It is important for couples to get to know each other as husband and wife, nurture their relationship after the wedding without financial stress. Let me tell you, when you are dealing with financial stress all you can think about is how are we going to pay the bills, not necessarily romance and continuing the honeymoon once you have returned.

Financial stress will cause you to point the finger and blame each other for different financial choices that are causing this strain. If the strain is sooo heavy, you might not be able to see your way out. This is the time when most couples will seek guidance because they were not prepared for the financial stress and strain on the relationship.

If the bride is in the position to pay it can be a good thing. If she is thinking about the money as “OURS” versus “HERS” then that will be a good thing. That can make the difference instead of her thinking of it as hers and her maybe potentially rubbing it in his face later that she paid for the wedding.

Enjoy the process of planning your wedding and knowing that when you prepare to walk down the aisle, it is all PAID for.

If your fiance had this background, what would your parents say about your pending marriage?

Take a look:

Newsflash – If this is what is happening when you are engaged and you are not expressing your concerns and talking about it, the same will occur once you are married. Notice I said if you are not expressing your concerns – not arguing, calling each other names, walking out and leaving things unresolved. None of those behaviors solve financial shortcomings. Let’s break it down.

When you are engaged and only one of you are bringing in the income – yes initially it seems okay but it will wear off in a short matter of time. Here is what you look at: 1) Does your future spouse have the initiative to change jobs or get a job if he or she is not working; 2) Do they also have bills and you are paying his or her bills in addition to yours and are you able to do it without falling behind on your bills; 3) It sends a message when he or she is not paying her bills during the engagement phase because what will they do when an emergency or situation happens once you are married?

Let’s take it here, what would your parents say if they knew your future spouse was not paying his or her bills and you were paying everything? If you won’t tell them, what keeps you from telling them and why? My purpose here is to show you this could be a red flag because people do not change once they get married. As a matter of fact, after a period of time they get comfortable and what you put up with for a certain period of time becomes acceptable and they do not expect they should change.

You can be sick of shouldering all the bills and are you going to TALK about it? What is it that you want to see happen in your finances while you are engaged and then let’s talk about once you are married. Because normally what happens while you are engaged gets carried over into the marriage. Set the right foundation now for financial and marital happiness not discord.

There are a lot of brides and grooms that treat each other as if they are opponents instead of allies. What is the point of being married if you are going to be against each other instead of for each other. It will not take much to tear you apart if you have that mindset. Should you be discussing money on a regular basis during engagement? Yes. Why you ask? Because not only does it costs money to have a wedding (regardless of who is paying for it), you both have an opportunity to see how each one of you handles money.

Are you being cautious or a spendthrift? Are you staying within budget or going over budget every chance you get because you want the wedding of your dreams at everyone else’s expense. Make sure you are sending the right message and that you are not creating an environment of financial stress and strain even during the engagement.

Has this happened to me? There were some times when I was not discussing in complete detail the money with him because I was working the plan. I told my husband give me a chance to work the plan. Now was he willing to do it? Yes, because when I have said that before it turned out to the benefit of everyone and not to anyone’s detriment. So he knows when I say I am working the plan that it will give him more freedom later to shop without scrutiny. See, in our marriage he is the shopper and not me.

Do I think we all are shoppers at some point. Yes, because I will buy up Barnes and Nobles if left to my own devices. But other than that, it is quiet when it comes to shopping from me. I  digress, when a financial issue presents itself that you did not plan on and it gets bigger and bigger, who do you turn to? When I was single and this happened, I did not turn to family, friends, nor anyone in my church. What happens then Ladies is that things spiral out of control.

Once things spiral out of control, it is almost like no turning back. Before things spiral out of control today, I am here to help you. I’m the wife who has been in debt, homeless, came back from being in debt, restored and happily married to the same man that I married when I was in debt.  Do you need someone to encourage you that you can get out debt, share with you how to talk to your husband about finances and establish a plan as well as much more… then become a member of MarriageMoneyMatters.com today which is for wives.

I will be working with you on reviewing credit reports, providing one-on-one financial counseling, holding you accountable to discussing money and marriage with your husbands and much more. Join today and get the answers in the privacy and comfort of your own home.

What are the red flags you seeing?

(1) Disrespect?
(2) Not paying his bills?
(3) Non-existent work ethic
(4) Unacceptable language

If you are seeing any of these and it makes you uncomfortable, do not disregard them. There is a reason it is a red flag and pay attention. You deserve the best. Sure, nobody is perfect. However, you do have a choice and do not have to be in a hurry to get married just because everyone else. It does not matter how young or old you are it is important to take your time. How many stories have you heard from girlfriends or older relatives saying, they wish they had waited to get married?

I cannot stress the importance of taking your time. When you make decisions in the heat of the moment, usually they turn out to have long lasting consequences that you might not like. So I encourage you today to pay attention to the red flags because it will serve you will in many relationships, not just marriage.

There’s a lot of reports coming out right now about money and marriage detailing the affects of money on marriage. Let me share that MONEY has ALWAYS and WILL ALWAYS be a part of marriage. Whether you have a wedding, elope or even go to the Justice of the Peace money is involved. Once you are married, money is an even bigger resource because your financial decisions affect two people.

Let’s cut to the chase, money is used almost daily in some form whether you are buying lunch, paying for gas or even puchasing that latte’ in the morning to get you started it all takes money. Once you are married, money is even more important to the success of the marriage because your financial decisions will affect both of you and not just one of you. Remember, you will no longer be single but a unit.

Money in itself cannot do anything. So when people say money is one of the top three reasons for divorce – in essence it because of how the money was managed or mismanaged that someone did not agree with that affected their relationship, it is because values were not respected and all hope was lost. So before you walk down the aisle, love yourself and each other enough to have begun talking about money. WHY? Because money and marriage is an ongoing conversation for the lifetime of your marriage.

Money has many roles in marriage and prepare yourself because paying for a wedding is not the only role. Take some time and think about what the roles are you believe that money plays in your relationship and what it will mean for your marriage.

If you are seeking a financial education program that you can begin utilizing now, go to www.moneytalkmatters.com/products and purchase Money Talk before the Commitment Walk and The Debt Stops at The Altar. This program is a comprehensive program that teaches you how to talk about money throughout the lifetime of your marriage and can be utilized in the privacy of your own home.

Do not set yourself up to be a “Newlywed” that says “I Made a Mistake”! You can CHOOSE how you want your money and marriage to be – Full of Stress because of Financial Secrets or Fun-Loving, Having Regular Financial Stress-Free talks.

I saw this episode, where the dress costs $25,000 and the family decide they were going to haggle with the sales lady to get this dress down to $12,000. It was unbelievable, of course there was no way they were going to see a $25,000 dress for half. So at the end it was $15,000 without the taxes and it was still waaay over budget. The bride was crying and the parents were biting the bullet. WAIT!!! They have not even paid for the wedding yet. This is just the dress. Hmmm, wonder what would have happened if the bride stayed within budget and thought about the rest of the wedding.

I will tell you right up front, if she went this far over just for the dress, this groom is in trouble. Does not bode well for the marriage in my opinion. Think about it when brides and grooms are planning a wedding and spending, this gives insight into how they will handle major expenses throughout the marriage. Don’t let the three words “I Want it” get you in trouble. Big difference between needs and wants.

Think I will save another observation on a different bride to a later time.

Even though you are engaged right now, it can give you more of a glimpse into how each other makes decisions when times get tough. What does the fiance want to do? What does the bride-to be want to do? Are they close to being on the same page or are you far apart and refusing to compromise in order to reach an agreement? Listen, its okay to agree to disagree. However, when it comes to finances you cannot just argue, someone walk away without any type of solution being made because feelings got hurt.

Step back from the situation and ask yourself, what are you really arguing about? Did someone’s opinion not get taken into consideration? Or did one person overspend when the other one suggested you should be in a saving mode? Of course if you focus on the fact that you are arguing too long it could be viewed as a negative instead of seeing it as a positive. The good thing about it is you can get your issues on the table and there should not be any financial secrets that each other does not know about as you approach your wedding day.

Question for the fiancee – does arguing about money at this point make you want to call off the wedding and if so, why?