Money Talk Matters

Posts Tagged ‘money and marriage’

If you are continuing to read this, thank you for your diligence. Today I wanted to reflect on what I have even learned to this point from sharing our discussions with you each day. Lessons learned are as follow:

1) Even though the kids and I had planned our meals for each day, there were a couple of days when I found myself still going to the store and buying something that wasn’t on the list. Granted it cut down from prior to meal planning but there were a couple of times when I was in the car driving to the store. I applaud myself though because it was an accomplishment.

2) I am always aware of how supportive my husband is when I seek to handle certain things. I have a proven history of handling things in a proactive way that benefits our overall marriage. It’s never just about me – I’m not that kind of girl anyway. I am all about the family and what works for us. There are some wives who don’t have that support from a husband and it would make all the difference in their marriages, jobs and even businesses if they own a business.

3) We continue to grow in our walk with money and marriage. I am pleased with the way my husband and I handle different things that come our way. We know we are a team and behave that way.

4) As we move forward over the next week, continue to plan our meals and eat healthier. You can’t put a price tag on health!

I encourage you to write in if you have any questions.

OOH what a day. I was running literally from the time I got up and still going strong. Today was one of the goals was to make sure that the bills that had been scheduled to be paid a couple of days ago had cleared the account. Believe me, if you are not hands on when it comes to your money and marriage you wind up in unexpected financial situations that will not make you happy.

My husband and I talked about my checking the account and updating our records. Then we decided we would focus on the IRS. So let’s return to my telling you about the IRS. So on Day 5 I was sharing with you how we had gotten this letter in the early part of April saying that we were being audited. Did you pay attention to who I notified about this? If not, go back and read Day 5. Keep on reading because there are lessons to be learned even in that. Alright so as I continued to get prepared for the Blackbride.com First Annual Bridal Show a couple of days had passed and I was gauging my husband’s temperament each day as he came home from work.

I know from past history that April is one of his busiest months for his own business and we work hard getting through it. Now I had a new book that had just been released, he was really busy AND I knew that we had received this letter from the IRS but he didn’t. As the third day approached that I had it, he came home that evening and was relaxed. The day wasn’t stressful and he was on top of his game with his business. There I was no better time like the present, he will receive this information now and we will move forward.

As he was relaxing on our couch and we had talked about our accountant, I said to him look what we got in the mail. I proceeded to give him the letter. He looked at it and said We are being audited? I said yes we are and I have everything under control. Our businesses are being audited and I’ve already talked with our accountant. Once I contact the IRS, I will schedule a meeting with him and we will review everything. Then I proceeded to say to him we don’t need to share this information with anyone UNTIL it is over. Once it is over, we can share the testimony. He agreed and that conversation was done and we had dinner with the twins. Once dinner was over, we went on to talk about what else I needed in the way of handouts for my trip to Atlanta for Bride and Groom Money Talk FAQ’s booksigning.

Money and Marriage Lessons for Today:

1) Presentation about any financial issue is KEY! It is all in how you present it that makes the difference.

2) Make sure you know your spouse and continue getting to know them especially when it comes to money. How they will handle certain news!

3) When delivering information make sure that you are truthful about what you feel and not trying to fake it because it will be apparent if you are pretending!

4) Be sure you know who is on your team besides your spouse in case you need a certain level of financial guidance beyond your knowledge base.

5) When financial situations arise, it shouldn’t stop you from doing what you were in the midst of doing. Address the issue and keep on moving forward. Do not get “derailed” by an issue.

Money and Marriage Encouragement for Today: Each day our marriage grows stronger and stronger in the area of money and marriage! We are the DRIVERS of the bus and WE make happen what WE want!

I have been busy over the last few weeks between the kids, my husband and I talking and evaluating our businesses over and over it has been lots of fun. Communciation is key when you are married. Talking with your loved one about the concerns you have, your dreams, your goals and even the things that you are afraid of. Yes, that’s right I said if there are things you are afraid of open up about them as well.

From day one, my husband and I have always been each other’s biggest supporter. Having said that it was fun talking about the growth we want to see in each of the businesses and stepping out of the box to make it happen. Believing in ourselves and what we have to offer was absolutely great. What would you do if your spouse was your biggest encourager? Where do you think your marriage and money would be if you were on the same page and had mutual financial goals?

I have watched different Court tv shows which some are my favorite, but when I watch these people I think what were they thinking when they say I Do. Clearly some people were not thinking. It is evident that they should not have been getting married because they were too young and not ready to be someone’s spouse.

Marriage and money means working together and not against each other. There will be issues come up that you do not even expect but believe this if you can work THROUGH them together, your marriage will be stronger for it.

The idea when you say “I Do” should be to be married for a lifetime. With marriage comes different challenges and issues. Your first thought should be how can we work it out instead of its your fault and I am out of here.  You didn’t get married to suddenly be divorced and single. Together you can accomplish much.

This post has been coming for a couple of days and I decided to write it today. I am sure the title caught your attention Planning for the Wedding and Failing at the Marriage. It means just what it says. Let’s me break it down. Many women have been dreaming about their wedding day every since they can remember. They have been able to see that day in their minds, the dress, who would be in the bridal party and so much more.

Once they become engaged, the wedding planning begins to carry out exactly what that dream is that has been in their mind for years. Reading various bridal magazines, attending bridal show after bridal show, going to bridal shops and even watching various shows.. Say Yes To The Dress and much more. Then you begin talking with girlfriends in detail about your plans and even your parents.

This day.. Your Wedding day must come off without a hitch. You are taking the time and attention to ensure this happens just as you have dreamed. For some of you that means you hire a wedding planner, for others of you that means you do it yourself and either way there are checklist invovled. You make sure all the I’s are dotted and the T’s are crossed. You WILL NOT, down right REFUSE to leave anything to chance.

The wedding day approaches and you have confidence that everything is the way you want it. Minutes after saying “I Do” comes the marriage. What have you done to plan for the marriage? We all know the statistics money is one of the top reasons for divorce.

What have you done to plan for your money and marriage? How do you handle your fiance coming into the marriage with debt and NOT paying his bills but you don’t find out until weeks after you say “I Do”.  When you were talking about the wedding expenses, you were continuing to plan for the wedding and nothing else.

What will you do if he is the money manager and does not want to have a joint account with you? If this hurts your feelings, what will you do afterwards? What if you are bringing bills into the marriage, he knows about it and has agreed to help you pay off your debt BUT wants a full accounting of your money? How will you handle that? Does he deserve to get a full accounting? Do you get offended and say I don’t want your help because you are now faced with a lack of trust on your part? Even as you are reading this, do you honestly know what financial obligations are being brought into the marriage by your future spouse? Have you talked about it? Have you seen things that are red flags but are choosing to ignore it because you want to be married?

Sure, I could go on and on because I live money and marriage every day. I know money is not a romantic or even a “warm fuzzy feeling kind of topic”. Yet, marriages are ending every day because of money issues that husbands and wives did not “TALK” (not argue) about and reach solutions. Before you plan another detail for your wedding, take the time and begin PLANNING and GETTING answers for your impending MARRIAGE.

To learn how to communicate about money in the comfort of your own home, grab your copy today of Money Talk Before The Commitment Walk and The Debt Stops At The Altar financial education program for engaged couples and newlyweds. Your marriage does not have to be like everyone else’s filled with financial stress and strain, being called at work with complaints from the spouse about finances and more.

Money and marriage is a private topic and embarrassing if you have made some wrong choices. That is one of the reasons this program was developed so couples could get answers in the comfort of their own home behind closed doors. Whether they do it together or one spouse listens first and then shares with the other it is a flexible program. You learn how to TALK with each other about money, how to decide who the money manager should be, recognizing shopper and saver characteristics and more.

I wanted to take this time and share with you that during National Marriage Week as I was faciliating Money and Marriage Teleseminars, my husband and I were celebrating 14 wonderful years of marriage. We came into our marriage with our eyes open. What do I mean by that?

We both came into our marriage with debt and disclosed that information fully to each other. We knew that we had made mistakes and did not judge each other, yet we let that catapult our relationship into a STRONG and FORMIDABLE team. How many of you have heard… A THREEFOLD CORD is NOT EASILY BROKEN! Amen!

When we talked about getting married, my mindset was I do not want to incur anymore debt for a wedding. Sure it was my first and only marriage; however knowing what I knew about the existing debt, I was not of the mind to create more. I WANTED to be OUT OF DEBT and so did he. So we agreed on a Justice of the Peace ceremony. Our family was not in town and I am not big on crowds.

We got married and paid for everything we needed in cash and were still able to continue with life. What did we do about the DEBT? We established a five year plan to pay it off that we could live with. Bless GOD – we did it in two and a half years WITHOUT filing bankruptcy, WITHOUT buying and selling houses – WE WORKED the PLAN. So when I talk to you about Money and Marriage – Telling you first hand experience.

Remember each one of us came to our marriage with debt – things that we did in our past without the other person yet we had to handle the ramifications of those choices we made separately together. What did those things include include….effects of bankruptcy, creditor calls, restoration from being homeless, not having a bank account, not being able to or comfortable talking with family about money issues, not comfortable enough to talk with anyone in our church, let alone our friends, challenges in our Faith and much more.

As we celebrated our 14 years of Marital Happiness, Love, Family and LASTING when others thought we would not make it – our twins were celebrating with us. They simply adore their example of marriage, love and happiness. We make sure and create memories for them that they will never forget. They do the same for us.

So for those of you that are engaged, newly married and married for many years, keep on pressing on and HAVE A PLAN. Even at 14 years we have plans that are short-term and long-term. We have fun making them as well as making them a reality and going beyond them.

To my Hubby, thank you my Love for who you are, whose you are and all that you are becoming. Thank you for 14 years of trials & triumphs, happy times and sad times, the ever growing TESTIMONY that our Marriage and Family is.

Ladies and Gentleman, last week was one of the best weeks that I have had in a long time. It was a week filled with faciliating Money and Marriage Teleseminars during National Marriage Week. I must say WOW! What a week it was. Thank you to Rev. Angela Chester who kicked off our week with Faith and Finances. Talk about setting the tone and knowing that you have to STAND on YOUR FAITH in Good time  and Bad, whew – she set the tone. She shared about women encouraging their husband’s and that the “MALE EGO is VERY FRAGILE” how you must be careful, especially in faith and marriage.

When Tuesday came, I was ready to hear what Mary Chatman, CEO of Love Life Designs, LLC was going to say. She shared with the audience how it is important to keep romance alive even after several years have passed by. How your tone is also a factor in marriage.  Mary shared how couples have to talk about romance and their desires, furthermore that it is more than sexuality. Then she got into how romance appears to take a back seat when the finances are not right. We briefly talked about wives talking with their girlfriends about their relationship and how that shouldn’t happen because girlfriends cannot change their marriage.

From there Wednesday came and the Black Marriage and Money panel was ready for it. Dr. Harold Arnold, Talayah Stovall and Christine Pembleton came on the scene and set the record straight when it comes to Black Marriage and Money. They started out saying yes the statistic is there; however, who was the group that was looked at, furthermore if you start buying into all of the statistics or propoganda we make it a fulfilled prophecy by living it. Oooh, this conversation was “ON”. This panel ROCKED  – discussing youth, media, marriage and money and we felt as if we only scratched the surface. Before we knew it, we were out of time. Stay tuned there will be another time when we get together.

Thursday came in with much EXCITEMENT and I knew it was going to be another night of affecting CHANGE and INSPIRATION for those on the call. Teisha Shelby Houston was no joke. This SISTER, MOTHER, WIFE, Entrepreneur discussed the essentials of communciating with the spouse about being an entrepreneur, as well as RESPECTING EACH OTHER… whew. I tell you what she said, it’s okay if you have to get a job while building your business and continue moving forward. Teisha shared a lot just like each EXPERT and one of the things that was CRUCIAL when it comes to being an Entrepreneur is RESEARCH, RESEARCH, RESEARCH. I am telling you they all know their stuff.

As the week of teleseminars was coming to an end with Suzanne Mayo, Director of Black America Saves I was still filled with soooo much excitement. Suzanne was on the teleseminar and from the JUMP talked about the importance of Saving. Thinking BIG and Starting Small. As long as you start, it will get BIGGER. Suzanne shared from personal experience and even expanded this discussion into Health and Wealth and how if your health is having some issues, more than likely your money is too. Whoooo. I second that. I have seen people that have financial issues which causes stress and then they began to have symptoms of health issues, they go to the doctor and they cannot figure out what is wrong. We could have went on for hours.

As I said this was a great week and it has only just begun. Definitely stay tuned to this blog for more teleseminars, courses and chats.  Money and marriage is a lifestyle like no other. Its time you work it to your benefit and not your detriment.

Last year when we witnessed first hand the economy decline, marriages were tested on new levels. Christian marriages were also tested and some ended in divorce because of the finances. How does a husband and wife hold on to their faith when it seems as if their finances are becoming less and less. They are praying, yet they do not see a change in their situation.

What is a husband or wife to do when one spouse is continuing to hold on to their faith, yet the other spouse’s faith has been shaken.  Now not only is the marriage dealing with the financial issues but now they will be dealing with shaken faith which impacts the marriage on a different level. How does a couple hold on when it appears what they are doing is not working?

Join Dr. Taffy and Rev. Angela Chester on February 8, 2010 at 8pm EST as they discuss Faith and Finances for the beginning of the Money and Marriage Teleseminars during National Marriage Week.

Sign up here for the call in information: http://financesandfaith.eventbrite.com/

Today, I was doing my research and reading on Marriage and Money of course. I came across this story on Abcnews.com titled Marriage and Money: Husbands get the financial benefit – which I would strongly recommend you read.

This article discusses how women today are bringing home more income than their husbands. Some find it difficult to cope with. I must share with you, my husband and I have always been of the mindset that it does not matter who brings home more or less as long as the household bills are taken care of. We have experienced in our marriage seasons where his income has been greater for several years and then other years mine has been greater. Regardless, we have always taken care of our household and did not let that become an issue for us.

Caution: Do not get caught up in what “SOCIETY” has to say about the husband bringing home more money than the woman or even vice versa. What husbands and wives should focus on at the end of the day is what works for their marriage, are their mutual financial goals being accomplished and are the household finances being taken care of. That is all that matters.

Do not even allow friends or family members to speak negatively about either spouse’s earning potential. It is all about you and your husband (and kids if applicable) but that’s it.

Brides and Grooms: This morning I decided to write this post and say Don’t be blinded by love and miss the financial issues that are staring you in the face. If you are engaged to a person and you see financial issues presenting themself but you because you are so in love you do not ask questions, you are literally setting yourself up for financial conflict later.

Yes, financial conflict because there will come a time when you cannot ignore it anymore and want some answers. If you are marrying your best friend, the person that you can talk to about anything then when financial concerns enter your thoughts, take the time to stop and ask the questions.

Maybe the person does not realize they are on this course of financial destruction. Your asking the question could make them stop and say wow, I did not think that is what I was doing.  Furthermore, if you can begin communicating now about money while you are engaged it makes it that much easier to communicate about money in your marriage.

You should not wait until you have a financial challenge to discuss money. Money in marriage is an ongoing discussion not a one time and it is all good discussion. Do not set yourself up like that.

For those of you that are young and getting married, pay attention and do not think you cannot or should not ask the questions. You do not have to be a part of the “norm” that does not talk about money prior to marriage. Step outside of the box and begin talking today.

Brides and grooms there is no reason to fear discussing money before marriage if your soon to be spouse is your best friend, the person you can talk to about everything and the one you are marrying for love and not money. Regardless of what financial mistakes that were made prior to your saying “I Do”, you should put the cards on the table.

There are a variety of benefits to discussing money before marriage such as:

(1) Trust – If you can openly and honestly discuss your finances before you get marriage this can increase the level of trust within your marriage. This could say to your future spouse that you trust them and love them enough to share even the not so pretty picture so they are not broadsided later by an ugly truth.

(2) Teamwork – This presents to your future spouse teamwork versus division because of money. Discussing money before marriage allows both sides to see what each other did right and what mistakes might have been made. Furthermore, the two of you can come together and discuss a way to resolve financial issues together. This in itself can reveal how you will handle financial challenges once you are married.

(3) Financial Goals – Talking about money early gives you an opportunity to establish mutual financial goals. This gives you a glimpse into what you have to look forward to once you are married and how you can think about the short and long-term consequences of decisions made. You will see whether each one will fight to have their own way or be willing to compromise and work for the benefit of the relationship.

(4) Can keep you from being a statistic – Discussing money before marriage instead of keeping financial secrets from your groom to be, could keep your marriage from becoming a divorce statistic due to the lack of financial discussions.