Posts Tagged ‘Money Talk’
I know it has been a minute since I’ve written on this blog and I have a very good reason. I recently released my ground-breaking new book, Bride and Groom Money Talk FAQ. Let’s face it money is still the top reason for divorce for many reasons. I am on a mission to make sure that money talk is one of the reasons marriages are succeeding. I believe if couples start out communicating about money during their engagement, then they will continue having those talks throughout the marriage. It won’t be uncomfortable because they haven’t done it.
Bride and Groom Money Talk FAQ answers over 70 questions for brides and grooms when it comes to money. It is has more of a conversation tone and engages the reader. It is not a book that blames anyone when it comes to money instead provides direction on how certain issues can be handled. Believe me, I know the topic of money can be overwhelming especially when there are financial challenges. Somehow people’s personalities change when there are financial issues and couples begin blaming each other instead of stopping, taking a deep breath and becoming solution oriented.
I believe one of couples biggest challenges is their problem solving skills when it comes to money. Bride and Groom Money Talk FAQ is going to help change that. Grab your copy or get it as a gift for an engaged couple you know at www.brideandgroommoneytalk.com
Several days ago there I was all excited because I was attending two networking events that night. Don’t know how I did it, but I double booked myself that night. Instead of cancelling one, I decided to make an appearance at both.
The first event was good, I made a few connections and got back in my car and raced down the road to the second one.
While I was at the second event, I saw a familiar face from an event that I attended a year prior. This time, we had an opportunity to talk more. The lady I spoke with shared about her business and recent steps at re-branding and I was shaing that I was in the process of re-branding as well.
She asked me what my business was. You know when someone asks you about your business and what you do, you are more than happy to share that elevator speech. I began sharing how I teach couples how to communicate about money before and during the marriage. Before I knew it, these words flowed from her mouth…. “My first marriage ended because of money. We didn’t talk about the money. He was spending and there were financial secrets”. She went on to say, this is a great service you are offering because there is a fear around talking about money”. I agreed with her about there being a fear when there shouldn’t be.
We parted ways and continued working the room. I have heard that comment many times from women “My first marriage ended because of money” AND they want to marry again KNOWING they will be talking about money before walking down the aisle. They have silently vowed not to let “money be a topic that is avoided again”.
Lessons for Brides and Grooms:
1) Money is one of the top causes for divorce.
2) If you see a money issue that is causing you concern, ask your fiance’ about it and don’t overlook it. Avoidance is not the key.
3) Money is a tool that is being used to pay for the wedding, caterers, florists and more, you might as well begin talking about money FOR marriage.
4) It’s good to want the wedding of your dreams AND you should also be focusing on the MARRIAGE of a lifetime with financial management skills in place to make this happen instead of haphazardly managing money.
5) There are a lot of ex-husbands and ex-wives out there that will say the marriage ended because of money (they had a breakdown in communication about money, overspending, or even a lack of money) BUT wouldn’t it be a NICE change of pace for you and your fiance to say OUR MARRIAGE is working because we learned how to communicate about money before the marriage so we could continue to communicate after saying I Do.
** Think about it how many friends or even family members do you know, whose marriages have ended because of money?
Invest in premarital financial counseling today with Dr. Taffy and begin your marriage with a solid financial foundation.
Money Talk Before Marriage isn’t necessary if..
1) You have decided to keep your financial secrets hidden and you can handle the consequences once the truth comes to light.
2) You want your upcoming marriage to potentially be a divorce statistic by not discussing one of the top (if not the top) cause for divorce.
3) You are so in love, your fiance has told you that he or she is not paying their bills prior to your being married and you feel secure in knowing this will change once you are married.
4) You have swapped credit reports.
5) You are aware your future spouse has other children and is not paying child support. then once you say “I Do”, the ex-wives will sue you both.
6) Your future spouse is not working and has no intention of getting a job; thereby placing you in the position of bringing in all the income, paying the bills and planning for the future.
7) When one spouse has more debt than the other and the one with no debt will be expected to pay all the bills.
8) You’ve talked with your girlfriends about financial issues and they have re-assured you everything will be okay despite the fact they don’t know your future spouse and what his thoughts are.
9) You prefer to learn your money lesssons On-the-job in marriage and comfortable with making mistakes.
* If you need premarital financial counseling, register at www.moneytalkmatters.com and Dr. Wagner will contact you.
Copyright ©2010 – Dr. Taffy Wagner – Permission granted to use and reproduce with proper citation.
Why bother is a comment I heard when talking with a local wedding vendor about reaching out to engaged couples about money. That came back to my memory this morning as I decided to turn up the heat on MONEY DISCUSSIONS BEFORE marriage.
Why bother learning how to read and write?
Why bother learning how to drive a car?
Why bother getting a high school education?
Why bother going to college?
Why bother applying for a job?
Why bother sizing up who you are going to date?
Why bother dreaming about your wedding day?
Why bother having a wedding planner?
Of course that vendor rubbed me wrong and I decided to run with the comment. Think about it why do you learn how to drive a car, or why do you use a wedding planner, why do you dream about the wedding day…
I understand the message has not been communicated on a LARGE SCALE that you should be focusing on Money Talk Before Getting married because everyone is thinking about the wedding dress, the party, the cake, and more. Be honest with yourself – are you prepared if one of you becomes unemployed either before the wedding or afterwards? How would you handle a spouse making financial mistakes that impact the marriage? If one of you has more debt and the other spouse has none, how do you handle it?
Those are only some of the reasons that you BOTHER talking about money before walking down the aisle and taking those VOWS. Your VOWS should not be taken lightly. It seems as if couples are not taking their vows seriously especially when it comes to For Richer or For Poorer, For Better or For Worse. They only want the good and bail out when the bad comes.
Another reason you should BOTHER is “According to a survey by the Association of Bridal Consultants, MORE THAN 67% of newlyweds believe the most serious conflict in their first year of marriage is over money!!
Do you value your upcoming marriage ENOUGH to learn how to talk about money now? If so, go to www.moneytalkmatters.com/products and INVEST in your copy of Money Talk Before The Commitment Walk and The Debt Stops At The Altar financial education program that you can use throughout your marriage.
Notice I said INVEST – Some of you expect to invest thousands on a dress or even for the complete wedding. What are you willing to invest to ensure you and your mate know how to communicate about money throughout the marriage instead of divorcing because of money?
I was thinking that this week and everyday, let’s face it you should ensure that you are comfortable with talking about money with your bride or groom-to-be during the engagement. Money issues will happen during that first year of marriage that can literally tear the marriage apart and leave you both in divorce court if you both are not strong and secure in your relationship. Its not about whether or not you have been together for a really long time, its more about your level of communication and being a team.
There are a lot of brides and grooms that treat each other as if they are opponents instead of allies. What is the point of being married if you are going to be against each other instead of for each other. It will not take much to tear you apart if you have that mindset. Should you be discussing money on a regular basis during engagement? Yes. Why you ask? Because not only does it costs money to have a wedding (regardless of who is paying for it), you both have an opportunity to see how each one of you handles money.
Are you being cautious or a spendthrift? Are you staying within budget or going over budget every chance you get because you want the wedding of your dreams at everyone else’s expense. Make sure you are sending the right message and that you are not creating an environment of financial stress and strain even during the engagement.
This post has been coming for a couple of days and I decided to write it today. I am sure the title caught your attention Planning for the Wedding and Failing at the Marriage. It means just what it says. Let’s me break it down. Many women have been dreaming about their wedding day every since they can remember. They have been able to see that day in their minds, the dress, who would be in the bridal party and so much more.
Once they become engaged, the wedding planning begins to carry out exactly what that dream is that has been in their mind for years. Reading various bridal magazines, attending bridal show after bridal show, going to bridal shops and even watching various shows.. Say Yes To The Dress and much more. Then you begin talking with girlfriends in detail about your plans and even your parents.
This day.. Your Wedding day must come off without a hitch. You are taking the time and attention to ensure this happens just as you have dreamed. For some of you that means you hire a wedding planner, for others of you that means you do it yourself and either way there are checklist invovled. You make sure all the I’s are dotted and the T’s are crossed. You WILL NOT, down right REFUSE to leave anything to chance.
The wedding day approaches and you have confidence that everything is the way you want it. Minutes after saying “I Do” comes the marriage. What have you done to plan for the marriage? We all know the statistics money is one of the top reasons for divorce.
What have you done to plan for your money and marriage? How do you handle your fiance coming into the marriage with debt and NOT paying his bills but you don’t find out until weeks after you say “I Do”. When you were talking about the wedding expenses, you were continuing to plan for the wedding and nothing else.
What will you do if he is the money manager and does not want to have a joint account with you? If this hurts your feelings, what will you do afterwards? What if you are bringing bills into the marriage, he knows about it and has agreed to help you pay off your debt BUT wants a full accounting of your money? How will you handle that? Does he deserve to get a full accounting? Do you get offended and say I don’t want your help because you are now faced with a lack of trust on your part? Even as you are reading this, do you honestly know what financial obligations are being brought into the marriage by your future spouse? Have you talked about it? Have you seen things that are red flags but are choosing to ignore it because you want to be married?
Sure, I could go on and on because I live money and marriage every day. I know money is not a romantic or even a “warm fuzzy feeling kind of topic”. Yet, marriages are ending every day because of money issues that husbands and wives did not “TALK” (not argue) about and reach solutions. Before you plan another detail for your wedding, take the time and begin PLANNING and GETTING answers for your impending MARRIAGE.
To learn how to communicate about money in the comfort of your own home, grab your copy today of Money Talk Before The Commitment Walk and The Debt Stops At The Altar financial education program for engaged couples and newlyweds. Your marriage does not have to be like everyone else’s filled with financial stress and strain, being called at work with complaints from the spouse about finances and more.
Money and marriage is a private topic and embarrassing if you have made some wrong choices. That is one of the reasons this program was developed so couples could get answers in the comfort of their own home behind closed doors. Whether they do it together or one spouse listens first and then shares with the other it is a flexible program. You learn how to TALK with each other about money, how to decide who the money manager should be, recognizing shopper and saver characteristics and more.
Day in and day out life happens. We talk about things on the news, friends and relatives. We talk about our children, neighbors and even our jobs. Yet, when we talk about money it might not necessarily pertain to our situation. We talk about we need to buy this or that and usually that is the extent of the conversation.
With the economy being as it is, couples and individuals are being forced to communicate about money. What is interesting is some do not even know where to start or how to have the “Money Talk”. There are couples that have been married for years and have paid the bills, bought houses, cars, etc yet the “Money Talk” has not been what it should be.
Now is a prime opportunity to begin a new foundation and establish the “Money Talk” for your relationship. Regardless of the economy, Money Talk Matters for one simple fact if nothing else, that is money has many roles in our lives. It is not something to be taken lightly but necessary in every day life.
Begin the “Money Talk” today and recognize that it is not a one time conversation. It is an ongoing conversation. Take the first step and start today. You are welcome to post your comments.