Money Talk Matters

Posts Tagged ‘money manager’

Let’s flip this. Maybe this is just me usually when I hear fiance’, I think of the groom. Well, hold on to your seat someone sent this one in and said, what do I do. My fiance’ is bad with money and I was planning on her being the money manager. How do I address this now?

That is just it – you address now. Talk with her about money management. Why? Because it concerns you that she is not managing her money well and whatever the consequences are – whether she has debt, collectors calling or whatever, once you are married you could be dealing with the consequences of that. Do not brush it under the rug because it could become a nightmare for you if you do not address it.

Ask her the following:

1) What does she know about managing money? Being bad at finances does not necessarily mean it is her intent to be bad. She might not be budgeting or keeping track of how her money is being spent and ends up making mistakes. Talk with her about establishing a budget.

2) Maybe this should be first, let her know that you love her and want to help her get her finances in order so that once you are married, she can be confident whether she is managing the money or you are. You want to include her in on your financial habits so that the two of you can establish a financial foundation for your marriage. Your finances will be one of openness and not financial secrets.

This should give her some level of comfort and maybe even a sigh of relief because she will know that she is not alone. Dont take it for granted that she might not have had anyone that she could talk with nor depend on and now you are here. Remember it is all in how you say it and present it to her.

A couple of weeks ago, I was watching The Price is Right which is one of my favorite game shows that I have been watching every since I can remember. This one particular episode was dedicated to “Engaged Couples” which I felt was a nice twist to the show. Seeing brides-to-be and grooms-to-be bidding on various gifts they could use for their marriage was pretty nice.

I also observed that some did not discuss and one person just handled the bidding. Hmmm, that holds true once married that often times, I will have to say women are the money managers whether they want to be or not. Money is a topic that should be discussed on the regular in a marriage, I would even say weekly discussions in the beginning in order to get the non-money manager spouse involved in knowing what is happening with the marital finances.

For a weekly discussion, I recommend making it fun and light-hearted and not all serious. Hint brides-to-be if you come at your spouse too serious there will already be some dread in what you are going to say. Believe me, learn early how to talk with your mate about those important topics including money. Being proactive about your finances instead of reactive will go a long way.

This post has been coming for a couple of days and I decided to write it today. I am sure the title caught your attention Planning for the Wedding and Failing at the Marriage. It means just what it says. Let’s me break it down. Many women have been dreaming about their wedding day every since they can remember. They have been able to see that day in their minds, the dress, who would be in the bridal party and so much more.

Once they become engaged, the wedding planning begins to carry out exactly what that dream is that has been in their mind for years. Reading various bridal magazines, attending bridal show after bridal show, going to bridal shops and even watching various shows.. Say Yes To The Dress and much more. Then you begin talking with girlfriends in detail about your plans and even your parents.

This day.. Your Wedding day must come off without a hitch. You are taking the time and attention to ensure this happens just as you have dreamed. For some of you that means you hire a wedding planner, for others of you that means you do it yourself and either way there are checklist invovled. You make sure all the I’s are dotted and the T’s are crossed. You WILL NOT, down right REFUSE to leave anything to chance.

The wedding day approaches and you have confidence that everything is the way you want it. Minutes after saying “I Do” comes the marriage. What have you done to plan for the marriage? We all know the statistics money is one of the top reasons for divorce.

What have you done to plan for your money and marriage? How do you handle your fiance coming into the marriage with debt and NOT paying his bills but you don’t find out until weeks after you say “I Do”.  When you were talking about the wedding expenses, you were continuing to plan for the wedding and nothing else.

What will you do if he is the money manager and does not want to have a joint account with you? If this hurts your feelings, what will you do afterwards? What if you are bringing bills into the marriage, he knows about it and has agreed to help you pay off your debt BUT wants a full accounting of your money? How will you handle that? Does he deserve to get a full accounting? Do you get offended and say I don’t want your help because you are now faced with a lack of trust on your part? Even as you are reading this, do you honestly know what financial obligations are being brought into the marriage by your future spouse? Have you talked about it? Have you seen things that are red flags but are choosing to ignore it because you want to be married?

Sure, I could go on and on because I live money and marriage every day. I know money is not a romantic or even a “warm fuzzy feeling kind of topic”. Yet, marriages are ending every day because of money issues that husbands and wives did not “TALK” (not argue) about and reach solutions. Before you plan another detail for your wedding, take the time and begin PLANNING and GETTING answers for your impending MARRIAGE.

To learn how to communicate about money in the comfort of your own home, grab your copy today of Money Talk Before The Commitment Walk and The Debt Stops At The Altar financial education program for engaged couples and newlyweds. Your marriage does not have to be like everyone else’s filled with financial stress and strain, being called at work with complaints from the spouse about finances and more.

Money and marriage is a private topic and embarrassing if you have made some wrong choices. That is one of the reasons this program was developed so couples could get answers in the comfort of their own home behind closed doors. Whether they do it together or one spouse listens first and then shares with the other it is a flexible program. You learn how to TALK with each other about money, how to decide who the money manager should be, recognizing shopper and saver characteristics and more.

Being the money manager such as I am, there are times when you might not tell your spouse everything that is going on with the finances. Why does this happen? Well, I can think of several reasons – you do not want to add to his stress level, you think if you told him he would go off on you (not physically but verbally), you believe you can get it handled and no one needs to be the wiser.  Listen wives, for whatever reason it – do you realize you are shouldering all the burden, stress and frustration. You also could be making decisions without all of the information and your husband could be assisting you.

Has this happened to me? There were some times when I was not discussing in complete detail the money with him because I was working the plan. I told my husband give me a chance to work the plan. Now was he willing to do it? Yes, because when I have said that before it turned out to the benefit of everyone and not to anyone’s detriment. So he knows when I say I am working the plan that it will give him more freedom later to shop without scrutiny. See, in our marriage he is the shopper and not me.

Do I think we all are shoppers at some point. Yes, because I will buy up Barnes and Nobles if left to my own devices. But other than that, it is quiet when it comes to shopping from me. I  digress, when a financial issue presents itself that you did not plan on and it gets bigger and bigger, who do you turn to? When I was single and this happened, I did not turn to family, friends, nor anyone in my church. What happens then Ladies is that things spiral out of control.

Once things spiral out of control, it is almost like no turning back. Before things spiral out of control today, I am here to help you. I’m the wife who has been in debt, homeless, came back from being in debt, restored and happily married to the same man that I married when I was in debt.  Do you need someone to encourage you that you can get out debt, share with you how to talk to your husband about finances and establish a plan as well as much more… then become a member of MarriageMoneyMatters.com today which is for wives.

I will be working with you on reviewing credit reports, providing one-on-one financial counseling, holding you accountable to discussing money and marriage with your husbands and much more. Join today and get the answers in the privacy and comfort of your own home.