Posts Tagged ‘money’
If you thought that a marriage could succeed on love alone, please rethink. Love is transitory. The mutual attraction or the infatuation that comes in the initial phase of love disappears soon. Then you know the honeymoon is over. Once money issues start, love tends to go out the window. After that what is left is the feeling that he/she is mine and I am his/hers. We have to journey together.
How a marriage changes in character after love disappears? This can occur in many ways. For example, the couple may begin regretting the marriage after the finishing of initial love phase. Or the couple may continue together as a sense of duty with each other and begin making a life together without passionate love. That needs caring for each other.
If you look back and think of marriages few decades back, most of the couples cared for each other. They called it love. It was essentially caring. A mother cares for her children because they are her responsibility and they belong to her. Similarly, partners care for each other because they got married. This kind of thought process can take the marriage last forever. The different thought processes of I want my freedom. I made a mistake. I am not happy with you. I must search for somebody better and so on leads to break-up. This thought process is I centered, where as the earlier one I described was care centered. You are mine and I must care for you.
We have to learn to respect human beings. We have to set aside our selfish desires for some time. We have to think about destruction that takes place by frequent marriage and divorce. Developing the thought of care for each other can surely help in making a marriage last longer.
Jealousy in marriage is destructive, a real relationship killer and one of those common marriage problems that needs to be resolved.
If you let feelings of jealousy develop and escalate the mind will run wild, imagine the enemy around every corner, question everything your partner thinks, says and does. In worst case scenario’s unresolved and unchecked jealousy has developed beyond the end of a relationship, into a long-term vendetta and in extreme cases extended to the loss of life. It gets even worse when money is involved. If one person is jealous over what the other one makes, they could begin sabotaging their financial dreams and every day budget.
As much as we would like to deny it, most people struggle with jealous emotions at some point in their lives and, in marriage, it is a one of those common marriage problems that can develop from feelings of insecurity or neglect. When it comes to money, a person has to be secure in their talents and abilities and not compare themselves to the other.
We now live in a society where marriages are often as a result of a second, a fifth or any number of relationships and are, in many cases, second or subsequent marriages. This is just society as we now know it but it can leave spouses insecure, especially when a previous partner is still around, and particularly in the case when children are involved.
People can enter into marriages with so much previous baggage that it often hard to settle into a secure, trusting environment full of self worth and self-belief.
Marital jealousy develops from numerous situations and no matter how much you try and tell yourself there is no need for concern your mind just doesn’t listen and all the while your partner continues with the behaviour that is instilling the feeling of insecurity throughout your very soul.
• Some people are natural flirts who draw the opposite sex like magnets, which, once the ring is on the finger, leaves partners totally insecure and just waiting for the moment when they are dumped for the next person that comes along. The partner who flirts often has no idea what impact their actions have on their relationship. They don’t actually believe that they are doing anything wrongs but perceive their actions to be friendly and not harmful.
• No one could ever be accused of being unnecessarily jealous in the case of infidelity beyond which, if the marriage survives (and in many instances they do), strong measures need to be put in place to enable the cheated partner come to trust their partner again and control the feeling of jealousy.
• Following the break up of a marriage, children need to feel that the split isn’t as a result of anything that they have done. This leaves parents over protective, desperate to make amends for one parent environment and often at the expense of new relationships.
• Another of the common marriage problems is that husbands feel neglected when a new baby arrives no matter how much they wanted the child in the first place. A baby’s mere existence is totally life changing with more attention towards the child and a complete ‘nose dive’ in marital relations. With the bond between mother and child being that much closer it can leave fathers feeling neglected, unwanted and a total spare part.
• Too much time at work can leave your partner feeling very insecure, especially when your hours at work increase and you spend less and less time at home for the sake of your family but if we think about it is it really for the sake of the family…..
People get fixated on their goals and have no concept on how this is perceived or how it impacts on their relationship and their family life.
Without the 100% backing of both parties, long hours and continuous travel can prove to be a real relationship killer and, if left unchecked, one of those common marriage problems from which there is no return.
The list is endless and jealousy in and of itself is not a bad thing, it’s strong indication that you really care. The main thing we need to remember is not to let the jealousy consume, arouse fury and become destructive.
If you are suffering from feelings of jealousy look at the cause, question your feelings and determine whether they have any foundation. Is your partner actually doing anything wrong, have they really done anything to drive your jealous emotions or have you just let your emotions spiral out of control.
If the fault is on your side, learning to recognize the fact is the first step towards controlling such an emotional and destructive thought process. It allows you to discuss your fears with your partner, explain how you feel and seek there help in enabling you to over come your jealous emotions, strengthen your marriage and build a more solid foundation for the future.
Communication is the foundation to marital success. If you can learn to communicate then you can express your emotions in a non-confrontational, non-accusatory, understanding and supportive environment.
Don’t just blurt your fears out such as ‘I think you are having an affair’ it might not be true and it will just add fuel to the fire. Explain that something seems to have changed in your relationship, explain what has changed and what makes you think your marriage is different, don’t blame, don’t get emotional just explain to your spouse what is going through your head and seek their help in trying to sort it out.
One of the most common marriage problems is expecting our partners to always know what we want and how we feel. But even with a ring on our finger we aren’t always mind readers, if we haven’t communicated our feelings and our partner doesn’t know they have, in our eyes, done something wrong, how do we expect them to do anything about it!
Tell them now, save your marriage before its too late. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose. Even if the answer isn’t what you want to hear knowledge is power and with knowledge comes the ability to turn your life around.
This day was all about numbers – how many books do I order, updating my ledgers since I had some recent business expenses and preparing for a local event. I don’t mind dealing with the numbers because it allows me to see when progress has been made and the next steps to take. I was excited about ordering more books this morning because that sent a message that brides and grooms would be getting the help they needed as they prepare for money and marriage. I like knowing couples will not be one step closer to divorce court.
Updating the ledger is always fun. I get to see what hubby has been doing when it comes to his business and the status of payments he has made to vendors. There’s nothing like having a business, paying a vendor on time and the check sitting out there in the abyss for weeks if not even a couple of months. We’ve had a vendor contact us after 60 days saying they didn’t receive a check when in fact it was hand-delivered and lost on their end within 15 days of the invoice. You must always be paying attention to what is happening with your accounts even during the bill paying part.
Let’s face it when bills are paid late, that allows for extra fees to be added on. I encourage you to not wait until the last minute to pay any bill. Don’t pay unnecessary fees.
I was working on my book promotion today and it is always interesting how people will write you back and propose what they want to see happen for your promotion. I had the pleasure today of reminding people about the purpose behind what I am doing. I had fun sharing that message because it is a “BIGGER PICTURE” than what they were doing. Moving on to the next. Caution: Don’t get caught up in someone else’s idea of what you should be doing when you have more than likely done your research on your target, cost of marketing and INVESTED in yourself and your business. Doing the homework is key. Not acting on someone else’s excitement is better.
My husband’s weeding out strategy continues to prevail.
Be sure to sign up on our home page for our e-newsletter Money in Marriage. First one goes out next Wednesday.
What a very productive day. I woke up with a marketing plan in mind for one of my target audiences and vowed to remained focus no matter what. As a matter of fact when hubby came down to leave, I talked with him about what I was doing that day. He provided a strategy for me to utilize to weed out “tire kickers” or people who were not serious about impacting Marriages when it comes to my book, Bride and Groom Money Talk FAQ. I loved it because this would alleviate me sending the book and nothing happening with it. Very important for me to get the book into the hands of those who are serious about helping marriages succeed.
This was a day of paying our twins their allowance and making some choices when it comes to business. How to invest – the amount, what vehicle would I use to accomplish some of the things my husband and I talked about over the weekend and moving forward. Such a GREAT concept to have a plan. Business owners do what you know needs to be done and don’t procrastinate! Make up your mind – what do you want to see happen and begin MAKING it happen.
Later that day, my research and new strategy begin paying off. Nothing like a little encouragement to show you, you are on the right path and continue. More and more will come on board that believe in what you are doing when they are somewhat connected in the same industry but not exact field. LOVE IT!
Money and Marriage Tip for Today:
1) Don’t give up on what you know will work! Trust and believe in yourself.
2) What does teamwork mean to you? A team is made up of more than one person.
3) Partnerships work! Do your research.
Money and Marriage Encouragement for Today:
Today focus on good thoughts and repeat : OUR marriage WILL succeed in the area of MONEY! We are a force not to be messed with.
This would be a day when I began cleaning up emails, twitter accounts and FB accounts. The account has been quite buys as of late and I don’t want to mish those couples that could need my assistance. I spent part of my day working and the other half preparing for a busy weekend. The twins are always excited when Friday comes since they know they will have extra time on the weekend with hubby.
I started early before everyone got up. So when hubby came down to leave for work we took a little time to talk about Bride and Groom Money Talk FAQ. Business discussions are also very important when you are dealing with finances. Business finances can easily affect the household finances if the business is not generating income. Caution! Be sure to treat your business like a business and not a hobby.
We discussed the current projects that I would be working on all weekend in an effort to finish them before the deadline. I shared with my husband that I would need to talk things through with him on the projects and get his feedback. Therefore, we’d have to juggle our time with the kids so we could accomplish all the things that I needed to get done. He said okay.
This day was spent in planning mode more than anything. That’s the most that we discussed money that day.
Money and Marriage Lesson Today:
1) Treat your business like a business and not a hobby.
2) Try bouncing ideas off your spouse when it comes to business and watch what happen.
Money and Marriage Encouragement for Today
Do not become silent about money due to financial issues. Solutions begin to flow once people begin to talk.
I must admit today was pretty quiet on the money and marriage talk with the husband. Those days do happen and it is all good. Working our plan and moving forward. A discussion I did have was with our nine year old twins and we talked about the difference in meal planning and eating out due to a lack of planning what the difference was when it came to money. They were having loads of fun helping me plan the meals for the week – breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner and dessert. It is sooo cool being able to share these lessons with them early and they know the difference. They easily took me to eating healthy versus unhealthy. “Out of the mouth of babes right”!
We believe in providing them with money lessons while they are not already preset in their ways! OOOh, I know someone knows what I am talking about. It is hard to get adults to change to a better way even if the way they have been doing something for years and years is detrimental to their finances.
Today there was not spending of any money by me or my husband. Love it! Can you go a day without spending ANY money? Seriously that means no vending machines, breakfast coffees or smoothies, etc! I personally consider that an accomplishment…. oh wait a minute… I did have to stop and get gas! Seee, blew it. So let’s see if I can pass that challenge tomorrow!
Be sure and join us tomorrow for Day 7 which I am sure will be full of money and marriage talk. Go back and read the previous days and leave your comments.
Money and Marriage Lesson for Today:
1) Appreciate the days when all is quiet.
2) Look at the days when you are having discussions as an opportunity for growth.
3) Don’t look for negative things to happen!
Money and Marriage Encouragement for Today: We are comfortable with who we are and our financial goals for our marriage.
I know it has been a minute since I’ve written on this blog and I have a very good reason. I recently released my ground-breaking new book, Bride and Groom Money Talk FAQ. Let’s face it money is still the top reason for divorce for many reasons. I am on a mission to make sure that money talk is one of the reasons marriages are succeeding. I believe if couples start out communicating about money during their engagement, then they will continue having those talks throughout the marriage. It won’t be uncomfortable because they haven’t done it.
Bride and Groom Money Talk FAQ answers over 70 questions for brides and grooms when it comes to money. It is has more of a conversation tone and engages the reader. It is not a book that blames anyone when it comes to money instead provides direction on how certain issues can be handled. Believe me, I know the topic of money can be overwhelming especially when there are financial challenges. Somehow people’s personalities change when there are financial issues and couples begin blaming each other instead of stopping, taking a deep breath and becoming solution oriented.
I believe one of couples biggest challenges is their problem solving skills when it comes to money. Bride and Groom Money Talk FAQ is going to help change that. Grab your copy or get it as a gift for an engaged couple you know at www.brideandgroommoneytalk.com
Finances is a loaded issue for any marriage whether you are engaged, newlywed or married for a long time. It is loaded for several reasons:
(1) We bring our own preconceived ideas into the relationship about money;
(2) We bring past experiences from other relationships into it (good, bad or indifferent)
(3) We also bring our dreams of what we would like our lives to be when it comes to money
(4) We also try to live up to what other people think we should be doing with our money in our marriages.
When you look at those and you add being married to that component – it may even seem like a “double whammy”. Each of those 4 components above applies to each person in the marriage. Therefore, because it is a loaded issue IT WILL require work and involvement on the part of both the husband and the wife.
When it comes to money and marriage, sure one person may manage the money; however it requires both people to be involved in order for their to be peace in the marriage about how money is being spent, how bills are being paid and financial plans for the future.
In your immediate surrounding between your family and friends, marriages that go the distance are those where they talk about the money. I didn’t say argue – they talk about the money, have a plan and work it together. They realize they are on the same team and not against each other.
Engagement time is a very happy and emotional time for many brides-to-be and families. Once the engagement happens sometimes within days thoughts begin swirling about wedding plans everything from flowers, wedding gown, caterers, reading bridal magazines, participating in online bridal forums and even creating your own online wedding website race through your mind.
There is no doubt that many brides will take the time to do the research, some will hire a wedding planner and some will not. Even those that don’t hire a wedding planner yet become an expert at “DIY” will make sure they have done the research and checked things off of the checklist. Planning Planning Planning.
Now one of the areas that does not get nearly that amount of attention for most during this same time is MONEY COMMUNICATION for marriage. Sure, brides are talking about the wedding budget, however, do you love him enough to say I want to show you my credit report or will you show me your credit report.
Do you love him enough to say, how would you handle if I lost my job and couldn’t get employment for six months – how would WE handle this? Do you love him enough to say, I’m not sure I want to automatically combine our finances if that is not what you want?
Marriages are ending all the time because of money. Whether it is overspending, money secrets, lack of money – doesn’t matter statistics show that one of the top reasons marriage end in divorce is because of money.
Are you failing to plan your money and marriage talks, money management skills and how to handle money management issues BEFORE you say I Do? Could you answer those questions without going to your groom right now because you felt as if you’ve talked about it or felt those talks could wait?
If you FAIL to Plan, then you PLAN to FAIL in the area of Money and Marriage DURING your marriage. When money challenges start, dynamics change in a relationship really fast because of emotions and other factors that you usually are not prepared for.
Get PREMARITAL FINANCIAL COUNSELING today! Think about it, how many marriages do you know throughout your family or even friends that have ended due to money issues. How many of them could have been saved IF they had premarital financial counseling prior to saying “I Do” and developing a financial plan for their marriage.
When I looked over in the next check out lane, there was my husband and our son. I said to my daughter, cover up his present. She did right away. So she stood in line with our shopping cart. Hubby and I touched base briefly and then agreed to meet up for lunch after both of us checked out.
Our son was soooo excited for his sister. He told her when you see what I got for you its going to blow you away! Now, coming from an eight year old – that made me laugh a lot. I knew what he had gotten her. Mind you, he went over the dollar amount and on this one I stretched since I felt it was truly worth it.
After lunch we had a couple of more places to hit and then we were home for the evening. It was sooo much fun and of course the twins were excited for the next day. They had saw boxes being delivered by UPS, the mailman and Fed Ex. Yet, they didn’t know which ones belonged to them and which ones were ours. Oh the fun I was having.
Needless to say that evening, there I was with all of my receipts and budget evaluating what was done with the finances that day. I was very proud of what my husband had done with his lists and dollar amounts as well as myself. When Christmas came, it felt good to know that we stuck to our game plan and didn’t move from it.
It was a great day for many reasons and one which was because it was done in CASH! That’s right. No credit card bills coming in January with huge balances or anything of that nature. I told my husband thank you and that I appreciated him working within the plan because I know that is not what he would like to do.
Lessons from the Cash Christmas:
1) Set your plan whether early or even late and stick to the plan. You (and your family) are the ones that has to live with the consequences.
2) If you are the shopper, shop within healthy financial boundaries that allow you to enjoy life knowing the bills are paid and you have money left over.
3) Create memories surrounding finances that don’t involve stress. Hmmm, there’s a refreshing idea.
4) For those with children, set the example and actions you want them to follow once they are adults.