Money Talk Matters – Premarital Financial Program

Being the money manager such as I am, there are times when you might not tell your spouse everything that is going on with the finances. Why does this happen? Well, I can think of several reasons – you do not want to add to his stress level, you think if you told him he would go off on you (not physically but verbally), you believe you can get it handled and no one needs to be the wiser.  Listen wives, for whatever reason it – do you realize you are shouldering all the burden, stress and frustration. You also could be making decisions without all of the information and your husband could be assisting you.

Has this happened to me? There were some times when I was not discussing in complete detail the money with him because I was working the plan. I told my husband give me a chance to work the plan. Now was he willing to do it? Yes, because when I have said that before it turned out to the benefit of everyone and not to anyone’s detriment. So he knows when I say I am working the plan that it will give him more freedom later to shop without scrutiny. See, in our marriage he is the shopper and not me.

Do I think we all are shoppers at some point. Yes, because I will buy up Barnes and Nobles if left to my own devices. But other than that, it is quiet when it comes to shopping from me. I  digress, when a financial issue presents itself that you did not plan on and it gets bigger and bigger, who do you turn to? When I was single and this happened, I did not turn to family, friends, nor anyone in my church. What happens then Ladies is that things spiral out of control.

Once things spiral out of control, it is almost like no turning back. Before things spiral out of control today, I am here to help you. I’m the wife who has been in debt, homeless, came back from being in debt, restored and happily married to the same man that I married when I was in debt.  Do you need someone to encourage you that you can get out debt, share with you how to talk to your husband about finances and establish a plan as well as much more… then become a member of MarriageMoneyMatters.com today which is for wives.

I will be working with you on reviewing credit reports, providing one-on-one financial counseling, holding you accountable to discussing money and marriage with your husbands and much more. Join today and get the answers in the privacy and comfort of your own home.

Ladies – let me say to you do not be in such a hurry to get married that you ignore the red flags while you are dating. I can understand this friend and that friend have gotten married and maybe you are beginning to feel as if you are the last one to get married. That does not constitute in any way shape or form that you should lower your standards, accept mediocre in order to get married so you can say that you are married too.

What are the red flags you seeing?

(1) Disrespect?
(2) Not paying his bills?
(3) Non-existent work ethic
(4) Unacceptable language

If you are seeing any of these and it makes you uncomfortable, do not disregard them. There is a reason it is a red flag and pay attention. You deserve the best. Sure, nobody is perfect. However, you do have a choice and do not have to be in a hurry to get married just because everyone else. It does not matter how young or old you are it is important to take your time. How many stories have you heard from girlfriends or older relatives saying, they wish they had waited to get married?

I cannot stress the importance of taking your time. When you make decisions in the heat of the moment, usually they turn out to have long lasting consequences that you might not like. So I encourage you today to pay attention to the red flags because it will serve you will in many relationships, not just marriage.

Engaged Couples and Brides-to-Be

There’s a lot of reports coming out right now about money and marriage detailing the affects of money on marriage. Let me share that MONEY has ALWAYS and WILL ALWAYS be a part of marriage. Whether you have a wedding, elope or even go to the Justice of the Peace money is involved. Once you are married, money is an even bigger resource because your financial decisions affect two people.

Let’s cut to the chase, money is used almost daily in some form whether you are buying lunch, paying for gas or even puchasing that latte’ in the morning to get you started it all takes money. Once you are married, money is even more important to the success of the marriage because your financial decisions will affect both of you and not just one of you. Remember, you will no longer be single but a unit.

Money in itself cannot do anything. So when people say money is one of the top three reasons for divorce – in essence it because of how the money was managed or mismanaged that someone did not agree with that affected their relationship, it is because values were not respected and all hope was lost. So before you walk down the aisle, love yourself and each other enough to have begun talking about money. WHY? Because money and marriage is an ongoing conversation for the lifetime of your marriage.

Money has many roles in marriage and prepare yourself because paying for a wedding is not the only role. Take some time and think about what the roles are you believe that money plays in your relationship and what it will mean for your marriage.

If you are seeking a financial education program that you can begin utilizing now, go to www.moneytalkmatters.com/products and purchase Money Talk before the Commitment Walk and The Debt Stops at The Altar. This program is a comprehensive program that teaches you how to talk about money throughout the lifetime of your marriage and can be utilized in the privacy of your own home.

Do not set yourself up to be a “Newlywed” that says “I Made a Mistake”! You can CHOOSE how you want your money and marriage to be – Full of Stress because of Financial Secrets or Fun-Loving, Having Regular Financial Stress-Free talks.

Over the holiday weekend, I don’t know how I lucked out and found a “Say yes to the Dress” Marathon. Brides – PLEASE PLEASE stay within your budget and do not bring the other family members in to your financial challenges if you choose to go over budget.

I saw this episode, where the dress costs $25,000 and the family decide they were going to haggle with the sales lady to get this dress down to $12,000. It was unbelievable, of course there was no way they were going to see a $25,000 dress for half. So at the end it was $15,000 without the taxes and it was still waaay over budget. The bride was crying and the parents were biting the bullet. WAIT!!! They have not even paid for the wedding yet. This is just the dress. Hmmm, wonder what would have happened if the bride stayed within budget and thought about the rest of the wedding.

I will tell you right up front, if she went this far over just for the dress, this groom is in trouble. Does not bode well for the marriage in my opinion. Think about it when brides and grooms are planning a wedding and spending, this gives insight into how they will handle major expenses throughout the marriage. Don’t let the three words “I Want it” get you in trouble. Big difference between needs and wants.

Think I will save another observation on a different bride to a later time.

Special Alert – for brides-to-be and grooms, all engaged couples if you are arguing about money now see it as a good thing and become solution oriented. Talking not arguing would serve you better because it will allow you to lay the cards on the table and figure out a solution that works for both.

Even though you are engaged right now, it can give you more of a glimpse into how each other makes decisions when times get tough. What does the fiance want to do? What does the bride-to be want to do? Are they close to being on the same page or are you far apart and refusing to compromise in order to reach an agreement? Listen, its okay to agree to disagree. However, when it comes to finances you cannot just argue, someone walk away without any type of solution being made because feelings got hurt.

Step back from the situation and ask yourself, what are you really arguing about? Did someone’s opinion not get taken into consideration? Or did one person overspend when the other one suggested you should be in a saving mode? Of course if you focus on the fact that you are arguing too long it could be viewed as a negative instead of seeing it as a positive. The good thing about it is you can get your issues on the table and there should not be any financial secrets that each other does not know about as you approach your wedding day.

Question for the fiancee – does arguing about money at this point make you want to call off the wedding and if so, why?

Bride and Groom, Engaged Couples the benefits of premarital financial counseling are many. First and foremost it teaches couples up front that money is a topic that should not remain taboo and ignored if for no other reason, that is it one of the top reasons for divorce. Frankly it costs more to get divorced that it does to get married.

Premarital financial counseling is what it says pre-marital meaning financial counseling that occurs before you get married that can benefit you throughut the lifetime of the marriage. Understand that this should not be a one hour or a 30 minute talk about your finances and then you are sent on your way to muddle through “money and marriage.” Premarital financial counseling should be focused specifically on finances for a certain length of time and be somewhat interactive with couples.

When you are sitting in front of a counselor with your soon-to-be spouse in the room, you could answer things a way that the bride or groom expects you to answer but it might not be the truth. The premarital financial counselor should be interested in getting to the bottom of any financial issues that exist between the couple.

Additionally, the couple has to be honest and participate in the premarital financial counseling which will help them in making decisions when they are no longer in the presence of the counselor. Premarital financial counseling should include finances, relationships and even employment discussions between the couple.

It is not just about there are going to be some hard time, but should also focus on solutions for topics that have not even been discussed. There are times when financial discussions could get heated but if you remember to stay in a position of the decisions we make today will affect tomorrow and as well as consider the long-term consequences, you will do alright. Do not get swayed by the short-term solution (band-aid).

If you are interested in premarital financial counseling and don’t have someone local that you can talk to, contact me. We can conduct premarital financial counseling via telechat or email.

Congratulations to all the engaged couples that are dealing with money matters during the engagement! Does that sound strange? It should not because better now than later to be discussing money matters. Talking about who is going to manage the money, what are the existing debts being brought into the marriage and much more can save you from a lot of grief, headaches, nights where you go to bed upset with each other because of financial stress – believe me it is not worth it.

When you stand across the altar from the one you love, those first few months to couple of years should be spent nurturing the relationship, having fun as you learn more about each other as a husband and wife, the quirks, the habits and so much more. Coming into a marriage with debt that has not been discussed is setting the marriage up for division and a lack of trust in the marriage. Once trust is gone in the relationship, it is hard to get it back.

If you are engaged and wonder what you should be talking about, the following is a beginning point:

1) What student loans are being brought to the marriage?

2) What credit card debt is being brought to the marriage?

3) What happends when a financial emergency arises? What do each of you think would be the best way to get a financial unexpected emergency handled?

4) Who is going to be better at managing money?

By all means are these the end all of all the questions. This is a starting point. The idea is not to overwhelm and frustrate each other to a point of not wanting to discuss finances. You should talk about finances with the idea of resolving challenges and having a game plan. Financial discussions can lead to greater intimacy in a marriage.

When there are no financial problems, the fun can truly begin pampering each other just because you love one another. It does not have to be a special day – each day you spend with each other is a GREAT day.

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Brides – if your fiance does not make any money, how are you going to handle that? In everything you do, you must have a plan whether it be education, career, purchasing a car, buying a house and even getting married. Each of these areas involve money and it is not wise to make decisions with your eyes closed.

Financial decisions have long lasting effects if made carelessly. So if you are engaged at this point and your fiance does not make any money, let me provide some “food for thought”. Hold on to your seat because that does not mean I am going to say break off the engagement. Continue reading below.

Questions to ask yourself if your fiance does not make any money. Make sure you can answer these questions based on your own observations of him, by talking with him and what you know is true:

1) Is your fiance a hardworker, but poor at managing money?

2) Does he feel that he should not have to work, but think things should just be given to him?

3) Does he have bills?

4) When you and your fiance go out, who pays for dinner, movies or whatever the activity is?

5) If your fiance does not work, what was his last job and why did he quit?

6) Does he want to start his own business?

7) How are the wedding expenses being handled?

After the wedding, where do you and your fiance plan to live?

9) Does your fiance have dreams and goals for himself?

10) What does your fiance’s credit report look like?

11) Was he married before, if so was money one of the reasons the marriage ended?

Brides, when you take a trip and you plan on driving you have a map and you map out your course. If you are like me, you map it out in complete detail even to where your gas stops will occur. When you are planning on getting married to someone that you are going to share your life with, it should not be any different. Take the time and get these questions answered. Do not ignore the fact that his not making any money is bothering you.

PLEASE PLEASE pay attention to the little red flag that is raised. It should bother you and that means it is worth discussing and not being swept under the rug. If it is necessary – get Money Talk Before The Commitment Walk and The Debt Stops At The Altar financial education program which teaches couples how to communicate about money in a non-threatening manner.

Brides if your fiance is bad with money, now is the time to talk with him and plan for your financial foundation during your marriage. It is a GREAT thing that you are finding out this information prior to your walking down the aisle. You may be puzzled as to why! Because there are so many brides and grooms that are not even discussing money before marriage and then they become mad when they find out that the money is not right or the other person has debt.

The biggest expense of marriage is DIVORCE. While you are seeing that your fiance is bad with money, why not take steps together to correct his financial mistakes and any financial mistakes that you have made. While you are putting it out there that he is bad with money, what about you? Is your financial background spotless? If not, then I suggest you share with him as well what your financial background is so that you are starting from a place of everyone’s financial cards being on the table.

It is not fair if you do not share with him and you know in the back of your mind, you have made mistakes too. Even if you have not made mistakes, share with him how you handle money so that it can enlighten him on how you make financial decisions as well as what you base those decisions on.

After you have shared how you handle money, the two of you should look at what his plans are to clean up his financial situation. Establish goals that are achievable and realistic. He needs to be able to take some steps to correct his financial picture. That may or may not necessarily involve you. What you can do is to talk with him on a regular basis and see what progress he has made. This will let him know you are not just going to have a one time discussion and drop it. Encourage him to pursue financial relief in his own life.

One of my favorite Money and Marriage Tips that I often post on Twitter is the biggest expense of marriage is …. DIVORCE. Well, well how about that the New York Times released an article on October 23, 2009 and in the very beginning it says, “But most couples don’t realize that divorce can also be among the most ruinous financial moves anyone can make.”

Money Talks To Have Before Marriage continued to share the affects of divorce affect far more people. Divorce is not just about the husband and the wife, it affects the children, relatives and friends of those spouses. It is very costly. The author of this article states, He has wanted to devote a series to divorce and money for a long time and decided to start with discussing finances which could save some marriages if people made it a priority”.

Money and Marriage should be a lifestyle of open communication about finances, establishing and achieving mutual financial goals as well as removing financial stress and strain from the relationship. When financial stress takes over the relationship, husbands and wives tend to forget about the loving and nurturing part of their relationship. Dreams are forgotten. Pointing the finger becomes the norm and shifting the blame. Blaming each other does not solve the financial challenges.

Brides-to-be, grooms, and even newlyweds take note. Sure you can spend thousands of dollars on your wedding, but what will you do to ensure that your marriage lasts for a lifetime?