Posts Tagged ‘mother’

postheadericon Marriage and Money Movie #30 – Madea’s Family Reunion

You are in for a treat on this one. This is number 30 and will not be the last by a long shot. Tyler Perry’s Madea Family Reunion has it all. Get ready to read an insightful review hopefully without giving tooo much of this movie away.

Madea is quite the character, she deals with a runaway child in her care and also her nieces that have difficulty with love. I want to focus on the neices who are the daughters of Victoria (played by Lynn Whitfield) that clearly is all about the money. She practically is marrying her Lisa, the youngest daughter off to Carlos (played by Blair Underwood). Unbeknownst to Victoria, Carlos has been beating on the Lisa since their engagement. The Lisa shares with Vanessa, her older sister that she is being beat on and they consult Madea for guidance.

Vanessa is single and has two kids and does not think she is worthy of love after all she has been through. Vanessa reveals a family secret to her mother and Lisa hears this for the first time. The mother thinks about herself first even when this dark secret is revealed. To find out if the wedding happened between Carlos and Lisa, you will have to purchase the movie and watch it for yourself. There are many turns and twist that you might not expect. I will give you a hint – Wedding Bells do happen but who gets married? Two thumbs up.

Money Implications:

Money does not guarantee happiness. A person that has money does not make them better than anyone else either. Some of the wealthiest people are the unhappiest.

Money Tip #1: Be content with what you have and manage it properly.

Money Tip #2: Appreciate the one you love for who they are and encourage them in whatever they choose to do. It affects the bottom line.

Money Tip #3: Do not marry for money, especially when there is domestic abuse involved.

Observations:

The mother in this movie, Victoria was all about the money from the very beginning. She was this way with her own marriage and was continuing the cycle for the youngest daughter. Fortunately Vanessa, the older sister sticks up for Lisa and talks with Madea about how to handle it. She tells them not to run but to handle their business with instructions.

Vanessa had trouble trusting men but starts to fall in love with the Bus Driver, Frankie. What happens with Vanessa and the Bus Driver is a tear jerker.

Recommendations

(1) Your past may have some difficult things to overcome, including when it comes to finances however you must not let that stop you from living life.

(2) Learn from your financial mistakes, move on and do not make the same mistakes today or in the future.

(3) Do not be afraid to speak up if you are in a relationship and domestic violence is taking place. This is not someone you want to marry and you need to get out.

(4) Do not get caught in a situation of your parents attempting to live their lives out through you by them dictating what you should do with your life as far as career and marriage. This is a costly mistake.

(5) Having a low self-esteem does not warrant that you should be treated any kind of way. Gain your self-confidence back and know that you deserve better. Having a low self-esteem not only affects your choice in a mate, affects your employment and parenting.

(6) Trust is crucial in a marriage and when it comes to money. This is not something you can fake. If you do not have trust in a marriage, then you do not have anything. Make sure you trust your spouse when it comes to money and marriage.

postheadericon Marriage and Money Movie #24 – The Brothers

Stop the Press! This was one of the best movies I had seen and it was not what I suspected. Favs on the screen Shemar Moore, Bill Bellamy, DL Hugley, Tatyana Ali, Jennifer Lewis and Morris Chestnut. Haven’t seen this one in quite a while but sure enough it will probably come on TV within the next couple of weeks because I said that.

Lots of dynamics in this movie and let’s see if I can hit the highlights of this one.

Jackson (played by Morris Chestnut) he is a doctor and has major commitment issues. Found it interesting that he had a dream of a woman in a wedding dress with a gun.

Brian (played by Bill Bellamy) who is a lawyer and has a very distorted view of women. This is due in part to his mother and her lack of affection towards him and his brother which carried over into his adulthood.

Derrick (played by DL Hughley) he is the married and devoted man that would like to try different sexual things with his wife and she is all about one way.

Terry (played by Shemar Moore) who is the womanizer and yet the one who is settling down.

Money Implications:
Regardless of what happens with your parents, even when you are an adult, handle your financial responsibilities. Jackson’s parents even though they were divorced, they counted on him. So did his sister.

When it comes to Brian whose mother did not show him any affection, he did not let his emotions stop him from pursuing his profession as a lawyer. He even said that the younger brother could move in with him. Very responsible individual.

Money Tip #1: Manage your money. These gentleman did take care of business regardless of what was happening.

Money Tip #2: Husbands and wives you should be talking openly about finances throughout your marriage.

Money Tip #3: Money and marriage is a commitment, take it one step at a time.

Money Tip #4: If you make a financial mistake, learn from it and make better decisions the next time.

Observations:
Commitment can cause people to be afraid. Stop and ask yourself what are you afraid of and why. Then make sure you do not carry that baggage into any new relationship especially if it leads to marriage.

Jackson’s dream did come true about the woman standing there in a bridal gown with a gun. It was not his bride though and the woman had just lost it. Brides and grooms a lot of pressure comes with wedding plan and making sure everything is just right on that day. Take a deep breath and take it one day at a time. Keep the lines of communication open.

Recommendations:
(1) Do not wait until a problem arise in the finances to talk about money. You should be talking about money in marriage all the time, evaluating goals and making adjustments where necessary.

(2) Take your vows seriously. Recognize that husbands and wives are partners and are supposed to be there for each other in good times and bad, rich and poor. If a husband and wife can make it through financial difficulty and come out on the other side, then they can handle anything.

(3) Do not let what happens with or in your parents marriage dictate your stand on marriage and relationships. If you do, you could end up in a very serious and devastating situation.

Life happens and you are the one that controls how you HANDLE life.

If you need a financial education program that you can utilize throughout your marriage, go to http://www.moneytalkmatters.com/products and get your copy of Money Talk Before the Commitment Walk and The Debt Stops At The Altar today.

postheadericon Marriage and Money Movie #22 Hope Floats

This is yet another movie that any time it comes on, I have to stop and watch it all the way through. Sandra Bullock is one of my favorites and such a diverse actress she is. I’m sure you’ve heard the story before – young woman from a small town is married to a professional man. They have a child together. She is brought on television thinking she is going to get a makeover by a friend only to find out that her husband has been having an affair with this best friend. She leaves him and has to move back home with her mother.
She has to start over and has much to deal with being a single mother, a not so good relationship with her mother, old flame and more. You must watch this movie.

Money Implications:
She was not aware her husband was having an affair and once she became aware she was not financially sound to stand on her own. She had to move back home to her parents home which was not an easy thing to do based on her estranged relationship with her mother.

Money Tip #1 – This is for women – yes you are a wife and you are a woman. Meaning you should know how to manage money even if you have a husband as well as what is happening with the household finances.

Money Tip #2 – If you are put in the position of having to divorce your husband and return to a familiar place with relatives, you do not need to explain your situation to those relatives. If you move back in with your parents, you can choose what you share with them when it comes to your finances.

Money Tip #3 – You are an adult now and do not allow old high school friends or college friends that were competitive with you talk down to you based on what they are assuming is happening in your life. Hold your head up high and take care of your business – finances and all.

Observation:
It is clear in this movie that Sandra Bullock’s daughter wanted to be with the father and blames the mother for the breakup. As a parent it is important that you share information that the child(ren) need to know. It is not necessary to “bad mouth” the other parent. The child(ren) will make their own judgment based on what they see and hear. If your ex or soon-to-be ex is not paying child support nor spending time with the child(ren), you make memories with your child(ren) and let them know how much they are loved. Divorce and separation affects children and households in many ways. Get your finances in order and know what it takes to make your situation work.

Recommendation:
(1) Set the example for your child(ren) that you would want them to be as a young married couple. Teach them about money and managing money early on.

(2) Do no let your personal information become the “town” news of the day. What happens in your marriage and finances is not anyone’s business.

(3) We all love our parents, but do not let your parents opinions cause you to drift into depression which leads to inactivity. It is a costly position to be in.

(4) Do not let the emotional pain of your past cause you to make financial mistakes in your present thereby affecting your future.

(5) Protect the child(ren) from being devastated by a lack of the other parent’s involvement in their lives. This can have long term effects even when they are young adults, husbands and wives. Make lasting memories and it does not have to cost a fortune.

postheadericon Marriage and Money Movie #20 – Steel Magnolias

One of my all time favorites and every time it comes on, I have stop and watch it. Yes it draws me in and I have to get my popcorn. This movie has sooo many facets that I am going to share a little more detail than usual in order that you will see it is worthy of being part of this database.

These women can act – Sally Field, Dolly Parton, Julia Roberts, Shirley MacLaine, Darryl Hannah and Olympia Dukakis. What a cast. This movie takes place in northwest Louisiana – two thumbs up for that.  Many women experience stories happening around the beauty parlor. This story is no different – the action takes place around Truvy’s beauty parlor with women who are regulars. I can see it now, if you are like me when I go to the “hair shop” there are the regulars that I talk with when I see them. Catch up on family life and our thoughts about politics, etc.

Sally Field plays M’Lynn the mother of Shelby and married to Drum.

Julia Roberts plays Shelby who marries a rich lawyer and deals with diabetes, becomes a parent and faces death.

Dolly Parton plays Truvy, the owner of the beauty parlor whose  husband is generally unhappy and has a hard time finding employment.

Shirley MacLaine plays Ouizer who has been married a couple of times before, she has money but has such an interesting disposition.

Darryl Hannah plays Annelle the 19 yr old beauty shop assistant. That has left her husband and becomes very religious.

Olympia Dukakis plays the role of Clairee who is a widow and has quite the interesting friendship with Ouizer.

Money Implications:

There are different roles of money when it comes to marriage – paying for a wedding, parenting, health and even business ownership.

Money Tip #1:  Weigh the consequences of all financial decisions, short and long-term consequences.

Money Tip #2: When you are an entrepreneur, be sure to include your spouse in business plans and financial decisions.

Money Tip #3: If a spouse is having a hard time finding work, do not rub it in. Talk with them about their dreams and see how you can help them. This affects the bottom line.

Observations:

Truvy loved her husband and tried to bring some holiday cheer into their home. Even when finances are tight, you can still celebrate your marriage, love and coming out of financial challenges.

Annelle shows up in town after having left her husband, she did not have anything. No job, no car and has to make a new start. Make sure that you both are involved in the household finances so that if something happens, the other spouse can carry on with life.

Recommendations:

1) I cannot stress enough think “BIG PICTURE”. What is it you would like to accomplish?

2) Do not let your marriage make you ungrateful for who you are and the life you live.

3) If you are in a second marriage, do not compare your current husband or wife to your ex. That is a costly mistake.

4) Continue supporting your husband and wife even in difficult times.

THIS IS A MUST SEE MOVIE.

postheadericon Rich and Famous face Consequences for Financial Blunders

There may be times when people look at the rich and famous and think they are not held accountable for bad decisions they make. Well, hold on to your seat because the rich and famous face consequences just like everyone else for their bad financial decisions like everyone else.

Choices always have consequences whether good or bad. Whether it is finances, employment, business, health etc… there is always a consequence for the CHOICES we make. I would venture to say that most of the time – nothing just happens to us we make choices that result in a certain consequence. Don’t take this as a negative because it is not meant to be that way. It is to show you that YOU are in CONTROL.

When I read this story about Celebrities Financial Blunders, I wanted to share it. Just because you have the rich and famous does not mean they are immune. Listen, financial issues, debt nor taxes discriminate based on race, sex, color, creed nor religion. It is soooo equal opportunity. It does not matter who your mother, father, cousin is nor where you are employed.

Before you make that next financial decision, think about the big picture – what would the consequence be – short-term and long-term as well as who does it affect? Consider are you buying too much house which could result in foreclosure or investing in a risky stock? Or did you research your investment advisor?

postheadericon Marriage and Money Movie #13 – Waiting to Exhale

This is one of my favorites – the story of four women that have their individual stories that deal with professionalism, parenting, marriage, a divorced mother and single woman seeking a man. One of my primary  reasons for including this movie is because there are varying dynamics that warrants its inclusion. Each character: Savannah, Robin, Gloria and Bernadine have great story lines.

These women share each others triumphs and struggles throughout this movie. Savannah was the professional, single woman that did not let her “single status” keep her from reaching her goals.  Although her mother felt every woman “NEEDS” a man. Robin was the professional, single woman that had been burned by men so much that she did not look at them the same. Furthermore, she had lost her self-respect but gained it back in the end. Gloria was the divorced parent that owned a hair salon and who had almost cut herself off from relationships because she had gotten used to spending time with her son that was graduating from high school. She does have an interest in the widowed neighbor. Lastly, we have Bernadine who was married to a professional and mother of two children. When Bernadine wanted to start a business, he told her it was not the right time. So she put everything she had into building his businesses. Strongly recommend you watch the entire movie.

Money Implications:  I am going to do this based on each character:

Savannah – she had money and still had some degree of difficulty in who she was as a person. Her mother had limited finances and was attempting to keep it from Savannah. Once Savannah found out, she wired the money for her mother. 

Robin – she lived somewhat comfortably but was settling for mediocre men. Had a great job and clearly was making money but what she thought about herself was reflected in the men she dated. Did not really value who she was until the end of the show.

Gloria – the entrepreneur of the group. She appeared to be doing well financially.

Bernadine – the true “lesson” in this group. Do not put everything you have into your spouse. This lady was not aware of what the husband had been doing regarding putting EVERYTHING in his name. Once he decided he wanted a divorce, initially it appeared as if she was not going to get anything.

Money Tip #1:  Having money does not mean you cannot have financial problems in your life.

Money Tip #2: If you are an entrepreneur or seeking to become an entrepreneur, do your homework. What type of business are you seeking to start, what are the start-up costs, who is your target audience, can you start this business without taking money from the household budget and another major statement that you cannot ignore: If you are married, talk with your spouse before starting a business especially if it will impact your time and family finances.

Money Tip #3: This applies to the husband and the wife – share with each other about the household finances. Do not let the money manager be the only one that is aware of all the bank accounts, how much money is in each account and when the bills are due.

Money Tip #4:  Husbands and wives do not get lost in the marriage. Meaning put everything into the one person where you have no self-identity. That costs you in the long run.

Money Tip #5: Husbands and Wives – stay faithful to your mate and do not even think about the grass on the other side. It does not matter who attempts to flirt with you.  Based on a lot of stories in national news  and facts – people that enter into infidelity are paying a “HEAVY PRICE” and sometimes it is their life in addition to money.

Money Tip #6: For single parents, if you are not getting the child support that you are due it is up to you to decide what action you are going to take. Also, recommend that you create great memories every day with your children. Creating memories does not necessarily have to involve a lot of money.

Money Tip #7: For the new single parent, when it comes to money – take the time to sit down and detail your new household budget and expenses. This will show you what you need to run your household from month to month.

Observation:  Money impacts lives in many ways and should not be ignored. Take the time today to look at the roles money plays in your life.

Recommendations:  I know there are times when we as women vent to our girlfriends about our spouses, what I want to say on this is take the time to talk with your husband about your finances and issues you are facing. The two of you are on the same team – solve the situation together.

For the single parent, ensure that you find out all of the resources available to you through different organizations that assist single parents. Some could be local and there could be some that are on the internet. Do your research.

For the newly divorced spouse, pull yourself together and know that being single does not define who you are. Think about what you want to do with your life and what example do you want to set for your children.

Add this to your movie collection today:

postheadericon Marriage and Money Movie #7 – The Story of Us

How I enjoyed watching this movie again. This one I actually own and had been sitting on the shelf. Happy to make it a part of my Marriage and Money Movies database. I am a huge fan of Bruce Willis and Michelle Pfeiffer.

Without giving to much of it away, this is a couple that met at work, got married, had some kids and was married for fifteen years when it appeared they were going to call it quits. He was the carefree, no rules type of guy. Of course she was the by the book, stick to the schedule and took care of all the problems in the marriage wife. The day came when she got tired and he felt like she turned into her mother. The kids go off to summer camp but when they pickup the kids from summer camp a big decision is made. You are going to have to watch the movie to find out what it is.

Money Implications:

No true money implications from what I could see. They lived comfortably, the kids went to summer camp and he was able to get a new place of residence without it affecting the household finances.

Observations:

1) They had gotten so used to fighting that they resorted to silence. Silence became the norm in their marriage. Do not let this happen especially when it comes to money issues.

2) The problem with silence is if there are financial issues, the one dealing with the issues could make more mistakes when making all the decisions without discussing it with the spouse.

3) The daughter sensed something was wrong with the parents even though they tried to “mask” the problem. Know that kids pick up on every behavior change, non-verbal behavior parents exhibit. They are more aware than what parents give them credit for.

Recommendations:

1) Do not forget to stop and smell the roses regardless of how busy life gets.

2) Take the time to appreciate each other for who they are as they are on the journey to becoming even the best they can be.

3) When there are children in the marriage, exhibit the type of marriage to them you would want them to have including a marriage that has financial talks.

postheadericon Marriage and Money Movie #4 – Father of the Bride

This is almost a typical father’s response when a daughter would announce her engagement. First thought she’s too young and definitely he is not good enough for his daughter. Naturally he would want his wife to agree with him but she does not. Mother and daughter hire a wedding consultant and spend uncontrollably. He is clearly dealing with the cost and also thoughts of losing his daughter. Movie does show the relationship that exist between a father and daughter.

Money Implications: The father is a “tightwad” as some might say. The mother and daughter are excited about the upcoming wedding and spend, spend, spend. In my opinion this sends the wrong message because she could spend uncontrollably against her soon to be husband’s wishes once married.

Money Tip #1: Emotions tend to dictate money solutions and should not. I always recommend people step back from the situation and let cooler heads prevail.

Money Tip #2: If you are a shopper, admit to it up front and do not let your spouse be surprised weeks after you return from the honeymoon that each week you are spending uncontrollably.

Money Tip #3: Pertaining to parents and married adult children, be cautious in the area of money. The husband and wife need to viewed as the husband of his new wife and not just “their son” and vice versa. They should for their household finances initially without running to mom or dad.

Money Tip #4: The wedding day is only the beginning of the marriage, begin the money talk prior to the wedding and continue it throughout the marriage.

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postheadericon I Wish You Had Talked to My Daughter

This morning has led to many posts regarding personal finances. I was on the phone contacting one of my vendors. They were asking me about Money Talk Matters and what I do. I shared with them that I teach couples how to communicate about money throughout the lifetime of the marriage. The customer service rep on the other end said I wish you had talked to my daughter.

I asked her how long the daughter had been married. She said eleven years and is going through a divorce. Nasty divorce. She stated that her daughter would not listen to her. Clearly this lady and I were on the phone for some time. She went on to share that this daughter was a shopper. From her saying that, I ascertained that it was partially a factor in this divorce. I shared with her even through divorce, her daughter could still contact me if she wanted to discuss finances.

There are times when our adult children (no matter how old they get) will have to get the message from someone else. If your son or daughter is preparing to walk down the aisle and you are not able to share the message about money and its importance in marriage you can have some options:

1) Send them to this blog and let them read this particular post
2) Give them the web address www.DebtAtTheAltar.com
3) Remind them of all the stories in the news about couples that would be divorcing but cannot because of financial issues
4) Give them the gift of financial education by giving Money Talk Before The Commitment Walk and The Debt Stops At The Altar financial education program

Once you have decided what you are willing to do, you can be assured that you did broach the subject of finances in a manner that was not threatening but out of concern. Hopefully, your son or daughter will appreciate what you are doing.

I prefer that you not be like this mother, sighing because the daughter is going to have a rough time even in divorce. Talk about finances before and during marriage can help prevent financial stress. Take the time to equip your loved ones with premarital financial answers.

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