Money Talk Matters

Posts Tagged ‘money management’

I have been teaching a lot locally in Denver regarding Money Management. Each time there has been great turnout and lots of questions being asked. People are tired of being in debt, struggling in the economy and not getting the help they need.

I have given a seminar for a Singles Summit and the majority of the participants had some experience with money within a marriage and had their own perspective on how they would handle finances when entering into a new committed relationship. They also were able to determine what is important for them when it comes to a relationship and the role of money in that relationship.

I taught at two of our local libraries for those communities about money. Interestingly enough it is always an older crowd that has had it with the economy and they are seeking answers. There were several younger adults and they had their own experience when it came to the economy “tanking” so they were there to get answers as well.

Before 2011 gets away from you, I encourage you to get the help that you deserve. If you are seeking personal financial counseling, click the tab under Money in marriage and get the counseling help you need today.

Finances is a loaded issue for any marriage whether you are engaged, newlywed or married for a long time. It is loaded for several reasons:

(1) We bring our own preconceived ideas into the relationship about money;

(2) We bring past experiences from other relationships into it (good, bad or indifferent)

(3) We also bring our dreams of what we would like our lives to be when it comes to money

(4) We also try to live up to what other people think we should be doing with our money in our marriages.

When you look at those and you add being married to that component – it may even seem like a “double whammy”. Each of those 4 components above applies to each person in the marriage. Therefore, because it is a loaded issue IT WILL require work and involvement on the part of both the husband and the wife.

When it comes to money and marriage, sure one person may manage the money; however it requires both people to be involved in order for their to be peace in the marriage about how money is being spent, how bills are being paid and financial plans for the future.

In your immediate surrounding between your family and friends, marriages that go the distance are those where they talk about the money. I didn’t say argue – they talk about the money, have a plan and work it together. They realize they are on the same team and not against each other.

We all use money whether daily, every other day or weekly. Mortgages, apartments, groceries, car insurance, and more. Money has many roles in life and one key factor is recognizing all the roles that money plays in your life.

Some may say what makes us different is the way we manage money. I beg to differ because many of us are managing money the same… Trial and Error! Mismanaging money, checks bouncing, shortage in the account versus a surplus and even incurring debt. Not balancing the checkbook, not even writing down in the register when you write a check or even record an ATM deduction and payment. That in itself could set you on the path for financial stress.

Financial stress does not have to be a part of life. There are people that do not even have financial stress and strain. Let me share this – the person or people that are successful with money possess several traits:

1) Responsibility – They take responsibility for their finances and the choices they make when it comes to money. They are thinking about the long-term consequences and not just short-term spur of the moment band-aids.

2) Does not Procrastinate – They do not procrastinate when it comes to addressing a financial issue. They meet it head on and take steps to solve the issue. They don’t wait until tomorrow to address a situation because they know tomorrow never comes.

3) Not in Denial – They are not in denial about their finances. If there is a shortage in their finances, they review their finances and make adjustments where necessary.

4) Mindset – Their mindset is right about their finances. They are continuously learning money skills and not holding themselves captive because of past mistakes. They recognize that if their attitude is not right, they could invite financial stress and strain back into their lives.

5) Speech – They are not speaking negatively about their own life. They are not the ones constantly complaining instead they look at the situation for what it is and speak the solution.

6) Vision – These people have vision about where they want to go with their finances. They set financial goals, reach them and exceed them.

What makes us different is our problem solving capabilities. When faced with a financial issue, how do you solve it? Denial, avoidance, blaming someone else or do you take charge? Our problem solving capabilities are not necessarily new and something that we have been doing for a long time.

Have you been avoiding your financial situation because you think you can wish it away? Avoidance, denial or even procrastination is not the answer. In order for 2011 to be different, you have to take action now in 2010.

If you read this post and need financial counseling, go to www.moneytalkmatters.com/products and scroll down to Individual Counseling.

Let’s flip this. Maybe this is just me usually when I hear fiance’, I think of the groom. Well, hold on to your seat someone sent this one in and said, what do I do. My fiance’ is bad with money and I was planning on her being the money manager. How do I address this now?

That is just it – you address now. Talk with her about money management. Why? Because it concerns you that she is not managing her money well and whatever the consequences are – whether she has debt, collectors calling or whatever, once you are married you could be dealing with the consequences of that. Do not brush it under the rug because it could become a nightmare for you if you do not address it.

Ask her the following:

1) What does she know about managing money? Being bad at finances does not necessarily mean it is her intent to be bad. She might not be budgeting or keeping track of how her money is being spent and ends up making mistakes. Talk with her about establishing a budget.

2) Maybe this should be first, let her know that you love her and want to help her get her finances in order so that once you are married, she can be confident whether she is managing the money or you are. You want to include her in on your financial habits so that the two of you can establish a financial foundation for your marriage. Your finances will be one of openness and not financial secrets.

This should give her some level of comfort and maybe even a sigh of relief because she will know that she is not alone. Dont take it for granted that she might not have had anyone that she could talk with nor depend on and now you are here. Remember it is all in how you say it and present it to her.

For the last week, I have been writing about engaged couples and money in different capacities. I want to finish up this topic by answering an anonymous question that was sent in. We are engaged and should we share money?

For those couples that are engaged, be sure to read this in its entirety because this is a loaded question. Let’s get into it:

1) Are you sharing money because either the bride-to-be or groom is not making enough money to pay all of their bills independently? If that is the case, that does not require that you begin sharing money. What it means is that the person that has the financial deficit needs to take a look at their financial management and make some adjustments. If they are not managing their money while they are single (yet engaged), they may not necessarily do better once the finances are joint.

2) Are you pushing joint finances in order to hide debt? Once your finances are joint and you become the money manager, then you can begin to pay off your debt and the other one will not be the wiser? Caution: This may very well backfire because usually the other person finds out.

3) Is the reason for joining the finances now, so that you can begin establishing the foundation for your marital finances during the engagement and learn how to make united financial decisions that will benefit the overall marriage? Its not about being his way or her way, meeting her wants or his wants but what is best for the marriage. There is a difference.

What is the motivation for uniting finances during the engagement? During the engagement is the optimal time to discuss finances openly and not continue to keep financial secrets. Let me give you some insight – what you do when you are engaged when it comes to money is what you will do once you are married. Make mature choices knowing that you have to deal with the consequences, good or bad.

Three days ago I got married and I can still see it sooo clearly. There we were in our chosen venue and my husband with his tuxedo on and the groomsmen by his side. As my father walked me down the aisle, it felt like the best decision I was making. In the back of my mind, I knew everything was not right but there was no way I was going to back out of my own wedding. This was the day I had dreamt of, money had been paid and I wanted to have the wedding.

We said “I Do” and there we were pretending everything was alright for the family and friends that were attending. Here I am now three days later and we have not stopped fighting about bills. It seems like an ongoing argument that will not quit. I did not rush into my wedding and I saw different warning signs about the lack of money management on his part. He was always coming up short for different things and I just brushed it off. Of course, I thought once we were married, things would change.

Now, we are sooo stressed and fighting so much all I can think about is getting out of this marriage. It’s only been three days and I know that I do not want to go through my marriage like this. How do I move forward with this marriage or do I just end it?

Before I make recommendations on this scenario, BRIDES-TO-BE and ENGAGED couples I invite you to write in your comments. Part 2 on Tuesday.

Over the holiday weekend, I don’t know how I lucked out and found a “Say yes to the Dress” Marathon. Brides – PLEASE PLEASE stay within your budget and do not bring the other family members in to your financial challenges if you choose to go over budget.

I saw this episode, where the dress costs $25,000 and the family decide they were going to haggle with the sales lady to get this dress down to $12,000. It was unbelievable, of course there was no way they were going to see a $25,000 dress for half. So at the end it was $15,000 without the taxes and it was still waaay over budget. The bride was crying and the parents were biting the bullet. WAIT!!! They have not even paid for the wedding yet. This is just the dress. Hmmm, wonder what would have happened if the bride stayed within budget and thought about the rest of the wedding.

I will tell you right up front, if she went this far over just for the dress, this groom is in trouble. Does not bode well for the marriage in my opinion. Think about it when brides and grooms are planning a wedding and spending, this gives insight into how they will handle major expenses throughout the marriage. Don’t let the three words “I Want it” get you in trouble. Big difference between needs and wants.

Think I will save another observation on a different bride to a later time.

Brides and Grooms, if you are engaged and arguing about money step back and ask yourself, what are we arguing about? Let me pose these questions:

1) Are you arguing about one person overspending?

2) Is one person not paying their share of the bills?

3) Are you arguing about expenses that occurred before you became engaged?

4) Or is about the wedding expenses?

The four questions above might not even be the reason you are arguing. What you need to do is step back and begin talking about your financial situation that exist on both parties behalf. Why? If you are arguing before you get married, imagine what it is going to be like once you say “I Do.” The two of you are the same people and that will not change.

This means that both of you have to adjust your money management skills or learn how to manage money for the benefit of the marriage. Do not rush into marriage thinking that you can change each other. When it comes to money brides and grooms have to accept responsibility for their individual choices prior to becoming husbands and wives. Sure, the husbands and wives will sometimes end up dealing with the consequences of choices made by brides and grooms. What tends to help that situation is by being honest about your finances prior to saying “I Do” versus letting that spouse get blindsighted by money issues.

Remember, arguing does not solve money issues. What it does is allow people to point the blame, shop based on emotions, stop talking and much more. Do not fall into those patterns because it usually leads to more financial mistakes.