in life and of course, Darnell sees her as his ultimate challenge as a ladies’ man.

Just like boys, Darnell and some of his pals are making bets on how long it will take him to get physical with her. Initially Brandi rejects his attempts. Eventually he wins her over and that is when everything changes between Darnell, Brandi and Mia. Before you think you know what happened, trust me you don’t. You will want to see this movie – lies, relationships, money and more…..

Money Implications:
Just because someone has money does not mean they do not have their share of issues in life. Some could be financial and they could also be something else. If you have money and do not know how to manage money, you can get into financial trouble really fast.

Money Tip #1: Establish financial goals for yourself and your marriage and/or relationship with deadlines.

Money Tip #2: Character Mia was comfortable with who she was and she had goals for herself. Be true to yourself and where you are financially. Do not attempt to keep up with someone else. Do YOU!

Money Tip #3: Pay attention to how your groom is spending money when you are dating or during the engagement. Is he lavishing you with gifts and not paying his bills? That will cause financial stress in marriage. Make a note.

Observations:

We all know men like a challenge. Well some women do to. It is important that you keep the love alive in your marriage. Talk with your mate. Ask them about their job and what would they like to see happen in the household finances if you have not ever asked them the question. Husbands and wives alike want to be appreciated and not ignored or made to feel unappreciated.

Recommendations:
(1) Do not discount what you have thinking the grass is greener on the other side. You could be making a costly mistake.

(2) Work with your mate for financial independence and not against them. Be the best that you can be with that mate.

(3) Be careful what you ask for, you may just get it and discover it is not what you truly wanted.

(4) Pay attention and listen to what your spouse is saying. They are revealing information to help alleviate stress in the marriage.

(5) Establish your mutual financial goals and do not get distracted by other people’s opinion on what they think you should be doing.

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I had to watch this movie a second time to make sure it fit the marriage and money movie reviews. I am sooooo glad I did because it was a great addition. This movie had various dynamics that I am going to point out that can benefit so many on different levels. Take your time when you are reading these reviews because if you can think back to the movie, you can see these different points of view.

Without giving too much away this movie dealt with an affluent family, race, unemployment, lies, and money. One of my favorite actors that I got to see in person and truly miss that was in the movie – the late Bernie Mac. Ashton Kutcher was also in this movie.

Ashton plays Simon in this movie and has become engaged to Bernie’s (Percy) daughter – Teresa. Simon and Teresa are going to her parents for the weekend to celebrate their 25th anniversary. She has not told her parents that he is white. Percy has pulled Simon’s credit report and is pleased with what he sees. When they arrive, Percy mistakes the cab driver, who is black for his daughter, Teresa’s boyfriend. Then when Simon introduces himself as her boyfriend, Percy is taken shocked. Percy looks around to see if anyone sees Simon standing in the yard and says we need to go inside. Then he begins in on Simon with the 20 questions. He is very suspicious of simon.

Percy later asks his wife, why didn’t the daughter tell them he was white. Wife admits she had figured it out. Simon begins contacting old friends and colleagues to see if he can get a job before anyone discovers he does not have a job. Percy does not like him from the start and wants to take him to a hotel.

Money Implications:

Do not hide your financial background from your soon to be spouse. When the truth is revealed it could divide and destroy your relationship and marriage. There is nothing wrong with putting your cards on the table to ensure the one you love knows you are not attempting to keep secrets, especially financial secrets.

Do not lie about your employment situation. You can only pretend so much and it will catch up with you.

Money Tip #1: If you love someone, love them regardless of income.

Money Tip #2: For parents, do not make your grown son or daughter feel as if their choices are wrong when it comes to a mate without talking with your future son or daughter-in-law.

Money Tip #3: Do not prejudge a person based on the color of their skin. That type of discrimination affects a person as a whole which includes their work performance.

Money Tip #4: Parents should be knowledgeable of how their future son or daughter-in-law handle different financial situations.

Observations:

When it comes to love, race should not matter. Your heart does not discriminate – love who you love and enjoy life.

Do not lie about your employment because it will affect the entire household. Once you say “I Do”, all situations (employment, education, financial and more) affect the household.

If you start out lying to your future spouse, you will slip up and the relationship could begin to deteriorate.

Recommendations:

1) Be honest and proud of your soon-to-be spouse. You are the one that has to live with the person and make joint decisions. You should not be embarrassed about this person or anything.

2) Know that when you enter into a marriage and it is different races, you can get the looks and even some comments – do not address people’s ignorance. Love the one you are with because they love you. You don’t have to impress anyone.

3) Talk WITH each other versus AT each other. The power of speech also affects your finances, ability to work effectively and efficiently whether you work for someone else or have your own business.

4) When you are building a relationship with your in-laws, it takes time. Build the relationship without passing judgment. This is your soon-to-be spouse’s parents.

5) Before you borrow money from parents or in-laws, know up front that a lot can happen from that i.e. change in the relationship, parents watching how you spend (they may think you are wasting their money) money and more. Make sure everyone understands whether it is a gift or a loan.

When young men and women are preparing for marriage, they have time on their side because some of them are not getting married right away. The benefit is if they have questions or concerns about money, they can talk with their parents or their parents can refer them to a financial advisor that can assist them with talking about money as a couple.

It should be a parents responsibility to ensure that their son or daughter knows this life and marriage sustaining skill so that they can live happily ever after and not have financial issues because of the debt incurred from the wedding.

Parents should think back to when they first got married and all the things they wish someone had told them when it came to money and marriage. They can impart this knowledge to their son or daughter so they will not have to go through the same struggles the parents did but be informed on handling financial situations.

Parents love your sons and daughters and do not assume that they know how to manage money. Sure, they might have gone to college and seemed to have taken care of money while at college. Let me ask you a question: What is the amount of their student loan bill? Enough said.

Prepare your son or daughter with this valuable life and marriage sustaining skill. They will thank you for it later. You will also be glad that you did.

I must admit when this movie came out, I must have missed it in the theaters. Yet, about four months ago when I was watching TV, the title made me stop and watch. Love and Other Four Letter Words – let me be honest I know some four letter words that people dislike, so I thought to myself go ahead and watch it. Below is my brief summary.

TV Personality, Stormie wants to grant her dying grandmother’s wish that she be married. So she in turn talks with her assistant and they pay this gentleman to pretend that he is going to marry her. Stormie goes along with it as long as she can and she even talks with her childhood pal who is a minister. Stormie’s Nana calls and says she is coming out there. You must watch this movie to find out what happens in the end.

Money Implications:Being a strong, independent successful woman does not mean that you cannot enjoy life as well. The character Stormie in this movie was willing to pay someone and pretend to make someone else happy in her family but not be true to herself. Marriage is a serious commitment and should not be taken lightly.

Money Tip #1: Do not plot with friends in order to marry someone because of their money. Be true to yourself and who you love.

Money Tip #2: Being independent, career oriented does not mean that you cannot have a relationship if that is what you desire. As a matter of fact, kudos to you for knowing who you are and bringing assets to the marriage table.

Observation:
This person was all about pleasing her dying “Nana” no doubt, someone she would do anything for. Parents nor relatives wishes for us cannot dictate how we live. Sometimes parents are attempting to live through their young children (adults) and it causes more problems.

Recommendations:
(1) Being an independent person has given you the opportunity learn how to manage money on your own. Take those lessons into your marriage and establish mutual financial goals.

(2) Once you are married, learn how to relax somewhat and know that you do not have to carry the load all by ourself. You know have a spouse that you can depend on.

(3) Love can lasts for a lifetime. Make decisions based on facts not emotions.

This is yet another movie that any time it comes on, I have to stop and watch it all the way through. Sandra Bullock is one of my favorites and such a diverse actress she is. I’m sure you’ve heard the story before – young woman from a small town is married to a professional man. They have a child together. She is brought on television thinking she is going to get a makeover by a friend only to find out that her husband has been having an affair with this best friend. She leaves him and has to move back home with her mother.
She has to start over and has much to deal with being a single mother, a not so good relationship with her mother, old flame and more. You must watch this movie.

Money Implications:
She was not aware her husband was having an affair and once she became aware she was not financially sound to stand on her own. She had to move back home to her parents home which was not an easy thing to do based on her estranged relationship with her mother.

Money Tip #1 – This is for women – yes you are a wife and you are a woman. Meaning you should know how to manage money even if you have a husband as well as what is happening with the household finances.

Money Tip #2 – If you are put in the position of having to divorce your husband and return to a familiar place with relatives, you do not need to explain your situation to those relatives. If you move back in with your parents, you can choose what you share with them when it comes to your finances.

Money Tip #3 – You are an adult now and do not allow old high school friends or college friends that were competitive with you talk down to you based on what they are assuming is happening in your life. Hold your head up high and take care of your business – finances and all.

Observation:
It is clear in this movie that Sandra Bullock’s daughter wanted to be with the father and blames the mother for the breakup. As a parent it is important that you share information that the child(ren) need to know. It is not necessary to “bad mouth” the other parent. The child(ren) will make their own judgment based on what they see and hear. If your ex or soon-to-be ex is not paying child support nor spending time with the child(ren), you make memories with your child(ren) and let them know how much they are loved. Divorce and separation affects children and households in many ways. Get your finances in order and know what it takes to make your situation work.

Recommendation:
(1) Set the example for your child(ren) that you would want them to be as a young married couple. Teach them about money and managing money early on.

(2) Do no let your personal information become the “town” news of the day. What happens in your marriage and finances is not anyone’s business.

(3) We all love our parents, but do not let your parents opinions cause you to drift into depression which leads to inactivity. It is a costly position to be in.

(4) Do not let the emotional pain of your past cause you to make financial mistakes in your present thereby affecting your future.

(5) Protect the child(ren) from being devastated by a lack of the other parent’s involvement in their lives. This can have long term effects even when they are young adults, husbands and wives. Make lasting memories and it does not have to cost a fortune.