Money Talk Matters

Posts Tagged ‘mindset’

What a fun conversation we had this morning as we prepared to get our day started. We started out talking about the Marriagechat on Twitter last night. What were the discussions, the interaction and was it well attended. I was sharing how the chat went with questions from why do couples not talk about money, to prenup, to do you go into debt for a child’s college education and more. My husband was all into this because we used to be independent career and college counselors for juniors and seniors in high school. He was all over that question. Did I say this and what about that? We talked about the prenup question because I used to be of the mindset that if you have a prenup you are preparing for divorce and that changed within the last couple of years. There are certain times when it should be in place and other times when it is not necessary.

Then we also went back and talked about the interview on Looking My Spouse radio and some of the questions that came up in the chatroom. We talked about the question was I upset when he was unemployed. So I discussed how after we got out of debt, we planned our household on one income in case anything were to happen. Also what a GREAT move that was.

We also talked about child support and whether or not there should be a joint account or separate accounts. Then I shared with him what TheGarterBrides said last night during the Twitter Chat about marrying a person with a child. Conversation this morning was loads of fun and we could have talked all morning long. With us having gone through a lot when it comes to finances in our own marriage, we do not hesitate to talk about different situations and how we would handle them.

One of the tasks I woke up with was writing back to Ronnie and Lamar Tyler the host of last night’s twitter chat and sharing with them more about college and the financial game. My mind was still racing from the chat and I wanted to make sure that I wrote everyone back that asked questions that I didn’t get to last night.

Money and Marriage Lessons for Today:

1) You can continue to learn about money and marriage no matter how long you’ve been married.

2) Talking is key for the success of money and marriage. It is an ongoing conversation.

3) There are times when I will stop and call my husband during the day to confirm information that we both know when it comes to money. He will remind me about something in addition to what I remember. Don’t forget that your husband should be a resource and/or a cheerleader for you AND vice versa.

Money and Marriage Encouragement for Today: Enjoy the process of learning more and more about each other when it comes to money and marriage. Like a fine wine it gets better with age when given the proper attention and care!

Today there was no way that I was going to let this topic pass and not write. My brother sent me this story, I saw it on twitter and all over various sites – Interracial couple in Louisiana denied a Marriage License by a Justice of the Peace in Tangipahoa Parish. My initial thought was UNBELIEVABLE – here it is 2009 and it is still happening. Then I had to stop and say wait a minute – I am from Louisiana, in an interracial marriage and I KNOW FIRSTHAND that the same mindset this Justice of the Peace has exists not only in Louisiana but in many states. The sad thing is that this Justice of the Peace used his personal bias when it came to his position and that is not right.

LOVE does not know ethnicity boundaries – people make those boundaries for whatever reason. This JOP saying that interracial marriages don’t last and his concern for the kids literally made me ill. My husband and I have been very happily married for 13 years and have beautiful twins. Last time I checked, racism is racism whether you are biracial or not. I’ve experienced racism just because of my skin color when shopping ALONE and I have not lived in Louisiana in years.

We have President Obama and yes that united a lot of people. BUT, we still have a long way to go. Weigh in! What are your thoughts on this issue.

I remember when this movie came out, I could not wait to watch. Now everytime it comes on tv, another that has me glued to the tube. Sanaa Lathan, Donald Faison, Wendy Raquel Robinson, Alfre Woodard, Taraji P. Henson, Mike Epps, Earl Billings and Golden Brooks are some of my favorite actors and actresses.

Corporate lawyer, independent woman that is not dating but everyone including her parents want her to finds love. Her friends tell her to try something new and do not worry about finding the “ideal black man.” Lo and behold she finds love in an unexpected place with a different package than she expected. Her friends set her up on a blind date with a landscaper and she is thrown for a minute.

She needs landscaping done and hires him to do it. He comes over to work on a weekend and discover that she is dressed in professional attire and comments. She shares that she has to go to work and is on target to become a partner. Before you know it, Kendra (Sanaa’s character) and Brian are spending more time together and she likes him.

Her family on the other hand has other ideas. This movie deals with race, money, parents and friends. I barely scratched the surface of this movie in my summary, grab your copy below if you want to know all the details.

Money Implications:

When it comes to your profession and you work in an environment where you might be the only person of your ethnicity, do not let it keep you from become successful and reaching your goals. Sure there will be people in the work environment that have a limiting mindset and could even talk down to you, utilize that as encouragement to press forward to success. Do not let their limitations stifle your earning potential.

Money Tip #1: You can settle for someone that makes the parent(s) happy but you will not be happy and could do things that would destroy your relationship. That comes at a price.

Money Tip #2: Stand by your beliefs even when completing a job, there is nothing greater than your integrity. If it makes the boss mad, so be it – be true to yourself and the facts.

Money Tip #3: Do not speak false information, you will be found out. This could cost you, your relationship and your job.

Observations:
Once she realized who truly was in her heart, she could no longer deny it and went after her man. Most of us know the truth pretty rapidly. Do not marry the wrong person because the money was spent or you were trying to save face. No noe will know the full story unless you choose to divulge it.

Stay true to who you really are and do not which I cannot stress enough get into the habit of pleasing your parents. Do not forsake your spouse for your parents.

Putting the parents before your spouse can destroy your marriage and relationship.

Recommendations:

(1) Be true to who you are and what your heart says.

(2) Keep an ongoing ledger or online tool to track your money. This will aid yo in the future if you have to remove something.

(3) Love is not about material things. It is fine to have material things but do not let material things have you.

(4) Race should not matter when it comes to love.

We have all heard the saying, “A mind is a terrible thing to waste.”  I am going to address that from the aspect of money and marriage.  I decided to do some research because about two years ago, I offered a teaching on the Mindset and even to this day, I continue to get more and more revelation into how the mind truly works because, I am sooo intrigued by the mind.

From my research, the average human has 55,000 thoughts per day which means 2,292 thoughts per hour and 38 thoughts every minute. WOW! That is a lot and now, it is clear to me why there are times when my mind is racing. That comes from excitement or even specific things becoming clearer in my mind.

We hold in our minds thoughts of the past, our childhood, things we did as young adults, the present and thoughts about our future.  Think about it, someone could have called you on the phone and said “remember when….. ” and you would say yes and there your mind goes taking you down memory lane.

Now that you have gotten a brief glimpse into the mind, I want to turn your attention to YOUR MOUTH. Let’s get down to the specifics – one study shows that men speak an average of 15,669 words per day and women speak 16,215 words per day. Those numbers are not significantly different.

What do we speak?  Words, observations, past failures that are in our MINDS. Granted we do have accomplishments and achievements and it seems it takes  a lot to naturally speak up about our accomplishments. As a whole the world seems to focus on the negative sooo much instead of the positive.

When it comes to money and marriage, I have to say this – if you are not careful about what THOUGHTS you have towards money and marriage, your MIND will deceive you. How you ask? Many couples are not discussing money and marriage – they have become mind readers as to why their spouse took this course of action when it pertains to finances instead of asking. Once you become a mind reader, you make a lot of assumptions which are usually unfounded.  This leads to other problems in the marriage.

Once the mind has deceived you, those thoughts that you are thinking over and over – then you begin to SPEAK with your mouth negativity, speaking out of emotions as well as past failures and experiences.  Negativity, emotions, past failures and experiences can put you on a course leading your marriage straight to divorce. 

Let’s take it that we do have 2,292 thoughts per hour and an unexpected financial situation presents in your marriage and you are speaking 16,215 words per day. Whether you are reacting to this situation or responding, what are you likely to utilize your mouth to speak? Optimism or will you choose to complain and argue about money issues that persist in your marriage?

Your mind (thoughts)  and mouth (what you speak) are very crucial to your every day life. are very crucial to your every day life – your relationships, how you raise your children, your job, your business – everything.

One of my favorite scriptures is:

 Proverbs 23:7 – So as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.

What are you thinking about your money in marriage now? What do you think about your spouse? What do you think about yourself? Be careful before you speak either negativity or defeat into your life.

I encourage you to line up your mind (thoughts) and your mouth (speech) for health, happiness, marital peace, financial independence and more.

Copyright ©2009 – Dr. Taffy Wagner – Permission granted to use and reproduce with proper citation.

Oooh Happy Day. This morning I was doing some reading and came across this story titled, Don’t let mere money mangle your marriage. I want to highlight several things this article shares that I’ve been saying. Oh yea, that makes me happy.

1) In the present climate, we cannot afford to be complacent about what little money we have left. My response: It is not the time to avoid talking about money but addressing it head on.

2) Shares how this couple in this article failed to even realise that what they thought was a logical decision was in fact being propelled by emotions that they weren’t consciously aware of. My response: Emotions cause you to assume, react out of whatever the pain is that you are feeling. Remember the post on Emotional Spending Part 1

3) Our attitude to money says a lot about our upbringing. Our desires, what we think we deserve, what our parents did, all play a great part in how we cope with managing finances. My response: I felt like they were reading some of my material. HaHa. This goes back to mindset which I taught about this week on GLORI radio and how it is a fixed mental attitude. That applies to money as well. Your mindset regarding money is in place based on parents, environment, etc.

If you are a married couple and want to begin addressing the financial challenges you are facing, I recommend you take the Money Talk Matters in Marriage Course that begins on June 22, 2009. During the time frame of this course from June 22, 2009 until July 20, 2009 – you have the opportunity to write me personally and get answers for your specific situation.

Sponsoring Money Talk Matters weekly financial show on GLORI Radio this week is Single Parent Assistance Resource and Knowledge Network (SPARK). Started by a Single/Divorced Parent to provide information for obtaining Assistance, providing Resources and sharing Knowledge with the daily challenges of parenting in the “Single” Parent Family.

This week’s show is focused on mindset and the power of speech. I commend the Founder of SPARK for being very creative and stepping out of the box. What is created here will benefit so many. Visit her at www.sparkwisdom.com . Be sure and pass this on to any single parents you know.