Posts Tagged ‘money before marriage’
Grooms make a note: If you have to support your bride-to-be financially before marriage make sure that all the cards are on the table beforehand. What is good about this is the opportunity to find out the good, bad and ugly about each other’s financial background. What each of you have done and what you plan to do for your future?
Now is the time to find out why you need to support the bride-to-be financially and is it due to her mismanagement of funds. If she is working, then the two of you need to talk about money management skills. What have you done and you already know that she is having some issues? How do you plan to move forward because one of the first things that you need to decide as husband and wife if not before is who will manage the money for your marriage.
You do not want to go into your marriage managing money by trial and error. Debt after a wedding impacts the marriage relationship like nothing else in the beginning. It robs husbands and wives of the opportunity to learn about each other and nurture their relationship. They almost automatically go into fight mode because of the financial strain that they are facing.
Take this time to talk about each other’s financial background and establish a new financial foundation for your marriage, who will manage the money and pay the bills as well as mutual financial goals to pay off debt, plan for vacations, buying a house and more. Think long-term and not just for today.
I must say with all the different things going on with the economy and how it is affecting marriages, I am happy to see the anonymous questions that are coming in. For example, today this statement came in my fiance does not want to share his money. Hmm – there are several ways that you can look at this.
What is the reason the bride feels her fiance should share his money even at this stage? Is it because they have established mutual bills for the wedding? Or is it because she thinks she should have access now and would rather spend his money versus her money?
Why does the fiance not want to share his money? Is there something that happened in a previous relationship that has given him reason to keep his money separate until they are married? Where is it written that even during the engaged state, there is an obligation to share the money? Personally, I feel that the bride-to-be and groom should be watching how each other handles their individual money. They should be making a mental note of the following things:
a) Are they paying all their bills on time?
b) Are they purchasing all their wants versus their needs?
c) Are they spending when they are unhappy and overspending?
d) Are they asking the other person for money?
e) Do they borrow money from their parents because they have a shortage?
Those questions and much more should be answered even in this stage. I do not fault the fiance for not wanting to share without knowing all the facts. I see it as a precaution and the bride-to-be needs to find out why he feels this way. DO not assume you know the reason before talking with him and asking the question.