Money Talk Matters – Premarital Financial Program

It has been very busy here for the last few weeks and continues to get even busier. However, over the last few days there have been some stories that I have seen that warrant my taking a minute or two to SPEAK UP.

Just last week I read a story about a parent of triplets and how she and her husband were very happy to discover that they would be having triplets when she was pregnant. However, once the babies were here the toll it began to take on their marriage. It took so much of a toll that the parents are now divorced and they attribute their divorce to being parents of triplets. You must read that story, it tore me apart.

The children did not ask to come into this world. I feel as if you as a married adult feel as if you are ready to become a parent, be wise and know what comes with that. Whether you have one child or several there will be financial expenses. That is where planning comes in and having a financial plan at that. Parenting is not something to be taken lightly.

I don’t know what the triplets were costing these parents, but I can imagine that they are spending more money because of a divorce, child support, health benefits and more. There are a lot of expenses when it comes to divorce and as a matter of fact usually ends up costing more than the cost of the marriage.  What do I recommend to the couples that are reading this: If you do not presently have any children, talk about it, talk about it some more and discuss what are the financial obligations that must be met on a monthly basis, how long would the wife work during the pregnancy, would she return to work after giving birth… those questions and a lot more should be discussed prior to your becoming a parent.

I am a parent of twins and we knew that I could have twins long before the doctors confirmed I was having twins. Several years before the twins were born, I had started a business on the side and had that income. So we were thinking long term and knew that there was the potential that I would have to come home early carrying twins. But that didn’t happen. I got to a point where I wanted to stop working because I was big and want to rest.

PLAN, TALK, Plan your finances and plan some more. It is crucial to have a game plan. Sure your finances might not be perfect, however, once you begin getting things in order, it is like a weight being lifted on the shoulders.

Welcome to Money Talk Matters Blog. This week’s THEME is dedicated to blogging on Savings as a Part of America Saves Week, February 21 – 28, 2010.

America Saves Week is individuals will be encouraged and assisted to assess their savings progress and take action to advance this progress.  This encouragement and assistance will be provided by organizations and professionals with an interest in improving the financial security of individuals and families.

As a Personal Finances Expert, Money and Marriage advocate, it is also very important that couples have a savings plan whether you are engaged, newly married or have been married for several years. It is my HONOR to be a partner of Black America Saves and support America Saves Week.  What does that mean for you the reader?

You will receive tips, recommendations, maybe even downloads that focus on different methods of saving. I know that savings can be a fun part of life whether you are a kid, high school student, college student, young adult or even adult. It is all in what you make it. So this week let’s have a lot of fun as we talk about savings, working our savings plan and changing lives.

Savings is not something that should be overlooked regardless of financial situation. However, it should be recognized as a financial means of be prepared for emergencies, way of building wealth, learning how to save money at the lowest amount and watching it build over time and much more.

I remember having a discussion with a Local Pastor several weeks ago and one message we agreed that when it came to investing we were not told about investment at a young age. What a difference it would make if the youth were taught how to invest $5 and watch it become $50. Then invest $50 and it became $500 and so forth and so on.

We are going to have loads of fun this week with creative ways of saving money wherever you are. If you have a recommendation, send it in.

I wanted to take this time and share with you that during National Marriage Week as I was faciliating Money and Marriage Teleseminars, my husband and I were celebrating 14 wonderful years of marriage. We came into our marriage with our eyes open. What do I mean by that?

We both came into our marriage with debt and disclosed that information fully to each other. We knew that we had made mistakes and did not judge each other, yet we let that catapult our relationship into a STRONG and FORMIDABLE team. How many of you have heard… A THREEFOLD CORD is NOT EASILY BROKEN! Amen!

When we talked about getting married, my mindset was I do not want to incur anymore debt for a wedding. Sure it was my first and only marriage; however knowing what I knew about the existing debt, I was not of the mind to create more. I WANTED to be OUT OF DEBT and so did he. So we agreed on a Justice of the Peace ceremony. Our family was not in town and I am not big on crowds.

We got married and paid for everything we needed in cash and were still able to continue with life. What did we do about the DEBT? We established a five year plan to pay it off that we could live with. Bless GOD – we did it in two and a half years WITHOUT filing bankruptcy, WITHOUT buying and selling houses – WE WORKED the PLAN. So when I talk to you about Money and Marriage – Telling you first hand experience.

Remember each one of us came to our marriage with debt – things that we did in our past without the other person yet we had to handle the ramifications of those choices we made separately together. What did those things include include….effects of bankruptcy, creditor calls, restoration from being homeless, not having a bank account, not being able to or comfortable talking with family about money issues, not comfortable enough to talk with anyone in our church, let alone our friends, challenges in our Faith and much more.

As we celebrated our 14 years of Marital Happiness, Love, Family and LASTING when others thought we would not make it – our twins were celebrating with us. They simply adore their example of marriage, love and happiness. We make sure and create memories for them that they will never forget. They do the same for us.

So for those of you that are engaged, newly married and married for many years, keep on pressing on and HAVE A PLAN. Even at 14 years we have plans that are short-term and long-term. We have fun making them as well as making them a reality and going beyond them.

To my Hubby, thank you my Love for who you are, whose you are and all that you are becoming. Thank you for 14 years of trials & triumphs, happy times and sad times, the ever growing TESTIMONY that our Marriage and Family is.

Ladies and Gentleman, last week was one of the best weeks that I have had in a long time. It was a week filled with faciliating Money and Marriage Teleseminars during National Marriage Week. I must say WOW! What a week it was. Thank you to Rev. Angela Chester who kicked off our week with Faith and Finances. Talk about setting the tone and knowing that you have to STAND on YOUR FAITH in Good time  and Bad, whew – she set the tone. She shared about women encouraging their husband’s and that the “MALE EGO is VERY FRAGILE” how you must be careful, especially in faith and marriage.

When Tuesday came, I was ready to hear what Mary Chatman, CEO of Love Life Designs, LLC was going to say. She shared with the audience how it is important to keep romance alive even after several years have passed by. How your tone is also a factor in marriage.  Mary shared how couples have to talk about romance and their desires, furthermore that it is more than sexuality. Then she got into how romance appears to take a back seat when the finances are not right. We briefly talked about wives talking with their girlfriends about their relationship and how that shouldn’t happen because girlfriends cannot change their marriage.

From there Wednesday came and the Black Marriage and Money panel was ready for it. Dr. Harold Arnold, Talayah Stovall and Christine Pembleton came on the scene and set the record straight when it comes to Black Marriage and Money. They started out saying yes the statistic is there; however, who was the group that was looked at, furthermore if you start buying into all of the statistics or propoganda we make it a fulfilled prophecy by living it. Oooh, this conversation was “ON”. This panel ROCKED  – discussing youth, media, marriage and money and we felt as if we only scratched the surface. Before we knew it, we were out of time. Stay tuned there will be another time when we get together.

Thursday came in with much EXCITEMENT and I knew it was going to be another night of affecting CHANGE and INSPIRATION for those on the call. Teisha Shelby Houston was no joke. This SISTER, MOTHER, WIFE, Entrepreneur discussed the essentials of communciating with the spouse about being an entrepreneur, as well as RESPECTING EACH OTHER… whew. I tell you what she said, it’s okay if you have to get a job while building your business and continue moving forward. Teisha shared a lot just like each EXPERT and one of the things that was CRUCIAL when it comes to being an Entrepreneur is RESEARCH, RESEARCH, RESEARCH. I am telling you they all know their stuff.

As the week of teleseminars was coming to an end with Suzanne Mayo, Director of Black America Saves I was still filled with soooo much excitement. Suzanne was on the teleseminar and from the JUMP talked about the importance of Saving. Thinking BIG and Starting Small. As long as you start, it will get BIGGER. Suzanne shared from personal experience and even expanded this discussion into Health and Wealth and how if your health is having some issues, more than likely your money is too. Whoooo. I second that. I have seen people that have financial issues which causes stress and then they began to have symptoms of health issues, they go to the doctor and they cannot figure out what is wrong. We could have went on for hours.

As I said this was a great week and it has only just begun. Definitely stay tuned to this blog for more teleseminars, courses and chats.  Money and marriage is a lifestyle like no other. Its time you work it to your benefit and not your detriment.

Engaged Couples, Brides and even Newlyweds

For some of you, there are only a few months until your wedding day happens. Take the time to listen to this candid interview with Weddingdetails.com about Money and Marriage.

How do you begin the talk?
What are some of the red flags?
Hasn’t money always been a part of marriage and much more..

Take the time to listen and leave your comments here at Moneytalkmatters.com

http://www.vertio.net/player/play.php?id=1943

Engaged Couples and Brides-to-Be

There’s a lot of reports coming out right now about money and marriage detailing the affects of money on marriage. Let me share that MONEY has ALWAYS and WILL ALWAYS be a part of marriage. Whether you have a wedding, elope or even go to the Justice of the Peace money is involved. Once you are married, money is an even bigger resource because your financial decisions affect two people.

Let’s cut to the chase, money is used almost daily in some form whether you are buying lunch, paying for gas or even puchasing that latte’ in the morning to get you started it all takes money. Once you are married, money is even more important to the success of the marriage because your financial decisions will affect both of you and not just one of you. Remember, you will no longer be single but a unit.

Money in itself cannot do anything. So when people say money is one of the top three reasons for divorce – in essence it because of how the money was managed or mismanaged that someone did not agree with that affected their relationship, it is because values were not respected and all hope was lost. So before you walk down the aisle, love yourself and each other enough to have begun talking about money. WHY? Because money and marriage is an ongoing conversation for the lifetime of your marriage.

Money has many roles in marriage and prepare yourself because paying for a wedding is not the only role. Take some time and think about what the roles are you believe that money plays in your relationship and what it will mean for your marriage.

If you are seeking a financial education program that you can begin utilizing now, go to www.moneytalkmatters.com/products and purchase Money Talk before the Commitment Walk and The Debt Stops at The Altar. This program is a comprehensive program that teaches you how to talk about money throughout the lifetime of your marriage and can be utilized in the privacy of your own home.

Do not set yourself up to be a “Newlywed” that says “I Made a Mistake”! You can CHOOSE how you want your money and marriage to be – Full of Stress because of Financial Secrets or Fun-Loving, Having Regular Financial Stress-Free talks.

Brides if you have a fiance that does not want to share money, what is the message that sends to you? Did you ask him why or did you jump to assumptions because he said he did not want to share money? Listen, before you go jumping off the handle and then getting mad with him, sit down and talk with him about the reason.

I also want to ask you why do you want him to share money at this point? You are engaged not married. What is behind your wanting him to share money? While you are engaged it gives you an opportunity to observe how each other handle money individually and not as a couple. Sure this is your future spouse but you both have your own income and are coming to the table with some sort of financial background.

Let me caution you, if the reason you want your fiance to share money now during the engagement is so you have more to spend you potentially could scare him away. Having access to more money does not necessarily make you a better money manager especially if you are a spender.

If he does not want to share money based on an experience he had with a prior girlfriend, even though you are not her, he is entitled to not share during this time frame. What have you done to prove to him that you are not going to do the same thing she did? Let’s face it, there are men and women that take advantage of each other when it comes to money.

I believe it is a great thing to discuss all of these varying topics that are centered around money because it shows you what is going to happen during the marriage. If you are openly talking about money while you are engaged, this gives you more of a headstart at solving financial issues during your marriage. You won’t have to get stressed about it because you are already in the mode of being solution oriented when it comes to finances.

That is one of the best things you can be is, be solution oriented instead of victim oriented. You finances and marriage depend on your being level headed as husband and wife in an effort to resolve financial challenges and move on.

Brides – if your fiance does not make any money, how are you going to handle that? In everything you do, you must have a plan whether it be education, career, purchasing a car, buying a house and even getting married. Each of these areas involve money and it is not wise to make decisions with your eyes closed.

Financial decisions have long lasting effects if made carelessly. So if you are engaged at this point and your fiance does not make any money, let me provide some “food for thought”. Hold on to your seat because that does not mean I am going to say break off the engagement. Continue reading below.

Questions to ask yourself if your fiance does not make any money. Make sure you can answer these questions based on your own observations of him, by talking with him and what you know is true:

1) Is your fiance a hardworker, but poor at managing money?

2) Does he feel that he should not have to work, but think things should just be given to him?

3) Does he have bills?

4) When you and your fiance go out, who pays for dinner, movies or whatever the activity is?

5) If your fiance does not work, what was his last job and why did he quit?

6) Does he want to start his own business?

7) How are the wedding expenses being handled?

After the wedding, where do you and your fiance plan to live?

9) Does your fiance have dreams and goals for himself?

10) What does your fiance’s credit report look like?

11) Was he married before, if so was money one of the reasons the marriage ended?

Brides, when you take a trip and you plan on driving you have a map and you map out your course. If you are like me, you map it out in complete detail even to where your gas stops will occur. When you are planning on getting married to someone that you are going to share your life with, it should not be any different. Take the time and get these questions answered. Do not ignore the fact that his not making any money is bothering you.

PLEASE PLEASE pay attention to the little red flag that is raised. It should bother you and that means it is worth discussing and not being swept under the rug. If it is necessary – get Money Talk Before The Commitment Walk and The Debt Stops At The Altar financial education program which teaches couples how to communicate about money in a non-threatening manner.

Brides and Grooms, if you are engaged and arguing about money step back and ask yourself, what are we arguing about? Let me pose these questions:

1) Are you arguing about one person overspending?

2) Is one person not paying their share of the bills?

3) Are you arguing about expenses that occurred before you became engaged?

4) Or is about the wedding expenses?

The four questions above might not even be the reason you are arguing. What you need to do is step back and begin talking about your financial situation that exist on both parties behalf. Why? If you are arguing before you get married, imagine what it is going to be like once you say “I Do.” The two of you are the same people and that will not change.

This means that both of you have to adjust your money management skills or learn how to manage money for the benefit of the marriage. Do not rush into marriage thinking that you can change each other. When it comes to money brides and grooms have to accept responsibility for their individual choices prior to becoming husbands and wives. Sure, the husbands and wives will sometimes end up dealing with the consequences of choices made by brides and grooms. What tends to help that situation is by being honest about your finances prior to saying “I Do” versus letting that spouse get blindsighted by money issues.

Remember, arguing does not solve money issues. What it does is allow people to point the blame, shop based on emotions, stop talking and much more. Do not fall into those patterns because it usually leads to more financial mistakes.